Late double secures win at Turf Moor

Burnley 1 West Ham 2

We're getting to an away match thanks to Nigel's old university chum David, a Burnley fan living in Brighton, who has acquired tickets for Burnley's 1882 Lounge. 

It's an early start to catch the 8.30am train from Euston accompanied by The Gav. We change at Preston and discover that it's a rail replacement bus service (four of the most dreaded words in the English language) to Burnley. This takes us on a scenic tour through Blackburn and Accrington before we finally find Burnley nestling among the hills of northern England. It's a slow walk across the town centre and down Harry Potts Way to the main stand.

Here we meet Big Joe who has hot-footed it from a comedy gig in Leeds and the rest of the Irons gang, Nigel, Carolyn, Matt and Lisa who have been staying at a hotel in Kelbrook (where Edward Woodward stayed when filming The Wicker Man), along with the West Ham social media team, plus Michael who is enthusing about the cultural attractions of Burnley after a night in the Premier Inn. 

PASS THE BENEDICTINE

The 1882 Lounge has a series of circular tables with white table-cloths, a pay bar, curry for a tenner and free programmes. And it's much warmer than the concourse. Everyone is very friendly and our compere is a man with a Bill Bailey haircut and a Peter Kay accent. Matt and Lisa are knocking back the pre-match Benedictine. Burnley's links to Benedictine go back to world war one when soldiers from the Accrington Pals regiment developed a taste for it in France. Gavin and myself opt for pints of Wainwright, named after the famous fell-walker from Blackburn. The Gav then has to use all his charm with a waitress to secure a promise of possible pies at half-time.

We're all having a nice time in the warmth when a football match intervenes. We've got excellent seats right on the half way line and it's strange to be so close to the action. You feel you could easily run on to the pitch and mis-time a pass in the fashion of the Hammers. Fraser must be gutted to be missing a close-up view of David Moyes prowling his technical area.

West Ham never get going in a poor first half and the exertions of the international break have left the team looking jaded and lacking Bowen and Antonio. "Cum on Burnlee!" chant the home fans, sensing a first home win. The lively Koleosha works Areola and Rodriguez just fails to connect with an inviting cross. Late on there's a VAR penalty appeal after Coufal makes contact with the flying Koleosha, though thankfully it's deemed no foul. West Ham's final ball is awry and Ings is making no impression up front, admittedly with little service.

We retreat back to the 1882 Lounge at half-time where miraculously two pies have appeared for Gavin, which we take up to him in the stand. Just as we're taking our seats West Ham concede the obligatory goal after the break as Burnley are awarded a penalty. Koleosha has again dribbled into the box and the ref rules that Kudus has brought him down, though there's scarcely any contact. It's never a penalty, but Rodriguez duly converts. This calls for drastic measures, as Nigel eats his lucky banana. 

Burnley are now winning all the fifty-fifty balls, with Berge prominent, and this is surely going to be their first home win of the season. "Oh Divin Mubama!" sing the away fans. Moyes acts more quickly than usual, bringing on Mubama and Benrahma after 62 minutes. 

Burnley can't quite kill off the game, even though Zouma is obviously limping. Areola has to produce a fine low save from Amdouni's shot and then Burnley put a free header over the bar from the resulting corner. 

The subs make a difference for West Ham. Benrahma provides some width and Mubama puts himself about a bit as the main striker. It looks like we will huff and puff without scoring. Zouma has a header at the keeper, Paqueta fires an effort over and Beni sends a curler just wide. But even Ward-Prowse's corners are being cleared. 

FINALLY SOME KUDUS FOR HAMMERS

It doesn't look good after 88 minutes, though perhaps it's Nigel's lucky banana or Gavin's lucky pies, but suddenly Mohammed Kudus sparks into life. Faced with four defenders he brilliantly weaves his way past them to cross for a combination of Divin Mubama and Dara O'Shea to deflect the ball into the net. Mubama celebrates as if it's his goal, but it has come off Divin's knee on to O'Shea and into the net. 

At this stage we'll be grateful for a point. But Moyes' side has resilience even when playing badly, and the lads sense a winner in added time. Ward-Prowse's corner is cleared and the ball recycled to Mo Kudus on the right. He cuts inside Berge to waft in an inviting cross. Soucek has lost Jay Rodriguez and Tomas volleys in a fine winner. That's Soucek's sixth goal of the season already.

EUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM

"Champions of Europe we know what we are!" sing the West Ham fans as the Burnley faithful fire invective at their defence. The Clarets have now lost all seven home matches. We've been a bit lucky to get all three points today, but it's a talent to grind out results like this. 

After a post-match cup of tea in the 1882 Lounge we leave Michael to continue to sample the nightlife of the Premier Inn, Joe to return to Shropshire and the others to retreat to their hotel in the hills. 

Gavin and myself head off to the freezing Burnley Manchester Road station, where no rail replacement buses to Preston turn up. A forlorn Gavin sits on a road sign as we experience a Godot-like wait in left behind Britain. The West Ham fans sing a song about Burnley that uses similar language to James Cleverly on Stockton. 

The train company people have scarpered and the police say it's nothing to do with them. Eventually a Travel-line official arrives and says two buses have broken down and a replacement is coming from Leeds. After more than an hour waiting we give up and take a £35 cab to Preston where we make the last train to Euston. My away day has lasted from 8.30am to 11.30pm, but still, it's been worth a long day's journey into night to see an away game and a late smash and grab. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7: Coufal 6, Zouma 6, Aguerd 7, Emerson 5; Alvarez 5 (Benrahma 6), Ward-Prowse 5, Paqueta 5, Soucek 7; Kudus 8, Ings 4 (Mubama 7).

Antonio woe

Well, international duty went well. Antonio is out for two to three weeks, Jarrod Bowen left England duty with an unspecified knee injury and Vladimir Coufal was sent home by the Czech Republic after being pictured in a nightclub on the eve of a game. You suspect Vlad might have got a taste for clubbing after the lads' night out in Prague on June 7; he plays a bit like a Seventies footballer and it's a reassuringly Seventies-style misdemeanour, at least.

There are also rumours Kudus has a knock from playing for Ghana, so we could be well short up front at Burnley. I'd stick in Divin Mubama who deserves a chance and bring on former Claret Danny Ings in the second half to offer him some support. We know Ings can't play the solo striker role but he might yet prosper alongside a target man. Burnley have a terrible home record and WHU have to find a way of being ruthless, injuries or not.

King James

At last James Ward-Prowse is getting some appreciation. Enjoyed this tweet by Henry Winter: "James Ward-Prowse. Cost: £30m. Return: 9 assists, 2 goals in 15 games for #WHUFC. So far. And he brings so much more than dead-ball wizardry; also work ethic, quiet leadership and passing. Low maintenance, high yield." That seems to sum him up perfectly.

While in the Guardian Jonathan Liew wrote a whole column on JWP, wondering just what it is that makes him the Jonny Wilkinson of dead balls. No-one is quite sure what his technique is, but it seems to be working. And at £30million he has to be one of the bargains of the season.

No doubting Tomas in Hammers comeback win

West Ham 3 Nottingham Forest 2

My pre-match organisation is as haphazard as West Ham's defence, with daughter Nell waiting at Block H and myself loitering outside Hackney Wick station. But a late dash to the London Stadium sees us meet up, along with Fraser, Michael, Matt and Lisa. Nigel is away at Liverpool versus Brentford, having paid an arm and a leg to go on a groundhopping expedition with legendary 'hopper Reg. 

Matt helpfully points out that if West Ham lose today David Moyes will have the record for most defeats as a Premier League manager, beating one Harry Redknapp.  

After the Remembrance Day silence and The Last Post the game begins. West Ham take the lead in the third minute as Dominguez's pass deflects off his own man into the path of Lucas Paqueta, just outside the area. Lucas strides on to confidently place the ball into the corner and do some Strictly-style gyrations before buying a few used motors. Matt is quick to discover that this is West Ham's quickest goal since November 2020.

But Forest look a better team than last season and start to gain possession. Toffolo crosses and Areola has to produce a fantastic one-handed save to deny Awoiniyi. West Ham have a chance to make it two when good work by Kudus and Ward-Prowse sees the Hammers break at speed. But Kudus's pass is slightly underhit and Paqueta's effort is straight at the keeper.

The equaliser, predictably enough, arrives just before the interval. Soucek and Kudos aren't strong enough in a midfield tussle and Gibbs-White is released by a fine-through ball having got beyond Emerson. The Forest man's shot is well-saved by Areola, but he can only palm it out for Awoniyi to tap home.

At half-time we realise that we are without Nigel and his lucky banana, which surprisingly makes little difference to the game. Matt takes a straw poll of predictions. Lisa and myself go for 2-1 to the Hammers, Nell opts for 3-1, while pessimists Matt and Michael predict a 2-1 home defeat. 

The second half begins with some Hammers attacks and also another Forest break, as Elenga sets up Awoniyi for a good chance that he slices wide. Forest take the lead when Aina gets down the right and cuts back for Elanga to lose Coufal and fire into the corner. He celebrates by whipping off his short and GPS Vest in front of the Forest fans and gets a yellow card. 

Elanga may well regret his premature celebration as 123 seconds later the Irons win a corner. Ward-Prowse delivers again and Jarrod Bowen gets between two defenders to rise really well and head home. Game back on.

Moyes takes off Alvarez for Antonio, just to confirm to Fraser that he is a gung-ho gaffer. Kudus is looking tired and playing too deep, but Soucek has a storming last half hour. A bad back-header allows him to nip in and volley against the bar when he should probably score. Then another deep free kick from Ward-Prowse sees him get his head to the ball only to be thwarted by a superb save from Vlachodimos. 

BOUNCING SOUCEK

West Ham win endless corners as the crowd gets behind the Hammers after a quiet first half. The game appears to be drifting towards an entertaining 2-2 draw until the 88th minute when Bowen wins a corner. Ward-Prowse swings in another precision ball to the danger area. Soucek gets between two defenders to send a header firmly into the net and wheels away like a man who has just won a year's supply of Czech potato salad.

There's still time for good control from Chris Wood to set up fellow sub Origi for a shot that Areola tips over the bar as the Hammers see out a nervy seven minutes of added time, with Moyes bringing on Ogbonna and Cresswell to waste time. But the Irons hold on for a much-needed win and move up to ninth place. Absolutely always in doubt.

We head off to the Eagle where Michael muses on the homo-erotic undertones in the anniversary screening of The Tomorrow People he's just seen and Chelsea and Man City trade eight goals on the TV. 

So it's a welcome win before the international break. Not an entirely convincing performance, but the excellence of James Ward-Prowse's delivery (17 dead-ball assists from 2020-2021 onwards), Bowen's goal glut and the renaissance of Soucek as a penalty box threat provide something to build on.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7; Coufal 5, Zouma 6, Aguerd 6, Emerson 5; Alvarez 6 (Antonio 5), Ward-Prowse 8, Paqueta 7 (Cresswell n/a), Soucek 8; Kudus 6 (Ogbonna n/a), Bowen 7. 

Just sold my VAR to Lucas Paqueta!

West Ham 1 Olympiakos 0 (Europa League)

Tonight we dine not in Hell, but in the Best Meze Grill. Matt and Lisa have been there since 5.30pm having come straight from William Morris's gaff at Walthamstow. They are sipping the finest wines known to humanity and hoping to see some arts and crafts on the pitch. Matt quotes William Morris' aphorism, "Have nothing in your house you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful", which he feels exemplifies David Moyes' philosophy. 

After dining on mushrooms and halloumi, falafel and chips we head off to the London Stadium where we meet Nigel, carrying a huge sausage, Fraser and Big Sam. Michael is away with his folios.The away end is bouncing and displaying banners which are all Greek to us, making for a good atmosphere. 

It's basically a full-strength Hammers side, minus Zouma and Areola. Mo Kudos is lively early on and gets big cheers for some mazy dribbling, though then picks up a sully booking for shouting at a linesman. Benrahma fires an early shot wide when he should have played in Paqueta, but then Beni, after being found by Paqueta, forces a flying save from Paschalis with a good curling effort. 

Aguerd meets a Ward-Prowse corner only to head at the keeper and Benrahma works an angle to test Paschalis again. But the sides look quite evenly matched and the Hammers struggle to break down the deep defence of the Greek side as Aguerd sends another header wide.

At half-time we discover that Nigel has returned to a fruitless house and has no lucky banana with him, which could mean disaster. The second half sees Podence slice wide and West Ham huff and puff as the crowd demand substitutions. When Bowen does really well to get down the left and cross Ward-Prowse slightly scuffs his shot allowing the keeper to save. 

SUPER LUCAS

"Why can't he control it?" The tension is too much for the Vicar's Son who berates a series of players as Lisa plans a healing trip to San Francisco. On 72 minutes Ward-Prowse cleverly chips over the defence for Paqueta to volley home. The linesman flags instantly and we all think it is obviously offside. But VAR intervenes and it turns out Lucas has timed his run perfectly. He celebrates right in front of the Olympiakos fans. Matt says he's always loved VAR.

There's a scare with five minutes to go as from a corner Camara heads against the post, but otherwise the Hammers hold on fairly comfortably. That leaves the Irons on nine points and top of the group, though Freiburg also have nine points. It's been quite an enjoyable game with the positives including another assist for Ward-Prowse, who has certainly put in an unsung shift for the team. Dinos has been solid at the back after his aberration at Brentford and Alvarez had a much-improved second half.

We head off to the Olde Black Bull, which has a table reserved for "Mad Irish Steve" and Brixton Pale Ale at the bar. Nigel reveals that he's going to Liverpool on Sunday to help his pal Reg complete his 92 league clubs, which sparks a discussion of obscure grounds where we've seen West Ham play - I can throw Hartlepool, Shrewsbury, Rotherham and Gillingham into the mix. 

Overall it's been another good European night and that's nine successive home wins in Europe now. But next up is Forest and it's important to get something from that. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 6, Mavropanos 7, Aguerd 6, Emerson 6; Alvarez 7 (Soucek 6), Ward-Prowse 8, Paqueta 8, Benrahma 6 (Cornet n/a); Bowen 6, Kudus 7 (Mubama n/a). 

Half-time hangovers

The Guardian's Jacob Steinberg speaks for a lot of fans when he asks, "What exactly does David Moyes say to his players at half-time?" Steinberg points out that after the second-half collapse at Brentford West Ham have "conceded seven goals during the first 20 minutes of the second half this season" and that this feels like a structural fault. The exception was against Arsenal, when the side started the second half strongly for once. If Moyes is telling the players to hold on to what they have then they aren't doing it very well and his caution is counter-productive. Could it be a fitness issue? Or a problem with the collective mindset with the players unable to sustain impetus after the break? Whatever the problem Moyes has to solve it or he will once more be under pressure at West Ham.

Defensive errors cost the Irons

Brentford 3 West Ham 2

It's nailed on that Neal Maupay will end his goal drought against West Ham. The defence misses several chances to clear as the Bees swing cross after cross into the box. Soucek can only head the ball back into the danger area and Maupay heads home for his first goal in 14 months. His last goal came against West Ham too. 

The response from the Hammers is good though. Antonio crosses and Kudus performs a brilliant bicycle kick to level the score with a stunning effort. The Hammers go ahead when Benrahma plays in an enticing cross, Kudus pokes it against the post and Bowen scores the rebound, to create a new record of scoring in six away games in a row. 

It should be 3-1 when neat play from Kudus and Bowen sees Jarrod cross into the box and Antonio get in the way of Benrahma to shoot wide when Said had a tap-in. Benrahma looks exasperated. There's a warning before the break as Brentford come back and Mbuemo shoots just wide.

I'm feeling quite optimistic while getting the scores on my mobile at the Mildmay Club in Stoke Newington, where my pub quiz pal Adrian Whittaker is launching his book Be Glad on the Incredible String Band and lots of old folkies have arrived to play songs from the Sixties. The answer to West Ham's defensive malaise is blowing in the wind, however.

After the break Aguerd concedes a needless corner with a heavy touch. The first corner is cleared but Mbuemo then swings in a dangerous cross. Areola doesn't come for it and Mavropanos, trying to head it over the bar, can only head past Areola in Dowie-esque fashion. Fornals and Ings come on but on 69 minutes the Hammers concede from a long throw. Jensen gets in another fine cross and Collins rises above Aguerd and Coufal to head home. 

The best the Hammers can produce in response is an effort over the bar from Fornals. All that's left is to commiserate with Big Joe who was at the Bus Stop in Hounslow. That's five wins out of five for Brentford against us in the Premier League. At least Moyes sounds annoyed and says that as a player he would have been "disgusted" with himself for not dealing better with the goals.  

Yes, West Ham missed Zouma, Paqueta and Alvarez and played in midweek, but they have to do better than this. Moyes' side has conceded 20 goals so far and should have far more points from the number of goals scored. Aguerd, for all his quality, is making too many errors, Mavropanos is still raw, Areola needs to be more assertive and the full-backs need to concentrate on defending. Dramatic improvement is needed.

You should have stayed with a big club!

West Ham 3 Arsenal 1 (Carabao Cup)

It's the Declan Rice derby with another unusual kick-off time of 7.30pm. Lots of fans seem to have problems with their tickets and there are big delays for the Best Cafe contingent with Mystic Matt missing the first 17 minutes. Nigel, CQ and Fraser make up our number. Ward-Prowse, Zouma and Antonio are rested by the Hammers, while Arsenal play a side of squad players though with plenty of big names like Trossard, Jorginho, Havertz and Nketiah.

"Declan Rice he left 'cos you're shit!" chant the Gunners' fans. The home crowd respond with:"We know what we are... Champions of Europe!" The Arsenal fans have forgotten about our new signing Schadenfreude. 

Fabianski has to tip over a header from Havertz early on. But there's a feeling we can win this under the lights. A fine ball from Alvarez to Kudus sees Arsenal concede a corner. Bowen whips it in and Ben White rises brilliantly to head it in. It's probably best not to dye your hair peroxide blonde if you're going to score an own goal like that. 

Mavroponos starts impressively and makes a great surging run from his own half to win a corner. Trossard crosses for Nketiah to chip over but generally West Ham contain Arsenal well. The Gunners make a lot of passes without really penetrating the Irons defence.

At half-time we enjoy our 1-0 lead and implore Nigel not to eat his lucky banana or indeed his lucky apple as things are going well. Unusually the Hammers come out strongly after the break. Paqueta finds Bowen with a great disguised pass and Jarrod's shot is palmed away by Ramsdale.  

Four minutes into the second half Nayef Aguerd plays a sweeping long ball into the box. Kudus takes a great first touch to beat Zinchenko and with his left foot fires through the legs of Gabriel and into the corner. He turns his back to the crowd and points to his name on his shirt. Now that was quality.

"West Ham are massive!" reverberates round the stadium as Arsenal bring on someone called Declan Rice. He's greeted with mainly cheers and some boos. It's three when Coufal, who has had a storming game, races down the line to cross. Ben White heads out and Bowen fires it back into the net via a slight deflection. That's one goal and an assist for White on his Hammers debut.

Declan Rice is regaled with choruses of "You should have signed for a big club!" though "You should have stayed with a big club!" might be more appropriate. The only worry is that there are 30 minutes left as Arsenal bring on Odegaard, Saka, Martinelli and Tomiyasu. But West Ham see the game out comfortably as Kudus has another good effort deflected wide for a corner. Huge gaps open up in the away end where the part-timers have left.

It's in the 96th minute when Odegaard scores a consolation with the last kick of the game. Mavropanos defends with his hands behind his back again which annoys Matt, but we'll take 3-1. It's very West Ham to lose to Everton and beat Arsenal. Declan gives the West Ham fans a wave at the end which is a nice touch. Maybe he wants to come home.

We meet Big Sam and walk in the rain to the Eagle, which is celebrating its new landlady. There's East London Pale Ale in the fridge and joy in the air as Nigel tells us about seeing two teams with an 'x' in their name (Felixstowe versus Wroxham) and we watch Newcastle thrash Man United on the TV. Then comes the draw for the quarter-finals. We want Port Vale at home but get Liverpool away. 

West Ham never seem to have much luck in the draws for the domestic cups. But still, we've inflicted Arsenal's first defeat of the season. This was so much better than the Everton game. Bowen and Kudus were lively up front, Paqueta was creative throughout, and Alvarez and Soucek mopped up everything in front of the defence. Benrahma was quiet on the left but we looked better balanced overall with Lucas in the middle. Now we need to take this form into the Brentford match. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 7, Mavropanos 7, Aguerd 7, Emerson 7; Soucek 6, Alvarez 7, Paqueta 7, Benrahma 6 (Ward-Prowse n/a); Kudus 8 (Kehrer n/a), Bowen 8.