More hard times at the Etihad

Manchester City 4 West Ham 1 

We're at the Dickens Museum in Doughty Street while this is played, without any Great Expectations of a result and fearing more Hard Times. It's been A Tale of Two Cities for Pep Guardiola this season, but West Ham are currently a good side to regain your confidence against. 

At least a forward line with Summerville on the left, Fullkrug in the middle and Kudus on the right looks better balanced. Watching the highlights on Match of the Day West Ham have two great early chances. A neat back heel from Fullkrug frees Summerville who plays in Kudus for a sight of goal. His first touch is slightly heavy and Mo ends up hitting the side netting instead of scoring. Next a neat passing move sees Kudus cross for Soucek to scuff a great chance.

It all goes wrong after ten minutes though as Savinho's cross takes a rather lucky deflection off Vladimir Coufal into Areola's net. West Ham still have their chances at 1-0 down. Summerville tackles a dawdling Akanji and would be clear, only for the ref to spot a mystery foul. Kudus has another good break but shoots rather than passes, while Areola has to save well from Rico Lewis.

But as ever the Irons concede at a bad time, just before the break. Savinhio bamboozles Coufal and his fine cross sees Areola race into no-man's land and the ball go over his head to Haaland for a simple headed goal.

Todibo goes off injured to be replaced by the Greek Bloke and West Ham are 3-0 down soon after the break. Savinho is given too much space to play in Our Mutual Friend Erling Haaland, who slaloms past Kilman and scores with a brilliant chipped finish over Areola. It's 4-0 after 58 minutes. The Irons try to play it out from the back and Kudus's loose ball to Alvarez is gathered by De Bruyne, who sets up Foden for an easy goal. 

At least the Irons keep going. We pull one back when Soucek's low cross is turned in by the left foot of Fullkrug. The big German then chests the ball to Summerville only for Crysencio to slip as he volleys. Late on Paqueta's snap shot grazes the post. 

Looking at the stats West Ham have had 17 shots to City's ten but still ended up losing 4-1. There's been some signs of promise, such as the influence of Fullkrug and the times we got behind the City defence, but the defence has still looked porous and the bottom line is Lopetegui isn't winning matches. It's a Bleak House at the moment and we can't even call on A Christmas Carroll as he's in France. We really need to get a result in the FA Cup at Villa to save the season as Loppy is left hoping in Micawber-esque style that something will turn up.

Can West Ham pull of a shock against City?

It's a little disrespectful the way pundits such as Gary Neville reacted to Man City beating Spurs  by insisting City had won the league already. Yes, Kurt and Oggy, combined age 900 or so, up against De Bruyne and Haaland is a little worrying and we might play like we are in Florida already. But West Ham are a gloriously unpredictable team. We might lose 5-0 or pull of a shock. With players like Bowen, Kudus and Paqueta in the side there's always scope for something special. It could even be time for JWP to finally score a free-kick.

West Ham owe it to the integrity of the league to put in a decent performance, while there's also the incentive of it being Moyes' last game and the players helping their old skipper Declan Rice get a medal. City's relentlessness is now boring and even if it means a London rival winning the league so be it. And I'm sure my old mate Dan has got a bet on the Hammers to win or draw at some pretty impressive odds.

Depleted Hammers succumb to slick City

Manchester City 3 West Ham 0

It's the worst possible preparation for this one with the news that Zouma is probably out for the season and Rice, Soucek and Aguerd have succumbed to a bug in the Hammers camp. Still, the revamped Irons side give a decent defensive performance in the first half. 

Fabianski has to make a smart save from Mahrez and Rodri hits the post after a give and go with Haaland. But Ogbonna has been getting his head on everything and Flynn Downes has bern solid enough as the only defensive midfielder. On the left Paqueta and Emerson have combined well at times. West Ham even nearly score when Bowen gets away down the right and fires at Ortega when a cross to Emerson might have seen a tap-in.

But with so much possession City's pressure tells in the second half. Downes gives away a foul in a bad area and from the free kick Ake heads home, with Ogbonna having played the City strikers onside by getting back too early. Coufal goes off with a pulled hamstring and the Hammers bring on Ben Johnson. 

It's two when sub Ings plays a poor ball. Grealish breaks and plays through Haaland, who beats Fabianski with a delicate chip for his record-breaking 35th goal of the PL season. On this form he'd probably get in our team. If only City had a decent manager like Big Sam, who is apparently better than Guardiola.

A deflected strike from Foden makes it 3-0. Late on at least Paqueta gets through to have a shot parried by Ortega. It's no disgrace to lose at the Champions-elect but we now have an injury and illness crisis and need to get something from the last four games. Man United are not as good as City and a point or more on Sunday would do the job.

Snow points at Man City

Manchester City 2 West Ham 1

Rather annoyingly this wasn't on TV, so had to listen on Radio 5 instead. Moyes rested Bowen and brought in Masuaku, a move  criticised by some, but it's surely understandable that the gaffer might decide Jarrod needs a break with two home games in a week coming up.

West Ham started well, with Antonio turning Dias and crossing for Benrahma, who failed to control a good chance. Then Michail broke through on the other flank and was foiled by Ederson.

As the snow came down City's passing game kicked in. Walker shot wide, Mahrez had a goal correctly disallowed and then Laporte headed just past the post. City's opener came after Mahrez found too much space on the right and Gundogan stroked home his cross. The marking could certainly have been tighter. Ben Johnson had to make a great clearance off the line before the break as a blizzard ensued and the ball was making tracks in the deep snow.

It looked like the game might be postponed, but a great effort from the City's ground staff saw the pitch swept clear of snow during an extended interval. After that City continued to press with Fabianski having a fine game and Cresswell injuring his back as he collided with the post while clearing off the line.

Once Bowen came on the Irons did pose more of a threat with Rice testing Ederson with a long-range effort. It was sub Fernadinho who sealed the points though with a drive from the edge of the box late on, his first league goal in three years.

There was still time for Lanzini to score an incredible goal from the edge of the box with the last kick. A shame for Manuel that it didn't earn any points as it was every bit as good as his screamer at Tottenham. If he could do that more regularly then surely he'd get more games.

So it's two defeats in a row but not a time to panic. It should be remembered that this City side beat Paris St Germain in midweek and that we kept the game close. They are one of the richest clubs in the world while we only have one striker. What's more worrying is that Antonio has only scored one goal in seven league games and we want him back firing (though he did get two for Jamaica). We need to get a win against Brighton on Wednesday, a team that hasn't won in eight games, though they've drawn six, and then do something special against Chelsea.

Unlucky to lose at City

Manchester City 2 West Ham 1

Another good performance at City and despite defeat a definite sign of progress. West Ham's organisation largely contains City for half an hour and stand-in keeper Randolph (Fabianski has had his arm trodden on in training, possibly by Julian Dicks, suggests Matt) doesn't have a shot to save. Ben Johnson looks a little overawed and loses the ball a few times, but it's a sound team performance. At the other end Antonio causes panic in the box jumping with Ederson and Lingard's shot is blocked by Stones. 

City take the lead as De Bruyne plays in a superb left foot diagonal cross and Diop has lost Dias for a second. Randolph gets a hand to it but can't keep the defender's header out. West Ham respond in heartening fashion. After good work from Coufal and Lingard on the right, Fornals misses Jesse's cross but Antonio swivels to strike the outside of the post. He's slightly scuffed it and on another day that would have been in the net.

Grizzled Czech Vladimir Coufal is having another great game. Fornals plays in the rampaging wing-back who crosses for Lingard to fire across goal and Antonio to poke home. A deserved equaliser just before the interval.

The Hammers again give a good account of the themselves in the second half, though Ranoplph pulls a thigh muscle taking a goal kick, which is worrying. City's second arrives as a corner is repulsed only for the ball to be recycled to Mahrez who takes on Johnson and pulls back for Stones to fire home. 

De Bruyne breaks past an exposed Diop to fire across the Hammers' box. But the Irons are threatening too. In the fourth minute of added time Lingard plays in a fine cross ands Diop gets his angles wrong and heads a great chance across goal rather than in. 

We've actually played better than in the match against Spurs. City might be tired after Europe but they can still bring on players like Foden and Jesus. They have the Son of God on the bench and we have the son of Alvin Martin. Against the Champions-elect, a team that has now won 20 in a row, this has to go down as a very decent performance.

Limp Hammers slump to another defeat

Manchester City 2 West Ham 0

Watched this one round at my mate Robert's house, where at least the TV definition was good, if not the team. With five at the back it was clear Moyes had come hoping for a draw or to at least keep down WHU's goal difference.

Early on Jesus dawdles on a chance allowing Fredericks to clear and then Ogbonna is lucky to escape conceding a penalty after grabbing Aguero by his privates. When West Ham do win an early corner they waste it. The Irons sit back and don't press City at all, which results in a training ground game of attack versus defence. Soucek is being bypassed and obviously hasn't faced anything like City before.

There's some hope after half an hour with the game still goalless. But then after a routine corner Rodri flicks on a header that glides past Fabianski. Had there been a man on the post he would have cleared it — it's still baffling why teams don't do this for corners. Fabianski keeps it down to one. Late on the lonely Antonio fires an inviting cross across the box only neither Rice or Snodgrass has gambled to get on the end of it. 

After the interval Rice makes a great early run from his own half to get in a cross but it's an isolated effort. The game is over when Cresswell is turned by Silva and De Bruyne beats Fabianski at his near post — an effort the keeper should have stopped. Fredericks goes off with a nasty-looking shoulder injury and sub Zabaleta is applauded by both sets of fans. 

The rest of the game is embarrassing for West Ham's lack of ambition as Fabianski prevents a third from Jesus. Bowen gets ten minutes at the end but it's bizarre of Moyes not to use a third substitute when Anderson, Lanzini and Haller are all on the bench. And where was Fornals? 

Yes, City are a great side and it's a relief not to get a tonking, but another way of improving our goal difference would have been to pull a goal back. The only slight positive was that Ogbonna and Diop were generally solid. We have to start Bowen alongside a striker and restore Anderson to the side. If West Ham remain this unambitious then we will be going down. The only good part of the evening was switching channels to watch Spurs lose at home to Red Bull...

City game back on: Hammers make WSC cover

So much for the winter break. The Man City versus West Ham match is now back on for next Wednesday. Sterling is out, but we now have to play City and Liverpool away in succession. Still, I predict Bowen will tear City apart and then we'll start the inevitable Liverpool collapse by winning at Anfield… possibly. Meanwhile my pal Matt points out that for the first time in living memory West Ham have made the cover of When Saturday Comes. Truly the next level.

Nice work Storm Ciara

Well, a great result at the Etihad. Thanks to the weather this might do West Ham some good psychologically. Had WHU lost to both City and Liverpool heads might have dropped even further. But now no-one expects us to get anything at Anfield so who knows what might happen, and then comes a winnable home game against Southampton. While the City match will now have to played in the midst of a fixture backlog for the Mancunians and Moyes gets a decent spell on the training ground with the squad teaching them how to defend. Good work, Ciara.

Fighting Hammers go down to late Silva winner

Manchester City 2 West Ham1

It's off to the Stapleton Tavern with Matt and Lisa in the hope that it's a lucky pub, as I saw West Ham win at Man City at this very boozer back in 2015-16. We arrive anticipating a drubbing but the first half is a pleasant surprise. A down to the bare bones West Ham defend with character. The recalled Fernandes is having a decent game, Adrian looks solid and the Irons even threaten with the odd attack, Antonio firing over after Kouyate flicks on a corner and Lanzini shooting into the side-netting. Adrian makes an excellent save tipping over Silva's deflected shot. Incredibly we take the lead just before half time as a short corner is crossed by Cresswell and Ogbonna gets a run on Otamendi to steer home a header. 

We know City are going to come at West Ham in the second half so require more session IPA. Kouyate has gone off with what looks like yet another WHU muscle injury. Adrian distinguishes himself with several fine saves and you think it might be one of those great away days. But City are always patient and after one attack is repulsed the second phase sees a hard low cross bundled in by Otamendi. At 1-1 Antonio stings the palms of Ederson with a great shot from distance. It looks like the Hammers might hold on for a morale-boosting point until the 83rd minute. Declan Rice has had a really good game, but switches off for a second as he's caught between Aguero and Silva. De Bruyne's ball is expertly stroked home by Silva.

Antonio is kept on too long and limps off again, but then West Ham nearly equalise. Just as Matt is about to shout at sub Arnautovic, he does really well to outmuscle his full back and pull back a great cross for Sakho. If Diafra hits the target it's a goal but he fires past the post. 

So it's another loss and 13 wins on the spin for City. But some positives here. West Ham looked difficult to beat, Ogbonna had a much better game and the side looked more confident with Adrian in goal. Moyes will have learned a lot from this, but now we have to stop playing decently and losing and get some points, whoever the opposition.

Sterling appreciates as Hammers lose at City

Manchester City 3 West Ham 1 

Watched this one at the Wellington at Waterloo with Fraser, Matt, Lisa and latterly Michael the Thespian, hotfoot from a matinee. Matt and Lisa have been looking at conceptual art at the Tate and are wondering if West Ham really exist while the City fans agree that we're not really here.

City should be three or four up at half-time as their tiki-taka stuff bypasses West Ham's five man defence. Playing three centre backs doesn't work as it just leaves more space for City's runners from midfield. We go a goal down early on as Nolito gets free of Antonio on the left and crosses for the unmarked Sterling to stroke home. City double their lead from a free kick as Fernandinho is left unmarked to head in. De Bruyne misses a gaping goal and Masuaku is lucky to avoid a second booking. West Ham's best effort in the first half results from Noble's through ball to Antonio and then Fletcher heading over from Tore's cross.

West Ham improve after the break as Byram comes on for Tore and Antonio plays further up the pitch. We unexpectedly pull a goal back as Masuaku does really well to beat his man and get in a cross and Antonio rises above Clichy at the back post to head home.WHU threaten to sneak an equaliser by forcing several corners and Aguero is very fortunate the ref doesn't spot his elbow into Reid's throat. But City always threaten on the break and seconds after Nasri hits the post Sterling produces a clever finish in added time to make it a deserved 3-1 to the impressive City. But at least we showed some spirit in the second half.

Last season we got a point at Chelsea and won at City, so minus Payet we've gone backwards in our first two away games, though Chelsea and City have both improved. Best news of the day is that Big Sam has called up Antonio to the England squad. A two-week break beckons and a chance to integrate Zazu and get some players back.

We're not really here!

Manchester City 1 West Ham 2 (two!)

After an afternoon at Rainham Marshes we manage to get the overground to Crouch Hill and I watch the first half from the Stapleton Tavern, which serves a nice pint of Black IPA.

Astonishingly West Ham go ahead after six minutes. We're playing calm possession football and a great 14-man passing move sees the ball come to Moses. He's given too much space on the edge of the box and fizzes a low drive into the corner. Maybe Hart should have done a little better, but still a great strike from Victor. So it looks like the usual routine win at a top five side. Or does it? Aguero rounds Adrian but shoots wide.

HE SCORES WHEN HE WANTS…
Meanwhile I'm receiving text updates from the Wellington pub, where train robber Buster Edwards used to drink. Matt, Lisa, Fraser, Gavin and Michael are gathered hoping to see West Ham pull off a similar heist. After hand an hour we gain a corner, with City claiming, incorrectly that the ball hadn't fully crossed the line. Reid wins a header from the corner, Obiang does well to keep the ball alive and it rebounds to Sakho who prods home from close range. OMG. We nearly make it three when a superb tackle from Mangala denies Sakho in the box.

Her Indoors has booked us tickets for a 7.30 performance of Lady Anna All At Sea at the Park Theatre. Matt texts to ask if I'll be above to see the end, and I reply that I might have to leave a few minutes before the whistle when the score is the usual 3-0.

All we need to do is not concede before halftime. Only we've reckoned without Aguero finding De Bruyne and the £55m signing powering a low shot home. Matt texts to say that my over-confident text has jinxed us. Though he's forgetting that this is a new form of West Ham where the old rules don't apply.

WINSTON NEVER SURRENDERS
For the second half I move to the World's End and endure a long 45 minutes as City play well and dominate. But Winston Reid is absolutely immense, winning numerous tackles and making more clearances than any other Premier League defender this season. Bilic and the new signings have improved the side, but let's also credit Sam Allardyce for the improvement in Reid; he looked a liability under Avram Grant, but Allardyce saw his potential and helped him became the player he now is.

Adrian has an inspired game in goal and the pick of his saves are a one-on-one with Aguero and a tip over the bar from Otamendi's header. Tomkins isn't far behind in heroics and Jenkinson bravely lunges into tackles even though he's been injured. City are a bit unlucky too, when Toure's shot goes just past the post. West Ham create a couple of rare chances, with Payet finding Sakho who fires wide and Jelavic almost connects late on.

In the dying minutes Payet has a long-range effort saved, but it's then relentless City pressure at the Council House. I have to leave two minutes into added time to get to the theatre knowing that City will surely equalise, but telling myself that a point will still be a good result. But as I take my seat in the gallery the incredible news comes through that we've held out. 

Never in doubt. You wait decades for wins at Arsenal, Liverpool and Man City and then three come along at once. If only I'd had a bet…  "This can't be happening…" texts my old pal Mark. We go second! What a start, what a season so far.

A stroll in the sun for City

Manchester City 2 West Ham 0

Any team on a bad run of two wins in eight will always end it against West Ham. So no surprise about the result at the Etihad.

Luckily I’m on a train to Waterbeach while the game is live on TV, so have to rely on the MOTD highlights. A free kick just wide from Kolarov indicates the early pressure from City. City’s breakthrough is a classic own goal from James Collins. Jesus Navas (hang on, isn’t Jesus Andy Carroll?) wins a header against Cresswell and fires in a cross towards James Collins. The defender has to get something on it, but from 18 yards out slices the ball up in the air and in off the bar like a Ginger Pele, only at the wrong end. 

It’s not quite as good as Iain Dowie’s own goal at Stockport, but it’s up there with the all-time greats. It’s a freak goal of course, and typical of the luck of a team that’s been struggling since Christmas. 

JESUS LAYS ON THE CROSS

West Ham then have a chance as Valencia does well to dispossess Demichelis and plays in Cole. But Hart has come off his line quickly and blocks Carlton’s effort on the edge of the box.

City then get a second from a West Ham free kick. Cresswell’s punt into the box is cleared and Downing picks up the ball on the right, trying to play a square ball to Song. Toure nips in to win the ball and City break at speed with Navas and Aguero exchanging passes for a classy second.

My main fear at half-time is that it will be a thrashing. At least we keep it down to 2-0 and it becomes almost too easy for City. Silva has to go off after a nasty clash with Kouyate's elbow, though it looks unintentional and more a result of their contrast in heights. West Ham, with Nolan on for Cole and Jarvis replacing Song, create three late chances. Nolan finds Jarvis on the left and he produces a good cut back only for Downing to take too long with his shot. Valencia then produces a great dribble from the left, beating two City defenders and flashing the ball across goal, with Nolan just failing to prod it in. Finally a suicidal backpass from Jesus Navas presents Nolan with a one-on-one, but again Hart is out quickly to block what should have been a goal. So a little hope in our late rally.

SORT IT OUT SULLIVAN

But Big Sam is worryingly deflated after the game and Jason Roberts makes some good points on Match of the Day about the uncertainly of the managerial situation causing some players to drop their performance levels by ten per cent. If so then that’s a disgrace, but as a former pro Roberts presumably knows how footballers react. The media won’t let this situation go away and surely it’s time for the chairmen to either say Sam is going or give him a new contract.

Meanwhile it’s now two wins, six draws and eight defeats in the 16 league games since Christmas. That run has included Chelsea and Arsenal home and away and difficult games against Man City, Man United, Liverpool, Southampton and Spurs. But even so, it’s extremely worrying. The next two matches are against strugglers QPR and Burnley, and if we don’t play with 100 per cent commitment we’ll lose.

Obliging opponents for the Champions

Manchester City 2 West Ham 0

We're in Homerton for a house-warming and it's into the Adam and Eve with host Matthew, who's meant to be out shopping, to see West Ham win the league for either City or Liverpool. My WHU pal Matt texts early to say that he and Lisa are at Platt Lane for the Under 18 play-off, before moving on to the National Football Museum and then the match. His ideal day.

The Hackney-brewed Railway Porter is very palatable in the Adam and Eve, though there's a bizarre dispute in the pub as it starts with Liverpool v Newcastle, only for various groups off West Ham and City fans to harangue the bar staff and get it changed to the City game after five minutes. West Ham are playing in a horrible new kit that looks like a navy blue t-shirt and go into familiar containment mode. Adrian makes a fine save from Zabaleta and we defend reasonably well, until Nasri is allowed to shoot from distance. Adrian is a little slow getting down to it and it's 1-0 to City. City hit the post before the break.

The game is settled soon after half-time when Dzeko turns and finds Kompany who pokes home following a City corner, West Ham are obliging opponents against an admittedly multi-talented side. Taylor has a shot wide and Carroll fluffs his one half chance in a colourless performance. Aguero misses a sitter for City and Adrian makes a decent block with his feet, Carlton Cole and Joe Cole come on and the inevitable soon happens.

There's a massive pitch invasion and Matt texts "I know it is a big deal beating a team with Joey O'Brien and Carlton Cole in it, but this is a bit over the top!"

We've finished 13th which is better than expected at Christmas, but ended with a whimper in this game. The players can put on their flip-flops, while the fans wait for clarity on the managerial situation. An interesting summer awaits. Meanwhile thanks to Lisa for the pics of Citeh's big day:

Six and the City

Manchester City 6 West Ham 0 (Capital One Cup)

Fraser, Matt, Lisa and myself are gathered in the Lucky Pub in the West End. We’ve decided that even if West Ham get tonked it can still retain its status as the Lucky Pub as we won’t technically lose the semi-final until the end of the second leg.

West Ham actually force a couple of early corners, which we aim straight at Pantilimon, before it reverts to ceaseless City pressure. City’s first comes from a long ball from the half way line on 12 minutes. Negredo has got between McCartney and O’Brien and expertly volleys home. Great finish but much too simple a goal to concede. Soon it’s 2-0 as Dzeko and Negredo combine for another crisp Negredo finish into the top corner.

SODDEN MANCHESTER

Big Sam has his hood over his head and isn’t even bothering to stand up and brave the rain on the touchline. His body language isn't inspiring. We can’t get near the City players. Toure effortlessly swots our midfielders away, goes off injured, but then returns to run from the halfway line. Hapless Roger Johnson backs off and retreats so far he’s almost in Oldham before Toure fires home. I’m not sure we’re going to get four in the second half.

“Can we sack Allardyce at half-time, it will only take 15 minutes,” ponders Fraser.

It doesn’t improve in the second half. The ineffective Maiga is replaced by Carlton Cole. On 49 minutes Negredo completes his hat-trick after Silva’s shot is blocked. Diarra replaces Noble who hasn’t looked fully fit.

“I think the referee might score at this rate,” suggests Fraser.

WE WANT OUR WEST HAM BACK

Full-backs Demel and McCartney are looking terribly slow against a quality attack. It’s five when Dzeko shoots home from Silva’s cross. Only a couple of brilliant saves from Adrian keep the score down. And poor Matt is having to watch the game sober as he’s about to work the night shift.

The good-humoured West Ham fans turn on Allardyce and chant, “we want our West Ham back!”

Inevitably City get six when Dzeko scores again with a great finish from Kolarov’s cross. It’s Oldham and the Valentine’s Day Massacre all over again. City have been brilliant, but we haven’t even begun to give them a game. 

LUCKY TO GET NIL

On this evidence Allardyce looks as if he has lost the players as well as the fans. He’s been unlucky with injuries, but there seems a lack of basic passing ability and fighting spirit at City. Diame has gone backwards, Downing fluffed what crosses he had, Joe Cole didn’t get into the game, Maiga didn’t close defenders down and Taylor is nothing like the player he once was at Portsmouth, while the defence was cut apart. And on top of this our captain isn’t there because of a stupid sending off. Defeat at Cardiff will surely mean that Big Sam is fired.

Nigel texts to say that CQ is very disappointed, as she had already got the eggs and bacon in for our cup final breakfast in Kew.

The pub juke box plays Rhythm of the Rain by The Cascades, the first record Fraser ever bought, and it seems rather apt on a night of sodden desperation in Manchester. Wonder if we’ll get our £45 tickets refunded for the second leg now? Nurse, the screens…

City end West Ham's unbeaten run

Manchester City 2 West Ham 1

The game hasn’t inspired the locals to turn out in the Worlds End pub in Stroud Green at 12.45pm. We have a choice of numerous empty tables, but Matt and Lisa are there and the Black Rock ale is good.

It’s good to see the 23^rd minute marked with applause for Marc-Vivien Foe, who died ten years ago. Not too much happens in the first half hour. Carroll gets in a decent cross with no one on the end of it. West Ham have a corner and Diame has a good hit saved by Hart. Aguero hits the post after a rather fortunate rebound reaches him inside the box.

City take the lead after 28 minutes as Toure, Silva and Nasri play a series of intricate and unchallenged one-twos and find Aguero in the box, who taps home. A quality goal, but Reid should have been tighter. A couple of minutes later Jaaskelainen makes a decent double stop to deny Nasri and Zabaleta.

We actually have quite a lot of the game in the second half, but don’t create many chances. City should score a third when Nasri misses an inviting cross, while West Ham’s best chance is a Collins snapshot wide after Jarvis’s effort is blocked.

Carlton Cole, Matt Taylor and Jack Collison all come on. The game is settled on 83 minutes when Yaya Toure fires him an unstoppable effort into the top corner from the edge of the area.

“Carlton Cole is leaving it late to get his hat-trick,” muses Matt. But Andy Carroll does connect well with Gary O’Neil’s cross and Hart has to stop to turn away his header, injuring himself in the process.

The Hammers gain a consolation in the fourth minute of injury time when Carroll chests down Demel’s cross and fires in a shot that gores straight through Joe Hart. It’s his seventh goal for the Irons — a decent return from 21 appearances.

Oh well. Bit of an end-of-season feel to the game, but at least we gave them a game and getting something at the former champions was always going to be difficult. If we can get some points from Newcastle and Reading then hopefully we can overtake Swansea into ninth place.

Manchester, so much to answer for…

Manchester City 2 West Ham 1

We watch this one at the Sheephaven Bay in Camden as Matt and Lisa are participating in the Camden Crawl.

Not sure if they plan to view the Lemonheads later, but there’s few lemonheads in our defence. After ten minutes we have no-one on the edge of the box at a corner and De Jong fires in from distance for his first City goal. Another player breaks his duck against the Irons. It’s the spot where presumably Parker or Noble might have been patrolling had they been fit.

Gabbidon (replacing the on-loan Bridge who isn’t allowed to play) is out of position at left back and is easily beaten for speed by Johnson and Kolarov. When Gabbs fails to keep goalside of a simple run by Kolarov, the City full back fires towards goal and Jacobsen turns the ball into his own net. It looks like a 6-0 thrashing is on the way. Another pint of Landlord please…

Bizarrely, City ease off and we come into it after a disastrous start. Spector plays in Keane with a great through ball, but the on-loan Spurs man dallies failing to either shoot quickly or round the keeper and Hart makes a block. Lisa wonders if Harry has sent Keane to destabalise us and ensure he gets to sign Scott Parker.

On 33 minutes we gain a corner. It’s cleared to Hitzlsperger who crosses for Keane to nod on. Lescott handles and while everyone else appeals, Demba Ba plays to the whistle and scores. Come on you Irons! It’s not the despair I can’t take, etc…

Da Costa has a header comfortably saved by Hart in the second half but we don’t really take the game to City. Stroppy Balotelli hits the bar and has one off the line while Green foils Silva. We don't look as if we're fighting for our lives.

DODGY DOSSIER
There’s an apt cameo as Grant drops his notes and they flap around the pitch like Kate and Wills’ confetti. The stylish Mancini looks on in bemusement as Bela Lugosi/Uncle Fester fumbles in the wind trying to catch his failed formulas.

We’ve shown some character to prevent a thrashing. After Upson went off with a dead leg Da Costa and the excellent Tomkins did well at the back, while Bridge returns next week.

But now we need seven, possibly nine points from the final three games. But maybe we deserve to go down: five defeats in five is relegation form.