Hammers (just about) avoid cup hopes going for a Burton

Burton Albion 0 West Ham 1 (FA Cup)

Watching on TNT the game begins with a hole in the goal netting being repaired with a piece of blue string and a plane flying overhead with a "Sullivan and Brady out" message. That's about as entertaining as the game gets. Nuno has made ten changes from the Man United game and the Greek Bloke is named as captain, joining fellow legends Moore, Bonds, Rice and Bowen. None of us have ever doubted Dinos.

The Brewers have an early penalty appeal turned down after the Greek Bloke shoves Beasley. The Irons look passive against a determined Burton. Magassa and Kante don't get to grips with midfield, Lamadrid is peripheral and Traore only occasionally threatens. Burton have had six attempts on goal before Wilson finally gets a tame shot in. The match looks like a League One relegation struggle with Burton edging it.

The second half begins with West Ham stepping up the pace as the Greek Bloke has a header saved from a corner. We finally get a decent effort away as Callum Wilson hits an excellent half-volley that is topped over by Collins. Nuno brings on Potts, Summerville and Castellanos late on in an attempt to win it but the game drifts into extra-time.

Can West Ham pull off an upset and score? Mayers finds Summerville on the left. Jimmy cuts inside a defender and fires in a shot that is deflected into the top of the net. Phew. That's six goals for Jimmy now.

It's hopefully game over until Freddie Potts lunges into a late tackle. It's a rash challenge and under pressure from the Burton players the ref changes his decision from a yellow to a red card. Suspensions are not what we need.

Armor fires just wide for the Brewers while Summerville pounces on a loose pass and rolls it into the side netting when it seems easier to score. Disasi comes on to tighten up the backline. Late on Lofthouse shoots just past the post and Areola has to make a late parry as Burton almost take it to penalties.

Finally we're through. Our reserves haven't looked very good on this showing. Not many positives apart from the fact that Mavropanos and Kilman were pretty solid at the back, it's another clean sheet and youngsters like Kante will learn from this. Still, at least Dinos has a 100 per cent record as captain. The Cup Final breakfast round at Nigel's Kew Gardens gaff remains on (just).

Sesko breaks Hammers' hearts but still a decent point

West Ham United 1 Manchester United 1 

There's plenty of time to eat in the Best Meze Cafe before the 8.15pm kick -off. Matt and Lisa are here having enjoyed a visit to the brutalist bus station in Preston after the Burnley match. Strangely our halloumi mushrooms and falafel arrive on time, though the chips appear at the end of seven additional minutes. 

Inside the stadium we find Nigel, Big Sam and Big Sam's podcast mate. On a misty rainswept evening under the lights this feels like a proper fixture. United have won four in a row under ex-Hammer Michael Carrick and Nigel and myself agree we'd be happy with a point against a club in form and in the top four. Potts comes in for Wilson as Nuno strengthens the midfield. Encouragingly Disasi is able to play twice in four days after not starting all season.

Not too much happens in the first half. Bowen heads a cross wide and then Jimmy Summerville cuts inside and forces a save from Lammens. From a low corner Wan Bissaka has to clear Shaw's shot off the line. What is apparent is that the Irons are competing really well. Disasi and the Greek Bloke look solid at the back, Soucek is getting in tackles and Taty is chasing everything despite referee Simon Hooper ignoring the repeated manhandling of both Taty and later Callum Wilson.

Incredibly the Irons take the lead after 50 minutes. Diouf punts a long ball downfield. Bowen heads to Soucek, gets the ball back and races down the right wing. His low cross is expertly turned home by Soucek who has got in front of Shaw and wheels away doing his windmill celebration. Nigel says it's going to be a long second half. It's the hope we can't take. That's now 39 Premier League goals for the great survivor Tomas. Three managers have tried to drop him but the Czech keeps bouncing back. 

United look to have equalised when Casemiro gets between two defenders to head home, only to be ruled offside by an arm. Inspired by this the crowd really get behind the home side with chants of, "West Ham are massive!" going round the stadium. It's one of the best atmospheres since our European games, possibly helped by an extra 15 minutes in the pub.

Nuno brings on Wilson for Taty and then Magassa for Potts, while Carrick throws Sesko up front for United. Every thirty seconds on the clock seems to take forever. Fernandes messes up a promising free kick and some of West Ham's corners are poor too. But apart from a low shot from Sesko saved by Hermansen we seem to be holding on for an epic win.

FERGIE TIME

Seven minutes of Fergie Time is announced, which seems excessive. Nuno possibly tinkers too much by taking off Bowen and Summerville for Traore and Walker-Peters. West Ham have a great chance to make it two when Wilson breaks breaks from his own half only to have his shot blocked by Yoro when he could have passed to the unmarked Magassa. A minute later Magassa skips past Martinez to release Toure, whose shot is blocked again by Yoro.

West Ham have an escape when Zirkzee's header flicks just wide of the post. Surely we can now hold on for a morale-boosting three points that will see us go level with Forest? Only Mbuemo has worked hard and looked dangerous all game. Scarles, on for Diouf and not helped by Traore, doesn't get close enough to the United man who crosses into the box. Disasi is tight on Sesko but somehow the United striker manages to flick the ball up into the top corner with a great finish. Sod it. Disasi beats the ground in frustration.

"That's why we're going down!" declares Matt. Twenty points lost from winning positions. The Vicar's Son then launches into an existential howl of rage at Nuno's use of subs, Ollie Scarles for not closing down and the unfeeling nature of the cosmos, as Lisa checks out wellness retreats in San Francisco.

We retreat to Ye Olde Black Bull for a pint of Brixton Pale where TNT seems to be a Man United fan channel screening long interviews with Michael Carrick and Slabhead Maguire. Still, West Ham have played well tonight and the players can be proud of their performances. We're all deflated but at the end of the season a point against a top four side may well seem like a decent result. We go again and on tonight's form there's still some hope left. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Wan-Bissaka 7; Mavropanos 7, Disasi 6, Diouf 6 (Scarles 5); Soucek 8, Potts 6 (Magassa 7), Fernandes 7; Bowen 7 (Traore n/a), Castellanos 6 (Wilson 6), Summerville 7 (Walker-Peters n/a).

We've got Taty, we've got Taty Castellanos!

Burnley 0 West Ham 2 (two)

It's an early start for the 8.30pm train from Euston for this, followed by the local train from Preston to a rainswept Burnley. Nigel's Burnley-supporting pal David has secured us places in the 1862 lounge within the Bob Lord Stand. 

Matt and Lisa, up on a romantic mini-break, are sampling the Bene and Hot (Benedictine being introduced to Burnley by WW1 soldiers and it's now the club's official drink). We're joined by fellow Irons Big Joe, who has driven down from Shropshire, plus Nigel and CQ also enjoying a mini-break on the moors outside Colne.

After our pre-match curry and a pint of Wainwright Jeff the MC/compere takes the mic to read out the teams. Struggling on Konstantinos Mavropanos he hands the mic over to Nigel who reads out "number 15 Greek Bloke", raising a laugh and ensuring a contract offer from Big Joe. The only problem is we then have to watch the football. It's better than expected.

Nuno has surprised everyone by dropping Areola for Hermansen. It's a little unfair on the Fonz, though as a former goalkeeper perhaps Nuno is concerned by Areola's fallibility with crosses. Or maybe with the most goals conceded in the division he just thinks he has to try something different. Axel Disasi starts and Wilson replaces Pablo up front.

It's certainly a shock to be so close to the pitch and we get to see close-hand Jarrod Bowen's incredible work-rate. West Ham start with some determination as Bowen surges forward and Summerville appeals for a penalty. We look up for it and take the lead when Fernandes nicks the ball and surges from his own half. He plays in Summerville who does well to lift the ball over Dubravka to score his fifth goal in five games. 

Axel Disasi looks composed at the back considering he hasn't played since last season. He's a big unit and looks intimidating to play against, which is what we need. Meanwhile the West Ham fans have a new song to the tune of Lip Up Fatty by Bad Manners, "We've got Taty, we've got Taty, Castellanos!" Though perhaps our Argentine striker isn't that familiar with the works of Buster Bloodvessel. The fans' other new song is best not repeated.

It's Taty who gets the second. Summerville produces a clever flick to Diouf, who puts in a superb low swinging cross. Taty gets between his two markers to head home.The Burnley fans turn with boos and chants of "We want Parker out!" though Scotty does get a chorus of support from the away fans.

Edwards shoots narrowly wide and Burnley miss a good chance at the back post but at the interval it's 2-0. What could possibly go right? After the break Burnley come at us for ten minutes. It's encouraging to see Disasi, Dinos and Wan-Bissaka celebrating some crunching tackles and blocks. Hermansen, after a slightly nervy start, makes a good save from Flemming and starts to gather crosses with confidence.

Nuno makes the change he should have done at Chelsea, replacing Wilson with Potts, who steadies the midfield. The home fans chant "You're not fit to wear the shirt!" at sub Bruun Larsen which can't help anyone at Turf Moor, though Hannibal gives it a good go in midfield. West Ham threaten on the break as Summerville nicks the ball past Walker and plays the ball just too far in front of Taty. Bowen should make it three when he breaks only to try and cross to Jimmy when he should shoot.

Pablo comes on and inspires a chant of "If Pablo scores we're on the pitch!", while Scarles does well after replacing Diouf. Amazingly we keep a clean sheet and see the game out without too much trouble. Burnley have been poor, but we still had to beat then and that's now four wins out of five, counting the FA Cup. 

I celebrate with Bene and Hot in the 1862 Lounge before racing across Burnley to get the tiny  train to Preston. Even a tree on the line and a 70-minute delay to Euston isn't that bad after an away win as a group of rather drunk West Ham fans sing the Taty and Christian Dailly songs long into the night. Man United will be a much more difficult game but we're starting to find some form. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 7; Wan-Bissaka 7, Disasi 7, Mavropanos 7, Diouf 7 (Scarles 7); Soucek 7, Fernandes 8; Bowen 8 (Walker-Peters n/a), Wilson 7 (Potts 7), Castellanos 7 (Pablo 6), Summerville 9 (Traore n/a).

Hammers try Axel grease to fix defensive malfunctions

West Ham certainly left it late on deadline day to loan 27-year-old Axel Disasi from Chelsea, relying on a deal sheet with the transfer not being confirmed until after 9pm. Still, at least the fax machine must have been working. Disasi was in the Chelsea "bomb squad" (where he might have met Danny Welbeck's dad, Stan) so could have been signed much earlier, which indicates he wasn't the club's first option and took some persuading to join. 

He's the first West Ham player to be called Axel, and not to be confused with Guns N' Roses' Axl Rose, who at 63 might be a little old for defensive duties. His full name is pretty impressive, being Axel Wilson Arthur Disasi Mhankinis Belho.

Axel is undoubtedly a good defender who cost Chelsea £38 million. He had a good career in France at Reims and Monaco (99 games) before signing for Chelsea. In his first season of 2023-24 he scored on his debut against Liverpool and played 44 times under Mauricio Pochetinno, including playing 120 minutes in the Carabao Cup Final defeat to Liverpool. He also got on late for France in their World Cup Final defeat to Argentina at the 2024 Qatar World Cup. So after the departure of Guido Rodriguez West Ham again have a World Cup winner on the books.

He played 17 times for Chelsea last season before falling victim to Chelsea's bloated squad system and being loaned to Aston Villa, where he played ten times including three times in the Champions League. Unai Emery doesn't sign too many duds.

The big worry though is that he hasn't played at all this season so how long will it take him to get match fit? It seems unlikely that he will play at Burnley but might get a run-out at Burton. Though a half-fit Disasi might be more effective than Max Kilman and the Greek Bloke after Saturday's collapse at Chelsea.

So a mixed transfer window ends. Castellanos and Pablo arrived for £47m to provide some pressing up front and made an immediate difference to the side's energy, while Traore isn't too much of a gamble at an initial £1m. Lamadrid is one for the future. The squad has been trimmed with Paqueta (little choice but to sell here), Rodriguez, Irvine and Guilherme leaving (we did well to get £14m) and Ward-Prowse, Fullkrug, Earthy and Marshall being loaned out. But with the worst defence in the league we've only signed Disasi for the back line. Whether this proves successful will be known in May.

Hammers lose two-goal lead in Chelsea collapse

Chelsea 3 West Ham 2

It's off too the lucky-ish pub of the Floirin with Matt and Lisa for this 5.30pm kick-off. Chelsea have rested several key players after Europe and West Ham start confidently after three wins in a row as Taty gets a couple of shots away. 

Wan-Bissaka is getting lots of space on the right and after seven minutes he finds Jarrod Bowen. Pablo goes for the captain's cross, doesn't connect, and confuses Sanchez so much that the ball drifts in. We almost choke on our Guinnesses and reflect that it's a long time to hold a lead.

But the Irons are playing some incisive stuff. Another good move sees Castellanos fire into keeper from close range. Incredibly it's two on 36 minutes as Wan-Bissaka pulls back and Jimmy Summerville thumps home a lovely first-time finish from the edge of the box. Thats four in four for the winger. Two-nil up at half-time and Chelsea booed off — what could possibly go wrong?

Well, substitutes for one thing. Chelsea have already brought on Neto and at the break bring on Joao Pedro, Cucurella and Fofana. Even so West Ham nearly make it three as Fernandes fires a long-range effort at the keeper and then Castellanos pokes narrowly wide.

What we don't want to do is give Chelsea a lifeline as Fofana races from the centre circle unchallenged to cross. Joao Pedro has got behind Mavropanos to head home. West Ham are pressed back and Areola has to make a fine save from Caicedo's piledriver.

Chelsea look much sharper this half. The Irons are still ahead on 67 minutes as Nuno makes the baffling decision of taking off Pablo for Max Kilman and going to five at the back. That's inviting Chelsea to pile on more pressure. It would have been far more sensible to strengthen the midfield with Potts or Magassa or to bring on Traore for his pace. Nuno just doesn't seem to realise that this team can't defend.

Three minutes after Kilman comes on Neto crosses from the left, Gusto heads towards goal, Kilman tries to clear but heads against his own bar and Cucurella reacts quickest to head home the rebound.

It's pretty constant Chelsea pressure at 2-2 but the Irons have a chance to win it as Summerville does well to win a free-kick. Soucek crosses low and Todibo strikes the outside of the post from close range when he should score.

Nuno's late subs are strange too, taking off our best player Bowen for Traore and replacing Diouf with Scarles, who struggles against Neto. But somehow it's still 2-2 on 92 minutes. Then Palmer finds Joao Pedro who is allowed to cross to Fernandez, who slipping between three defenders, strokes home and does an annoying shirt-twirling celebration.

West Ham lose it after that. After winning a corner Traore is goaded by Cucurella and Joao Pedro and reacts very aggressively. A melee ensues and Todibo grabs Joao Pedro round the neck. VAR results in an inevitable red card. That's incredibly stupid and means our best defender misses the next three games. Areola is up but the corner is cleared and West Ham collapse to defeat.

That's 92 minutes of hope followed by nine minutes of absolute despair, which rather sums up our season. We think of the 3-2 defeat at Wigan after being 2-0 up. WHU can think up ever more inventive ways of losing. It's all starting to look very Avram Grant-ish as Matt bemoans the failures of Loppy, Potter and "Nuno Dispirito Santo". Short of being named in the Epstein files it can't get much worse. While the Floirin has definitely lost its lucky-ish tag.

Chelsea have played well and bought on four quality subs, but this was our chance to keep the run going. Lisa tries to cheer up Matt by taking him to see the Canary Wharf light show, though all the bulbs may well fuse after 92 minutes.

Teams that can't hold on to two-goal leads tend to get relegated as do teams that can't defend and suffer needless red cards. The Hammers played really well for one half but unless we can sign a defender we look doomed.

Just sold my Paqueta

So Lucas Paqueta has finally been sold to Flamengo for £35.5 million. Getting rid of him seems the best option for everyone after his reported refusal to play against QPR and subsequent back injury. The club issued a very cutting statement thanking, "our management, players, staff and loyal supporters for the unwavering and devoted support they have shown to Lucas throughout his time at the Club and, in particular, over the past two and a half years." The only person they didn't thank was Lucas Paqueta.

On his day Paqueta could be brilliant, but his form was sadly affected by the FA's two-year inquiry into allegations he deliberately got booked, before they eventually found him innocent. No doubt this did affect his mental health. But Lucas owed us a decent season after the club stood by him and did have some good games away to Forest and Brighton and at home to Newcastle. But his form was erratic and he absolutely failed to read the room on the day West Ham mourned Billy Bonds against Liverpool. His sending off for two bookings for dissent was ridiculously petulant and made it all about him. 

Paqueta would always produce some wonderful moments of close control, but then he would also give away the ball in dangerous areas and refs had tired of his falling over to gain free-kicks. The evidence of the last three wins was that the team looked a lot more united without him. Nuno did his best to flatter Lucas's ego and restored him immediately after his suspension. Initially he wanted to take him on loan for the rest of the season after he was sold, but Lucas clearly wasn't up for that.

Still, we'll always have the memory of his early form and that pass to Bowen in Prague. The other issue is of course what to with all those fans who sold their car to Lucas Paqueta. My pal Matt is still waiting for the money for his Austin Allegro...

Traore arrives, Rodriguez, Igor and JWP depart

So Adama Traore has finally arrived from Fulham for £2 million. We've got him cheap because he's 30 and out of contract at the end of the season, and for all his speed and power he's not produced enough end product. But the signing makes sense in many ways. Adama is tremendously fast with a good shot, which is an area the Hammers have been lacking. A former Spanish international, he can play on the right or left wing and so can deputise for both Summerville and Bowen or be used as a sub late in games. On his day he can be unplayable and in a relegation struggle he just needs to make the difference in a few games.

It was Nuno who got the best out of Traore at Wolves with 157 appearances and ten goals. He has plenty of experience having played for Barcelona, Aston Villa, Middlesbrough, Wolves and Fulham. Traore also has arms like tree trunks and with all that bulk and speed you wonder if he might do an Antonio and be converted to a muscular striker.

On the exit front Guido Rodriguez has gone to Valencia for a small fee, saving £75k a week in wages and bringing our quotient of World Cup-winners to nought. Guido never really looked fast or mobile enough to play in the Premier League but should do well in Spain. He actually had a pretty good game when he started at Brighton and remained a good pro throughout his time on the bench and his occasional cameos.

Meanwhile Igor has been returned to sender at Brighton having only started once at Bournemouth and James Ward-Prowse is set to join Burnley on loan. He'll inevitably score a free-kick on his debut. JWP's exile from even the bench by Nuno remains strange, though WHU do have younger faster midfield options in Fernandes, Potts and Magassa. However, we'll look a bit silly if his set-pieces keep Burnley up.

Lucas Paqueta is likely to leave soon and loan deals are rumoured for Spurs keeper Kinsky and Chelsea's Axel Disasi so there should be plenty more action before the window closes.