Parker inspires epic comeback at Cardiff

Cardiff City 3 West Ham United 3

Well the cardigan quality has definitely gone up a notch. New gaffer Scott Parker was sporting quality knitwear for his first interview and took to the touchline at Cardiff wearing a very expensive Thom Browne jacket with four hoops — or what might be be a captain's armband —  on the left sleeve. Though Scotty might have been better off wearing a Hammers Christmas jumper in the first half as the lads gave presents out to the needy in Wales.

Watching clips of the match on Sky Sports News is extremely stressful for 45 minutes. Our pal Big Sam is there, and announces it the worst half he has ever seen from a West Ham side which, as Matt remarks, is a spectacularly high bar to reach.

Magassa comes in from the cold to try and shield the defence and the Greek Bloke returns. Pablo isn't in the squad. Taty Castellanos has a scuffed shot saved by former Hammer Trott and that's it before City take control. Cardiff take the lead with a brilliant long-range swerving shot from Moylan. Those efforts normally fly over, but Solomon and Engels were also slow to close him down. Worse follows as there's a simple ball down the flank and Morato has allowed Moylan to get behind him.The defender unwisely makes contact and, though Moylan was playing for it, the ref awards a penalty which Moylan converts. 

The half becomes a catastrophe when Magassa gives the ball away and has to retrieve it with a good tackle at the expense of a corner. Moylan gets a near-post flick to head in off the bar. "You're not fit to wear the shirt!" chant the West Ham fans. I message my WhatsApp group that I'll take a point now.

My thoughts turn to Scott Parker's legendary half-time talk as captain when West Brom where 3-0 up and he inspired a 3-3 draw, but that surely won't happen again. Only it seems we do indeed get Winston Churchill and not Iain Duncan-Smith in Scotty's half-time pep talk. Nuno usually wouldn't sub players until the 60th minute, but Parker takes decisive action bringing on three players. He replaces the labouring Morato with the speed of Mayers rather than Scarles. Taty comes off for Piroe and Magassa is replaced by Kante — though it was a tough call for Magassa to perform well after no games this season.

BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY

West Ham suddenly look a different team. Piroe provides a focal point and fires a shot just wide. The revival begins on 58 minutes as Bowen drops deep to play a long ball over the top that is missed by a defender. Divine Mukasa coolly lobs it over Trott and in off the post. It's two when Bowen plays in another long ball. Piroe heads on and Engels strokes home his first goal for the club. That will be good for Arne's confidence. He's the 15th outfield to score this season, and we also have one own goal from Watford. 

At this stage it's the hope I can't take. The Irons batter Cardiff all half. Asbo and Soucek come on. Parker has asked them not to hide and play on the front foot and stop playing it square at the back. It's worked. Bowen goes close and then on 82 minutes Jarrod plays in another fine cross and Max Kilman does well to control his shot and cushion the ball into the net. Always in doubt!

I like the way the players don't celebrate, they want to go on and win it and nearly do. Bowen crosses for Mayers to shoot across goal and sub Tomas Soucek's header forces Trott into a fine save.

So it ends in a breathless draw that will have revealed a lot to Parker. For the third game running West Ham have conceded three goals, but the players in the second half showed considerable character to claw back a point. In the end it felt almost like a victory. After the game Scotty talked about wanting a forceful team. He's identified a lot of the problems already and in the second half he inspired the side to play with bravery. It's still early, but finally we have a manager who appears able to motivate the side.

No to Nuno, Scotty Parker in

So Nuno has been sacked and Scotty Parker is likely to come in. Most fans thought Nuno would be  given the next two away games to save his job before the international break, but after two dispiriting home defeats the board, or probably Daniel Kretinsky, has lost faith. In one sense Nuno can be considered unfortunate in that West Ham are unbeaten away from home and the top scorers in the Championship despite selling most of our best players. 

Though on the other hand he couldn't save the Irons from relegation despite bering given 33 games and the home form this season has been poor with points dropped against Charlton, QPR, Southampton and West Brom. He should be getting more from this squad. Nuno doesn't seem to know what his best team is and the side has been bedevilled by slow starts and conceding early goals. The defence still seems very shaky and there is no ball winner in midfield. He appeared to have fallen out with Magassa and Alvarez, both of whom might be able to play that role. Striker-wise, Nuno's three signings of Castellanos, Pablo and Piroe have only five goals between them. 

Tactically he also made some very strange decisions, not least the inverted full-backs and playing Andy Irvine against Brentford and Leeds, and bringing in Todibo for Castellanos in the game that effectively relegated us at Newcastle last season. While starting with just Pablo up front against West Brom was another strange choice.

Now it seems former Hammer Scotty Parker is the man coming in. He's certainly a good motivator as we saw as a player when his half-time talk inspired a 3-3 draw at West Brom. As a manager he is a promotion specialist, having taken Fulham, Bournemouth and Burnley up, though he is not so good at keeping his teams in the Premier League. He was relegated at Fulham, sacked early on at Bournemouth after unwisely attacking the board following a 9-0 defeat at Liverpool, and couldn't keep Burnley up last season, but to be fair he did lose his goalkeeper and best defender after promotion. None of those clubs have the resources or crowd of West Ham.

What Parker will supply is a bit of passion. I've often wondered why Nuno's programme notes were so perfunctory, he didn't seem to be able to get his ideas across to the fans. His calmness seemed an asset at first, but was Nuno capable of rollicking the players when necessary? Parker if teamed with Mark Noble would appeal to sentimentalists. The biggest thing West Ham fans desire is a team that goes for it from the start of games and doesn't play endless square balls at the back. Life at West Ham is certainly never dull. Promotion is vital so let's hope the board get this right.

Halloween horror for Hammers

West Ham 1 West Brom 3

Before kick-off there's a giant poppy on the centre circle and The Last Post being played for Remembrance Day, or possibly our promotion hopes. Our gang of faithfuls are present, Matt and Lisa, Nigel and CQ, Michael and Jake the vlogger. The Greek Bloke is injured so in comes young Golambeckis, while strangely Nuno starts with Pablo as the lone striker and Austbo gets a game in place of Solomon.

At least we don't concede after two minutes, as we did against Southampton. We win an early corner but then it all slows down again. This time the Irons wait 20 minutes to go a goal down. A simple long pass from Price beats the offside trap and lands between Kilman and Morato to find Jimmy Morgan. The lively winger crosses to leave Mhyre with a tap-in.

The Baggies threaten to score again as Morgan gets through to set up Price who misses the target and then Morgan sends a free header wide from a corner. The crowd starts to turn, but thankfully CQ is handing out the lucky spicy cinnamon bon bons to help West Ham equalise. Kante does well to spray the ball wide to Bowen on the right who cuts inside to shoot home aided by a deflection off a defender.

Asbo has a couple of decent runs and shows a turn of pace, but the half ends at one-one. After half-time banter with Tom Peck, we return to out seats in time to see the Baggies take the lead. A cross comes in, Golambeckis lunges in and misses the ball, allowing Myhre to set up Morgan who calmly scores. Engels could have been tighter on his man too.

West Ham are chasing the game once more, but do briefly threaten to equalise. Mukasa has a shot blocked and Kilman header from a corner is parried by O'Leary. Sub Solomon sets up Walker-Peters for a shot that O'Leary saves again. West Ham still lack intensity and leadership though. Kante and Mukasa might be promising but are young and can't dominate games, while Engels has a bit of a 'mare. While it's clear if you play Pablo he needs striker alongside him.

BAGGIES TROUSER POINTS

Albion's third goal kills the game on 72 minutes as our defence is again trick or treated. From a corner Morato scuffs a clearance and Styles fires home a good connection from the edge of the box with Solomon unable to close him down. 

Michael is overtaken by ennui and wonders if West Ham have finally made him indifferent to pleasure or pain. He reflects that both Southampton and West Brom have keepers who look more assured than Hermansen. While at the round table Matt is considering banishing our entire team. At least Karl, Matt and Lisa's Albion supporting pal, has enjoyed it. And there's a nice sunset.

Nuno has thrown on five subs but we never look like getting into the game. Castellanos blazes a shot over and then sends an overhead kick straight at the keeper and that's it. "Sacked in the morning!" chant the away fans, with some of the home crowd joining in. He won't be gone yet, but if West Ham lose to Cardiff and Blackburn before the international break then Nuno could well be sacked. Though sadly Ted Lasso is still under contract at Richmond FC.

Bizarrely we are the top scorers in the division and unbeaten away while suffering a crisis at home. Drastic measures are required. Scarles deserves a game. There's no ball winner in midfield so Magassa is surely now an option. Soucek needs to start and we need the Greek Bloke back. And with no striker in form is there a case for playing Bowen centrally and shifting Engels to the right? Something has to change. You can't win promotion if you concede three goals at home every week.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 5; Walker-Peters 5 (Veltman 5), Kilman 5, Golambeckis 5 (Castellanos 5), Morato 4; Bowen 6, Engels 4, Mukasa 5 (Solomon 5), Kante 5 (Soucek 5), Austbo 5; Pablo 5 (Piroe 5).

Saints punish West Ham's defensive sins

West Ham 2 Southampton 3

It's a sodden trek through a rainstorm to the ground where we find Big Sam up from Wales, wearing a thin jumper as a concession to the elements, plus CQ fresh from a triumphant gig at the Fiddler's Elbow, Nigel, Michael, Matt and Lisa dispensing cups of tea. What can possibly go wrong after two away wins?

Southampton haven't needed to spy on our training to know that West Ham start slowly. Walker-Peters allows Scienza to run inside him, the ball breaks to Mukasa, who takes a poor touch allowing Scienza to get a shot in. Hermansen saves but parries it into the centre of goal where Matsuki taps home. It gets much worse on 11 minutes as Hermansen palms away a cross to the edge of the box. Normally that would be good enough, but the unmarked full-back Bree fires a brilliant half volley into the roof of the net.

West Ham do produce a really spirited response and pepper the Saints' goal. Mukasa has a fine dribble and shot deflected just wide of the post. Kante is getting behind the defence and his low shot from the right is deflected across goal and just wide again. A wicked Engels corner sees Peretz produce a fine one-handed save and then another Engels corner is hacked away from in front of the line.

A West Ham goal finally arrives when Solomon feeds Mukasa who does well to find the advancing Walker-Peters. KWP twists inside Jander and fires a great finish into the top corner. At this stage you'd back the Irons to go on and win it.

But again the Hammers self-destruct in the rain. James Ward-Prowse has a shot blocked by Kilman, Azaz fires in another shot that the Greek Bloke blocks but only as far as Scienza whose shot is saved by Hermansen. The rebound falls kindly for Dobbin, clearly no donkey, to score.

There's still time before the interval for Kante to burst through and have a shot saved with Taty somehow poking the rebound wide of the post. It's not until the 43rd minute that the Vicar's Son has his first tirade at referee Michael Salisbury, though he makes up for this in the second half.

You can't give away three goals in the first half and expect to win. At half-time Nigel's battered lucky banana has turned black and has to be binned, which seems symbolic of our fortunes. 

The second half begins with Scarles on for Morato and Solomon crossing for Kante to shoot wastefully over the bar. Mavropanos powers forward to fire in a piledriver that Peretz does really well to save with Ward-Prowse preventing Taty getting the rebound. At the other end a slick move sees Dobbin shave the West Ham post.

JEEPERS KEEPERS

The luck isn't going for West Ham. Kilman fires in a fantastic volley that hits the bar, bounces off the back of Peretz and instead of going over the line deflects wide of the post. Austbo and Pablo add some verve and Engels has a shot saved by the outstretched foot of the excellent Peretz.

Into the second minute of added time and Engels does well to ping a loose ball into the box where Taty lays it off for sub Tomas Soucek to score with a fine low drive. Can West Ham claim an unlikely 3-3 draw? Bowen plays in a great cross and Castellanos flicks it goalwards only for Pertetz to pull off another great save. 

Austbo's surge forward earns a corner but ref Michael Salisbury, having ignored several minutes of time-wasting when Peretz went down 'injured', blows up before West Ham can take the corner.

A fantastic game for the neutral, but not for West Ham fans. After the first 11 minutes we've won it 2-1. At times we've battered the Saints defence and had little luck against an inspired keeper, but at the same time you can't give three bad goals away at home. Walker-Peters was rather like West Ham, great going forward and suspect at the back. Morato struggled too, young Mukasa still makes errors for all his skill, and for most of the game Taty laboured up front. Though to be fair Southampton looked the best team we have encountered this season and the Irons could learn a lot from their defending.

We head to the Eagle amid a deluge and heavy winds. At least plenty of entertainment is lined up for the evening. Big Michael (he's six foot two) is going to see Ilford Boy at the Donmar Warehouse, Nigel and CQ are off to Ronnie Scott's, Matt and Lisa are going to see a film at the Barbican and I'm going home to meet a new border terrier puppy from Tunbridge Wells. Not that we are middle-class football fans.

As they say, a reality check. This game was proof that it's a very level division. The spirit was good but a defensive improvement against West Brom next week is now essential.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 5; Walker-Peters 6 (Austbo 6), Mavropanos 6, Kilman 6, Morato 5 (Scarles 6); Bowen 6, Engels 7, Mukasa 6 (Pablo 6), Kante 7 (Piroe 5), Solomon 5 (Soucek 6); Castellanos 6. 

Hammers down Swans in top-of-the-table clash

Swansea City 0 West Ham 1

A fantastic result against top-of-the-table Swansea in Wales, achieved while I was reducing my stress levels by watching Dulwich Hamlet versus Carshalton, a 2-2 draw. Nuno picked Pablo up front ahead of Taty and Piroe, played Kante in a much more advanced role, where he did well, and relied on a five-man midfield to stifle the Swans.

West Ham's goal owed a lot to Pablo being a pest in midfield, winning the ball for Musaka then taking the return and playing in Kante. Mo gets to the byline and produces a good cut back to allow Musaka to score. West Ham do get lucky though when from a free-kick melee, Cabango hits the bar, with the ball bouncing on the line.

The second half begins with a flurry of West Ham chances. Bowen forces a decent save from Vigouroux and Pablo fires just over. Kante does really well to set up Pablo who fires at the keeper when he should have tried lifting the ball over him.

Swansea create some good chances too. Centre-back Cabango miscues another good chance in front of goal and late on Ronald heads across goal when he should haver tried to score.

So it ends 1-0 with the sort of result that promotion teams grind out. My Swansea-supporting pal Huw reviewed the game with: "Fair enough. No complaints. Difference was that one moment of ruthless clarity which created your goal, but that doesn’t come from nothing. We had our moments, but never quite managed to match that, while you had that flurry around the hour with two or three chances. Smart tactical set-up in first half, high press gave us trouble playing out and restricted Stamenic, an important outlet for us."

West Ham are the top scorers in all four divisions with 30 goals, which is surprising as we've not got a prolific striker, but 14 players have contributed so far. Nuno must be doing something right. Another plus is that with Veltman and Morato replacing Walker-Peters and Scarles as full-backs the defence looks a much more difficult unit to break down, while Engels is covering a lot of ground in front of them. There's a long way to go but with two home games coming up there has to be cause for optimism. Irons!

The joy of six (part two)

Lincoln City 0 West Ham United 6 (six)

It's an evening at home with a bottle of Proper Job watching this, with Sky TV obviously hoping for an upset. Strangely, Gillingham manager and Sky pundit Gareth Ainsworth appears to be dressed for a role as Legolas in Lord of the Rings. While it’s nice to see ex-Hammer Chris Cohen on the bench as Lincoln’s joint manager.

Thankfully the predicted giant-killing doesn't occur as after two minutes Hamer hammers Veltman with a two-footed lunge and is immediately shown a red card. That wasn't very Impish. The Irons struggle to break down the ten men of Lincoln as I WhatsApp my West Ham group with a Big Sam-style warning that, "it's always difficult to play against ten men." 

On 23 minutes defender McGrandles miscues and Bowen is in on goal. The Lincoln man brings him down and it's another inevitable red card. It's always difficult to play against nine men. The Hammers do indeed lack inspiration for the rest of the half. Kante heads a great chance wide from a corner, Solomon can't get in the game and Engels overhits his dead balls, while Bowen is shackled by two defenders.

Thankfully the Hammers make the breakthrough on half time. Bowen's corner is headed home by the Greek Bloke for Dinos' fifth goal of the season, with Piroe doing well to block off the keeper. Five goals in five games, Mavropanos is outscoring soon-to-be Northern League striker Erling Haaland.

ON ME EDVIN

Nuno makes a good call at half-time taking off defender Morato and bringing on an extra attacker in Austbo. Asbo makes an instant impact cutting in from the left and firing home a superb dipping shot in off the bar. A minute later Bowen gets a shot off that deflects in off a defender. By this stage I'm confident of at least a point.

The Hammers still lack a Paqueta-type passer and don't have much luck trying to free Piroe or sub Castellanos in the middle. But the patient approach pays off when Pablo heads home from a corner for his first league goal. 

The final bonus is the arrival of super sub Tomas Soucek, who has just signed a new contract. His first goal is a clever shot lifted over the leg of a tackling defender. The sixth goal and Tomas's second arrives when keeper Wickens can't hold a Kilman cross and Soucek is on hand to tap home and celebrate with his trademark windmill. It might be safe to look at the league table now. Tomas is going to score a lot of goals in this division. Ever the nice guy, he hands his shirt to a young girl at the end.

Michael and Lisa send a selfie from the new lucky pub of the Wellington in Waterloo. This is West Ham's joint best away victory ever, only matched by the 6-0 away victory at Leicester in 1923, and no, I wasn't there. You wait all season for a 6-0 victory and then two come along at once. We're the division's top scorers with 14 different players (including one own goal) finding the net this season.

Yes, we should beat nine men and the first half wasn't great, but you have to beat what's in front of you and you can't sniff at a 6-0 away win. A stiffer test will come at top of the table Swansea City on Saturday but this result must be a big confidence booster. Irons!

A tale of two penalties

West Ham 1 QPR 1 

In the Best Meze Cafe culinary faintheart Matt has given up on getting served and gone to the ground, so it's down to diehards Nigel and myself. My falafel and cup of tea actually arrive pretty quickly as Nigel reminisces about his trip to Wyoming visiting Mount Rushmore and the Old Faithful Geyser. Never knew he was mates with Danny Dyer.

Inside the stadium we find Matt, Michael, Jake the vlogger and a late-running Lisa, who is carrying a black briefcase, presumably full of dossiers to give to Nuno, or perhaps the West Ham self-destruct codes. Big Sam is away listening to Rick Parfitt's son play Status Quo songs. The tributes to Ludo Miklosko from Kevin Keen and Jimmy Walker are well done and it's emotional to see Mark Noble and Ludo's son carry a wreath to the centre circle before kick-off.

West Ham start slowly, again. After18 minutes the returning Tomas Soucek, clearly rusty after his long lay-off, misplaces a pass in midfield. To retrieve the situation he makes a good tackle outside the box on Smyth. Astonishingly referee Ruebyn Ricardo awards a penalty. An aghast Soucek looks like someone has just stolen his potato salad. For once we're wishing that VAR was back. Madsen rolls home the spot kick.

QPR are fast on the break, with Kolli impressing. West Ham seem to have lost all rhythm after the three-week break and look very laboured. There's a lot of slow passing around at the back but no penetration. Walker-Peters has a bit of a 'mare, Mukasa is anonymous, Soucek is off the pace, Solomon has a couple of decent dribbles but can't get his crosses in and Bowen's crosses are hitting the first man. Bowen attempts an audacious overhead kick and that's about it, while West Ham almost concede from their own corner as Hermansen has to parry Kolli's shot.

Nuno takes decisive action after a poor first half, going to a back three and taking off Walker-Peters and Soucek for Pablo and Austbo. Pablo makes a difference by getting stuck in and making life awkward for the Rangers' defenders. The 62,000 crowd get behind the Irons and that helps. It's not until the 70th minute that the breakthrough comes. Bowen wins the ball with a crunching tackle on the touchline then receives the ball back from Taty on the right wing. Jarrod cuts inside and fires against the legs of a defender but he's alert enough to slam home the rebound. He runs straight back to the centre spot knowing the Hammers have to go for the win.

SPOT OF BOTHER

For the final 20 minutes West Ham actually get going. Orford comes on and his ability to keep the ball helps. Pablo sets up sub Piroe for a shot that is tipped away by Pierce Charles for a corner. Bowen cuts inside to fire just over and then performs some more penalty box wriggling to force a tip round the post. Can the Hammers play badly but still grind out a win?

It seems so in the 91st minute when Bowen plays in a great cross and Pablo is blatantly pulled back by Mbengue. A shame as that might have been Pablo's first league goal, but surely Bowen will score from the spot? Only his low effort is saved by Charles and the keeper then produces another brilliant save to tip Engels' header on to the post. If in doubt blast it. That's three points lost from missed last-minute penalties this season.

We trek to Ye Olde Black Bull where at least Matt Upson on Sky inspires our Matt to raid his mind palace and ask what Upson has done that only two other West Ham players have. The answer is score in the World Cup finals. It's been a frustrating evening and slow starts have become a real problem. West Ham remain unbeaten in seven games but are now out of the automatic promotion spots. A big improvement is required for Lincoln away on Wednesday.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Walker-Peters 4 (Austbo 6), Mavropanos 6, Kilman 6, Morato 5; Soucek 4 (Pablo 7), Mukasa 4 (Orford 6), Engels 6; Bowen 7, Castellanos 5, Solomon 5 (Piroe 6).