Saints punish West Ham's defensive sins

West Ham 2 Southampton 3

It's a sodden trek through a rainstorm to the ground where we find Big Sam up from Wales, wearing a thin jumper as a concession to the elements, plus CQ fresh from a triumphant gig at the Fiddler's Elbow, Nigel, Michael, Matt and Lisa dispensing cups of tea. What can possibly go wrong after two away wins?

Southampton haven't needed to spy on our training to know that West Ham start slowly. Walker-Peters allows Scienza to run inside him, the ball breaks to Mukasa, who takes a poor touch allowing Scienza to get a shot in. Hermansen saves but parries it into the centre of goal where Matsuki taps home. It gets much worse on 11 minutes as Hermansen palms away a cross to the edge of the box. Normally that would be good enough, but the unmarked full-back Bree fires a brilliant half volley into the roof of the net.

West Ham do produce a really spirited response and pepper the Saints' goal. Mukasa has a fine dribble and shot deflected just wide of the post. Kante is getting behind the defence and his low shot from the right is deflected across goal and just wide again. A wicked Engels corner sees Peretz produce a fine one-handed save and then another Engels corner is hacked away from in front of the line.

A West Ham goal finally arrives when Solomon feeds Mukasa who does well to find the advancing Walker-Peters. KWP twists inside Jander and fires a great finish into the top corner. At this stage you'd back the Irons to go on and win it.

But again the Hammers self-destruct in the rain. James Ward-Prowse has a shot blocked by Kilman, Azaz fires in another shot that the Greek Bloke blocks but only as far as Scienza whose shot is saved by Hermansen. The rebound falls kindly for Dobbin, clearly no donkey, to score.

There's still time before the interval for Kante to burst through and have a shot saved with Taty somehow poking the rebound wide of the post. It's not until the 43rd minute that the Vicar's Son has his first tirade at referee Michael Salisbury, though he makes up for this in the second half.

You can't give away three goals in the first half and expect to win. At half-time Nigel's battered lucky banana has turned black and has to be binned, which seems symbolic of our fortunes. 

The second half begins with Scarles on for Morato and Solomon crossing for Kante to shoot wastefully over the bar. Mavropanos powers forward to fire in a piledriver that Peretz does really well to save with Ward-Prowse preventing Taty getting the rebound. At the other end a slick move sees Dobbin shave the West Ham post.

JEEPERS KEEPERS

The luck isn't going for West Ham. Kilman fires in a fantastic volley that hits the bar, bounces off the back of Peretz and instead of going over the line deflects wide of the post. Austbo and Pablo add some verve and Engels has a shot saved by the outstretched foot of the excellent Peretz.

Into the second minute of added time and Engels does well to ping a loose ball into the box where Taty lays it off for sub Tomas Soucek to score with a fine low drive. Can West Ham claim an unlikely 3-3 draw? Bowen plays in a great cross and Castellanos flicks it goalwards only for Pertetz to pull off another great save. 

Austbo's surge forward earns a corner but ref Michael Salisbury, having ignored several minutes of time-wasting when Peretz went down 'injured', blows up before West Ham can take the corner.

A fantastic game for the neutral, but not for West Ham fans. After the first 11 minutes we've won it 2-1. At times we've battered the Saints defence and had little luck against an inspired keeper, but at the same time you can't give three bad goals away at home. Walker-Peters was rather like West Ham, great going forward and suspect at the back. Morato struggled too, young Mukasa still makes errors for all his skill, and for most of the game Taty laboured up front. Though to be fair Southampton looked the best team we have encountered this season and the Irons could learn a lot from their defending.

We head to the Eagle amid a deluge and heavy winds. At least plenty of entertainment is lined up for the evening. Big Michael (he's six foot two) is going to see Ilford Boy at the Donmar Warehouse, Nigel and CQ are off to Ronnie Scott's, Matt and Lisa are going to see a film at the Barbican and I'm going home to meet a new border terrier puppy from Tunbridge Wells. Not that we are middle-class football fans.

As they say, a reality check. This game was proof that it's a very level division. The spirit was good but a defensive improvement against West Brom next week is now essential.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 5; Walker-Peters 6 (Austbo 6), Mavropanos 6, Kilman 6, Morato 5 (Scarles 6); Bowen 6, Engels 7, Mukasa 6 (Pablo 6), Kante 7 (Piroe 5), Solomon 5 (Soucek 6); Castellanos 6. 

Hammers down Swans in top-of-the-table clash

Swansea City 0 West Ham 1

A fantastic result against top-of-the-table Swansea in Wales, achieved while I was reducing my stress levels by watching Dulwich Hamlet versus Carshalton, a 2-2 draw. Nuno picked Pablo up front ahead of Taty and Piroe, played Kante in a much more advanced role, where he did well, and relied on a five-man midfield to stifle the Swans.

West Ham's goal owed a lot to Pablo being a pest in midfield, winning the ball for Musaka then taking the return and playing in Kante. Mo gets to the byline and produces a good cut back to allow Musaka to score. West Ham do get lucky though when from a free-kick melee, Cabango hits the bar, with the ball bouncing on the line.

The second half begins with a flurry of West Ham chances. Bowen forces a decent save from Vigouroux and Pablo fires just over. Kante does really well to set up Pablo who fires at the keeper when he should have tried lifting the ball over him.

Swansea create some good chances too. Centre-back Cabango miscues another good chance in front of goal and late on Ronald heads across goal when he should haver tried to score.

So it ends 1-0 with the sort of result that promotion teams grind out. My Swansea-supporting pal Huw reviewed the game with: "Fair enough. No complaints. Difference was that one moment of ruthless clarity which created your goal, but that doesn’t come from nothing. We had our moments, but never quite managed to match that, while you had that flurry around the hour with two or three chances. Smart tactical set-up in first half, high press gave us trouble playing out and restricted Stamenic, an important outlet for us."

West Ham are the top scorers in all four divisions with 30 goals, which is surprising as we've not got a prolific striker, but 14 players have contributed so far. Nuno must be doing something right. Another plus is that with Veltman and Morato replacing Walker-Peters and Scarles as full-backs the defence looks a much more difficult unit to break down, while Engels is covering a lot of ground in front of them. There's a long way to go but with two home games coming up there has to be cause for optimism. Irons!

The joy of six (part two)

Lincoln City 0 West Ham United 6 (six)

It's an evening at home with a bottle of Proper Job watching this, with Sky TV obviously hoping for an upset. Strangely, Gillingham manager and Sky pundit Gareth Ainsworth appears to be dressed for a role as Legolas in Lord of the Rings. While it’s nice to see ex-Hammer Chris Cohen on the bench as Lincoln’s joint manager.

Thankfully the predicted giant-killing doesn't occur as after two minutes Hamer hammers Veltman with a two-footed lunge and is immediately shown a red card. That wasn't very Impish. The Irons struggle to break down the ten men of Lincoln as I WhatsApp my West Ham group with a Big Sam-style warning that, "it's always difficult to play against ten men." 

On 23 minutes defender McGrandles miscues and Bowen is in on goal. The Lincoln man brings him down and it's another inevitable red card. It's always difficult to play against nine men. The Hammers do indeed lack inspiration for the rest of the half. Kante heads a great chance wide from a corner, Solomon can't get in the game and Engels overhits his dead balls, while Bowen is shackled by two defenders.

Thankfully the Hammers make the breakthrough on half time. Bowen's corner is headed home by the Greek Bloke for Dinos' fifth goal of the season, with Piroe doing well to block off the keeper. Five goals in five games, Mavropanos is outscoring soon-to-be Northern League striker Erling Haaland.

ON ME EDVIN

Nuno makes a good call at half-time taking off defender Morato and bringing on an extra attacker in Austbo. Asbo makes an instant impact cutting in from the left and firing home a superb dipping shot in off the bar. A minute later Bowen gets a shot off that deflects in off a defender. By this stage I'm confident of at least a point.

The Hammers still lack a Paqueta-type passer and don't have much luck trying to free Piroe or sub Castellanos in the middle. But the patient approach pays off when Pablo heads home from a corner for his first league goal. 

The final bonus is the arrival of super sub Tomas Soucek, who has just signed a new contract. His first goal is a clever shot lifted over the leg of a tackling defender. The sixth goal and Tomas's second arrives when keeper Wickens can't hold a Kilman cross and Soucek is on hand to tap home and celebrate with his trademark windmill. It might be safe to look at the league table now. Tomas is going to score a lot of goals in this division. Ever the nice guy, he hands his shirt to a young girl at the end.

Michael and Lisa send a selfie from the new lucky pub of the Wellington in Waterloo. This is West Ham's joint best away victory ever, only matched by the 6-0 away victory at Leicester in 1923, and no, I wasn't there. You wait all season for a 6-0 victory and then two come along at once. We're the division's top scorers with 14 different players (including one own goal) finding the net this season.

Yes, we should beat nine men and the first half wasn't great, but you have to beat what's in front of you and you can't sniff at a 6-0 away win. A stiffer test will come at top of the table Swansea City on Saturday but this result must be a big confidence booster. Irons!

A tale of two penalties

West Ham 1 QPR 1 

In the Best Meze Cafe culinary faintheart Matt has given up on getting served and gone to the ground, so it's down to diehards Nigel and myself. My falafel and cup of tea actually arrive pretty quickly as Nigel reminisces about his trip to Wyoming visiting Mount Rushmore and the Old Faithful Geyser. Never knew he was mates with Danny Dyer.

Inside the stadium we find Matt, Michael, Jake the vlogger and a late-running Lisa, who is carrying a black briefcase, presumably full of dossiers to give to Nuno, or perhaps the West Ham self-destruct codes. Big Sam is away listening to Rick Parfitt's son play Status Quo songs. The tributes to Ludo Miklosko from Kevin Keen and Jimmy Walker are well done and it's emotional to see Mark Noble and Ludo's son carry a wreath to the centre circle before kick-off.

West Ham start slowly, again. After18 minutes the returning Tomas Soucek, clearly rusty after his long lay-off, misplaces a pass in midfield. To retrieve the situation he makes a good tackle outside the box on Smyth. Astonishingly referee Ruebyn Ricardo awards a penalty. An aghast Soucek looks like someone has just stolen his potato salad. For once we're wishing that VAR was back. Madsen rolls home the spot kick.

QPR are fast on the break, with Kolli impressing. West Ham seem to have lost all rhythm after the three-week break and look very laboured. There's a lot of slow passing around at the back but no penetration. Walker-Peters has a bit of a 'mare, Mukasa is anonymous, Soucek is off the pace, Solomon has a couple of decent dribbles but can't get his crosses in and Bowen's crosses are hitting the first man. Bowen attempts an audacious overhead kick and that's about it, while West Ham almost concede from their own corner as Hermansen has to parry Kolli's shot.

Nuno takes decisive action after a poor first half, going to a back three and taking off Walker-Peters and Soucek for Pablo and Austbo. Pablo makes a difference by getting stuck in and making life awkward for the Rangers' defenders. The 62,000 crowd get behind the Irons and that helps. It's not until the 70th minute that the breakthrough comes. Bowen wins the ball with a crunching tackle on the touchline then receives the ball back from Taty on the right wing. Jarrod cuts inside and fires against the legs of a defender but he's alert enough to slam home the rebound. He runs straight back to the centre spot knowing the Hammers have to go for the win.

SPOT OF BOTHER

For the final 20 minutes West Ham actually get going. Orford comes on and his ability to keep the ball helps. Pablo sets up sub Piroe for a shot that is tipped away by Pierce Charles for a corner. Bowen cuts inside to fire just over and then performs some more penalty box wriggling to force a tip round the post. Can the Hammers play badly but still grind out a win?

It seems so in the 91st minute when Bowen plays in a great cross and Pablo is blatantly pulled back by Mbengue. A shame as that might have been Pablo's first league goal, but surely Bowen will score from the spot? Only his low effort is saved by Charles and the keeper then produces another brilliant save to tip Engels' header on to the post. If in doubt blast it. That's three points lost from missed last-minute penalties this season.

We trek to Ye Olde Black Bull where at least Matt Upson on Sky inspires our Matt to raid his mind palace and ask what Upson has done that only two other West Ham players have. The answer is score in the World Cup finals. It's been a frustrating evening and slow starts have become a real problem. West Ham remain unbeaten in seven games but are now out of the automatic promotion spots. A big improvement is required for Lincoln away on Wednesday.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Walker-Peters 4 (Austbo 6), Mavropanos 6, Kilman 6, Morato 5; Soucek 4 (Pablo 7), Mukasa 4 (Orford 6), Engels 6; Bowen 7, Castellanos 5, Solomon 5 (Piroe 6).

Torquay Irons

You don't expect to encounter a West Ham exhibition while on holiday in Torquay. But visitors to Bygones Museum can find several cabinets of Hammers memorabilia. Most of the museum is devoted to Victorian shops, quirky artefacts and a recreation of the world war one trenches. But upstairs, the West Ham display is all the work of Rick, the son of the owner. Rick is a season ticket holder at the London Stadium and used to go to matches as a boy with his godfather, Bert Willis, who worked in the bars and the boot room at the Boleyn Ground.

The Bygones exhibition contains an astonishing array of West Ham memorabilia, including the warm-up shirt worn by Pablo Fornals before the Europa Conference League Final and Lucas Paqueta's boots (which look more like slippers) from the same game. There's lots of 1975 FA Cup Final material including a collection from Mervyn Day. You can see the shirt worn by Bill Roberts in 1937-38. Trivia fans will know that Bill was Len Goulden's understudy. There's a signed Declan Rice shirt, a signed photo of Alan Stephenson taking on Denis Law and a 1976 Cup Winners' Cup Final shirt. If you're tired of Agatha Christie and Basil Fawlty in Torquay, then give Bygones a visit.

Signs of progress

Well, the interminable international break seems like a good time to assess the season so far after 11 games. Firstly, the sales have exceeded monetary expectations in getting around £200 million for Fernandes, Summerville, Potts and Diouf. The more excitable fans on social media wanted WHU to spend the lot on big names without taking into account the £100m plus loss in the last trading year. The big names were never going to come to the Championship and it's been more sensible to sign players who can do a job in this league. 

Let's take a look at the signings. At the back Joel Veltman is on the old side at 34 but experienced and Brighton don't sign many duds. He's looked steady and can play at full-ball or centre back, so a good addition on a free. Morato, on loan from Forest, has come in for Scarles recently. He's already scored and was certainly ready to stand up to Millwall's land of the giants and looks like he likes a scrap. He gets extra marks for the intimidating tattoos. On-loan Adama Boiro (the Black Country ballpoint) has only had a brief appearance as a sub and at present it's hard to see him displacing Scarles and Morato as left-back.

In midfield Arne Engels is improving all the time. He works tremendously hard and takes a fine dead ball. Hopefully we'll see goals soon as well. At £22m he should be ready for the Premier League if we can get there. Divine Mukasa would have been known to the coaches at West Ham having been poached by Man City and the evidence suggests he can go all the way. Witness that 30-yard strike against Wolves. He's a little inconsistent but the technical side of the game seems to come easily to him. And with Man City hopefully relegated to the National League might the Irons now be in with a chance of signing him when his loan ends?

Manor Solomon has proved he can be very effective at Championship level at Leeds and as a tricky winger who can score has solved the problem of how to replace Jimmy Summerville. Similarly Joel Piroe scored a lot of goals when Leeds won the Championship. Sometimes his control can look poor but he's already bagged three goals and he'll do damage at this level.

Edvin Austbo looks like he's too young to go in pubs but is an interesting addition at £10 million. The club appear to have actually done some scouting for this signing. He's affected games against Derby and Millwall when he's come on and looks a good alternative to Solomon on the left. Keiber Lamadrid only cost £1 million and is hard to judge after his few outings, though the suspicion is that he's not ready for the Championship.

So overall some good work by Nils Koppen and CEO Karim Varani in selling high and getting in  some reasonably shrewd signings. We've proved we can score a lot of goals this season (13 different scorers so far) but the defence remains a worry, with the Greek Bloke scoring lots from set-pieces but looking more unsure at the back without Axel Disasi. Credit to Max Kilman though for being consistent so far and perhaps turning around his West Ham career. 

SITTING ON DEFENCE

The side still lacks a natural defensive shield and you wonder if Tomas Soucek, soon to return, might provide this. He's not fast but he does a lot of defensive work in his own box heading fridges and being generally awkward. Another option might be some games for Soungoutou Magassa, who failed to engineer a move and is still at the club. But progress has certainly been made in the development of youngsters like Kante and Orford.

Another lesson is that we tend to win games when Pablo is in the side. He might not score much but he defends from the front and does a lot of unselfish work. He's the man who can create space for Castellanos and/or Piroe to score.

Ownership-wise Kretinsky is now in overall control though David Sullivan clings on, but at least he is being kept away from the transfer deals. With the Hammers sitting second things have definitely improved after a poor start. We've only lost once and the 6-0 hammering of Wrexham proves that when the side clicks we can beat anyone. Away draws need to be turned into victories though and the Millwall game was a warning about opponents always being up for it against the Hammers. Still, the side is starting to settle and it's a B+ so far. Come on you Irons!

Dinos saves Hammers in fiery dockers' derby

Millwall 2 West Ham 2

It's over to daughter Lola's gaff to watch this on her big screen. When Jarrod Bowen is clattered by Metcalfe after 14 seconds it sets the tone. Millwall steam into tackles and look very up for it, while West Ham never get going and lose out in all the duels. The Lions have two giants roughly the size of the Shard at centre back in Cooper and Taylor and we just can't cope with them with at set-pieces.

Millwall take the lead while Mavropanos is off the pitch for a minute after a knock on the head. The defence fails to deal with a long- throw-in, Hermansen makes a couple of brilliant saves but at the third attempt Taylor scores with Kilman and Engels slow to react. Sykes whacks a 40-yard screamer against the bar. Bowen is shackled by Sturge and Arconte is causing lots of problems on the left for Walker-Peters. Millwall bag a second just before half time as another Dykes long-throw causes chaos and Neghli beats Bowen in the six-yard box to whack it home.

Nuno takes decisive action at half time bringing on Pablo and Kante for Piroe and Walker-Peters.We go to three at the back which is brave. The pair make an immediate difference with their physicality as Millwall start to tire. Bowen has a shot parried and Kante almost gets the rebound. Then goalkeeper Marschall accuses Castellanos of spitting at him, though it's hard to see anything on the replay. Bowen gets in a fine cross and Pablo's header inspires a fine tip over from the keeper.

THE COLOSSUS OF COLD BLOW LANE

Suddenly West Ham look a different side. A lifeline arrives on 74 minutes as Pablo finds Kante who nets with a great low drive from outside the box. Bowen has a dribble and shot deflected wide. Sub Austbo fires in a vicious dipping shot that Marschall deflects for a corner. From the short corner Solomon beats his man and stands the ball up for Mavropanos to head home. The away end goes mental and Dinos celebrates as if he has a personal beef with Millwall having watched that 1977 Panorama on Harry the Dog and F Troop. They're not singing anymore, while the Greek Bloke is heading for full-on East London geezerdom.

It looks like West Ham can go on to win it until Kante hesitates kicking clear as the last man and is beaten by Lisbie. He has to make the quick decision to pull Lisbie back to prevent a likely goal and correctly gets a red card. West Ham survive the free kick and added time to take a point. 

A mixed bag this, a terrible first half and a spirited comeback in the second. Nuno is rightly angry at the first half performance while the game has also emphasised the value of Pablo, who stops teams playing out from defence. Still, we won't play another team as fired up as Millwall all season. In that context we'll take the point. Irons!