Sunday, November 10

Drawing drawing West Ham

West Ham 0 Everton 0

It's a cultured start to the day as walking up Highbury Park we encounter a pop-up art show by Gail Seres-Woolfson, Peter Carty the author of Art, and then best-selling author David Nicholls, hoping that One Day West Ham will win. 

The culture continues in the Best Cafe where polymaths Matt and Lisa have returned from a mini-break in Aberystwyth, though they were gutted to miss Aberystwyth versus Newtown. After unexpectedly quick service we head to the stadium to meet Highway Stars Nigel and CQ, who have just seen Deep Purple at the O2. Land of Hope and Glory is played on the PA before The Last Post marks Remembrance Sunday. 

The only problem is that the football then starts. It's a game of misplaced passes. A West Ham corner results in a break from Everton and only a brilliant saving tackle from Summerville prevents the Toffees taking the lead. Wan-Bissaka keeps playing it to Everton and the Hammers build-up is ponderous at best. "I'd have more fun poking needles in my eyes," suggests the fan in front of us. 

Soucek's dawdling in the box when he could shoot seems to sum up the lack of confidence in the side. Not much happens till just before half-time when Antonio's strong run sets up Bowen for a low shot that Pickford parries. Then Antonio is set up by Bowen and almost rounds the keeper to win a corner.

The second half sees a marginal improvement. Bowen shoots wide and then a determined run by Summerville sets up Rodriguez for a powerful low shot that Pickord turns away. At the other end Fabianski has to tip over a header from Lindstrom. 

Sub Soler looks a neat passer in a more central role and Ings add something in the second half too. Paqueta plays a great through ball to Summerville who hits the post. More like the old Lucas that. Then a good run by Soler sees Ings test Pickford with a low shot. With virtually the final kick Ings does well to bring he ball down and take a return pass from Paqueta before seeing Pickford brilliantly parry his deflected effort. A poor game but the Irons had the better chances.

Strangely Nigel regards my view that at least we kept a clean sheet as a tad Panglossian. While Michael, away in Dorset, doesn't seem to believe the WhatsApp messages saying it was a scintillating feast of football. 

We retreat to the Eagle where Sinead has Whitstable Bay ale in the fridge this week and the finest Irish whiskey for Matt. There's something of a Pink Floyd festival on the jukebox with CQ admiring the bass line of Money and Nigel confessing to be Comfortably Numb after WHU's performance. Watching the Sky game Mystic Matt announces that "Man City will win 1-0" just as Brighton score twice.

Everton looked fairly poor today apart from their defence, so it's two points lost and not a great performance to inspire faith in the new gaffer. Though on the other hand WHU were a bit unlucky at times and any sign of defensive solidity is welcome. Newcastle away really will be a test though in two weeks' time.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Wan-Bissaka 5 (Coufal 5), Kilman 6, Todibo 5, Emerson 6;Rodriguez 6 (Soler 6), Soucek 5, Paqueta 6; Bowen 7, Antonio 6 (Ings 7), Summerville 7 (Guilherme n/a).

Friday, November 8

Not looking good

Well, it's a five-game ban for Kudus, which is probably better than expected as he fitted three red card incidents into one. Alvarez is suspended. Fullkrug is still likely to be out for several weeks and to worsen our misery Richard Keys has suggested Frank Lampard as West Ham's next manager. Perhaps BFF could employ Paul Ince and Jermain Defoe as his assistants? Now Jacob Steinberg says that Lopetegui could be sacked if the Irons lose to Everton. And a Sean Dyche team will relish a physical tussle with a team low on confidence. Apart from that it's all going to plan.

Sunday, November 3

Alvarez red card helps Forest fire three past hapless Hammers

Nottingham Forest 3 West Ham 0

Having lost at the City Ground two seasons running this always felt like a difficult game. Playing the second half with Wan-Bissaka and Emerson as wing-backs had worked against Man United, so Lopetegui opts for three centre backs with Dinos joining Kilman and Todibo. Soucek has a virus so it's a not-very-creative twin midfield axis of Alvarez and Rodriguez, while Jimmy Summerville finally starts.

Forest look livelier from the start though and after half an hour the breakthrough comes. Moreno isn't tracked as he gets down the left. Dinos does that silly defending with his arms behind his back thing as Moreno crosses for the in-form Chris Wood to head home. The big striker has lost Todibo and Alvarez is also standing there with his arms behind his back. So much for the three centre backs keeping it tight.

The crucial action happens just before the break. West Ham finally come up with a shot on goal as Kilman heads back and Paqueta's decent strike is hooked off the line by Wood. Alvarez has already been booked for a needless shirt-tug and as Forest break, lunges in on Elanga. He appears to play a bit of the ball but is out of control and receives a second yellow. That really was a stupid tackle to make when on a yellow and it's Eddy's second red this season. He's a good player but is becoming a liability. To compound the misery Alvarez can't remember where the tunnel is and goes to the wrong end of the stadium, much to the amusement of the home fans.

Loppy brings on Soler and Antonio for his muscle, though once again poor old Summerville is hooked. West Ham improve initially but the game is over when Hudson-Odoi's shot curls through a packed penalty area and above Fabianski's hands, having taken a slight nick off a defender. It's three when Todibo can't clear effectively and Aina puts a screamer into the top corner.

Yates has a goal disallowed for offside and only a couple of brilliant saves from Fabianski keep the score down. Even the fact that Matt and Lisa have gone on a pilgrimage to Hereford Cathedral in a bid to locate the spiritual home of Jarrod Bowen can't save us. Meanwhile in the Nigel derby it's ended Felixstowe 2 Brentwood 1, so at least someone is happy. 

After ten games it's starting to develop into a very worrying season. There appears to be a discipline problem at the club with Kudus and Alvarez getting sent off in two of the last three games, there's no date for Fullkrug's return and the three new signings don't seem to have improved the defence. We should at least be giving Forest a game. More of this and Lopetegui is in trouble. 

Sunday, October 27

Statement win for Hammers with cast-iron(ish) penalty

West Ham 2 Manchester United 1

Arriving at the London Stadium I'm greeted by the incredible news from Michael the Whovian that a disco version of the Doctor Who theme has been played on the PA before kick-off. Even more surprisingly Matt, Lisa, Michael and Big Sam have been served quickly and efficiently in the Best Cafe. DC is absent we learn, taking in the Leaning Tower of Pisa, a structure built on dodgy foundations, so nothing at all like being at West Ham.

Loppy has dropped Areola, Todibo and Soucek, while Kudus is suspended. The game kicks off with the sun in our eyes and Man United dominating. In the second minute Garnacho hits the bar. Fabianski has to block a shot from Hojlund and Fernandes head a good chance over. A simple ball over the top from Fernandes sees Dalot round Fabianski and then shoot over an open goal to much derision from the home fans. Alvarez back-heads a United corner against his own bar. Fabianski has to make a great one-handed save to keep out Casemiros's header.

Antonio has worked hard and Wan-Bissaka has at times threatened going forward, but it's been a very poor half from West Ham and United could be three or four up. Soler looks lost on the left wing, Paqueta has been peripheral and the Irons haven't got stuck into United at all.  

At half time we agree that there are two ways of looking at it; if we've ridden our luck so much we could go and win it, or that it's inevitable the pressure will eventually tell. Lopetegui takes decisive action at the break, taking off Mavropanos, Paqueta and Soler for Todibo, Soucek and Summerville. He might even have thrown some teacups.

West Ham start with much greater intensity as Bowen and Wan-Bissaka cause problems on the right and Soucek gives us a greater physical presence.. On the left wing Jimmy Summerville's speed is a welcome outlet and he plays in several inviting crosses. Emerson can\t quite get on the end of Antonio's cross. Antonio curls a shot just wide and the crowd start to get behind the Irons. Danny Ings comes on for Antonio.

VAR WE LOVE YOU

Incredibly WHU take the lead on 74 minutes. Bowen crosses from the right, Ings scuffs his shot and Summerville has made up a lot of ground to stroke home at the back post as the Bobby Moore Stand erupts. That will give Crysencio some confidence. 

Only then West Ham sit back and seven minutes later United win three headers in the box and Casemiro equalises. To their credit Lopetegui's men go for a winner. In the final minute the ball is lofted into the box and Ings goes down after a challenge from De Ligt. The ref plays on but a minute later there's a VAR check. Referee Coote awards a penalty after going to the monitor, even though it looks more like Ings has run into the big Dutchman. The United players go mental for a minute or so surrounding the ref. Thankfully Jarrod Bowen keeps cool after the long stoppage to stroke home a fine penalty. 

There's a tremendously nervy 14 minutes of added time as Todibo does well at the back, Emerson fires at Onana and eventually West Ham hold on for three points. There's something very satisfying about nicking a game after being outplayed in the first half and getting a late dodgy penalty.

Nigel and Sam take a detour on the way to the Eagle to buy a half and half scarf. The cover story is it's for Big Sam's stepdad, though we suspect it's actually for Nigel, as he's always wanted a West Ham/Man United half and half scarf. 

"These London derbies are always difficult," suggests Nigel. We agree that United's fans in Guildford and Woking will be gutted. Perhaps MUFC will turn to David Moyes to try and keep them up.

In the Eagle Sinead has Greene King IPA in the fridge as Matt reminisces about their greatest trips to Rochdale and the fact it's the only ground where he's seen a fox on the pitch - apart from at Leicester, of course. We agree that United just couldn't handle Danny Ings and get another round in. While Michael enjoys so much added drinking time it could be David Coote is officiating in the Eagle. Will this result kick-start our season? Hopefully so. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 8; Wan-Bissaka 7, Mavropanos 6 (Todibo 7), Kilman 6, Emerson 6; Rodriguez 6 (Cresswell n/a), Alvarez 6, Paqueta 5 (Soucek 6), Soler 4 (Summerville 8); Bowen 8, Antonio 7 (Ings 7). 

Friday, October 25

Plaistow meets the chattering classes

It's not often the Black Lion gets a mention on Radio 4's Today programme. But this morning Sir Geoff Hurst, discussing his new book, Last Boy of '66, recalled that the West Ham players used to go to the Black Lion at Plaistow after games at the Boleyn, which he said you can't imagine modern players doing. Though perhaps that might be an idea for Lopetegui to consider as a means of boosting team spirit(s).

Wednesday, October 23

Lopetegui not in danger - yet

Jacob Steinberg in the Guardian reports that there is no imminent danger of the sack for Julen Lopetegui despite West Ham's poor start. It would indeed be silly to appoint a manager to oversee a new style, sign ten players, and then sack him after eight league games. But if he fails to get any results in the next four games against Man United, Notts Forest, Everton and Newcastle then he really could be in trouble, having spent £150 million on new players.

Much of the manager's role is to be a conduit to the supporters and Loppy's demeanour after the Spurs game was worrying. Moyes would have given the players his Glasgow death stare after that result and Kudus' self-indulgent red card, but Lopetegui seemed a little too laid back. You'd hope that in the dressing room he was a lot more demonstrative.

The manager has some big decisions to make, most notably over Lucas Paqueta. It's only natural that the prospect of a career-ending ban has affected his form. Lucas might be better used off the bench until the issue is resolved and Soler given a chance to become the team's creative hub.

Lopetegui has his expensive new defence together, but the unit of Wan-Bissaka, Kilman, Todibo and Emerson clearly needs work on the training ground because we're looking as leaky as last season. Might there be a case for bringing in Mavropanos and going with five at the back? Areola has let in soft goals in the last two games but is usually a fine keeper (witness that save from Delap) so deserves persevering with for now.

The gaffer needs to get Alvarez back in midfield and decide if he wants to play him with Rodriguez or not. To my mind they look too similar to each other, while the decision to loan out Ward-Prowse (who never gets injured) has deprived the side of guaranteed goals from corners. 

Lopetegui has been unlucky with the injury to Niclas Fullkrug and his return would certainly give everyone a boost, as 34-year-old Antonio is more of an impact sub these days. The suspension of Kudus means Summerville must get a chance. He was the star of the Championship last season and needs a run. While if Guilherme is worth £20 million shouldn't he be getting some action off the bench? 

Loppy also needs to have words with Kudus, who was both our best and worst player against Spurs. He's got tons of talent but at times needs to do the simple thing for the team and cut out the battering of Spurs players. Jarrod Bowen is exempt from criticism, but you do wonder if it might be easier to have a captain who could read the game from defence or midfield. What the team lacked at Spurs was someone to calm the side and keep it tight at 2-1 down. 

The fixture list hasn't been kind with four of the first eight games being against top-six clubs Villa, Man City, Chelsea and Spurs. But even so things have to improve, and quickly.

Saturday, October 19

West Ham get battered as Mo sees Red

Tottenham 4 West Ham 1

It's down the Tottenham High Road in the rain to meet Nigel outside the Number 8 pub for our foray into Spurs country. What could possibly go wrong against a team that lost a two-goal lead last time out?

It's all Spurs early on but the Hammers defend fairly well with Rodriguez mopping up in front of the back four. Mo Kudus forces the first save of the game, as Vicario parries his effort. On 18 minutes it gets better as the Hammers have a spell of pressure, Bowen gets away down the right and crosses for Kudus to stroke home. Is it going to happen again?

Spurs force a series of corners, and Son dances though the defence trying to win a penalty.  Unfortunately the pressure tells before the break as the impressive Kulusevski wriggles through to shoot and surprises Areola, the ball deflecting off both post posts and over the line. Still, 1-1 at half-time isn't too bad and Nigel has his lucky banana out. 

Then comes an eight minute collapse. Just as Mystic Morris is saying that if we defend deep all game a deflection could go in or we concede a penalty. Son feeds Udogie who pulls back for Bissouma to fire through the legs of Kilman and past an unsighted Areola. Three minutes later Paqueta loses possession, Spurs break and Areola parries Son's rather tame shot. The ball unluckily deflects off the keeper and on to Todibo and back on to the Fonz and over the line for a comedy own goal.

Kudus gets a shot away at Vicario at 3-1 but soon we're 4-1 down. The Irons are caught too far upfield, Todibo is left all alone against Son and The Tottenham man, although forced wide, fires a shot past Areola at his near post. The keeper shouldn't have been beaten by that one.

The subs arrive but the game has gone. Son hits the post as Spurs almost make it 5-1.West Ham have a claim for a handball penalty turned down when Emerson crosses and Kudus's shot is cleared off the line. Werner mercifully heads a great chance over. 

"West Ham United you'll always be shit!" sing the gleeful home fans, followed by "West Ham get battered!" and "Is there a fire drill?" They also seem to think we have some travellers among our fans.

To compound it all Kudus, our best player, gets involved in a tussle with Van de Ven, seems to stamp on him and then raises his hand into his face. In the melee Kudus then punches Sarr as well. Richarlison has been accidentally hit and goes down as if shot by the Grealish sniper.

The ref only gives a yellow to Kudus, but VAR intervenes and it's an inevitable red card. It's the result of frustration but an act of sheer stupidity on Mo's part. He'll be suspended for three games at least and maybe longer after two red card offences.

All those fans who phoned TalkSport demanding Moyes be sacked are looking a bit silly. The jury is out on Lopetegui (and Steiden's signings) and he needs to act decisively. Paqueta hasn't been the same player since the FA charges and should surely be rested. We need to get Fullkrug fit as Antonio has toiled against the speedy Van de Ven and Loppy should give Summerville a run in the absence of Kudus. Alvarez needs to return. While Nigel suggests there's also a case for bringing back Fabianski.

The only person who's happy is my daughter Nell's Spurs-supporting friend Aaron whose £1 bet on Paqueta getting booked, Son scoring and Johnson getting a shot on target has yielded £6. "We'll be looking over our shoulder for the rest of the season." declares a disconsolate Nigel as we trudge back to Seven Sisters tube. Spurs are a top six side and played well but we shouldn't have thrown the game away like this. The Irons have to do better against Man United next week.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 4; Wan-Bissaka 5, Kilman 5, Todibo 5, Emerson 6; Rodriguez 6 (Mavropanos 6), Soucek 5 (Soler 5), Paqueta 4 (Alvarez 5); Bowen 7, Kudus 6; Antonio 5 (Summerville 6).