Dinos saves Hammers in fiery dockers' derby

Millwall 2 West Ham 2

It's over to daughter Lola's gaff to watch this on her big screen. When Jarrod Bowen is clattered by Metcalfe after 14 seconds it sets the tone. Millwall steam into tackles and look very up for it, while West Ham never get going and lose out in all the duels. The Lions have two giants roughly the size of the Shard at centre back in Cooper and Taylor and we just can't cope with them with at set-pieces.

Millwall take the lead while Mavropanos is off the pitch for a minute after a knock on the head. The defence fails to deal with a long- throw-in, Hermansen makes a couple of brilliant saves but at the third attempt Taylor scores with Kilman and Engels slow to react. Sykes whacks a 40-yard screamer against the bar. Bowen is shackled by Sturge and Arconte is causing lots of problems on the left for Walker-Peters. Millwall bag a second just before half time as another Dykes long-throw causes chaos and Neghli beats Bowen in the six-yard box to whack it home.

Nuno takes decisive action at half time bringing on Pablo and Kante for Piroe and Walker-Peters.We go to three at the back which is brave. The pair make an immediate difference with their physicality as Millwall start to tire. Bowen has a shot parried and Kante almost gets the rebound. Then goalkeeper Marschall accuses Castellanos of spitting at him, though it's hard to see anything on the replay. Bowen gets in a fine cross and Pablo's header inspires a fine tip over from the keeper.

THE COLOSSUS OF COLD BLOW LANE

Suddenly West Ham look a different side. A lifeline arrives on 74 minutes as Pablo finds Kante who nets with a great low drive from outside the box. Bowen has a dribble and shot deflected wide. Sub Austbo fires in a vicious dipping shot that Marschall deflects for a corner. From the short corner Solomon beats his man and stands the ball up for Mavropanos to head home. The away end goes mental and Dinos celebrates as if he has a personal beef with Millwall having watched that 1977 Panorama on Harry the Dog and F Troop. They're not singing anymore, while the Greek Bloke is heading for full-on East London geezerdom.

It looks like West Ham can go on to win it until Kante hesitates kicking clear as the last man and is beaten by Lisbie. He has to make the quick decision to pull Lisbie back to prevent a likely goal and correctly gets a red card. West Ham survive the free kick and added time to take a point. 

A mixed bag this, a terrible first half and a spirited comeback in the second. Nuno is rightly angry at the first half performance while the game has also emphasised the value of Pablo, who stops teams playing out from defence. Still, we won't play another team as fired up as Millwall all season. In that context we'll take the point. Irons!

We were there when Pablo scored!

West Ham 2 Fulham 3 (Carabao Cup)

Before kick-off Tony Gale is on the pitch paying tribute to Ludo Miklosko and Tomas Soucek lays a Miklosko shirt behind Finlay Herrick's goal. There's a moving minute of applause for the Hammers great followed by Bubbles. RIP Ludo.

The big news in the stand is that Nigel has made his first ever visit to the Carpenters Arms and Sam is sporting a number 15 West Ham shirt with "Greek Bloke" on the back. We're joined by Matt, Lisa and CQ, though Michael is absent watching the big one of Hornchurch versus Worthing.

It's a somewhat weakened side with Bowen and Solomon on the bench and Kante and Mukasa forced into wide roles, while Pablo and Ajala start up front. Fulham pass the ball around nicely and take the lead when Palacios gets down the left too easily to cross for the poorly-marked Muniz to head home.

But there always seem to be goals now in West Ham games. The equaliser comes quickly after a corner. Engels plays in a good second phase cross and Mavropanos heads across goal for Morato to score. The 12th Hammer to score this season.

However it's soon evident that the speedy Robinson is causing Walker-Peters all sorts of problems and Palacios is running midfield. A simple ball over the top sees Palacios race through to score. Robinson easily beats KWP for pace but his inviting cross is missed by Fulham's strikers.

PORTUGEEZER

But Fulham haven't accounted for Pablo. Shortly before the interval a good move sees Walker-Peters cross and Kante produce a clever flick that is parried by Lecomte. From a tight angle Pablo fires the rebound into the top corner. A great finish and the Portugeezer celebrates like he's won the World Cup and so do we. A chorus breaks out of, "We were there when Pablo scored!" His first goal in 22 games.

The second half sees Fulham establish midfield control, though West Ham still create chances. Nuno brings on Bowen and Solomon, Pablo almost gets on the end of Bowen's cross and Solomon has a goalbound shot deflected. Then the Greek Bloke heads just wide from Bowen's corner when he should probably score.

It's Fulham who get the winner. Kante loses the ball on the edge of the box and Bobb dances through Walker-Peters and Kilman to poke past the unsighted Herrick. Matt gets increasingly incensed, prompting Nigel to quip that he's not loving Engels tonight. There's almost an equaliser but Bowen fires over when well-placed and sub Taty's rather tame shot is cleared off the line. 

Mavropanos dawdles and almost gives away a fourth but in the end it's 2-3 and we're out of the Carabao Cup. Orford, Kante and Ajala have all struggled a bit against a good passing side from the Premier League, but will learn from this.

In Ye Olde Back Bull CQ talks us through her London pub rock tour and we learn that Matt has gathered a new audience of trainspotters on YouTube after posting footage of his steam train ride in Wales. Nigel is looking forward to watching 70 Up complete with Lib Dem councillor Neil Hughes, whom we encountered in Bampton, Cumbria while bagging Wainwrights. 

On the train home Big Sam is collared by an American lady who has seen his shirt and says she loves Greece. He has to break it to her that he is not actually a Greek Bloke himself but a fan of West Ham's Greek Bloke.

It's never nice to lose but I'd swap this defeat for a win at Millwall. With 46 league games we don't really need a cup run. It's been an entertaining (and cheap) game but now we really do have to concentrate on the league.

PLAYER RATINGS: Herrick 6; Walker-Peters 5, Mavropanos 6, Kilman 5, Morato 6 (Scarles n/a); Mukasa 5 (Bowen 7), Engels 6, Orford 5 (Piroe n/a), Kante 5; Pablo 7 (Castellanos 5), Ajala 5 (Solomon 6). 

RIP Ludo

We knew it was coming but it's still heartbreaking to hear of the death of Ludek Miklosko, who came from (quite) near Moscow. I met Ludo twice and he was as everyone says a really good guy. The first time was in 2005 while in Prague to give a talk for the British Council after a youth game between Sparta Prague and West Ham (James Tomkins was in the Hammers youth side that day). 

I had a good chat with Ludo and his wife on the touchline of Sparta's vast array of training pitches. We had a laugh about his song (bizarrely he claimed that Banik Ostrava was not that near Moscow being 1000 miles away). I also got the impression that he regarded fellow Czech Tomas Repka as a bit of a headcase, like we all did.

The next time we met was at the end of the Europa Conference League Final in Prague in 2023. He happily posed for photos with my pal DC (pictured above) and myself and again he was great with us two delirious fans. Another memory of Ludo is when I was writing for Fortunes Always Hiding fanzine and we published the exclusive Ludek Miklosko column — it was written in indecipherable Czech apart from odd phrases like "Ford Escort Turbo", "Romford Market" and "Benjy's nightclub". 

Ludo was Lou Macari's best signing and played 374 times for the Irons and of course we all remember his performance against Man United in 1995 that sent the title to Blackburn. He was Mr Consistency and it's hard to remember him making many mistakes. And of course there was the "Ludo Launch" when playing out from the back wasn't a thing. At 64 cancer got him much too early.

If St Peter is asking, "Oi Big Boy what's your name?" we will all know the answer. Rest in Peace Ludo.

The joy of six

West Ham 6 (six) Wrexham 0

We watch this in the Heritage Hotel at Torquay, accompanied by a bloke who grew up in Hornchurch now living in Spain who is buying properties in the area and his mate who is a Wrexham fan. Meanwhile disturbing news arrives on WhatsApp that Matt and Lisa are in Wales and requesting a half and half scarf, "for a Welsh friend".

Initially the Hammers have most of the game with Bowen having a shot tipped on to the bar by Patterson and Piroe shooting over from a good position. The opener arrives when Solomon finds Morato, getting a game in place of Scarles, whose low cross is expertly steered home by Jarrod Bowen.

Mavropanos makes a poor clearance but then retrieves the situation by clearing off the line from Dobson. That's about Wrexham's only chance. Soon after Castellanos feeds Piroe who fires into the top of the net.

The second half begins with a corner headed home by the Greek Bloke. That's Dinos's third of the season. What sort of thing is happening here?

Walker-Peters has come on for the injured Veltman and makes a surging break from this own area. A quick one-two sees him set up Taty for the fourth. Blimey, it's time for more Camden Pale Ale. It's amazing what confidence does, we're playing with verve and freedom.

Manor Solomon who has had a great game plays a fine ball over the top for sub Mo Kante to score an excellent fifth. We might have found a new lucky pub. we look on in disbelief as Solomon is set up by Walker-Peters to fire in the sixth, in off the post. 

The only Hollywood display has been from West Ham. For the first time in 131 years we've had six different scorers in one game. This is as they say a statement result. Shame I was on holiday for it.

The day had begun with Amanda Staveley admitting she had tried to buy David Sullivan's shares and saying she saw huge potential in the club. Then Edson Alvarez had gone on record to deny that his family had ever kidnapped a documentary film-maker, as you do. Followed by WHU scoring six. Just a typical day at West Ham really. Come on you Irons!

We're top of the league! (for 24 hours)

Bolton Wanderers 2 West Ham United 3

Catch the updates for this game while staying with Mr Fawlty in Torquay. The Hammers take 4,500 loyal fans and our pal Big Sam, accompanied by blogger Jake, proves he can do it on a wet Tuesday night in Bolton. Nuno has kept Piroe on the bench and with Taty injured is playing goalless but hard-working Pablo up front, which seems a bit risky.

West Ham take the lead after an overlap and cross from Walker-Peters. A Bolton defender deflects the cross towards his own keeper, Pablo fires against Bazunu and Bowen is there to snap up the rebound.

It looks to be going all wrong though after Mavropanos clears but Erhahon gathers to shoot in off the Greek Bloke. Bolton then gain a pretty soft penalty for contact from Walker-Peters and Rodrigues scores from the spot. 

This Hammers side has goals in it though. Engels whips in a free kick worthy of Ward-Prowse and the Greek Bloke is there to head home a difficult bouncing ball. 

The second half sees Piroe miss a good chance after being set up by sub Solomon and Kante test the keeper. Nuno uses his substitutes well and Veltman plays in Bowen, whose prod towards goal trickles under Bazunu to make it 3-2. Good to see Bowen celebrating in front of a packed away end. He almost gets a hat-trick after Solomon plays him in but delays a little too long allowing a saving tackle.

Astonishingly the Hammers go top for 24 hours before West Brom's win pushes them into second. Still it's a boost to have led the division and there is some danger of optimism. All the new signings have contributed and there's even evidence of scouting in buying Austbo rather than a player from a favoured agent. Three wins in a week is good going even if the defence still looks vulnerable. Now comes another test against Wrexham. If we can win this one then we really might be able to win promotion.

Hammers get the job done on Derby day

West Ham 3 Derby County 0

Tomas Soucek is on the pitch pre-kick off talking about his comeback. No-one can understand a word he says via his accent and the PA, though perhaps potato salad and heading fridges are mentioned. Let's hope he's back soon. I'm joined by Nigel in his 2010 Robin Trower tour t-shirt, Big Sam, Matt, Lisa and Michael in his beloved Bowen shirt. Off the pitch Daniel Kretinsky seems to have won the shares battle against Amanda Staveley and we still can't get rid of David Sullivan.

It's very hot again and for much of the game the sun is in our eyes. Pablo seems to be injured so Piroe partners Taty up front and Veltman gets the nod at right-back. West Ham make the best possible start when Bowen crosses, Taty heads back across the box and the unmarked Piroe has a tap-in. 

Derby don't look very good but the Irons just can't get a second goal. A fine ball from Castellanos sees Bowen prod wide when well-placed and then Jarrod produces a good low save from Zetterstrom. The Derby keeper then makes a superb save from the Greek Bloke's towering header. The half ends with Taty shooting just wide after good play with Mukasa. County's only half-chance is thwarted by a fine saving tackle from Max Kilman.

At half-time we discuss the work of the late Richard O'Sullivan in Man About the House. He taught Nigel everything he knows about flat-sharing. Mystic May predicts a 3-0 home win as everyone else goes for a draw or a 2-0 win.

The second half sees Bowen fire straight at the keeper and a fine move between Bowen and Mukasa set up Solomon for a volley he slices to the keeper. The winger has impressed with his turns of pace and dribbling though. We're all a bit worried at just 1-0 as Derby bring on endless subs. 

Orford comes on to allow Mukasa to play further forward but Derby come into it a bit more. Luckily they are fairly powderpuff in attack. There a hopeful handball claim against the Greek Bloke and a free kick fired wide by Salvesen and that's it. 

BREAKING COUNTY LINES

"Try playing it forward lads!" suggests the exasperated Vicar's Son as West Ham pass it around at the back. Austbo and Boiro (the ballpoint from Wolverhampton) come on as Nuno risks changing the entire left side on 77 minutes. Boiro fluffs his first couple of passes then makes a decent run down the left. We wonder if Boiro is the man to take pens.

It takes until the 87th minute for the game to be put to bed. Engels, who has had a fine busy game, surges down the right and finds Bowen. Jarrod's shot is blocked but deflects kindly to Austbo who scores with some glee. "Asbo" is probably relieved he won't be sent to Middlesbrough.

Asbo clearly has something about him as his next pass finds late sub Kante. Mo takes a touch or two and wallops a finish into the bottom corner before running to the corner flag. His first goal for West Ham and a great confidence-booster for him. Three-nil is a much more impressive scoreline but most important is the clean sheet.

We head to the Eagle, where the mysteries of the fridge reveal bottles of Butcombe Gold ale. In the beer garden a mouse scurries around like Arne Engels. Matt channels Cheers to reveal that crisps are a relatively new invention. We discuss how good it is not to have VAR and Matt says he hasn't noticed the refs in this division, which must be a first. It's something of a musical night ahead as Matt and Lisa are going to see Frank Turner in Clapham, Nigel is watching Robin Trower and Michael's off to view Darts (the band, not Luke Littler).

So it's two home wins in a row and seven points in a week. Interestingly 11 players have scored for WHU this season. The squad is now settled and the kids are getting experience. If we can get something against Bolton and Wrexham this week then things might really be improving.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Veltman 7, Mavropanos 6, Kilman 6, Scarles 6 (Boiro 5); Bowen 7 (Kante n/a), Engels 7, Mukasa 6 (Morato n/a), Solomon 7 (Austbo 7); Castellanos 6 (Orford 6), Piroe 6.

Divine intervention as Mukasa double tames Wolves

West Ham 4 (four) Wolves 2

There's much mayhem at the turnstiles as lots of season tickets read red, but eventually we all get in, even if the digital readers might be trying to tell us something. Before the kick-off deadline day loan signing Morato is paraded on the pitch as if he's Vinicius Junior. I'm joined by Matt, Lisa, Michael, Nigel and his lucky Stranglers bag and Big Sam, set to see if we can do it on a wet Tuesday night in Bolton.

Wolves have the better of the exchanges in the first half an hour, though as Michael points out, Pablo does give us a bit of extra steel disrupting behind the front line even if he doesn't score. The Portugeeezer returns from injury looking creative and trying backheels. But Wolves go closest, as Jimenez's shot goes into the ground and bounces on to the bar and then Mane hits the bar after Walker-Peters misjudges the flight of the ball. We're still missing a ball-winner in midfield.

We need a goal to steady nerves and one duly arrives. Just as Mystic Morris remarks that Mukasa hasn't done much yet, Pablo plays a clever chip to Walker-Peters on the right. His cross is cleared to Engels, who plays a short ball to Mukasa outside the box, who wallops an absolute screamer in off the bar. That's why Man City have signed him, the boy has Divine talent. 

Piroe has grown into the game and does well to turn into the box before winning a penalty. Jarrod Bowen sends Sa the wrong way to make it 2-0. Suddenly the side starts to play with confidence. What could possibly go wrong when you're 2-0 up against a newly-relegated team? Well, a lucky deflection falling to Munetsi, who isn't challenged effectively by the Greek Bloke and scores with a fine finish into the corner. We recall bad memories of Burnley. Wolves' half-time team talk will be to run at our shaky defence.

At half-time we're strangely offered four pints of Lost lager by some lads who have over-ordered. It's cold but not very drinkable. The second half begins with Wolves hitting the side-netting. But just as we're getting nervous a good move on the right sees Pablo jump over the ball to free Bowen who finds Mukasa. He has a shot from the edge of the area. The ball takes a big deflection and lopes over Sa. A bit lucky but if you don't shoot you don't score and two goals will kickstart Mukasa's first-team career.

DOUBLE FOR DINOS

On come Veltman and Castellanos in like-for-like substitutions.The crowd get going and West Ham win a corner after a powerful Bowen run and shot is palmed away. Michael says this is the moment for the Greek Bloke. It is indeed. The GB heads Engel's excellent corner on to the bar and then wallops the rebound into the top of the net. He runs to our corner where none of us have ever doubted him.

Just as we're dreaming of five, Wolves break down the right and Tchatchoua's cross is diverted into his own net by Mavropanos. It's been a very mixed evening for the Greek Bloke, though to be fair he's returning from injury.

We're nervous again at 4-2. Kante and Lamadrid come on for Pablo and Mukasa. Matt seems to have missed Andy Burnham's memo about embracing positivity as he bemoans some lacklustre clearances. When there's a late cameo from new signing Austbo, Michael remarks that he isn't the first Asbo we've seen at West Ham.

The Hammers hold on to win and the result is everything — that first win will instil confidence and another boost is that finally the window has shut. In Ye Olde Black Bull we're joined by Matt's two Wainwright-bagging Wolves mates and over Brixton Pale Ale we discuss the projected Big Sam musical as well as those who have played for both clubs such as Kevin Keen and Shaun Newton, who only cost ten grand. We've beaten a team that will probably be our promotion rivals so this is progress even if we are still letting in too many goals. Now for Derby on Saturday.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Walker-Peters 6 (Veltman 6), Mavropanos 5, Kilman 6, Scarles 7; Bowen 7, Engels 7, Mukasa 8 (Kante 5), Solomon 6 (Austbo 5); Pablo 7 (Lamadrid 5), Piroe 6 (Castellanos 5).