Saturday, August 29

Diamanti geezer

So we've signed a second striker at last. Although rather embarrassingly Alessandro Diamanti (18 goals in Serie B last season) could only be bought for around £4 million from Livorno thanks to an "advance" from sponsors SBOBET. Clearly they thought he was worth a punt.

You wonder if we had to hand over the players' Rolexes and Baby Bentleys as security. For our next signing we may have to visit the pawn shop near me on Seven Sisters Road...

Friday, August 28

I Predict a diet

The Daily Mail blames all the Millwall trouble on the film Green Street. Could Elijah Wood and a mockney accent really do that?

And the other thought is that to judge by the pictures of the pitch invaders the Green Street Elite are not so elite any more, just a bit well, fat. Come and have a go if you think you're lardy enough...

So that's what a lifetime of eating all the pies and dining at Belly Busters does for you... they look like they should take on the F-Plan diet rather than Millwall's F-Troop.

Wednesday, August 26

I Predict a riot

West Ham 3 Millwall 1 (aet)

What a bloody week. After Davenport's stabbing and the death of Jack's dad comes riots and pitch invasions against Millwall. "YOBS" reads the back page of the Sun, along with "thugs drag soccer back into the gutter". A relief to have been on holiday for this one and would it have been worth going anyway? You have to say that maybe all West Ham versus Millwall games should perhaps now be played behind closed doors.As it is, we risk expulsion from the Carling Cup after such scenes

Yes, a section of the Millwall support are horrible, but there's no excuse for the pitch invasions or the supporters who stayed outside all game rucking. Tottenham was acceptable banter between the fans, but this was war with two stabbings, brickings and more.

On the pitch it was positive to see Junior influence the game (although that sprint to the fans after scoring was inadvisable in such an atmosphere) and Gabbidon got through a full match after two years' out. Zavon Hines also scored a tasty goaland might help solve part of our striking problem.

But the only true bravery on display last night came from Jack Collinson who played two days after the death of his father in a motor bike crash and left the pitch in tears. That took courage, unlike joining in with the rival firms.

Monday, August 24

Mugged by lasagna-eaters

West Ham 1 Tottenham 2
Managed to commute from holiday in Yorkshire to see this and observe the lesser-spotted Shane Barber, ex of On A Mission fanzine in Ken's Cafe, and have a live text conversation with Matt in Melbourne and Nigel in France. Mike O'Brien is there too, name-droping about his trip to Beijing (does the Slverlink go that far?). Welcome to the global game.

In the first half Spurs hit the bar through King but we come right back into it. A stupendous goal from Carlton puts us ahead, swivelling on the edge of the box to volley home an unstoppable shot. A direct result of Zola telling him to shoot more.

We played well, overall, but our lack of depth was exposed when you looked at the benches. On the positive front Faubert looked a lot better at right back, Spector battled hard while out of position, Stanislas created what should have been a goal for Cole by skinning Corluka and Parker had a great game. Jiminez looks really skillful, can kill a ball instantly and was unlucky not to score with a header.

The Gav left at 1-1 because his dog's paw had been run over by a cyclist and he'd left it alone at home eating pigs' ears, which brings me to Carlton's pig's ear of a back pass to sodding Jermain that changed the game. Did he think they were still playing together for England? At least CC looked genuinely hurt by his error and otherwise tormented Spurs, who still look like a potential top four side.

A shame about Spector's semi-error for Lennon's winner but at least we kept going and Collison had a late toe-poke at Cudicini. But we desperately need a fit Ilunga and a second striker...over to you, Franco.

Calum Davenport

Best wishes to Calum Davenport after the horrendous stabbing at the weekend, apparently by his sister's boyfriend who has been charged with GBH. Calum's mother was also stabbed and whoever did it is a pathetic coward and will hopefully have plenty of time to reflect on this in jail, where they won't be very popular with any WHU supporters. Get well son, Calum

Sunday, August 16

No one likes them... we don't care

Been watching Green Street after the Carling Cup draw against Millwall, only sadly it seems few of our middle-class home crew are standing their ground. Nigel's in France, Matt's scarpered to Australia and yours truly will be in Saltaire, Yorkshire. So it looks like it's down to Fraser and the Gav to hold the East Stand...

Freddie and the dreamers

It seems 12-year-old Freddie Sears is destined never to score again after his debut winner against Blackburn. His 'goal' against Bristol City for Palace recalled another legendary non-goal 'scored' for Palace by Clive Allen. Even Zola might have used a mild expletive after that piece of myopia...

Still, almost worth it to see Warnock lose it so comprehensively...

Wolves tamed

Wolves 0 west Ham 2

We're walking Hadrian's Wall. Just after we've reached Carlisle and settled down to a Roman pizza, Nigel leaves a message to say we're joint top of the league. We've won 2-0 at Wolves, a great start for the Irons' legions and Wolves thrown into the Vallum.
Hammers for the title anyone?

I have to watch MOTD in mute mode as we're in a family hotel room and the kids are asleep but the evidence is encouraging. Nobes' strikes a fantastic shot into the top corner for our opener and then Green makes several great saves. Dyer (remember him?) has a shot cleared off the line and Collison has another effort saved before Upson rises unmarked to head home from a set piece. Oh, and someone called Faubert played. Mick McCarthy looks like a downcast extra from Brassed Off and Zola's grin illuminates the silent screen. And whatever Shearer is saying, it's better in mute.

Friday, August 7

Putting in the hours

The average football fan racks up nearly 800 hours a year following
their beloved team, a survey published today reveals.

According to research from Virgin Money, the average fan spends 33 full
days being a supporter - that includes travelling to and from matches,
watching TV, searching the internet and talking about the game with

Such devotion works out at 15.3 hours a week or 795.6 hours a year.

Mystic Matt asks: "Does it also include sitting for hours with your head in
your hands wondering if Tristan and De Michele will ever score?"

Or indeed several millennia looking at wondering if we'll ever sign Toni,. Eidur, or any other striker...