Monday, March 23

Home alone Hammers

After Karren Brady's lapse, some good dignified statements in the last week from Mark Noble, David Moyes and England's Gareth Southgate on the need for togetherness amid the Covid-19 crisis. With the Premier League lockdown we're also seeing some glimpses into the lads' homes via social media. We've learned that Mark Noble is doing boxing with his Missus; Felipe Anderson has an apartment the size of a small runway and is good at dribbling past his Alsation; Lucasz Fabianski is doing sit-ups with his young son; Tomas Soucek's wife plays a good game of keepy-uppy and Michail Antonio is training hard at FIFA. In fact all our players look brilliant at home. Should football ever return, perhaps we should just put some sofas around the London Stadium pitch to persuade the lads that they are really in their front rooms.

Thursday, March 19

Another Brady own goal

There's an excellent Henry Winter piece in the Times taking issue with Karren Brady's Sun column in which she states that the season should be declared "null and void". This would of course conveniently end West Ham's relegation worries. It would be an absolute travesty if Liverpool, 25 points clear, were not awarded the title, and a way has to be found to finish the season, even if it's next autumn. I'd prefer West Ham to run the risk of relegation, rather than see Liverpool end up with nothing. Hammers fans care about fair play.

Sullivan and Gold should ban Brady from writing in the Sun as she's paid more than a million pounds a year by West Ham and the column has caused nothing but problems, most notably annoying the Leicester chairman so that he pulled out a loan deal for Islam Slimani and at one point even making a jibe about the signing of Robert Snodgrass being "not exactly a triumph." It's hard not to agree with Winter's conclusion that, "at a time when the situation confronting the country is one of such gravity, it is disgraceful that Brady could contemplate, let alone communicate such a shameless stance."

Friday, March 13

Game over, man

Well, with all the current panic it's a relief the Wolves and Spurs games are postponed. All elite football has been cancelled — and strangely enough that includes West Ham. The Premier League had very little choice but to act after Mikel Arteta and Callum Hudson-Odoi tested positive for coronavirus and three Leicester players went into isolation. And let's hope David Moyes is OK having gone into self-isolation after hugging Arteta at the end of Saturday's match at Arsenal. 

When the season does resume it will probably be behind closed doors and drag on into the summer. Mind you, the last time West Ham played behind closed doors we beat Castilla 5-1 in the Cup Winners Cup in 1981. We'll meet again... but don't know where, don't know when. Come on you Irons! 

Thursday, March 12

The Roeder relegation: going down with 42 points

Here's a guest post by Michael Lee who wrote this excellent summary of West Ham's epic 2002-03 relegation season on the Ball Watchers blog. Read it and weep… and let's hope it deosn't happen again.


A sliding doors moment is a popular term defined as a ‘tiny, seemingly inconsequential moment that can alter the trajectory of future events’. A 2019 survey claimed that 80% of British people have experienced one, although its very nature means we can only recognise one in hindsight.

For example, most of our friendships are made through circumstances out of our control, however much we would claim otherwise. Arrive at a destination five minutes before or after you intended and opportunities that seem pre-ordained would not exist. This would seemingly prove that human experience is fragile and largely reliant upon chance.

This applies equally to football, a sport overflowing with ‘what-if’ moments. What if Eric Cantona rejected a move to Manchester United to stay at Leeds? What if Harry Kane had squared to an unmarked Raheem Sterling against Croatia? What if Arsene Wenger had signed a fraction of the players he has subsequently claimed he was interested in?

Supporters of every club cling onto snapshots of time that insulate them against cold hearted reality. Better to believe that your team were a fraction away from glory than never in the running at all.

TOO GOOD TO GO DOWN
For supporters of West Ham United one season encapsulates the phenomenon. In 2002/03, the club were relegated from the Premier League with 42 points – a tally that has never since been matched by a relegated side in England’s top flight. The previous year an editorial in the magazine When Saturday Comes lamented the lack of ‘eyebrow-raising relegations’ in the first decade of the Premier League – West Ham's relegation saw numerous pairs of eyebrows requiring planning permission in a different postcode.

The Telegraph claimed that 42 points gave a team a 98.4% chance of survival, meaning West Ham's relegation was a two-in-one-hundred occurrence. This statistical anomaly saw one of the most talented squads in the club's history sold piece-by-piece, mostly to local rivals Chelsea and Tottenham.

The club has arguably never fully recovered and only fleetingly demonstrated the potential of this collection of players. This was a relegation more regrettable than scrolling through the Twitter account of Richard Keys.

However, warning signs first appeared with the sale of Rio Ferdinand to Leeds United in November 2000. Ferdinand had expressed no desire to leave but club chairman Terrance Brown, in the process of redeveloping Upton Park, felt unable to turn down Leeds’s £18 million offer.

Ferdinand’s transfer fee was then squandered by manager Harry Redknapp on a collection of inferior players and the club had slipped to 15th place by May 2001. When Redknapp met with Brown to ask for more transfer funds, he was told his services would no longer be required. One month later, Frank Lampard was sold to Chelsea for £11 million – a fee widely described as overpriced at the time.

West Ham’s shortlist for a new manager included highly tipped British prospects such as Steve McLaren, Alan Curbishley and Alex McLeish, a description that seems scarcely believable now. Instead, the club opted for youth coach Glenn Roeder to take over.

Castigated as a cost-cutting measure, the difference between Redknapp and Roeder was stark. Redknapp had built a team in his own boisterous image, full of enigmatic individuals, inconsistent defending and enough talent to beat anybody on their day. Roeder, while a respected coach, came across so wooden in comparison you would feel inclined to touch him for luck.

Nevertheless, Roeder managed to finish 7th in his first year in charge and expectations were high going into the 2002/03 season. Liverpool manager GĂ©rard Houllier tipped West Ham as an outside bet to qualify for the Champions League. The BBC predicted a repeat of the previous season’s position.

SELLING ENGLAND BY THE POUND
The starting line-up contained three members of England’s 2002 World Cup squad (David James, Joe Cole and Trevor Sinclair) while Jermaine Defoe and Michael Carrick were tipped as future England starters. Stalwarts such as Freddie Kanoute and Paolo Di Canio were highly coveted by other teams – Di Canio had rejected a move to Manchester United in January 2002.

While the signing of Gary Breen, who had impressed at the World Cup for Ireland, later became a portent of doom there was no real sense of what was to come.

In many ways, the first home game set the tone for the season. Champions Arsenal were undefeated in 2002, but after sixty minutes classy goals from Cole and Kanoute had put West Ham 2-0 ahead. Clive Tyldesley, commentating on the match for ITV highlights programme The Premiership, exclaimed that West Ham were playing ‘scintillating football’, outplaying the previous season’s double winners.

Despite Thierry Henry pulling a spectacular goal back for Arsenal, West Ham were quickly awarded a penalty after Joe Cole was tripped by namesake Ashley. Kanoute’s effort was hit with the power of a heavy smoker attempting to inflate a party balloon and was easily saved by David Seaman. The game finished 2-2 and West Ham did not win a league match at home until late January.

All the hallmarks of a relegation season soon became apparent. A miserable start despite a promising run of fixtures saw only three league wins before Christmas. The team conceded numerous decisive late goals alongside several hammerings. A lack of team spirit was evident, as was the constant inability to defend. Several players were accused of acting like ‘prima donnas’, none more so than Di Canio who publicly argued with Roeder when substituted at West Brom in February and was subsequently exiled from the squad.


IAN PEARCE UP FRONT
The club were badly affected by the newly introduced transfer window which saw them left with no fit strikers throughout the Christmas period. Roeder’s solution was to move centre back Ian Pearce up front – while Pearce scored two goals, West Ham conceded ten throughout a winless December.

The only consistency West Ham showed was effortlessly transporting their league form into a miserable 6-0 defeat at Manchester United in the FA Cup. Breen, the sole summer signing, played a starring role in the defeat at Old Trafford and became a byword for haplessness.

Alongside this was the belief, widely held throughout football, that the club had too much talent to be relegated – that West Ham were ‘too good to go down’. After a 3-0 home defeat to Liverpool in February, Guardian journalist Kevin McCarra noted that ‘there is a seeming calmness at Upton Park that masquerades deep paralysis’ as complacency took hold.

While other teams around them such as Bolton and West Brom were portrayed as limited scrappers, it still seemed scarcely believable that West Ham’s squad was struggling so badly. Therefore, the club failed to realise the jeopardy they were in. Home defeats to West Bromwich Albion, Birmingham City and Southampton were moments where Roeder would have been sacked in 2020. However, the board failed to take decisive action and publicly backed their manager. This decision would prove fatal.

Against the odds, West Ham found form in the final months of the season. January signings Les Ferdinand and Rufus Brevett plugged gaping holes in attack and defence, a teenage Glen Johnson emerged as a talented right back while underperforming players such as Sinclair and Kanoute finally performed to their abilities. The less said about the impact of another January addition, Lee Bowyer, the better.

BEATEN BY BIG SAM
The team went undefeated until a pivotal 1-0 defeat at relegation rivals Bolton Wanderers in mid-April – had West Ham managed to avoid defeat that day, Bolton would have been relegated in their place. Showing some of the fighting spirit painfully lacking earlier in the season, Cole ‘mistook the final whistle as the first bell of a boxing encounter’, invoking a mental image of a Cockney Scrappy Doo.

However, this was not the full story. After a home win over Middlesbrough on Easter Monday, Roeder collapsed in his office and was rushed to hospital. It later transpired that he had suffered a minor stroke and would be unable to manage the team for their final few matches. Suddenly, the pressures of a relegation battle were put into firm perspective. Club legend Trevor Brooking took over for the final matches of the season, with survival looking improbable.

Dramatically, Brooking came within an ace of achieving just that. Late winners away at Manchester City and at home to pre-Abramovich Chelsea meant West Ham went into the final match level on points with Bolton, albeit with a much worse goal difference. This meant that while the Hammers drew 2-2 at Birmingham, Bolton’s win over Middlesbrough ensured relegation after ten years in the top flight.

JUST RELEGATION FOR THE CLARET AND BLUE
This was a team talented enough to amass 23 points from the final 11 games – demonstrating the Champions League form Houllier had envisaged. Alternatively, this was also a team that mustered 6 points from 14 games during the winter, evidence of a capacity to perform well within their abilities.

With a typically glass eye for the sensitives of the supporters, chairman Brown mused that it was simply the club’s ‘turn’ to go down. Rubbing salt into already gaping wounds, ex-manager Redknapp was promoted to the Premiership with his new club Portsmouth.

The squad was quickly decimated. Defoe, who insists he was ill-advised by his agent, submitted a transfer request the day after relegation. While this was turned down, Defoe eventually left the following January for Tottenham after receiving three red cards in his half-season in Division One.

Johnson and Cole were sold to newly rich Chelsea, following Kanoute, Di Canio and Sinclair out of Upton Park. Within the next twelve months, James and Carrick had also departed. Through carelessness, mismanagement and incompetence West Ham had managed to sell off the ‘family silver’ – something Brown had promised would not happen. Never again has the playing squad had quite as much potential.

While all these players demonstrated their potential throughout the Premier League, amassing numerous honours, West Ham struggled in the second tier. Promotion was eventually achieved under Alan Pardew in 2005 with an almost entirely different squad, but the feeling of a lost opportunity permeated the club for years.

Future plans also had to be revised. West Ham had a verbal agreement with a striker from French club Guingamp to join in the event of the club’s survival. Instead, he chose to join Chelsea the following year. His name? Didier Drogba.

Alongside this, the club had to shelve plans to complete the redevelopment of Upton Park. Ambitions to rebuild the East Stand to create 42,000-seater stadium were abandoned due to the financial cost of relegation. If completed, it would have been the biggest club stadium in London at the time. Looking ahead, it could have ensured the club would never have moved to the Olympic Stadium in 2016.

Something else less tangible was also lost in 2003. Throughout the season, match reports were laced with praise for what West Ham stood for as an institution. McCarra praised the club’s ‘tasteful restraint and footballing ideals’. After an FA Cup win against Nottingham Forest, Guardian journalist Paul Weaver argued that ‘most football folk have a soft spot for West Ham, a palpably decent club with noble traditions’.

THE TABLE NEVER LIES?
However, this also created a culture of indulgence towards the club. During the relegation run-in, rivals Bolton were infuriated by media coverage that implied neutral supporters would prefer West Ham to survive in their place.

Before the final game of the season, numerous articles emphasised West Ham's history and traditions, coming across as simpering sentimentality. It should be noted that Bolton also demonstrated Champions League form in the run-in and deserved to survive.

In future years, in the wake of the Tevez saga, Gold and Sullivan’s ownership and the Olympic Stadium, West Ham are no longer respected by neutral supporters but widely seen as a laughing stock. In some ways, relegation saw the death of this image of West Ham United in wider footballing circles.

Ultimately, the old myth that the final table never lies holds true. While the squad had evident potential, they horrendously underperformed until it was too late. The team was underpinned by a generation of homegrown talent to rival Manchester United’s Class of ’92, as proven by their subsequent successes elsewhere. Relegation saw the squandering of these players, as well as shelved plans to redevelop Upton Park and the loss of West Ham’s idealistic reputation.

BBC writer Tom Fordyce said it best; ‘West Ham's was a relegation that should never have happened. Perversely, it was also richly deserved’. There is no other conclusion than that the mismanagement of the club proceeded to throw away a priceless opportunity to challenge the elite.

Wednesday, March 11

Apocalypse now?

Amid all the coronavirus panic, one fellow season ticket holder has just speculated that it would be the most West Ham relegation ever if the league was finished early with West Ham in the drop zone after the next three difficult games (Wolves, Spurs and Chelsea), but before the much more winnable games against the likes of Norwich, Newcastle, Villa and Watford. 

With the coronavirus situation it's more likely that games will be played behind closed doors, but that would bring its own problems. We've already been discussing how to recreate West Ham's home 'advantage', if you could call it that. We'd certainly require some pre-recorded crowd noise of Matt haranguing Arthur Masuaku, Fraser moaning at Moyes for only playing three strikers, Michael shouting Shakespearian insults, myself threatening to reduce some of the player's ratings to nine out of ten and the away fans chanting, "You sold your soul…" . While Nigel's lucky banana would have to be smuggled into the London Stadium and left on his seat.

Meanwhile the game against Wolves on Sunday is looking a little risky. Several Arsenal players are in self-isolation after meeting the Olympiakos owner Evangelos Marinakis, but those same players played against West Ham on Saturday. Meanwhile Sunday's opponents Wolves are playing at Olympiakos behind closed doors on Thursday. Latest statement from West Ham says the game is still on as planned. Let's hope our season isn't derailed by Plague, pestilence or the Four Horsemen of the Apocalpyse. Though knowing West Ham it probably will be…

Tuesday, March 10

Arsenal pub collapses

Enjoyed a pre-match drink in the Arsenal Tavern before Saturday's game. The next day the roof fell in, rather as it has on West Ham's season. Luckily no one seems to have been seriously hurt, but there's a mass of masonry and floorboards where I was sitting with my daughter and her friends. So a near escape and proof there are perhaps worse things than a relegation threat... such as a pub landing on your head. This would never have happened at the Central.

Saturday, March 7

A fine performance but no points at the Emirates

Arsenal 1 West Ham 0

A harsh lesson for West Ham as the Irons miss at least four great chances and Arsenal nick a late goal via VAR.

I'm among the home fans for this one after meeting daughter Lola and Gooner Michael in the Gunners Tavern for a swift half. Then it's down Drayton Park to the Library.

From the first minute when Bowen latches on to a loose pass from Xhaka and has a shot tipped on to the post, it's evident that Moyes has got his men up for this one. A great ball from Fornals sends Antonio clear down the right and a goal looks certain until Michail crosses behind Haller, who has mistimed his run. 

There's a flurry for Arsenal as Sokratis heads against the bar, but for all their possession it's the Hammers who are making chances. Noble sends Haller through only for the French striker's heavy touch to allow Leno to make a save. Then from a corner Diop heads back and Antonio hooks wide from right in front of goal. At half-time it's 0-0 but we should surely be ahead.

After the break the Irons continue to press. Diop makes a great last-ditch tackle, Bowen is working hard defensively and offensively, while Rice is winning tackles and Antonio's strength is causing problems. Ngakia looks really confident against the likes of Aubameyang. We know it's not West Ham's day when Antonio's header is clawed away by Leno. The West Ham man should have scored and could easily have had a hat-trick in this match. Then it's Bowen turn to go on a great run only to shoot too close to Leno.

Sure enough Arsenal score when a lucky deflection sees the ball spin to Ozil whose header is trucked away by sub Lacazette. It's instantly disallowed for offside, but after a millennium-long VAR wait the goal is given as Ogbonna was playing Ozil onside. 

There's still time for Haller's snap shot from a good ball by Bowen to be tipped away by Leno. One-nil to the bloody Arsenal.

Lola decides that she hates football and heads for the Bank of Friendship. Back home at Mayhem Corner a disconsolate Nigel arrives with groundhopper Reg and son Henry. The Vicar's Son wants Moyes sacked and predicts relegation. A little harsh as performances have improved greatly in the last three games and we could have had seven points rather than three from them. But as Moyes says, we can't keep reciting hard luck stories. We really should have got something  from this. Wolves becomes yet another must win game.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Ngakia 7, Diop 8, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 7; Noble 7 (Soucek n/a), Rice 7, Fornals 7 (Anderson n/a); Bowen 8 (Snodgrass n/a), Haller 6, Antonio 6.

Friday, March 6

Claret and blue rinse

Beat Coronavirus with the Hammers. Never mind singing Happy Birthday or God Save the Queen while you wash your hands, as Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg recommend. My pal Alison suggests that singing the chorus of I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles is just as good and will ensure that you wash your hands for the required 20 seconds. All quite apt, since West Ham fans first started singing Bubbles because a reserve team player looked like the boy in the poster for Pear's Soap.

Thursday, March 5

In praise of Jezza

An unexpected bonus of West Ham's struggle has been the emergence of Jeremy Ngakia. Few of us had heard of him before David Moyes plucked him from the Premier League 2 squad and now he just might have solved a problem position. What was encouraging about his first two matches against Liverpool was that he played without fear, even when up against Liverpool's Robertson, one of the best attacking full-backs in the game, plus Salah, Mane and Firmino. 

Jezza did well again against Southampton and what is becoming apparent is that with his ability to get forward he has added some speed to the side. Accompanied by the arrival of the pacy Bowen and the return to fitness of Antonio and suddenly the Hammers look like a side capable of breaking at speed. Jeremy showed a few signs of inexperience too, such as sometimes holding on to the ball too long, but generally he played with great maturity. 

We still don't know if he's able to cope with the final ten games, but his lack of nerves against Liverpool suggest he could. A new test will come at Arsenal, but it will be fascinating to see how he matures over the rest of the season.

Sunday, March 1

We've won at home!

West Ham 3 (three) Southampton 1

At the Clyde Best Cafe Matt and Lisa are enjoying a halloumi baguette and an omelette after discussing the early LPs of Pendragon, while Nigel is causing consternation by trying to pay with a Scottish ten pound note. 

We take Matt's 'short-cut' via the tower block and dodgy alleyway to the London Stadium, where we find that with Scott is Steve the Cornish Postie, up for his first game since Man United in order to bring us some luck. Alison is at home having just returned from a scouting mission in Jamaica.

The big news is that David Moyes is trying to further wind up Fraser by playing three strikers and making Ron Greenwood and Pellegrini look a tad defensive. After the earlier demo the crowd seem up for this one.

Bowen immediately looks pacy and Antonio finally appears to be back to full fitness, bullying his full back and beating the defence for speed. Haller looks a different player with two fast players alongside him and races forward to support the breaking Antonio. The move ends with Bowen tackled at the last by Ward-Prowse. 

JARROD MARCHES IN
West Ham take a deserved lead as Antonio and Haller press, Rice wins the loose ball to find Fornals and the Spaniard's through ball is dinked over the keeper by the sharp Bowen. He looks pretty pleased to score his first goal and with his energy must be a handful to play against.

Antonio makes another great run and cross but Haller's header is straight at the keeper. But all the worries reappear as with their first break Southampton score. Obafemi manages to loop a possibly mishit shot over Fabianski. Will it be a Brighton-style collapse?

The crowd stay with the Hammers and inspired by the indefatigable Rice the Irons keep going. Diop heads a corner wide when he should score. We get our reward as Antonio crosses, McCarthy only gets one hand to the cross and the giant Haller heads the ball out of his arms. He still has much to do but manages to stretch out a long leg and poke the ball home from an acute angle. Just the player we needed to score.

WAITING FOR THE GREAT LEAP YEAR FORWARDS
At half-time we're not confident though and Nigel is told in no uncertain terms not to eat his 'lucky' banana. The Saints fizz a series of crosses across West Ham's box at the start of the second half. But Moyes' policy is to play longer balls and catch Southampton on the break with our pace and it seems to be working. On 54 minutes Haller flicks on a goal kick, Fornals lobs over the defence and Antonio races through the Saints' defence to score the third.

Ings has come on for the Saints but the Irons, having lost 22 points from winning positions, finally get the job done. Meanwhile Haller is proving something of a revelation. His rabona plays through Antonio, only for McCarthy to save with his foot. Nigel attempts to get out his lucky banana with ten minutes to go only to be shouted at by our entire party. Eventually he gets to eat it after the final whistle.
Finally the 'lucky' banana emerges

We head off to the Refreshment Rooms walking behind a kid in a 'GSB Out' jacket. The mood is much happier, and surely Liverpool will thrash Watford later on. The absent Michael the Whovian asks if he is now banned and we agree that he must now self-isolate as the West Ham jinx.

Nigel suggests that we need a new routine of paying for lunch with a Scottish tenner, using Matt's 'short-cut' to Carpenters Road, no half-time lucky banana — oh, and Postman Steve has to be there. Plus we also need Matt and Lisa to travel to Somerset after the game, a top civil servant to resign on the morning of the match and the Prime Minister to announce another impending child. Not that we're superstitious.

With ten games left there is still much to do, but this performance offered hope. We're just out of the drop zone again. Fornals made two goals and the three strikers looked a real handful. Let's see what they can do against David Luiz and co next week. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Ngakia 7, Diop 6, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 6; Fornals 8 (Anderson n/a), Rice 8, Noble 7; Antonio 8, Haller 8, Bowen 8 (Snodgrass 6).