Back of the net!

Just watched the West Ham website's video of all the WHU goals of 2020. Technically Sebastian Haller's overhead kick against Palace is the best, followed by Antonio's overhead against City. Though in terms of timing and who it's against my favourite is Lanzini's screamer in added time against Mourinho's Spurs. Another goal with brilliant timing was Yarmolenko's late winner against Chelsea. While I also enjoyed Declan Rice's rocket against Watford and then his run to David Moyes. 

For a team goal it's hard to beat the second against Wolves where Antonio bulldozes down the left and crosses for Fornals to hit the post and Bowen to net the rebound. Best header is Soucek's bullet against Watford and best control is Fornals' goal against Leicester. And spare a thought for Robert Snodgrass who has got a couple of cracking goals in the Carabao Cup without getting a run in the side. While the best thing about watching the video is that seemingly no-one ever scores against us...

Stalemate at the Saints

Southampton 0 West Ham 0

An away point isn't too bad a result considering Moyes makes five changes at in-form Southampton. The Saints dominate early on and Ings has the ball in the net after skipping too easily past Dawson and Ogbonna, but it's correctly ruled out for offside. The Hammers come into it more with Fredericks fluffing a good headed chance after Yarmolenko's cross is headed back by Fornals. Just before the break Lanzini has the chance to turn in the box but fires over.

The Irons attack with more intensity in the second half as Dawson has a solid game at the back and the Saints are restricted to a long range effort from Walcott and a tame shot from Walker-Peters. Craig Dawson also gets to inadvertently kick Adams in the head after a chance at a corner, so an eventful debut.

Benrahma gets half an hour and his ease on the ball helps West Ham become a better attacking force, while late cameos from Antonio and Bowen, on for the one-paced Yarmolenko, see the Hammers looking much more mobile in attack. The best chances are when Soucek heads into the ground from a Cresswell free kick and late on when Benrahma has a close range shot saved by McCarthy's arm after a mix-up in the Southampton defence. 

A poor game and we've not won in four but with so many fixtures at the festive period it's another point on the board. The old West Ham might have lost against Palace, Brighton and Southampton, whereas the new West Ham have got points from average performances. Now comes a tricky away game at Everton but if Moyes can play his strongest side then there is hope of a result. 

Noble should now be a squad player

Mark Noble is a West Ham legend, but I just hope David Moyes doesn't make the mistake Big Sam did with Kevin Nolan, and keep playing Nobes when he's past his best. Mark will be 34 in January and should be used as an experienced sub who can be brought on towards the end of games to protect a result. He has more skill than most people realise and did well in an advanced role at Norwich in the 4-0 win last season, but playing him as essentially a number ten against Chelsea and Brighton just hasn't worked. 

If Noble is going to get games it should be as a central midfielder when Rice and Soucek need a rest. But the fact is Rice and Soucek have made the central midfield positions their own this season and have been a major factor in West Ham's decent start. If Fornals needed to be rested it would have made much more sense to start Lanzini or Benrahma in the advanced midfield role against Brighton. Moyes needs to stay positive and resist a return to negative tactics. He acknowledged he got his selection wrong against Brighton by taking Noble off at half-time. Mark will always be loved by West Ham fans but we now have to select the best players in their natural positions. 

Soucek saves point for jaded Hammers

West Ham 2 Brighton 2

The afternoon begins with a very negative team selection from Moyes. He reverts to five at the back bringing in Ben Johnson, drops Fornals and brings in the ageing Mark Noble. The midfield of Rice, Soucek and Nobes just seems too similar in style and it's bizarre to leave the combined creative talents of Lanzini, Benrahma and Fornals on the bench.

The first half is a terrible performance, the worst of the season, and Rice and Soucek have rarely been so ineffective, while Noble scarcely gets a touch. The whole side looks tired which is odd as they've had six days' rest since Chelsea. Brighton dominate possession without penetrating too much until Maupay pops away a cross after Rice miskicks for Brightion to take a deserved lead. On WhatsApp my pal Fraser is all for sacking Moyes at half-time having booed the side off. Mind you, as Ben Johnson is up against Webster its not surprising there's a hint of tragedy. 

At least the West Ham boss corrects his own error at half-time, bringing on Lanzini and Yarmolenko for Noble and Bowen. Lanzini immediately wants the ball and West Ham look a lot more likely to create something. The equaliser comes when Yarmolenko gets in a decent cross and Lanzini prods the ball back to Ben Johnson, who shows composure to lift the ball into the net. Not often an Alchemist Elizabethan playwright scores for the Irons. 

WHU are still looking jaded though and it then goes wrong again as Dunk bundles in a corner as he gets ahead of Haller and Soucek. Dunk has some luck as the ball bounces off his chest and elbow into his path, though VAR rules it OK. 

But one thing the new West Ham side have this season is character and they keep attacking Brighton's four centre-backs. The equaliser arrives from a corner in the 82nd minute as Dunk gets under the ball and Soucek does well to power home a header. 

Happy to get a point from this after a very lacklustre performance, though a team with top half hopes should be beating Brighton. There needs to be a big improvement in the next matches at Southampton and Everton.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 6, Ogbonna 6, Balbuena 5, Cresswell 5, Johnson 7; Noble 4 (Lanzini 7), Rice 4, Soucek 6; Bowen 4 (Yarmolenko 6), Haller 4. 

Lack of cutting edge costs Hammers at Stamford Bridge

Chelsea 3 West Ham 0

Wasn't expecting too much from this after Chelsea's £222m summer spending blitz. Noble is back in the side as Moyes opts for a cautious approach. Declan Rice does have the ball in the Chelsea net early on after a clever free-kick, only for it to be correctly disallowed for offside.

It looks like a long evening when West Ham concede their first goal of the season from a set piece. Cresswell gets under the ball and Thiago Silva bullets home a header. Werner misses a great chance, firing against Fabianski, but the Irons respond well. Bowen has the ball in the net but is penalised for a push. West Ham's best efforts are a cross shot from Cresswell and a great run from Rice down the left which results in the ball being fired across Chelsea's goalmouth.

The second half sees West Ham dominating possession against a nervous Chelsea. Fornals fires a goalbound shot against a defender's legs, but generally Haller makes little progress against the excellent Thiago Silva and Zouma. Benrahma is brought on for Fornals but despite a succession of Coufal crosses it all comes to nothing.

Chelsea put the game to bed after 78 minutes as Werner's mishit falls to Abraham, who has been played onside by Cresswell. A couple of minutes later they get a third as Pulisic challenges Fabianski, whose punch is fired back in to the goal by Abraham. It's a rather flattering score and could have been worse as Werner then hits the bar. 

West Ham's lack of cutting edge is worrying as is Cresswell being exposed at left back rather than a third central defender, but then again Chelsea spent more on Chilwell than West Ham's entire summer budget. We now move on to Brighton and need a victory.

I don't want to go to Chelsea

With West Ham playing Chelsea tonight the transfer rumours in the press are inevitably suggesting that Chelsea will come in with a big bid for Declan Rice in the January transfer window. The Athletic has even cited Neto's winner for Wolves against Chelsea as the sort of goal Rice would have stopped. Another source has suggested a Man United bid.

It strikes me that Declan is a sensible lad with a feel for the club and if he looks rationally at his career we all hope he decides to stick with the Hammers. At 21 he is the main man at West Ham, playing in a team that is improving. If Chelsea signed him for a fee of £70million plus it would place immense pressure on both Rice and Frank Lampard. 

If Chelsea's massive splurge on players doesn't yield a trophy or Champions League qualification then it's likely that Abramovic would revert to his traditional ruthless self and sack Big Fat Frank. This could leave Rice with a new manager who doesn't rate him as highly as Lampard. Declan would also have to adjust to not playing every week. He'd be up against the best holding midfielder in the world in Ngolo Kante plus a host of other central midfielders at the club. Whereas if he stays at West Ham as captain he's going to be a really hot property by the time he's 23 or 24.

Nor is Rice the type of player who would strike in order to force a move. Hopefully the club will demand a ridiculous fee if any bids come in and Declan will continue to develop with WHU. Or to put it another way, stick your blue flag up your...

Haller of a goal saves Hammers

West Ham 1 Crystal Palace 1

It's Amazon Prime for this one, in what seems to be a game too far for the Irons. Palace are much the better team in the first half and bar a Fornals header wide from a Coufal cross and a late Bowen shot saved by Guaita the Hammers create little. Benrahma clearly has skill but too often runs into trouble or picks the wrong pass, while the whole side seems lacking in energy. Despite some promising crosses from Coufal, Haller isn't getting on the end of them.

Old boy Cheikhou Kouyate is having a good game as a centre back for Palace, while Eze, a Hammers target in the summer, plays with a sense of enjoyment and fires a dangerous cross across the box. After an early Benteke header wide, the Belgian striker beats the rusty Diop to head home a cross and put Palace ahead. At least Cresswell hasn't done his hamstring as most of us feared when he went down.

Benteke almost scores again after an intricate Palace move ends with a backheel straight to Fabianski. Matt says on WhatsApp that, "It's a good game for the government to ban me from." 

HALLER OF FAME

Moyes acts at half time by replacing the misfiring Fornals with Lanzini. The Hammers equaliser arrives when the excellent Coufal makes a storming run from his own half. He finds Soucek, who passes on to Lanzini who plays in the overlapping right-back. Coufal's cross arrives behind Haller but the striker performs a stunning overhead kick to score the best bicycle kick since Andy Carroll's effort, also against Palace. 

Haller is a strange player, capable of a brilliant goal yet at other times unable to hold the ball up. He looks angry when he scores but is too laid back the rest of the time, as he has the physique to terrify defences. As Moyes said, we need him to get both overhead stunners and tap-ins.

One plus for the Hammers is that Diop has a more secure game in the second half. When Benteke is rather harshly dismissed on 70 minutes for a second yellow (Andy Carroll would never have completed a game with this ref) the odds look to be in West Ham's favour. Moyes throws on Yarmolenko, but apart from a Bowen shot over the bar the Hammers create little as Palace show Roy Hodgson's trademark organisation at the back. 

Still, we'd have taken a point at half-time and this keeps the total ticking over. Not a good performance, but again the Irons have shown resilience, and it's now two games in a row that we've come from behind.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 8, Ogbonna 6, Diop 5, Cresswell 5; Benrahma 5 (Snodgrass n/a), Soucek 6, Rice 6, Fornals 5 (Lanzini 6); Bowen 7 (Yarmolenko 5), Haller 7. 

Harsh on Super Slav

Sad to hear that West Brom have sacked Slaven Bilic. He did really well to get the Baggies promoted and was in many ways the victim of his own success. They were always likely to struggle this season, as there are no weak teams in the Premier League, but being just two points from safety having drawn at Man City last night under Bilic suggests Albion could well survive. They have also sacked first-team coach Julian Dicks. And I wonder how Grady Diangana will fare under a different manager? 

Rumour suggests Big Sam might get the job, which would be ironic as Slaven replaced Allardyce at West Ham. WBA seem to have a bit of a fixation with former West Ham gaffers, having also appointed Alan Pardew for a short spell that ended in relegation. When they appoint Avram Grant we'll know they are really in trouble.

The tracks of my tiers

Sympathy goes out to my pal Matt, who had actually won the season ticket holders' ballot and was eagerly looking forward to being at the London Stadium on Wednesday night for the Crystal Palace stadium. That was until the government moved London into Tier 3. "Somehow sums up being a West Ham fan — against the odds you win a ballot for a game and then it's snatched away from you. Knowing my luck they won't let me in the next ballot whenever that is on the grounds that I won one," comments a crestfallen Matt, robbed of his goal by the government equivalent of VAR. 

Oh what fun it is to see West Ham win away!

Leeds United 1 West Ham United 2

The evening begins with the news that Arthur Masuaku has had a career-saving operation. This seems to have come out of nowhere and was not even mentioned by Moyes in his press conference. So it's back to a flat back-four with Benrahma coming in, which is a brave attacking choice from the gaffer.

WHU get off to a disastrous start as Haller miscontrols, Cooper plays a swift through ball and Bamford races past a surprised defence only to be brought down by Fabianski. Klich muffs the first penalty but sodding VAR rules that Fabianski has moved a couple of inches off his line and it's retaken. With a double Klich the penalty is converted.

The Hammers respond well, with Rice winning lots of loose balls and Benrahma looking speedy on the break, though the other players don't seem to be reading his passes. Looks like he'll be entertaining in a Di Canio-esque way though.

Haller is doing a good impression of a pinball machine as he repeatedly fails to hold on to the ball, but does get a couple of chances, heading into the ground and then shooting at a defender when well-placed. The Hammers' deservedly equalise when Soucek towers above the Leeds defence to head home past a flailing goalkeeper. 

The second half is almost all West Ham. It must be cold up north as Leeds have brought on Shackleton, a player of great endeavour. Benrahma shows he can be too greedy at times, wasting a free kick and taking too long to shoot, though he then sends a good effort just wide. Fornals misses a great chance to make it two by poking wide of the post, Haller has a header tipped over and Balbuena's header produces a great save from Meslier. 

With ten minutes left the Irons finally get the second goal as Ogbonna sends a bullet header into the corner from Cresswell's magic free kick. A great goal from Oggy. we know it isn't going to be Haller's night when he suddenly produces a brilliant overhead kick only to foiled by another fine save from Meslier. Then there's even the bizarre sight of Ogbonna crossing for Balbuena to head against the post.

The Hammers almost pay for their profligacy when Rodrigo gets a free header in the box in added time, but hold on to secure a win on a ground where we never get anything. Man of the match is Robert Snodgrass who is brilliant for the final 30 seconds.

We go fifth. Blimey. This is West Ham's best start since the final season at the Boleyn and we now have to build on it. Irons!

In the Football Library

My thoughts on football and West Ham literature can be found in The Football Library, where I chat to Jonny Brick on Soundcloud. Click here to hear the discussion about my own West Ham books such as Flying So High and Goodbye To Boleyn, and much more on the Hammers, various Cup Finals, Ron Greenwood, John Lyall, Frank Lampard Senior, Alan Taylor, Alan Sealey, Nark Noble, 1970s punk, Brian Williams' Nearly Reach the Sky, Clyde Best's The Acid Test, Matt Dickinson's Bobby Moore: The Man in Full and much more. 

Wasteful Hammers undone by 13 minutes of United class

West Ham 1 Man United 3

It's good to see 2000 fans singing along to Bubbles at the start and even that socially-distanced number of fans generate a little atmosphere. I'm watching this on Sky having missed out on the ballot. It's a great start by the Irons, pressing United back from the kick-off. Bowen has the ball in the net early on but it's correctly ruled out for offside. But already the Hammers are looking much better than against Villa.

Bowen is having a storming game and goes around Telles to cross for Fornals. The midfielder heads into the side-netting when he should have maybe scored. Fornals then pokes a shot against the post after a Bowen cross has been laid-off by Haller.

SUPER TOMAS SOUCEK

The Hammers take the lead from a corner. With the United defence watching Rice heads across goal and Soucek pokes it home at the far post. Finally there's authentic cheering at the London Stadium. It should be two when Fornals plays through Haller. Sebastian rounds the goalkeeper, beats a defender and then, with the goal gaping, slips over as if shot by the same sniper who got Jack Grealish. 

Wan-Bissaka has to make a saving tackle to deny Bowen. Martial then has United's first shot on target after 44 minutes. At the interval you wonder of West Ham will rue missing so many chances as United bring on Fernandes and Rashford for the second half.

The Hammers again start well as Haller finds Coufal wide on the right and Bowen just fails to convert the full back's low cross. It's then that United produce a devastating 13 minutes. 

KICKED INTO TOUCH

Henderson kicks the ball down the line and David Moyes instantly appeals that the ball has curled over the touchline. The ref and lino ignore him, Fernandes crosses and Pogba fires a rocket into the corner. Looking at the replays on Match of the Day it's amazing VAR didn't disallow it, as the ball must surely have gone out before it bent back into play. "Ye cannae change the laws of geometry!" as Scotty might have said. 

West Ham then drop their concentration levels. Fernandes is creating lots of chances and a couple of minutes later Greenwood turns Van Basten-like to brilliantly convert an average cross from Telles. Rashford springs West Ham's offside strike to hit the post. His speed is causing Coufal and the defence big problems and the scourge of Boris Johnson then races on to Fernandes through ball to convert the third. If only he'd not had so many free school lunches he might not be so fast...

At least the Irons give it a go at the end. Benrahma comes on as sub and chips just over the bar while a late Cresswell free kick is well-saved by Henderson. Our 2000 fans get used to saying once again that it's not the despair they can't take. We used up our luck against Villa and it's no disgrace to lose to a side with some world-class finishers. But even so, if West Ham had taken their chances in the first half and VAR had done its job we'd have got something from this.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 6 (Johnson n/a), Balbuena 6, Ogbonna 6, Cresswell 6, Masuaku 6; Rice 7, Soucek 7, Fornals 6 (Benrahma 6); Bowen 8 (Lanzini 5), Haller 5.

A mistake to play Antonio against Villa

So Antonio is out of today's match after picking up another hamstring injury against Aston Villa. David Moyes says it's a different part of his hamstring to the old injury, but even so it now looks like big mistake to have rushed Antonio back. Particularly as Haller had scored in the previous match at Sheffield United and was looking more confident. Any fan who has watched West Ham for the last few years knows that Antonio needs to be eased back into action gently — but it seems our medical team don't.

So it's back to Seb up front tonight. He'll probably be looking even angrier now and if he scores might even do a Ketsbaia (the Newcastle player was infamous for his legendary kicking of hoardings after scoring, younger fans check it out on YouTube). Still, at least we'll have 2000 fans inside the London Stadium. Will someone plant a corner flag in the centre circle just for old time's sake? It will be good to have even that number singing along to Bubbles come kick-off time.

Hammers ride luck to move fifth

This might not happen again...

West Ham 2 Aston Villa 1

The Irons might have been unlucky against Arsenal and Liverpool, but certainly made up for it with this game. Though as it's the tenth anniversary of Jonathan Spector's finest game for West Ham, the 4-0 demolition of Man United in the League Cup, perhaps it was all a divine tribute to Specs. 

It's the perfect start for the Hammers when Villa's blockers get in a muddle and Ogbonna rises well to head in Bowen's corner. Matt takes to WhatsApp to reveal that West Ham's last nine goals have been scored by nine different players.

But for the rest of the half Villa take control and when Grealish is given too much space in midfield he blasts home a long-range effort via Ogbonna's boot.

Antonio never looks match fit after his hamstring lay-off and Moyes, who normally subs late, makes the unusual move of taking two players off at the interval. Antonio is swapped for Haller and Benrahma replaces Masuaku as the Hammers revert to a back-four.

The changes work instantly as Bowen finnds Benrahma on the left. He cuts inside to chip a delicate ball into the box which Bowen heads home. Blimey. That's Benrahma's second assist from the bench, which is really saying something.

ANOTHER FINE MISS, OLLIE

The second half goes the way of the first with Villa coming back strongly after an early West Ham goal, though it's always pleasing to see John Terry get booked. Grealish gets Fornals booked with a terribly late dive, but the playmaker is dominating the game, driving Villa forward. 

Trezeguet miskicks after being set up by Watkins but still inspires a smart save from Fabianski. The inevitable equaliser seems to have come after 71 minutes when Rice has a slight tug at Traore's shirt causing the player to theatrically collapse. Watkins hammers the penalty against the bar. The Gods are smiling on us. 

West Ham aren't playing well but what is impressive is the collective resilience. Ogbonna and Balbuena have massive games at the back and even Benrahma is tracking back in his role as left wing-back. It's a sensible decision to bring on the experienced Mark Noble to try and calm it down.

But in added time it looks like Villa have finally equalised when Watkins sweeps home a cross from the left. After a two and a half minute VAR check it's disallowed for an arm being offside. We'll take that bit of luck, but surely what VAR needs to do is give the benefit of the doubt to the attacker when it's such a close decision. The ref has also missed Ogbonna's arms around Watkins as he makes his run.

The whistle goes and its good to see the celebrations of the West Ham players who have worked tremendously hard to get a result. It's hard on Villa though. We've won three in a row but it's worth remembering that if Lookman had scored his penalty, McBurnie hadn't hit the bar and Watkins had converted his penalty we might have only had two or three points instead of nine. Still, winning while playing badly isn't a bad habit and we go up to fifth. What's going to happen when we do play well? Irons! 

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 7, Ogbonna 8, Balbuena 7, Cresswell 6, Masuaku 5 (Benrahma 7); Rice 6, Soucek 5, Fornals 5; Bowen 7 (Noble 6); Antonio 5 (Haller 6).

Fittest team in the league

This is definitely not normal. Thanks to Mystic Matt for pointing out this injury league table from the Times. While Jurgen Klopp is still whingeing about LIverpool's injury crisis it emerges that West Ham are actually bottom of the injury table. Apart from Antonio and Fredericks' hamstrings, a brief Haller knock, and Diop's Covid-19 isolation, WHU have kept a remarkably fit side this season. Has the training changed or is just luck or the benefit of having five good coaches on the staff? It doesn't seem a proper season unless we're down to the bare bones. But long may this strange trend continue, particularly as West Ham still have a relatively small squad.

Football's coming home... sort of

Well, West Ham should be allowed 2000 fans inside the London Stadium now London is in Tier Two. I'm not sure what the criteria will be for allocating 2000 out of 60,000 fans, but I'm hoping it might be decided on programme collections. Mine goes back to 1970 while my pal Matt has just made a basic error in giving away some of his programme collection after his house move. Or perhaps WHU will allocate the seats on personal loyalty to David Moyes — in which case my mate Fraser might be in trouble. Though if it's on quality of Shakespearian insult then my other season-ticket holding companion Michael might be in with an educated shout. Though Nigel must have a chance because he always attends games with his lucky banana. At least one of us might get in and even 2000 fans might generate a bit of an atmosphere. This is all making me quite nostalgic for the overpriced pasties, claret carpet and wide open spaces of the London Stadium.

Blades blunted by the Irons

Sheffield United 0 West Ham 1

The Hammers haven't won at Bramall Lane since 1968, so what could possibly go wrong?  The commentator on Sky bills it as "the heavy metal derby" as it's Sheffield steel up against the Irons. We hope it isn't Sabbath Bloody Sabbath against winless United.

McBurnie twice tests Fabianski early on as Sheffield start with some energy, but slowly West Ham establish a foothold. Coufal tests Ramsdale with a hard low drive after good work by Arthur Masuaku to get the cross in. Haller is winning a few knock-ons and his header finds Soucek who pokes wide when he should score. While Bowen shoots when he should have squared to Haller. At the other end McGoldrick hits a post in a scramble but is ruled offside. It's been very 'eavy but quite 'umble fare in the first half.

West Ham take the lead in the 56th minute. Fornals drive is blocked but the ball rebounds into the path of Haller on the edge of the box. Sebastian wallops it into the top corner and still looks angry despite scoring his first ever goal from outside the box. The Irons have chances to make it two, Rice hits the bar with a header and after a fine cross from Masuaku Haller pokes a great chance wide.

The Hammers almost pay when McBurnie breaks free to fire against the crossbar. But Rice has a superb game in midfield and Ogbonna is also very solid at the back. It's almost comfortable as the Hammers hold it up by the corner flag for most of the three minutes of added time. We've been up against a bottom side struggling for confidence but it's a very creditable away performance in the sort of game we'd have lost last year. And Haller even almost smiles in the post-match interview. Irons!

West Ham's good run has been a team effort

Was interviewed outside the London Stadium for Premier League Today on Monday — the TV show goes out across the world to non-UK rights holders. The discussion with Lynsey Hooper centred on West Ham's first seven games, which were meant to see WHU with no points according to lots of pundits. It was difficult to cite any particular player as standing out, which made me realise what a team effort it's been. 

Antonio has been important because of his goals and hold-up play, essentially being two forwards in one. But it's not just Michail, Aaron Cresswell has looked reborn as a third centre back, making goals and firing in shots and had Jermain Jenas advocating an England recall for him on MOTD; Pablo Fornals has started to score goals and is also making them; Tomas Soucek and Jarrod Bowen have both played with workaholic intensity; Arthur Masuaku has come in at wing-back and fired in a series of dangerous crosses; Ogbonna has been solid; Coufal has adapted well; and Declan Rice has responded well to being made captain at such a young age. Even the fringe players who have come in such as Balbuena have done a job for the team and Fabian started our revival at Tottenham. While among the subs Manuel Lanzini has contributed the best goal of his career against Mourinho's men. 

It's a less flaky side where players perform consistently each week. Moyes has also made it difficult to get into the team. If you're a £45 million striker like Haller you have to wait for your chance. It's early days after just eight games, but there's a definite sense of the squad working together, as exemplified by that team celebration after Lanzini's equaliser at Spurs. 

Late drama as Hammers win after worst penalty ever

West Ham 1 Fulham 0

Well, that was eventful in the end. Along with Mystic Matt I was a TV refusnik for the £14.95 pay-per-view fee, so listened on Radio London. It was a fine start for the Hammers and Masuaku and Cresswell both forced good saves from Areola. Then Bowen had a brilliant full volley tipped over the bar by the keeper before Haller hit the bar with a towering header from a corner. Fulham had mote of the ball for the rest of the half without really threatening.

The second half was disjointed but saw Cresswell hit the bar with a free kick that Areola touched while Decordova-Reid should probably have done better with a shot that Fabianski saved. The injured Ogbonna had to be replaced by Diop and then Moyes was positively cavalier by his subbing standards, bringing on Benrahma and Lanzini after 72 minutes. Benrahma fired a couple of efforts at the keeper from the left when perhaps he should have crossed, while Lanzini added some guile to midfield. 

But it looked to be heading for a goalless draw until the 91st minute when the ball was chipped into the box with Haller in an offside position. Luckily Seb didn't touch the ball and Benrahma did well to take a headed clearance and coolly set up Soucek to stroke home. Game over? No way, as the Irons retreat into their box and Fulham force a corner in the 95th minute. After a series of passes and clearances Cairney goes down in the box and Benrahma has left a foot out with a forward's challenge. Penalty to Fulham with the last kick. 

LOOK MAN, I'VE FLUFFED IT

Ademola Lookman strolls up to the ball confidently and then chips a pathetic panenka into the arms of a grateful Fabianski. I'm reminded of Paulo Di Canio's poncy penalty against Aston Villa's David James when he did the same and enraged my pal DC, through Lookman's effort was far far worse. What a massive let-off, but on chances the Irons deserved a hard-fought win, despite the poor game management at the end.

After my WhatsApp message of "Worst penalty of all time!" Michael asks when we are going to sign Lookman. "When he's 33 and more injury-prone," I suggest. Meanwhile Donald Trump insists that Fulham actually scored their penalty and this game is not over. But for those of living in reality it's a welcome three points and sees the Hammers move up to 11th, even if you do have to feel bit sorry for Scott Parker. Irons!

A stable genius writes...

Liverpool stole the league from #WestHam last season. West Ham easily WON the league if we discount ILLEGAL league tables and goals scored against West Ham, and any games where we lost the lead, as my lawsuit will prove. Let's make West Ham great again!

The problem with Haller

A timid performance at Anfield raises more questions about the future of Sebastien Haller. Yes, it was his  first start since lockdown and three games in the Carabao Cup, but you'd expect the basics to be there such as workrate. Jamie Carragher was pretty scathing in his Sky analysis. Seb just doesn't close down defenders in the same way Antonio does and up against a rookie defender in Nat Phillips he didn't impose himself physically at all. Haller did play a role in the moves that led to two chances for Fornals, but apart from that did very little before being subbed. 

It's still surprising to me that West Ham would have paid £45 million for a forward without pace. We know he can finish well with overhead kicks and volleys, but for that money you expect the whole package of pace, industry and skill. Moyes' system surely requires a player at the top who is very different to Haller.  

Looking at Haller's Bundesliga goals and assists there's definitely a player there, but he's looking like he no longer wants to be at West Ham. Yes, he needs men around him, but he also needs to make things happen himself. Fulham is a vital game for him; if Haller can't produce against one the division's dodgier defences then surely Moyes will be tempted to move him on in favour of a workaholic striker. 

Unlucky to lose at Anfield

Liverpool 2 West Ham 1

It's progress of a kind to be annoyed at not getting a result at Anfield. The Irons took the lead early on when Gomez could only head Masuaku's cross straight out to Fornals, who drilled it into the corner of Alisson's net. Rice had another fine game and Liverpool didn't have a shot on target in the first half as West Ham defended resolutely. The Reds equalised through a dodgy penalty. Masuaku was unwise to make minimal contact with Salah, but the Liverpool man went down in Strictly Come Dancing fashion.

In the second half the Hammers had two good chances at 1-1, both falling to Fornals. Pablo scuffed his effort from Masuaku's inviting cross and then shot against the legs of a defender rather than pass to the unmarked Bowen. Interestingly Haler played a role in the build-up to both these chances, but for the rest of the match was largely anonymous and didn't work hard enough. Liverpool's inexperienced Nathaniel Phillips should have been tested much more and Antonio's hold-up play was badly missed.

The arrival of Jota and Shaqiri  from the bench won the game for Liverpool. Jota first had a goal disallowed just about correctly for Mane's boot going into Fabianski. The winner came in the 85th minute as Yarmolenko lost the ball (in my head I could already hear my pal Matt haranguing him) in midfield and then Shaqiri found Jota with a clever through ball. The striker raced past Coufal and West Ham's offside trap to fire home.

Subs Lanzini and Benrahma were brought on too late to alter the game but credit to West Ham for still getting a corner in added time before Phillips headed away. OK it was the champions and progress is being made, but we have to learn to get something out of games like this.

Who will replace Antonio?

Losing Michail Antonio is a big blow and he could be out for two to four weeks with his usual hamstring problem. It would be a snub not to select Haller, and bringing on Yarmolenko and moving Bowen to a striking role didn't work against Man City. Haller deserves a chance after scoring five times this season, but from what we know from last season he can't play without support. Bowen and possibly Fornals have to get a lot closer to the big man, who also needs to look like he wants to put in a shift. A possible wildcard might be to rest Fornals and bring in Benrahma to run at a makeshift Liverpool defence — though Moyes is more likely to go for the cautious approach. It won't be easy, but without Van Dijk and their home crowd WHU should definitely try to get something at Liverpool. We played well at Anfield last season and came close so let's hope for a repeat performance without the defensive errors.

Sprinting through potato fields

Couple of good pieces on Jarrod Bowen and Tomas Soucek in the press recently. The Times had a revealing interview with Bowen where he revealed that during lockdown he trained sprinting around a muddy potato field on his uncle's farm in Leominister, Herefordshire. Bowen reckoned that if he could accelerate through that the PL pitches would be easy. The Guardian interviewed fellow Moyes signing Tomas Soucek and the Czech revealed that he'd been training with his wife and 18-month old daughter on the pitches at Hackney Marshes during lockdown. We also learned that his mother was a marathon runner, which might be where he gets his energy from. Both Bowen and Soucek have proved to be top signings and clearly they are dedicated to keeping fit whatever it takes. It's good to see players arriving who have real hunger and are not just here for the money.

Another fine point against City

West Ham 1 Manchester City 1

I listen to this one on Radio London, as do Matt and Lisa, while Nigel has found a new lucky pub with CQ at the Cricketers in Kew, Michael is the sole customer in the Black Prince in Kennington and Fraser is among gambling Irons fans at an Irish pub in Ilford. 

West Ham continue to give another disciplined performance against the team that normally beats us 5-0. We're ahead after 18 minutes when Soucek chases a loose ball to feed Coufal who crosses for Michail Antonio to score with a stunning overhead kick. Not quite as good as Andy Carroll's overhead against Palace but still a brilliant goal.

City seem out of sorts and there's even a spell of West Ham pressure late in the half with the Irons having a penalty appeal and the Radio London commentator declaring "and City defending with their lives", which isn't something I ever expected to hear.

Nigel WhatsApps to say that WHU have been the better team for long stretches of the first half, while Michael the Whovian comments: "Line of five, line of four, sole attacker, but lots of wing-back forays... most striking aspect is the team spirit."

City have taken off Aguoro and replaced him with Foden. The City youngster scores a great equaliser seven minutes into the second half, turning instantly to shoot home after Cancelo (is he part of the Cancelo culture?) has outpaced Coufal on the left. When Antonio goes off a minute later feeling his iffy hamstring it looks bleak. Matt wonders if "Yarmolenko on for the injured Antonio" are the most depressing six words in the English language.

Twenty minutes of playing Bowen alone up front doesn't work and eventually Haller is brought on. The Hammers owe their point to a fine display from Fabianski. After Masuaku hangs on too long and loses the ball in midfield Sterling gets through but is foiled by a fine stop from Fab. The keeper then has to black Mahrez at his near post late on. At the lther end Fornals fails to lob Ederson. We'll take a point though. That's eight points from the last four games, when most pundits predicted we'd get none. Irons!

All's well that's Cresswell

Interesting to note that Aaron Cresswell is currently the fourth best defender in the PL according to Fantasy Football's points system. Aaron's certainly getting a lot of points for assists. He crossed for Antonio to head home against Leicester and then it was his clearance that led to Fornals scoring the second. While at Spurs it was Cresswell who crossed for Balbuena to head home to start the Hammers' revival. It was also Cressy's free-kick into the box that resulted in a hurried clearance falling to Lanzini for a goal that is going to go down in WHU folklore.

At the start of the season many of us felt that as Cresswell will be 31 in December he was in need of replacing. But playing in a back five had left him much less exposed as a third centre back, while he's never lost his ability to cross with his left foot. He still has weaknesses, such as when he was outjumped by Kane for the third Spurs' goal, but Cresswell's form is so good that he's now one of the side's biggest assets with his free kicks and crosses.

During the last two matches West Ham gave looked really well-coached and it's not just Cresswell who has improved. It's surely no coincidence that Alan Irvine, Kevin Nolan and Stuart Pearce have all had spells as managers, and they are aided by two more coaches in Paul Nevin and Xavi Valero. David Moyes has surrounded himself with a solid team and the results are showing

Lanzini's rocket seals incredible West Ham comeback

Tottenham Hotspur 3 West Ham United 3

Thanks to tier two we're deprived of the lucky pub and watching on Now TV at home. Though a solo Nigel has managed to sneak into the Jolly Gardeners at Mortlake while Michael is in a pub garden in Kennington. Haller is not even on the bench which means he's either injured or infected or Moyes is just trying to wind-up Fraser even further.

WHU are behind after a mere 45 seconds. Kane's fine long ball sends Son in behind Balbuena, with Coufal caught upfield. The General lets the Spurs man turn inside him and it's 1-0. Antonio's back header causes a few problems at a corner and Cresswell fires a free kick over, but it's 2-0 after seven minutes as Kane nutmegs Rice and fires a shot through Ogbonna's legs and into the corner. Rice and Soucek are outnumbered in midfield and we just can't cope with Kane and Son. 

Can it get any worse? It sure can. Reguilon has too much space on the left and sends in a perfect cross for Kane to outjump Cresswell and head home. Its going to be seven or eight at this rate. At least West Ham improve a bit for the rest of the half, but it's not going to be our day. Kane even manages to block a late Coufal shot with a great block tackle. Though we are winning on corners, having had five corners to Spurs none.

GETTING KANED

It's clearly the fault of Nigel for choosing an unlucky pub and forgetting his lucky Status Quo plastic bag. Mystic Matt says on WhatsApp that "Moyes has been completely outwitted by Mourinho" and Fraser asks if we can send Moyes back to his TV set. West Ham show some character and have a better second half. My pal Robert, a Man United fan, has just turned on the TV and remarks that the second half is all West Ham. Though you can't expect to go 3-0 down after 15 minutes and get anything from a Premier League game. But Masuaku and Antonio are at least still making inroads on the left. The Hammers go close as Antonio's shot bounces into the path of Fornals who heads over the bar from a couple of feet out. At the other end Kane strikes the outside of the post as Spurs' break and almost make it four.

Moyes is clearly trying to keep the score down when he takes off our only striker Antonio and brings on Yarmolenko and Lanzini. But there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in Jose Mourinho's philosophy. The influence of Mystic Matt is at work. He has just said that Lanzini is burnt-out and that West Ham could play until Christmas and not score as Cresswell slings in a free kick and Balbuena powers home a fine header after 82 minutes. It's good to get a consolation and 3-1 at least looks respectable. 

AIN'T NOBODY LIKE LANZINI
But what's this? Two minutes later Yarmolemko finds Coufal with a lovely reverse pass and the full-back's cross is headed into his own net by Sanchez. Who needs strikers? Surely this can't be another crazy PL result? Spurs have brought on Gareth Bale, but he's no Robert Snodgrass. The Welsh golfer jinks through our defence only to fire wide of the post.

Meanwhile Spurs are looking jittery at the back. We're into the 94th minute. Late sub Snodgrass wins a free kick which Cresswell takes. It's headed out and Winks helps it on to the edge of the area for LANZINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! 

Never in doubt! Manuel scores the best goal of career as the ball rockets into the top corner. He's off with his shirt and is then mobbed by his team mates and subs in a giant heap in what might be a super-spreading incident but who cares? What a goal. 

David Moyes channels David Pleat and John Sergeant from Strictly Come Dancing to do a splendid dad dance of joy on the pitch. What tactical brilliance to take off all the strikers. That display of emotion will help him win over the doubters. Even Fraser admits that, "Moyes is almost likeable sometimes". We deserve it for showing such team spirit and never giving up. That Spurs fan who tweeted, "We bring on Bale, they bring on Lanzini" with some laughing emojis has just been made to look rather foolish. Matt says on WhatsApp that sometimes he enjoys football. What a result, this feels like a win. And what a game. Irons!

Hammers get Benrahma — eventually!

Even by West Ham standards it was flying by the seat of our tracksuit bottoms. First there was the Mirror breaking the story that Said Benrahma had failed his medical, then David Moyes telling the press that he hadn't failed his medical but he couldn't discuss it. The thought occurred that if Wilshere and Carroll passed West Ham medicals then the main requirement was probably having two legs, so this was all rather worrying.

At some point Jack Sullivan was presumably dispatched to Romford Market to buy a fax machine, but there was still no deal as the 5pm deadline passed. No-one knew if the deal forms had been sent off and after a long period waiting for Godot it was eventually announced at around 7.30pm that Benrahma had signed on loan for a £5m fee, but with an obligation to buy in the summer for another £20m plus add-ons.

It's a strange deal and presumably the result of something that came up in the medical. If there is any doubt about his fitness you have to hope there is some kind of clause that would erase the obligation to-buy. Though having said that, Benrahma does look a tremendously exciting player who according to one of his old coaches,"could nutmeg a mermaid" — which could be very handy should we ever play a team of mermaids. There's a hint of Payet in some of his flicks and the ride should be fun.

The problem is that Benrahma is a goalscoring winger rather than a striker and the suspicion remains that Josh King was more what Moyes and the team required. Is Benrahma a David Sullivan 'gift' to the manager or does Moyes rate him? Sullivan might have baulked at the £17m asking price for King, but he's now purchased a Championship player in a different position for a possible £30m. Only West Ham could have sold a promising winger for £18m then gone shopping for a £30m centre back and come back with a £30m winger. 

For all the creative chaos some progress has been made in the window. Coufal and Dawson provide more depth at the back and Benrahma could become a cult hero. A bloated squad has been reduced through the departures of Wilshere, Hugill, Ajeti, Roberto, Sanchez and co, although Anderson has been loaned out when perhaps he needed nurturing back to form and the sale of Diangana is a major disappointment. The squad is sill relying on Antonio and Haller keeping fit as there are no back-ups and there's also no cover for Rice and Soucek beyond Mark Noble. But WHU do have three new players and the first team has just had two great wins. So let's see what Moyes can do with this lot and pray Antonio keeps fit.

Dawson signs

Well, it's a comedown after offering £30m for James Tarkowski, but Craig Dawson on a season's loan isn't a bad signing for the squad. He's only 30 and had eight successful seasons at West Brom. Any centre back who gets in a team managed by Tony Pulis has to be solid. He didn't have such a good time at relegated Watford last season, but was playing in a team beset by changing managers and low confidence. And I like the fact that he started out at Radcliffe Borough and Rochdale, so has seen the rougher side of the lower leagues. Plus Dawson has 15 England Under-21 caps, so is certainly good cover for Ogbonna, Diop, Creswell and Balbuena.

Meanwhile the Irons are still interested in Josh King and said to be close to a £25m deal with Brentford for Said Benrahma, though the Guardian reports an ominous hitch with Brentford. Knowing West Ham we might end up with Bananarama instead, which would be Really Saying Something and symptomatic of our Cruel Summer. The other worrying thing is that Benrahma, although a very exciting player, seems to be more of a goalscoring winger than a striker, which begs the question why not have kept the promising Diangana, particularly as WHU now have a centre back signed on loan and Grady was sold specifically to fund defensive purchases. 

Greta goes down the Irons

There's a great new Spitting Image sketch where Greta Thunberg misses a climate change conference to go to West Ham with a male friend. The Irons lose 2-1, despite Greta's advice that, "the goalie should kick the ball to the other end and then Declan Rice bonks it in with his head, that is the right plan." Rather like my pal Matt, she bemoans that the referee has stolen her childhood and the manager has lied to us with his promise of a top ten finish. Encouragingly Greta, who recognises a looming catastrophe when she sees one, then decides to save West Ham, where as we all know there has been a lot of heating arising from unwise emissions.

King for a day

The latest WHU Championship target is said to be Bournemouth's Joshua King and he would be a good signing. At 28 he's not exactly the young player Moyes said he was after, but King's a proven Premier League performer and has scored roughly one goal every three games for Bournemouth (48 goals in 161 games). He's also a Norwegian international and as he has only one year on his contract is relatively cheap. Though the worry is that David Sullivan is haggling over the £17m price and thinks it should be much lower. We need a get a deal over the line quickly as virtually everyone else has gone in the Championship sales. He would be our second King after King Arthur of course.

Meanwhile Anderson has gone to Porto for a season and I hope he can get his confidence back. He had a very poor season last time but showed enough under Pellegrini to prove that he is a player of great ability when he scored nine goals in his first season and made a lot of assists (including Antonio's equaliser against Liverpool). Remember the brace at Southampton and that curler into the top corner against Palace? Talent is too rare to give up on. If Felipe could find consistency he might yet be a success at West Ham.

Rice stays, Wilshere goes as WHU squad left looking thin

Well, at least Chelsea didn't come in with a large bid for Declan Rice before the transfer window closed. It's a big bonus to keep Declan after all those rumours and Vladimir Coufal looks to be a good signing on the evidence of the win at Leicester. While at the start of the window securing Tomas Soucek for £19m looks like good business. 

On the other hand, the board hasn't kept its promise of investing all the £18m Grady Diangana money in new players. Burnley were always unlikely to release James Tarkowski for £30m while Chelsea's Rudiger was never going to want to come, Fofana went to Leicester and Chelsea's Tomori turned down a season's loan just before the deadline.

Releasing the £100k-a-week Jack Wilshere was the right thing to do, even though it has cost a reputed £3.6 million to pay off his contract. You feel sorry for Jack with his injury record, but he just doesn't look mobile anymore and he was never going to get in team ahead of Rice, Soucek and Noble. It was a calamitous signing by Manuel Pellegrini and it wasn't like he hadn't been warned that Wilshere was injury-prone. Wilshere clearly had skill, and was a great young player at Arsenal, but his best hope now is a pay-as-you-play deal.

The other departures leave the WHU squad looking very thin. Josh Cullen has gone to Anderlecht for around £1million. He did a decent job at Charlton and looked a Championship player to me, but even so he might have been a useful squad player had he stayed. 

Reserve striker Silva has gone on loan and it looks like Anderson is going to be loaned to Porto. This summer the club has lost Zabeleta, Ngakia, Sanchez, Hugill, Ajeti, Diangana, Cullen and Wilshere and loaned out Silva and Anderson. There's certainly some dead wood there, but only two replacements have been signed.

If we take the X1 who started at Leicester, the only other squad players left are Diop, Noble, Haller, Fredericks, Yarmolenko, Lanzini, Snodgrass, Johnson and Randolph, making it a 20-man squad.The big worry is the lack of strikers. If Antonio is injured we have only Haller, who can't play on his own.

There is still time to buy players from the Football League and you'd like to think that the Hammers have a few signings lined up — though knowing the lack of an efficient recruitment department that might not be so. Moyes has bought well with Bowen, Soucek and Coufal but we need more bodies before the inevitable injury-crisis hits.

Hammers demolish not so fleet Foxes

Leicester City 0 West Ham 3 (three)

It's off to the new lucky pub, the Leicester Arms, where we saw West Ham score four against Wolves last week. Nigel arrives with his £15 West Ham mask — made in Italy probably at Paolo Di Canio's menswear shop —  and a lucky Status Quo plastic bag, advertising the Quid Pro Quo tour of 2010/11. He's been using it Again and Again. Matt's wearing his lucky Botafogo t-shirt, as you do, while we're also joined by super sub Lisa and Fraser, who is still claiming that Moyes plays without a striker as Antonio is really a winger.

It's a good start from the Hammers. Soucek's Czech mate Coufal looks solid at the back and likes a tackle. Even a reducer from Vardy doesn't worry him. After 14 minutes the first goal is all about Antonio. He's bundled over by Soyuncu, takes a quick free kick out to Cresswell and then sprints to the back of the box to head home Cressy's inviting cross. It looks like we're continuing where we left off against Wolves. 

Despite winning 5-2 at Man City last week, Leicester are having trouble penetrating West Ham's five-man defence. After 34 minutes it's two. Cresswell hoofs the ball upfield and suddenly Fornals is behind the home defence. Pablo shows great control to cushion the ball, switch feet and fire past Schmeichel. Blimey, this really is a lucky pub.

At the break I opt for a Gamma Ray after an early Americano, while it's a lucky bacon burger with chips for Nigel and some lucky £8 cheese toasties for Matt and Lisa. Though we do have to caution Nigel after he starts talking about our positive goal difference. 

Ogbonna has a great game at the back as Leicester exert some early pressure. But West Ham have chances to make it three. A fine block from Evans foils the lurking Antonio, Bowen passes when he should shoot and then Declan Rice runs from his own half to smack a shot against the bar.

THREE-NIL TO THE COCKNEY BOYS

It's a great counter-attacking performance from the Irons and it's rounded off with a superb third. Skipper Rice calmly plays the ball out of defence to Fornals. Pablo shows patience before dissecting the Leicester defence to play in Bowen who calmly flicks over Schmeichel. It's a fine finish and a good moment for Fornals who has scored and assisted for the first time since he arrived at West Ham. 

There's a late flurry from Leicester as Vardy lobs wide when he should score. Then Barnes has the ball in the net after a series of intricate passes but VAR rules Jamie 'Albert Steptoe' Vardy offside. When VAR goes West Ham's way you know it really is our day. Stuart Pearce phones David Moyes to tell him to turn off All Creatures Great and Small because we've won 3-0.

As Quo fan Nigel might out it, we're no longer going Down Down but Rockin' All Over The World. Seven goals and two clean sheets in our last two league games. Pretty much a perfect away performance. So much for those who said we'd have no points after the first seven games. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 7, Balbuena 7, Ogbonna 8, Creswell 8, Masuaku 7; Bowen 8 (Noble n/a), Rice 8, Soucek 8, Fornals 8; Antonio 8 (Haller n/a).

Hammers sign someone!

Here's something to knock Trump off the front pages — West Ham have actually signed a player. Right back Vladimir Coufal has signed from Slavia Prague for £5.4 million. That seems a decent price for a player who is a Czech international and has played in the Champions League. Coufal is a former teammate of Tomas Soucek and if he's anything like Tomas the 28-year-old could be a good addition — and will perhaps prove the long-term replacement for Ryan Fredericks.

Should the club sign a centre back as well then the transfer window might not prove the disaster it threatened to be. Though let's remember that Aston Villa, a club of comparable size, have had a great window signing Ollie Watkins, Matty Cash, Emiliano Martinez, Bertrand Traore and Ross Barkley on loan. There's still much work to be done. 

Concentrating on the league

Everton 4 West Ham 1 (Carabao Cup)

Cup Final Breakfast at Nigel's gaff has been postponed — again. This was always going to be a difficult tie with only Rice, Balbuena and Cresswell retained from Sunday's side. 

Everton's opener was disappointing as it came from a simple ball over the top with Rice allowing Calvert-Lewin to get the wrong side of him. West Ham's first half efforts amounted to a long shot from Anderson and a Lanzini backheader that flicked wide.

The Hammers made a great start to the second half with Anderson playing the ball back to Snodgrass who sent a great shot into the far corner. After that Everton hit the post and then Richarlison scored with the aid of a rather lucky deflection off Rice's back. At 2-1 down Haller was unfortunate not to equalise with a skilful overhead kick from Yarmolenko's cross. 

It then got much worse as Iwobi hit the post and Calvert-Lewin reacted quicker than our defence to tap home. Then the Everton striker scored his hat-trick after a fine through ball from James and more poor defending.

Got to hope that Leicester will be a different game, with Fabianski, Masuaku, Ogbonna, Soucek, Bowen and Antonio all set to return. At least there seems to have been some progress on the transfer front with Czech right-back Vladimir Coufal having a medical and a £13m offer in for Club Brugges' Hans Vanaken. 

Going out of the League Cup is a blow, but the competition has been devalued by playing so many games so quickly, making it effectively a tournament for squad players. Just a shame Everton didn't rest Calvert-Lewin.

Wolves savaged by rampant Hammers

West Ham 4 (four) Wolves 0

After a series of phone calls to various West End pubs it's off the Leicester Arms where Nigel has managed to book a table and in a blatant bid to make the blog has purchased a West Ham face mask for a £15 from a shop in Richmond. 

Our season-ticket gang are reunited with appearances from Matt, busy dispensing Rory Gallagher cds, Fraser who has come all the way from Ilford and Michael the Thespian (aka Sir Donald Wolfit). There's also a cameo from my pal Jackie who last witnessed a 1-1 draw at home to Everton but has strangely come back for more.

The beer costs £6 and there's no commentary, but at least the pub isn't packed and it does a decent pint of Beavertown Gamma Ray. We go into the match feeling a point would be a good result, but from the kick-off it's apparent that the side — managed remotely by David Moyes — are getting stuck into tackles, with Cresswell and Masuaku working hard to nullify Traore.

Antonio looks lively again and on 17 minutes is felled in the centre circle. Fornals takes a clever quick free kick to release Bowen who cuts inside and unleashes a lovely left foot shot into the corner. Blimey. 

The Hammers press for the rest of the half. Balbuena looks comfortable replacing Diop at the back and Arthur Masuaku is prospering as a wing-back. Arthur's cross reaches Soucek who forces a save from Rui Patricio. The rampaging Czech then forces a brilliant save from the keeper as he gets his head to a lofted cross from Antonio. 

JAROD MARCH

A key moment comes when Antonio's strength bamboozles Cody and co. Michail's shot is parried and falls to Fornals in front of goal only for the Spaniard to blast over the bar. Neves has a shot saved, but we reach half-time still in the lead, though we do wonder if we'll regret that missed chance from Fornals. Nigel decides to order a lucky baconburger. 

Frredericks has to be replaced by Jonson early in the second half but even that doesn't disrupt West Ham. Antonio powers past Cody on the left and looks up to find Fornals on the edge of the box. Pablo fires a shot against the base of the post and the predatory Bowen drives home the rebound.

It seems that like us West Ham have been boosted by Gamma Rays. On 66 minutes Creswell's corner is met by the head of Soucek and deflects in off the arm of Jimenez — though there's surely a case for giving it to Soucek. 

As the late Graham Taylor might have put it: "What sort of thing is happening here?" 

HE'S BETTER THAN LUKAKU!

"Perhaps Moyes should stay at home more often," suggests Fraser. Another superb cross from Masuaku is prodded wide by Bowen when he should really have completed his hat-trick. Nigel WhatsApps Lisa to tell her that Matt has been praising Arthur. Then in the 93rd minute Matt decides to go to the gents with a warning not to miss a goal. Sure enough, Haller starts and finishes the move. Masuaku crosses and Sebastien doesn't even have to jump to head past Rui Patricio. Astonishing.

The final whistle blows and we wonder when was the last time West Ham mullered a really good team. Nigel's Wolves-supporting pal Adrian texts to say his men have been undone by Antonio.

There's still no sound for the post-match analysis, but seeing a graphic labelled "West Ham Commitment" makes us wonder when that phrase was last used. We get another round in via table service. Fraser wonders how he is going to smoke four cigars once we leave. Michael goes into a Proustian reverie recalling Masuaku's Messi-like first-half performance against Chelsea when we beat them one-nil. 

It's been worth dodging coronavirus to see a four-goal win we muse as they chuck us out at ten pm. And we have now found the luckiest pub ever. One game, one clean sheet and one four-goal win. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6: Fredericks 6 (Johnson 6), Balbuena 6, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 7, Masuaku 8; Bowen 8 (Noble n/a), Soucek 8, Rice 7, Fornals 8; Antonio 8 (Haller 7).

Soaring wages and bad recruitment

Good piece in the Times today by Matt Dickinson headlined: "The West Ham way: soaring wages, bad recruitment and blaming fans." One of Dickinson's key passages reads: "There always is someone else to blame, which might be plausible if Sullivan delegated responsibilities and left others to get on with it, but he does not… No club is immune from bad purchases but most know it pays to establish a system that operates with a strategy and smart staff feeding detailed information into a manager and board. West Ham’s scouting and recruitment has been a mess for some time, not least because Sullivan likes to add his own idiosyncratic decisions to the mix, sitting in his Essex mansion playing Football Manager for real." Click on the link to read the complete feature. 

Sullivan gets depressed

The last thing WHU needed was David Sullivan doing an interview on TalkSport with Jim White. The West Ham co-chairman admits, "I can not say for sure that we are going to sign anybody. As each day passes I am getting more depressed." This typifies how badly run the club is run. Why sell Diangana if a signing has not been lined up? 

It's also Sullivan's job to create some optimism, not lower everyone's spirits. He seems to be trying to deflect the blame on to Moyes, saying that he can't sign players the manager doesn't want without creating a "civil war". Perhaps Moyes is dithering, but you feel it's much more of a problem at board level.

Sullivan does make a fair point about Pellegrini and Husillos wasting £170m on some very average signings, though Sullivan also claims that he personally signed Fabianski and Diop, as ever wanting to take credit for the good signings. The club either needs a Director of Football who is good at the job or a manager who has total control over transfers. Recruitment has been a problem for decades. What we don't need is a chairman who also fancies himself as Director of Football. 

Ironically while all this is going on there does seem to have been some progress in the market. Sullivan rules out spending his whole £40m budget on the 27-year-old Tarkowski in the interview, which is probably right as Burnley are asking for too much. It's now claimed the Hammers have bid £25m plus £11m in add-ons for St Etienne's Wesley Fofana and are also interested in Swansea City's Joe Rodon. Signing anyone would be a triumph after a shambolic transfer window.

Moyes tests positive as Hammers thrash Hull

West Ham 5 Hull City 1 (Carabao Cup)

The big news is that before the game David Moyes, Issa Diop and Josh Cullen all tested positive for Covid-19, though all three are asymptomatic at present. Let's hope the trio are fine and back in action soon. On the pitch it was a satisfying night against Hull. Best goal of the night was Snodgrass's opener, a fine volley from Yarmolenko's cross. Haller tapped home the second after more good work from Yarmy and the Ukranian scored the third with a penalty.

Credit has to be given to the defence which included youngsters Jonson, Ashby and Alese, marshalled by captain Balbuena. Another kid, Longelo, had to come on when Ashby was crocked. There was a slight scare when Hull pulled a goal back, but late efforts from Haller, who rounded the keeper in style, and Yarmolenko made it five. In other strange news, even Jack Wilshere made it through the game.

As my pal Fraser wryly remarked, a brace from both Haller and Yarmolenko should ensure they are dropped for the next league game. Still, it was good to see Yarmolenko, Haller, Lanzini and Anderson playing with some enjoyment and as goals breed confidence it's surely time to give Haller a run in the league.

Three little bids?

The Evening Standard quotes David Moyes as saying West Ham have three active bids, including one for James Tarkowski. So we can assume the Tarkowski bid has gone up to £31 million plus 25 pence and a free big breakfast in the Best Cafe knowing the club's way of doing business. If two other bids are in the pipeline then it at least offers some hope. 

Meanwhile there was a good piece by Jacob Steinberg in the Guardian last week on the club's plight and a possible takeover. Any American consortium would have to pay a lot of money to compensate Sullivan and Gold for the financial penalties they would incur from the LLDC by selling before 2023. Though a new owner would have an immediate advantage in that they wouldn't be blamed for the move to Stratford and the club and fans might at last start pulling together. Click on the link to read the whole piece.

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

Arsenal 2 West Ham 1

Arrived back from a week in the Lake District to discover that West Ham still haven't signed any players and Arthur Masuaku is our new secret weapon at the Emirates. Fklush with scaling seven Wainwright fells I decide to part with £10 for a Now TV pass. Playing five at the back works reasonably well initially and the side looks more like the effective unit that finished last season, with Bowen always threatening on the break and Ogbonna having a header from a corner saved by Leno. 

Arsenal take the lead on 25 minutes as a just-about-onside Aubameyang crosses and Rice fails to track Lacazette who heads into the top corner. But the Hammers show character to keep threatening and have a penalty appeal turned down after Gabriel handles. According to today's ridiculous rules it should have been given as the ball landed on Gabriel's shirt sleeve — Palace got an even softer decision at Old Trafford. But the Hammers deservedly equalise right on half-time. Soucek finds Bowen, who in turn plays in the overlapping Fredericks. The right-back fires in a great low cross and a gleeful Antonio sweeps home.

For most of the second half the Irons threaten to snatch a winner, most notably when Antonio heads against the bar from Masuaku's cross. When maverick wing-back Arthur fires in another great cross Leno just manages to gather on the line after the ball deflects off Antonio and Gabriel. At this point it would surely have been better to bring on Haller to try and snatch a winner.

But all the good work is ruined with five minutes left as sub Yarmolenko fails to run with Ceballos who breaks behind our three centre-backs to cross for Nketiah to tap home. Moyes sends on Haller and Anderson very late. Felipe does a bit of showboating when he should be lumping it into the box but then does well to cut back for Haller who is foiled by a great challenge from Holding.

It's not the despair I can't take, etc. We really should have won this, but at least it was a much improved performance on the Newcastle game. Though playing well and getting nothing is also a sign of a team in relegation trouble. Arsenal scored two goals from three shots on target and both goals were the result of failing to track runners. You can see why Moyes wants a defensive organiser — but will he be allowed to get one by our board?

Haller sees off Charlton

West Ham 3 Charlton 0 (Carabao Cup)

A welcome win and three goals for the Hammers. Haller could hardly miss after Cullen and Yarmolenko set him up for a tap-in, but his second, a towering header from a cross by Snodgrass, proved the difference a bit of confidence makes. Lanzini set up the third for Anderson, who sank to his knees praying for a manager who selects him. It was a strong line-up and a year ago the front four of Yarmolenko, Haller, Lanzini and Anderson was meant to promise great things. Haller should surely start at Arsenal and Anderson, Snodgrass, Yarmolenko and Cullen have all made a case for inclusion. 

Meanwhile a £31 million bid for James Tarkowski has been turned down. The Clarets really don't want to sell him and it's surely time to target a cheaper centre-back and some full-backs. Rob Holding has been another rumour, except he's not keen on a loan move. There was clearly no realistic target when Diangana was sold, so our scouting department now has to prove that it can finally deliver.

Toon take the points as Hammers flop

 West Ham 0 Newcastle United 2

At least the men did better than the women's side who lost 9-1 to Arsenal in front of 1000 fans. Luckily we were in Keswick so avoided seeing the game live. The Hammers had their chances, with Ogbonna's header coming off the bar and Fornals' deflected effort hitting the bar. Soucek also went close with a header, but ina goalless first half Wilson went close for the Toon and Andy Carroll, whoever he is, caused problems. 

The opening goal came from a cross when the ball was a little luckily deflected. Hendrick reacted quickest to nod it on and Callum Wilson poked home for a poacher's goal. Yarmolekno's shot was parried by the keeper and the Haller had a penalty appeal for handball. But it was all over when Newcastle broke for Hendrick to lash home.

West Ham lost to a side that has made four decent signIngs, two of whom scored, which says it all. We had a player who was like a new signing in Diangana but then sold him. Everyone else has strengthened and West Have stood still. It could be a long season.

How not to play the market

The Evening Standard reports that West Ham have upped their bid for Burney's James Tarkowski to £27 million. I can't see it's that likely he'll want to come to East London. Tarkowski is playing for a well-organised club with a stable board, happy fans and a good manager and in a team that finished much higher than West Ham. He might move for the money of course, but what's clear is that the board have handed the advantage to Burnley in negotiations. 

The Clarets know that Sullivan and Gold are now desperate to make a signing to subdue a players' mutiny and buy off the fans. He's a good player and would improve the defence, but if we do get Tarkowski we're going to end up paying over the odds at £30 million plus. A better approach would be to buy a promising young defender from the Championship or abroad or perhaps try to tempt Lewis Dunk from Brighton, who only finished one place above the Hammers.

It would have been far better to have kept Diangana and not display to the world that the players are disillusioned with the board, and possibly David Moyes if he supported the sale. Morale is really low to judge by the 5-3 Betway Cup loss to Bournemouth. While the board seem to have no knowledge that West Ham fans love home-grown talent and only accept the sale of Academy products when they go to a big club, not West Brom. Diangana only played 16 times for the Hammers and impressing in the Championship is different to the PL — but now we'll never know if would have fulfilled his potential for WHU. The upset this transfer has caused risks turning West Ham into relegation candidates when we should have been looking at a mid-table finish.

Another own goal as Noble speaks out

Well that went well. Grady Diangana has gone to West Brom for a fee rising to £18m with add-ons. The fans are completely disillusioned and Mark Noble has tweeted that as captain he is "gutted angry and sad that Grady has left. A great kid with a great future!" While Jack Wilshere has tweeted "Go and do your thing in a club that respects you. Big player with a big future" and Arthur Masuaku has posted a broken heart. If the dressing room is already split from management then we're as good as down.

All of this is baffling. The official statement says that the money will be spent on signing players for other areas of the team. But Diangana's sale is only remotely acceptable if we have a top class left-back and central defender lined-up. You can't see WHU getting Burnley's James Tarkowski for  £20m. The West Ham statement also claims that the club is well-stocked with wide players in Antonio (who's now a striker), Bowen, Anderson, Yarmolenko, Fornals and Snodgrass. That's true, but Yarmolenko and Snodgrass are ageing and injury-prone, Fornals is better in the middle and Anderson has just had a terrible season. Diangana can beat a man which would have given us something unexpected.

Surely the best option would have been to keep Diangana and go for a couple of defenders on loan or wait to shift a midfielder if money is that tight. A good wage offer to Shane Duffy might have solved the problem. But as it is the club appears broken before a ball is kicked. If this is the work of Moyes then it's brave at least, but any new signings have to be top quality (and when did that last happen?). It seems we'll get nowhere until there's new ownership.

Inaction stations

Whatever happens with the Diangana to West Brom move, the transfer window so far has proved profoundly disappointing. It should be acknowledged that the club has spent £39 million on signing Bowen and Soucek, but now it seems we're Brassic rather than at the next level. Celtic beat WHU to sign Shane Duffy on loan from Brighton, Crystal Palace outbid us for QPR's Eke, Aston Villa have beaten us to Forest's Matty Cash, Everton have signed Watford's Doucoure and it looks like Bournemouth's Fraser and Wilson might be going to Newcastle. All of these players could have been realistic targets for West Ham, but have been poached by teams we should be outbidding with our 60,000 fan base and cheap rented ground. And now it seems West Brom can sign our brightest young players. What is going on?

It would be a big mistake to sell Diangana

Every player has his price, but it would a big mistake to sell Grady Diangana. The Daily Mail claims that West Brom have had a £20m bid accepted. Yes, it's good money for a kid who has only played one and a half seasons, but all the evidence suggests Diangana is the sort of young hungry player David Moyes claimed he needed. 

Apparently sales need to be made to sign some defenders and a striker, but the history of West Ham's recruitment suggests the club are likely to blow any fee on substandard players. We'd also be selling a player to a potential relegation rival. With Zabaleta, Ngakia, Sanchez, Hugill, Ajeti and Roberto gone the club has already made savings. It would make more sense to shift the likes of Wilshere, Snodgrass, Yarmolenko, Lanzini or Anderson if a player has to be sold. Baffling from the board and if this goes through you've got to doubt that the club will keep Declan Rice.

Grady makes the grade

Three wins so far from the pre-season games against Wycombe, Ipswich and Brentford. Perhaps the main thing we can take from these games is that Grady Diangana is going to have a big role this season. The young winger set up Haller for two goals against Ipswich and assisted again for Yarmolenko's opener against Brentford. Could Diangana be the answer to getting Sebastien Haller scoring again? 

What's also evident from pre-season, with Rice and Diop out with knocks, is that West Ham are very stretched at the back. Another centre back and a full back are needed at the least, although Ben Johnson continues to make progress. While up front we have Haller and Antonio, but no back-up strikers. With Zabaleta, Sanchez, Ajeti, Hugill, Ngakia and Roberto off the wage bill it's now time to act decisively in the transfer market.