Monday, May 2

Manchester, so much to answer for…

Manchester City 2 West Ham 1

We watch this one at the Sheephaven Bay in Camden as Matt and Lisa are participating in the Camden Crawl.

Not sure if they plan to view the Lemonheads later, but there’s few lemonheads in our defence. After ten minutes we have no-one on the edge of the box at a corner and De Jong fires in from distance for his first City goal. Another player breaks his duck against the Irons. It’s the spot where presumably Parker or Noble might have been patrolling had they been fit.

Gabbidon (replacing the on-loan Bridge who isn’t allowed to play) is out of position at left back and is easily beaten for speed by Johnson and Kolarov. When Gabbs fails to keep goalside of a simple run by Kolarov, the City full back fires towards goal and Jacobsen turns the ball into his own net. It looks like a 6-0 thrashing is on the way. Another pint of Landlord please…

Bizarrely, City ease off and we come into it after a disastrous start. Spector plays in Keane with a great through ball, but the on-loan Spurs man dallies failing to either shoot quickly or round the keeper and Hart makes a block. Lisa wonders if Harry has sent Keane to destabalise us and ensure he gets to sign Scott Parker.

On 33 minutes we gain a corner. It’s cleared to Hitzlsperger who crosses for Keane to nod on. Lescott handles and while everyone else appeals, Demba Ba plays to the whistle and scores. Come on you Irons! It’s not the despair I can’t take, etc…

Da Costa has a header comfortably saved by Hart in the second half but we don’t really take the game to City. Stroppy Balotelli hits the bar and has one off the line while Green foils Silva. We don't look as if we're fighting for our lives.

DODGY DOSSIER
There’s an apt cameo as Grant drops his notes and they flap around the pitch like Kate and Wills’ confetti. The stylish Mancini looks on in bemusement as Bela Lugosi/Uncle Fester fumbles in the wind trying to catch his failed formulas.

We’ve shown some character to prevent a thrashing. After Upson went off with a dead leg Da Costa and the excellent Tomkins did well at the back, while Bridge returns next week.

But now we need seven, possibly nine points from the final three games. But maybe we deserve to go down: five defeats in five is relegation form.

4 comments:

matt said...

We missed this week's Future of Music, Odd Futures, to watch that - and a few of our players can look forward to distinctly odd futures if they don't improve fast. Perhaps they could try to learn how to defend? We were at The Lemonheads (playing just as the Americans were taking out Osama Bin Laden - it was just as well Robbie Keane wasn't in charge of that operation) - but we didn't hear them do my favourite song, It's A Shame About Ray Stewart.

Pete May said...

Had you seen Giggs he would have torn us apart again… Still, at least we have another unlucky pub to go with our collection.

matt said...

Next year there will be more games - so we will need more unlucky pubs. We did see Giggs as it happens. Unusually for a rapper, he seems to be quite fond of money and sex, so nothing like any footballer. But his song Look What The Cat Dragged In could describe Avram's tactics, although The Lemonheads' Rudderless is more accurate. The Standard suggests Upson and Tomkins are doubtful for Saturday, as well as Scotty...And the Tubes are down again. Who is worse, Avram or Boris?

Pete May said...

Boris might at least produce better quotes...

By the way, not only did Paul Simon (starring at Glastonbury this summer) record Slip Slidin' Away about West Ham, but The Obvious Child is surely a reference to Freddie Sears?