Brentford pile pressure on Hammers and Moyes

West Ham 0 Brentford 2

In a desperate bid to add colour to the blog Nigel has arrived at the Best Cafe on Thursday night, wondering why there's no-one in West Ham shirts and nothing about the game in the paper. After realising his mistake he foolishly elects to come again the next night and join Matt, Lisa, Fraser, Michael and myself in the London Stadium. 

Nigel is excited by the pre-match entertainment including The Trooper by Iron Maiden as well as applause for Pele. In another bid to add colour I'm wearing my "I'm Forever Blowing Baubles" Christmas WHU jumper — though Jimmy Walker might think I'm having myself in dodgy gear.

The West Ham side looks good on paper with Soucek, Kehrer and Antonio dropped, Ogbonna at centre back, Paqueta playing deeper and Scamacca back up front. WHU start well, with some crisp passing and Rice firing a great effort against the outside of the post. For the first 20 minutes we dominate with Dawson heading narrowly wide from a corner and Bowen having a close-range shot blocked. Dawson also has a strong appeal for a penalty ignored.

But goals change games and Brentford score from a simple flick-on after a long throw. Norgaad's shot is well-saved by Fabianski but Toney is quicker to react than Cresswell or Emerson and pokes home the rebound. We could do without his crossed hammers celebration.

West Ham respond with further pressure, with Rice and Benrahma prominent, and good work by Ogbonna sets up Emerson for a shot that is parried by Raya. But the second goal is a killer after 43 minutes. Another throw-on is flicked on and Cresswell is embarrassingly out-paced and out-muscled by Dasilva, who fires into the corner with a good finish.

The Hammers almost get back into it at the start of the second half as the ref awards a penalty for Mee's foul on Bowen. Only VAR rules the foul was outside the box and the free kick comes to nothing. West Ham toil away without looking much like scoring. Paqueta, so good from Brazil in the World Cup, misplaces simple passes and the £30m Scamacca looks lethargic, though does come to life to test Raya with a stinging shot he can't hold. Moyes even plays Scamacca and Antonio together for half an hour (the departing Emerson goes straight down the tunnel) though neither look like they can read the other's play. 

GOING DOWN WITH THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS?

Dawson does get in a header from a corner that Raya does well to tip over but Brentford see out the game fairly comfortably and Fabianski has to produce a great low save to prevent it being 3-0. "Show some urgency, just get it in the effing box!" shouts a Vicar's daughter behind us. Antonio sums it up by bustling past three players only to take a comical air-kick.

Even Fraser is beginning to lose faith in David Moyes. We could probably make Pele look poor on this form. "Said Benrahma he wants to come home!" chant the jubilant Brentford fans. 

So it's five defeats in a row and Moyes is now under serious pressure, despite the good work of the last two and a half seasons. Should we lose to Leeds, Wolves and Everton he will surely be out, though there aren't too many options to replace him. He has a point that we aren't getting much luck and played well in the first half, but it used to be West Ham who were clinical on the break and we are giving away silly goals. That's 19 league defeats in 2022 and the Bus Stop from Hounslow have joined Brighton as our bogey team.

We exit for the Refreshment Rooms where Michael is taken ill with a dose of ennui and Matt is wondering how he has been overlooked in the New Year's honours list for Services to Football Trivia. We've lost a must-win game with another at Leeds coming up. A dodgy penalty, a lucky rebound, we desperately need something to turn our season.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 6, Dawson 7, Ogbonna 6, Cresswell 4, Emerson 6 (Antonio 5); Rice 8, Paqueta 5 (Soucek 5), Benrahma 7; Bowen 6, Scamacca 5.

Kicked up the Arsenal

Arsenal 3 West Ham 1

Undercover agents Nigel, Matt and myself rendezvous at my safe north London house ready to infiltrate the home fans. Matt has a bad back and looks as mobile as Iain Dowie, but spectates through the pain barrier. 

Only as we leave my gate a rather beery Gooner comes up to us. "Are you lads Arsenal fans?" It is then that Nigel denies his religion and says we are Gooners. "Course you are, you couldn't be anything else living round here!" We then learn that our new friend only got a keyring for Christmas from his missus while all the money went on his kids. At the ground we separate into our seats borrowed from absent Arsenal fans. Two seats away from me is Lee, another undercover Hammer marooned in Finsbury Park. We exchange meaningful glances. Agent Lola is also among the Arsenal fans next to the Hammers' contingent. 

I'm behind the goal with an Arsenal flag being passed over my head and chants of, "Stick you f***ing bubbles up your arse!" Saka has an early goal disallowed for offside and Arsenal move the ball around crisply. But Bowen and Antonio are causing some problems for the Arsenal defence. When Bowen has his leg taken away by Saliba, the Irons win a penalty. Despite the Gooners fans waving their arms in the air to distract him, Said sticks it down the middle and scores. I do my best to look depressed.

Coufal and Bowen pick up bookings but the team are working hard and Rice is looking strong in midfield. It's a rearguard action though and Arsenal are awarded a penalty in added time. Only thanks to VAR it's correctly overturned as the ball struck Cresswell's head. The Arsenal fans howl with rage. Incredibly we're ahead at the break.

At half time I meet Agent Nigel for a chat and then in the gents spot an Arsenal fan carrying a D H Lawrence The Lost Girl Penguin Classics tote bag. Matt has observed at the bar that the Tempranillo Shiraz is temporarily unavailable and the Flowerhead Merlot will be served instead.

The second half begins with Antonio getting through but having his shot smothered by Ramsdale. Arsenal step up a gear and their intricate passing patterns cause big problems — they also start to put themselves about a lot more. The equaliser comes when Odegaard's shot is deflected into the path of Saka, who has been played onside by Coufal.

The Gooners start to ecstatically chant, "There's only one Arsene Wenger!" after he's spotted in the stand. The second goal arrives five minutes after the equaliser when the pacy Martinelli looks likely to cross but catches out Fabianski at his near post. "We are top of the league!" chant the home fans.

The third goal arrives as Nketiah rolls Kehrer too easily and slots home a good finish as I'm hugged by a Gunners' fan. "Are you Tottenham in disguise?" ask the North Bank. 

Arsenal look like they could win the league on this form but West Ham do keep going. It's good to see Mubama get eight minutes at the end and sub Fornals forces Ramsdale to make an excellent late save. We never expected to get too much out of this and at least we have given them a game, though conceded three poor goals. The next three or four games are now vital for West Ham and Moyes to get out of a relegation struggle.

Agents Matt and Nigel meet back at my house to discuss D H Lawrence and Wainwright wallcharts over tea and Proper Job. Football is back. Arsenal will turn over a lot of teams, but now our old/new season starts with the visit of the bus stop in Hounslow. The new signings have to gel into a team and quickly.

Scaloni is a World Cup winner

So Lionel Scaloni is a World Cup winner. Though I’m sure he would exchange his World Cup medal to be able to go back in time to the 2006 FA Cup Final and boot the ball into touch rather than gift Liverpool possession, allowing Gerrard to score from 35 yards out. And that Mbappe is no Geoff Hurst. Sir Geoff didn't need penalties to score a hat-trick and ended up on the winning side. And all his goals were definitely over the line...

Mixed fortunes for World Cup Hammers

Well, Declan Rice is on the way home after it all went a bit Spursy for Harry Kane, but he had an excellent game against France and generally enhanced his reputation in Qatar. Nayef Aguerd had another fine match for Morocco against Spain but had to go off after 84 minutes with a worrying thigh injury. He missed the epic win against Portugal and could be a doubt for the semi-final against France. 

While you wouldn't have predicted forgotten Hammer Nikola Vlasic would be featuring in a World Cup semi-final after proving too much for Brazil. Vlasic, on loan at Torino, came on as a sub against Brazil and was involved in the build-up to Croatia's late equaliser. He also put away the first penalty in the shoot-out with some confidence. Might he still have a future at West Ham? Having spent £28 million on him it's not worth Moyes giving up on him just yet. 

Meanwhile the other Iron left in the competition is Alphonse Areola who will be on the bench for France unless Lloris gets injured. The Fonz is set to get two World Cup winners' medals without ever paying in a final — which is pretty cool and as my pal Matt says, a great trivia question.

Review: Boleyn Boy by Mark Noble

Boleyn Boy does what it says on the tin. Ghosted by the Guardian's Jacob Steinberg, rather like its subject it puts in a no-nonsense shift.

Mark got up to a few tricks as a kid, paying £5 to a his mate on a burger stall at the ground and receiving £20 in change. He was also briefly tempted by hooliganism but after seeing a ruck with Millwall fans decided it was all a bit too scary. 

From a young age he knows he's a bit special at football and with a lot of support from his dad, turns down approaches from Arsenal and Millwall and opts for the Irons. Another rock in his life is his girlfriend and now wife Carly.

Nobes has some interesting thoughts on his managers, not least the revelation that the players tried to talk Gianfranco Zola into making a comeback as a player, he was that good. He respected Sam Allardyce and seems to agree with Big Sam that the West Ham Way is more about showing you care than pretty football. He also feels that Sam lost focus in the final half season when it was clear his contract wasn't going to be renewed. 

Nobes feels Payet should have spoken to his skipper first about his homesickness, but that Dimi still, "made my life as West Ham captain so beautiful for 18 months". There's also a section of the players' japes, and you probably don't want to know what Robert Snodgrass did with Nobes' slippers.

Noble's take on removing that pitch invader against Burnley is interesting. "It was my way of saying 'Look, I'm a fucking West Ham fan. I've supported the team since I was born. But you don't run on the field of play.' I was as frustrated as anyone. I trained hard every day and hurt when we lost. Yet its not fair to affect the game and disturb the players." That evening he went home and when Carly brought him a cup of tea he burst into tears at the state of the club. He has a lot of respect for David Moyes and his decision to take the players on a break after that Burnley debacle.

You get a sense of how difficult it has been at times being both a West Han fan and a player, but Noble has certainly earned our affection. Having him back at the club can only be a good thing.

Life after Declan

It's pretty obvious from Declan Rice's comments while on World Cup duty that he wants to play Champions League football and win trophies that he will be leaving West Ham in the summer. It's hard to blame him — a player of his talent will go to the very top and I'm grateful to have seen him in a West Ham shirt over the past six seasons. He'd certainly get in my all-time Greatest Hammers X1. The Irons had chances to make the Champions League in the previous two seasons but failed to sign a striker and were hampered by a thin squad. Those chances don't come round very often. 

Replacing Rice will be near impossible, but there's no way we should keep a player who is dissatisfied. The team might even benefit slightly from being less reliant on Declan. There's always the chance Soucek might regain the form of two seasons ago, though Flynn Downes hasn't as yet looked good enough to be Rice's successor, but to be fair he's often been played out of position. Should Man City come in then a player exchange for cash plus Kalvin Phillips might appeal. Whatever happens, it's going to be a big test for Moyes and West Ham. Under Moyes Everton sold Rooney but improved — we have to hope he can do the same again.

Irons in Qatar

Plenty of interest for West Ham fans so far in the World Cup. Equador's Enner Valencia scored the first two goals in the competition (as predicted by Mystic Matt); Declan Rice bossed the midfield for England against Iran; gaffer Lionel Scaloni is under pressure at Argentina (just kick it into touch, Lionel); and Morocco's Nayef Aguerd has just come up against Croatia's Nikola Vlasic (still a WHU player) for Croatia, though Vlasic went off at half-time in the goalless draw. Lucas Paqueta had 70 minutes for Brazil. Now Enner Valencia has scored again and someone called Andre Ayew scored for Ghana. All World Cup roads lead back to West Ham.

Questions for Moyes to ponder during the break

Thanks to the decision to play the World Cup in winter in Qatar we're effectively playing two seasons in the 2022-23 campaign. With relatively few players at the World Cup and a break of six weeks David Moyes and his staff can work hard on the training ground and look at re-setting the team. There are a number of issues for Moyes to ponder:

CAN ANTONIO AND SCAMACCA PLAY TOGETHER?

It's surely time to consider playing Scamacca and Antonio together for longer than ten-minute cameos. Yes it would mean depleting the midfield but Antonio could easily play wide right and get forward in support of Macca when necessary.

HOW DO YOU BUILD A TEAM AROUND PAQUETA?

At £51 million we have to play Paqueta and build a team around him. How can Moyes get him on the ball and in positions where he can really affect games? Too often his fancy backheels and close control are done in areas where he doesn't hurt the opposition.

WHO IS WEST HAM'S BEST RIGHT-BACK?

The right-back position has been shared between Johnson, Kehrer and Coufal. Kehrer looks more at home as a centre back while Johnson's form has declined and he sometimes looks unsure going forward. My money would be on playing Coufal for his crossing prowess and helping him get back to the levels of two seasons ago.

WHY HAVE WEST HAM STOPPED SCORING AT SET-PIECES?

Despite a lot of height in the side the Irons have hardly scored from a set piece. Dawson used to cause mayhem, Ogbonna was a threat and Soucek scored his fair share of headers. The departed Stuart Pearce did a lot of work on set-pieces and it's something the management now need to work on.

HOW TO HANDLE BENRAHMA?

Said Benrahma has probably been the Hammers' best player so far. Moyes needs to be less harsh on him and give him confidence with the arm round the shoulder approach, rather than qualifying every statement with a criticism. 

SHOULD WHU PLAY FOUR OR FIVE AT THE BACK?

With Aguerd fit Moyes will be tempted to play Zouma, Aguerd and Kehrer or Dawson as three centre backs together. But that would mean an isolated striker and less support for Paqueta in midfield and a crucial role for the overlapping wingbacks.

HOW TO GET THE BEST OUT OF BOWEN?

Jarrod Bowen was on fire last season but playing for England at the end of the season did his his body no favours. He should benefit from a six-week rest and needs to have his confidence boosted by the management and be encouraged to get his shots away as of old.

HAVE OTHER TEAMS RUMBLED THE DEEP BLOCK?

Perhaps the biggest issue is have other teams rumbled how to play against West Ham. Sitting deep and breaking at speed used to work, but it hasn't been effective this season. While the policy of sitting back for the first half of away games usually leads to the team going a goal down. It's surely time to be more proactive away from home.

Mr West Ham at the Newham Bookshop

A great turnout at the Newham Bookshop yesterday for Mark Noble signing copies of Boleyn Boy. The queues stretched round the block and the shop sold all 400 copies – demand was so great Mark even had to fetch 20 copies from his car boot. The queue started at 9am and one fan had travelled up from Dorset. 

Nobes was obviously very impressed to meet local legend Vivian and as ever proved a diamond geezer. He had a word for everyone during his two-hour session and was great with kids and starstruck fans alike. We also learned that Said Benrahma is fantastic in training, the most stressful thing about retirement is watching West Ham and that Mark likes a Bounty when his two sons were dispatched to the car to get some chocolate. Top man and as many fans said, we could do with him on the pitch now. 

Maddison men mug Irons as slump continues

West Ham 0 Leicester City 2

In the Best Cafe Matt is quizzing us on the nine current and past West Ham players likely to be going to the World Cup. He's particularly pleased that we stumble on Edmilson Fernandes with Switzerland and Javier Hernandez of Mexico, though we did get Cheikhou Kouyate with Senegal.

Inside the stadium the sun is in our eyes despite the promises of the reservation centre at Westfield six years ago. At first we think the Cockney Rejects have mellowed and got a brass section, though the band on the pitch prove to be here for Remembrance Sunday and do a version of Bubbles which brings back memories of the old 1970s band.

West Ham start with some attacks for a change but still go behind after eight minutes. Kehrer jockeys Barnes away from goal but Paqueta hasn't tracked Dewsbury-Hall who crosses for Daka. The Leicester striker miskicks but it falls to Maddison who is more alert than Cresswell and fires into the roof of the net.

Fabianski has to make a great save from a long-distance shot from Amartey, while Zouma, who pulled up in the warm-up, has to go off to be replaced by Aguerd. Faced with adversity the Irons do make a spirited response, helped by Maddison departing with an injury. Benrahma does really well to wriggle through and force a one-handed save from Ward. The Leicester keeper then makes another fine save after Paqueta's header is looping into the top corner and Soucek has a goal disallowed for offside. 

But the Hammers then crumble at the back again. Dawson tackles through Daka before getting the ball and though the ref rules play on VAR decides correctly that it's a penalty. Thankfully Fabianski makes a great save to keep out Tieleman's well-struck spot-kick.

Nigel's lucky banana and lucky banana case aren't working. The second half sees West Ham produce one of their better performances of the season only to lack any kind of clinical finish. Kehrer gets in a fine cross but Scamacca hasn't gambled to get on the end of it. Rice puts a free header over the bar and shoots wide. A series of corners come to nothing as Moyes replaces Soucek with Fornals. Rice is everywhere, but we miss the crossing ability of Coufal. Bowen, who looks tired and is often too deep, has one shot deflected over and is then foiled by a great block as Faes and the Leicester defence excel.

The game is sealed with 12 minutes to go as Perez plays in Barnes, who gets past Aguerd too easily and slips the ball past the onrushing Fabianski. Worryingly, West Ham heads go down even though the match is still redeemable. Leicester see the game out comfortably.

It's off to the Eagle for our last drink until after Christmas. Three home games and three defeats in six days — it doesn't get worse than this. Moyes has done a great job in the last two seasons but his project has stalled. He deserves time over the break to try to get Paqueta, Scamacca, Kehrer, Aguerd and the injured Cornet playing in a united team, but it's all looking disjointed and the side needs the elusive elixir of confidence. European progress has been excellent, but having spent big WHU have to be better than this, otherwise a relegation struggle beckons.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Kehrer 5, Dawson 5, Zouma (n/a) (Aguerd 5), Cresswell 5; Rice 8, Soucek 6 (Fornals 5), Benrahma 7, Paqueta 6, Bowen 6; Scamacca 5. 

Saturday at 3pm?

Strange news indeed that tomorrow's game against Leicester is taking place at 3pm on a Saturday. Surely this goes against all football tradition? West Ham play on Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays but never on a Saturday. Can't see this Saturday football business catching on myself.

Rovers and out: Hammers pay penalty

West Ham 2 Blackburn Rovers 2 (Carabao Cup) (Lost 9-10 on pens)

In the Best Cafe Michael has purchased an unusual gift for Nigel, a plastic case for his lucky banana. It is yellow, banana-shaped and comes with a fork. We're joined by Matt and Lisa who are quaffing red wine in the style of Malcolm Allison in the Central. The daytime greasy spoon menu is off in the evenings, so it's falafel and chips all round.

Somehow Nigel gets his rigid banana case through security and we join Fraser in the stadium. As ever the Irons start slowly against Blackburn's second eleven and a Nayef back pass from Aguerd almost gifts Rovers the lead. They do score after six minutes as Vale gets behind the defence to stroke home.

The mainly squad players have to raise their game and Antonio starts to cause problems, dribbling down the left to cross low for Fornals to fire at the keeper. The same pair manage to fashion an equaliser as Antonio's run from the right causes confusion and his cross is miscontrolled by a defender into the path of Fornals who finishes crisply for his third goal in a week. 

After the break a terrible back pass by Conor Coventry almost gifts Blackburn a second, though Aguerd does well to block on the line. Lanzini has a goalbound shot blocked and sub Benrahma gives the side an instant lift. He sets up a chance for Antonio to fire at the keeper but then Said wastefully blasts the rebound over the bar.

Moyes brings on Scamacca and Bowen to support Antonio and Benrahma in a bid to settle the tie. Antonio hits the post from a corner. Aguerd plays a long ball into the box, a Blackburn defender gets a boot in ahead of Bowen and Antonio lashes home the loose ball to make it 2-1 with 12 minutes left.

But the Hammers have not heeded the threat of sub and rumoured West Ham target Brereton Diaz, who has already cut in from the left and fired wide. After a poor free kick straight into the arms of Pears, Rovers break and Brereton is given too much time by Johnson and Aguerd to cut in and fire into the top corner.

It goes down to penalties, which are surprisingly well-taken. Areola doesn't get close to any of them though nor does Pears. Behrahma, Bowen, Scamacca, Antonio and Lanzini score the first five as do Blackburn, and then it's sudden death. When it reaches 9-5 last man Ogbonna steps up to fire against the bar. "How shit must you be, our first team's at home!" chant the Rovers fans.

"We won't ever see a Moyes team score eleven again," reflects Fraser. Nigel's lucky banana case has failed to work any magic, though it has resulted in a 23-goal thriller. But we're out of the League Cup which was a good chance of a trophy. It might help avoid fixture congestion if there is a Europa Conference run, but even so it piles pressure on Moyes to get a result in the Leicester game, though he certainly deserves time to reset the squad during the World Cup break.

Inspired by a half-time meeting with the Gav, who is sporting a 1970s Middlesbrough away shirt, as you do, we head to a bar above a Chinese restaurant in Westfield. Meantime is available at £6 though the soft lighting gives the place a distinct 1970s James Bond vibe, which rather like West Ham leaves us shaken but not stirred. Had we won the shoot-out this might have been regarded as fairly routine progress, but we didn't and the slow starts and defensive lapses are increasingly worrying.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Coufal 6 (Bowen 5), Johnson 5, Aguerd 5, Ogbonna 5, Emerson 6 (Cresswell n/a); Downes 6, Coventry 5 (Benrahma 7), Lanzini 6, Fornals 7 (Scamacca 5); Antonio 8.

Palace coup and Antonio lapse leave Hammers feeling bad all over

West Ham 1 Crystal Palace 2

It's rained all morning and the Overground is down yet again — it's not a promising start to Sunday. Inside the stadium are Fraser in his Humphrey Bogart raincoat, Matt wearing a yellow hoodie (is he now a Watford fan?), Lisa, Michael the Whovian and Nigel, fresh from completing his 92 league grounds at exotic Barrow.

Up against a team that hasn't won away all season — what could possibly go wrong? Palace have much the better of the first 19 minutes, as Eze tests Fabianski with a free kick and then drags a good chance wide. Eze, Zaha, Olise and Ayew are a fluid attack for Palace while West Ham look strangely jaded despite resting the senior players on Thursday.

Bur slowly West Ham get into the game more and take a surprise lead. Paqueta finds Benrahma with a short ball and the lille Algerian sidesteps a defender to send a rocket into the top corner. A great goal.

It looks like the Hammers will take the lead into the break until Fabianski rolls the ball out to Dawson, whose overhit pass is miscontrolled by Kehrer. Eze pounces and sets up Zaha for a crisp finish. Maybe it's all because Nigel has not eaten his lucky banana.

Scamacca has played a few decent balls out wide but generally struggled to hold the ball up in the first half and is replaced by Antonio at the break. Gianluca still seems to be adapting to the PL and his form has slumped in recent weeks, which is worrying. 

The Irons improve a bit but quire often the passing is woeful. When the lively Benrahma is subbed by Lanzini there's open dissent from the crowd and a chant of, "Oh Said Benrahma!" Moyes later reveals that Benrahma was carrying a knee injury but also adds that he didn't think Said did much after his goal — Moyes really needs to stop digging out Benrahma, as he's clearly a confidence player. The substitution of the previously untouchable Soucek for Downes gets ironic cheers.

Antonio is struggling to hold it up just as Scamacca did, but causes problems with his strength. When Lanzini finds Antonio he loses his defender with a great turn, nears the goalkeeper and then rather than shoot or pass to Paqueta, falls to the ground. The ref gives a penalty, only for VAR to correctly overturn it.

"Why can you not pass it?!!" asks the incensed Vicar's Son as the Hammers continue to lose possession, with Bowen working hard but toiling and the Hammers missing Coufal's attacking runs. Dawson almost turns the ball into his own net but is saved by Fabianski, while a great tackle from the defender denies Zaha. Have both sides now settled for a draw?

ANTONIO WOE

With four minutes of added time West Ham stream forward in search of a late winner. Antonio bounces off a defender and races into the right side of the box. He could fire it hard and low to try and get a deflection or a corner. Or just waste some time. But instead he lofts a feeble chip into the arms of Guaita.

The next 15 seconds seem pre-ordained. Guaita plays it out, Eze finds Olise, and the Palace winger's shot takes a wicked deflection off Cresswell to fly into the top corner with the last kick of the game. The Palace fans go wild, while we feel bad all over. The scoreboard reads WHU 1 CRY 2, which seems very apt.

At least the Eagle has bottles of Spitfire in the fridge as we resort to drink and Spurs versus Liverpool. Nigel tells us about Barrow and wants to wind-up Klopp. Matt recalls Terry Pratchett stories and Michael pumps us for information on Stranger Things — which being about kids in an upside down world sounds curiously like West Ham. Moyes has declared, "we shot ourselves in the foot", prompting Matt to quip that it's surprising we didn't miss. 

A very unsatisfactory afternoon with a difficult game against Leicester to come before the World Cup break. Urgent improvement is needed.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Kehrer 5, Dawson 5, Zouma 6, Cresswell 6; Rice 6, Soucek 5, (Downes 5), Benrahma 7 (Lanzini 5), Paqueta 6; Bowen 5, Scamacca 5 (Antonio 5).

If the kids are United

FCSB 0 West Ham 3 (Europa Conference League)

So a perfect six in Europe for the Irons and another great result with a side of squad players and kids. Of the two debutants 16-year-old Ollie Scarles got in some great crosses from the left while 18-year-old striker Divin Mubama was a handful all evening and very nearly scored early on from Scarles' cross. Downes also went close and before Johnson's long ball was expertly finished by Fornals on the half-volley.

Next Aguerd had a header cleared off the line. The Hammers' second goal looked to have been headed home by young Mubama from Coufal's cross, though it took a deflection off Dawa and was sadly deemed an own goal. The third came when another excellent cross from Scarles was fumbled by the keeper and Fornals lashed home. More of that in the Premier League please, Pablo.

Scarles almost stroked home a fourth when he shot just wide. But overall a very satisfying evening and another game for Aguerd to gain match fitness in, plus late substitute debuts for Casey, Simon-Swyer, Appiah-Forson and Potts.

Hammers draw blank against inspired De Gea

Manchester United 1 West Ham 0 

We seem to have perfected the art of losing unluckily by one goal to the top six clubs. The first 37 minutes saw United restricted to a couple of efforts from Ronaldo and Rashford that were comfortably dealt with by Fabianski. Benrahma almost got through on a couple of occasions, but it was generally unambitious fare from the Hammers, who seemed to be playing in Blackpool's discarded kit.

Flynn Downes is a promising holding midfielder but plays virtually every ball backwards to Rice — playing him in the number ten role seems bizarre when Antonio, Fornals or Lanzini would be a much better fit. The goal arrives when Eriksen collects a throw-in and spins in a lovely cross for Rashford to get ahead of Kehrer and power home a header.

Areola has to come on for the injured Fabianski and after picking up a silly booking and then making a rash challenge Scamacca is taken off for his own protection. Antonio makes a difference with his hold-up play and for the final half an hour the Hammers give it a real go. Dalot has to make a great defensive header to thwart Antonio, and then Michail tests De Gea with a long-range piledriver.

De Gea then produces a great flying save to deny Zouma who has got his head on Cresswell's cross. Fred heads against the post at the other end, but still West Ham come forward. Fornals, on for Downes, does really well to pull the ball back for Bowen's goalbound shot to be deflected wide by Harry Maguire.

In the last action of the day Benrahma's run causes panic and Rice sends in a hypersonic missile of a shot that De Gea somehow tips wide. WHU really should have got a point from this and you have to hope that at some point our luck will turn in front of goal.

So that's unlucky defeats at Chelsea, Liverpool and United. At least we have the chance to get some revenge at the London Stadium after the World Cup. And to look on the bright side, Michail Antonio had a good game as a pundit on Match of the Day 2. It's not a time for panic, but Moyes needs to restore some adventure, get Paqueta fit and consider playing Scamacca and Antonio together against Palace.

Five out of five wins sees Irons top Europa Group

West Ham 1 Silkeborg IF 0 (Europa Conference League)

Despite the strange ticket office practice of not selling us tickets next to an empty single seat, Matt, Lisa, Fraser, Nigel and myself are able to find enough wide open spaces to sit together in our usual spot at the London Stadium in our second home match in four days.

The evening begins with the usual flame throwers and a mass display of red and white scarves from the Silkeborg fans — who seem a much friendlier bunch than the Belgians of Anderlecht with their flares and seat lobbing. 

Antonio goes close early on, shooting at the keeper's leg after a fine through ball from Fornals. Nayef Aguerd finally make his debut and he looks an assured presence with a cultured left foot. It's a good run-out for him against a side that looks Championship standard. 

The Irons continue to press with Benrahma setting up Coventry for a shot just past the post. The only goal comes after half a hour. The ball appears to be drifting off, but keeper Larsen foolishly rushes off his line and Antonio goes down like a felled oak after slight contact. Not sure it's a penalty at all, but Lanzini dispatches it, even though the keeper gets close. Benrahma heads just wide at the end of the half after a good move involving Lanzini and Coufal.

The second half sees Fornals drag a great chance wide after a defender passes straight to him. But slowly West Ham's B team start to ease off and Klynge tests Areola with a low effort. The West Ham keeper then has to make a great leap to defy Tengstedt. Are we about to be assimilated by the Borg?

At the other end it's almost two as Benrahma cuts inside from a corner only to see Larsen's foot deflect the ball wide. Moyes plays Antonio and Scamacca together for a whole 16 minutes, while Rice and Soucek are brought on late to shore it up. We should have had more, but a team of squad players has done a professional job.

We head off to the Olde Black Bull for some pints of Razor Back where Fraser says there's nothing he enjoys more than a clean sheet and a 1-0 victory through a dodgy penalty. Nigel's hoping that Barrow versus Crewe will be a better game, where he's completing his 92 grounds aided by groundhopper Reg. And inspired by Conor Coventry he's wondering if any players have played for a club with the same surname — and thinks we should loan Coventry to Coventry just to make it happen.

That's six home wins in a row now, even if three were in the Europa Conference. We've won the group, the kids can play at FCSB and it's European football again in March. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7; Coufal 6, Johnson 7, Ogbonna 6, Aguerd 6 (Kehrer 6), Emerson 6; Coventry 6 (Rice n/a), Lanzini 7, Fornals 6 (Downes 6), Benrahma 7 (Scamacca 6); Antonio 6 (Soucek n/a).

Mark Noble at the Newham Bookshop

Here's a date for your diaries. Mark Noble will be signing his new autobiography Boleyn Boy at the Newham Bookshop in Barking Road on Sunday November 13 at 2pm. It would have been Mark's local bookshop in his days of growing up in Canning Town and this will be one of the first events to publicise his book. 

Boleyn Boy, published by HarperCollins, describes Mark's journey from boot boy to club captain, bossing the midfield, taking pressure penalties and playing for a host of different managers including Alan Pardew, Alan Curbishley, Gianfranco Zola, Avram Grant, Sam Allardyce, Slaven Bilic, Manuel Pellegrini and David Moyes. Should be a cracking event.

King Kurt and Benrahma see off Cherries

West Ham 2 Bournemouth 0

At the London Stadium Michael has been watching something called Doctor Who, Nigel has forgotten to eat his lucky banana but is still dreaming of being a Highway Star after watching Deep Purple live and Fraser is liking the Tory idea of replacing the gaffer every six weeks. Matt and Lisa complete our party, on a rare day of only going to one match.

It's a bit of a strange selection by Moyes. Flynn Downes is played in Paqueta's number ten role rather than being kept as a holding midfielder and allowing Rice and Soucek to get forward. But the Hammers dominate most of the first half, going close with first a Soucek header and then, after a Downes shot is blocked, Cresswell draws a great save from Neto. At the other end Soucek gives the ball away and allows Solanke to get a shot in.

Bowen isn't really getting into the game and Scamacca is outnumbered, though Benrahma is a threat on the left and even though he makes a few rickets always wants the ball. The breakthrough comes from a corner just before the break. It's an ugly goal, but we'll take it. The ball strikes Kehrer on the arms, Soucek heads it back in and Zouma gets a flick to head it home. VAR gives it despite Kehrer's handball, as it is deemed not deliberate and in the phase of play before the goal is scored. You can always rely on Mike Dean!

Meanwhile Mystic Matt has to delete his half-time tweet criticising Bournemouth play-acting as both Solanke and keeper Neto go off injured. If there's an actual severed leg he might consider an injury genuine...

The second half sees Rice have a shot saved by sub keeper Travers, but the Hammers slowly let Bournemouth into the game. Downes fades in his attacking role and Johnson has a bit of a nightmare at right-back, while Scamacca tries to take on one man too many. Benrahma is WHU's best outlet, at times showing great control and having shots from all angles. 

Ryan Fredericks gets a good round of applause from the home fans when he goes off. Antonio comes on for Scamacca, throws himself to the ground a lot and doesn't hold it up very well, in a much less effective cameo than William Russell, Sophie Aldred, Janet Fielding and David Tennant in Doctor Who. Nigel remarks that it seems a long time ago when we were playing well and in the top four. 

Bizarrely Moyes doesn't make any further changes until the 88th minute, bringing on Coufal and Fornals. We're into the 90th minute as Coufal gets in a cross that the diving Zemora blocks with his hand. It's hard to see how the defender could have got out of the way, but according to the letter of the law and Mike Dean, it's a penalty. The newly-blonde Said Benrahma smashes it home in emphatic style. Have we finally found our penalty taker?

There is much shock when Matt says he is giving the man of the match award to Benrahma — having obviously never doubted him. From flirting with the bottom three West Ham go up to tenth in the congested Premier League. We deserved to win on possession, though have had to rely on a couple of contentious VAR calls — still, that's an impressive five home wins in a row, the first time the Irons have done this since the Boleyn days.

We head to the Olde Black Bull, which is serving Tribute and Wherry, and sensibly decline to discuss emotions, instead sticking to trivia. We go though Scottish islands, major UK towns Nigel hasn't been to (Dundee take a bow) and MPs without a football team in their constituency. While it's left to Nigel to come up with some absolutely world class trivia — Said Benrahma has scored three goals this season all under different prime ministers. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Johnson 5, Zouma 7, Kehrer 6, Cresswell 6; Rice 7, Soucek 6, Benrahma 8, Downes 5 (Fornals n/a); Bowen 6 (Coufal n/a), Scamacca 5 (Antonio 5).

Benrahma deserves a start

There's been plenty in the press indicating that David Moyes isn't happy with Said Benrahma's lack of end product and he can indeed be a very frustrating player to watch. But he's been rather hard done by this season and with Paqueta injured represents WHU's best chance of producing the unexpected. There have been signs of more end product this season. Benrahma has scored twice in the Europa Conference, he's hit the woodwork at Forest and Everton, he assisted when Cornet hit the post at Chelsea, assisted Rice for the equaliser at Southampton and was part of the move that created a very good late chance for Soucek at Anfield. Fornals will work all day, but if WHU need creativity then the Algerian deserves to start against Bournemouth.

Penalty miss proves costly at Anfield

Liverpool 1 West Ham 0

A blow that Paqueta missed this one with a shoulder injury and Moyes opted to go with Flynn Downes as a third holding midfielder. It began as the Darwin Nunez show, with the striker forcing a great save from Fabianski after he hit a stunning half-volley. Nunez then powerfully headed home Tsimikas's cross, forced another good save from Fabianski and then struck the post with another volley.

But shortly before the break the under-pressure Irons had a chance to come back into it. Downes' knock-on to Bowen saw the forward barged over by Gomez and after some VAR debate a penalty was awarded. Bowen never looked that confident taking it in front of the Kop and Alisson pulled off an athletic save. Not that bad a bad penalty, but perhaps we still need to get an assessment from the Office for Penalty-Taking Responsibility. Just after that Kehrer went close with a header from a corner.

After the break Liverpool had more chances and Zouma almost scored an own goal. But subs Benrahma and Antonio caused problems, and credit to Moyes for finally playing Michail and Scamacca together, albeit briefly. 

Scamacca shot wastefully wide when set up by Antonio with Benrahma free in the middle. Benrahma didn't connect properly with his volley after Rice's dropping cross fell at his feet. Then after great work from Benrahma and Bowen on the left Soucek looked certain to score only to be robbed by a great tackle from James Milner and a deflection off Alisson.

In recent seasons we have perfected the art of losing unluckily at Anfield. At some stage we have to start taking our chances against the big teams away, although this was a decent performance and at times we had one of the best teams in Europe worried, while youngsters like Downes and Scamacca will have learned from playing here. Irons!

Rice cracker earns point at Saints

Southampton 1 West Ham 1

Listened to this while laid up in bed with Covid and not sure it was the best medicine for convalescing. Emerson went close early on after good work by Scamacca, but the Saints came back with Fabianski saving with his feet from Adams. The Saints took the lead as the referee obstructed Bowen, preventing him tackling Perraud, who fired home a deflected shot. Infamy, infamy...

Fabianski had to make a brilliant low save from Adams but the response from the Irons was good as Scamacca fired two efforts just wide and then crossed for Paqueta to head against the outside of the post. Moyes also reckons we should have had a penalty for a foul on Soucek and MOD2 did indeed reveal a judo throw on the Czech by Perraud.

The second half was all West Ham as the Irons forced numerous corners. Sub Benrahma made a difference. Rice played a swift one-two with Benrahma and curled a lovely shot into the far corner for his first league goal in a year, topped off by a knee-slide celebration in front of the away fans. Scamacca had an effort saved late on and Benrahma a goal bound shot blocked, but the determined Saints held on. 

The worrying thing is that we couldn't win with 61 per cent possession, 25 shots and 14 corners. Perhaps the injured Dawson and Zouma might have made a difference at set-pieces. Still, it was a decent performance overall in terms of pressure and surely the goals will come.

Hammers win despite late flare-up

West Ham 2 Anderlecht 1 (Europa Conference League)

The big news at the London Stadium is that Nigel and Gav have been to see Uriah Heep last week and on Thursday are seeing Deep Purple, though Lisa would prefer Bucks Fizz. And Nigel has eaten his lucky banana in the tunnel by Carpenters Road, a tactic that has resulted in three wins in a row.

It’s a noisy midweek crowd as the Hammers soon go two goals up. Benrahma curls a fine free kick through the Anderlecht wall (Matt has never doubted him) and then after a good run by Emerson, Bowen lashes home from the edge of the box. Anderlecht have some late chances but it’s 2-0 at the interval, with an injury to Ogbonna the only downside.

There’s a medical drama at half-time as an unfortunate fan falls down the steps. The paramedics do a professional job as he’s eventually taken away on a stretcher with his neck in a brace and his arm in a sling.

The Irons continue to miss chances as Fornals and sub Soucek should both do better. The away fans have been setting off flares all game and there are unpleasant scenes as seats are thrown and flares thrown at the West Ham fans. “Some stupid with a flare gun, could burn this place to the ground,” opines Nigel.

When Anderlecht score a late penalty even though Johnson played the ball, more flares are lobbed and Fraser says sagely, “Eddie and the Hot Rods wrote a song about fighting Belgians.”

A shame about the crowd trouble but at the end of the evening it’s job done as the Irons make it four out of four wins in Europe. A good result considering Moyes made seven changes and this ensures European football after Christmas.

Paqueta and Scamacca shine as Hammers come back to beat Fulham

West Ham 3 Fulham 1

Missed this match due to being in Barcelona on a scouting mission to the Sagrada Familia (Gaudi quite possibly based his design on Nigel's lucky banana). Looking at the highlights the Hammers had a dodgy start, with Pereira lashing home after getting behind Kehrer and past Zouma. It was a rasping shot but should Fabianski have done better? It was nearly two when Dan James hit the bar for the away side.

But thankfully at the other end Paqueta is starting to find pockets of space and establish a  partnership with Scamacca. Lucas creates three great chances for the Italian, crossing for Gianluca to force a great save from Leno with a header, playing a through ball which the Italian strokes wide and then creating another headed opportunity as he plays it out from the back for Cresswell to cross to the striker.

The breakthrough comes after Rice feeds Paqueta who finds Cresswell with a great ball out of defence and West Ham won a corner. Despite three warnings from the ref, Pereira takes Dawson out with an American Football-style block to concede a stupid penalty. Bowen does the rest, and don't believe Danny Murphy's one-sided analysis that it shouldn't have been given. It's no coincidence that WHU's form has improved at both ends since D'Orson returned.

The second half saw West Ham take the lead as Paqueta dinked the ball through to Scamacca who delicately lobbed the keeper. After a long VAR debate the goal was given as it was inconclusive if the ball had brushed the strikers' fingers as he controlled it. That's Macca's sixth goal of the season and like all quality strikers he keeps going even when he's missed a few.

Cresswell has to block Cairney's goalbound shot but at the death Antonio wraps it up. He uses his strength to get past the Fulham defence then fires straight at Leno, which turns into a one-two off the keeper. Leno and Ream then get in a terrible muddle and Michail keeps calm to sidestep them and place the ball into the net. There's been a handball in the build-up but it was in the first phase of the attack and we'll take whatever VAR luck we can get after the Chelsea debacle, despite Silva's tantrum.

WhatsApp messages from our group reveal that the Eagle has Spitfire in stock but no Basqueland IPA and tapas as yet, while Matt is probably saying how much he loves VAR. That's three wins in a row and three in three for Scamacca. But the biggest plus is that Paqueta is now looking like the playmaker West Ham have needed. For too long we've relied on Rice and Bowen, adding Paqueta and Scamacca to the mix can only help. Irons!

Scamacca seals win in Belgium

Anderlecht 0 West Ham 1 (Europa Conference League) 

Not too much happened in the first half bar a late miss from Benrahma when set up by great play from Lanzini and Bowen. Said had a better low shot saved early in the second half, but a series of Hammers' corners failed to provide a breakthrough and it was left to Moyes to bring on the big three of Rice, Scamacca and Paqueta.

Paqueta looked on form from his first touch, a great pass with the outside of his left boot, and then produced some fine Fancy Dan control on the touchline. The winner came as Rice played a crossfield pass to Coufal, who headed back to Paqueta. Lucas dinked a clever ball over the onrushing defender to Scamacca who turned to fire hard and low into the corner. West Ham's victory was assured when Areola made a brilliant one-handed save to deny Wolves' on-loan striker Fabio Silva.

The other big plus of the night was that Flynn Downes had a very solid game in midfield and looked like he could provide real competition for Soucek — while Michael and Fraser reported from the Eagle in Leyton that they have some bitter in the fridge just for me. Meanwhile away Irons Matt and Lisa were watching the game from the Belgian Riviera. Three wins out of three and it's looking increasingly likely we'll be in Europe after Christmas. Irons!

Bench warmers show strength in depth

Results might have been average this season but the squad has certainly improved. Looking at the bench on Saturday it's probably the strongest set of subs we've had in Premier League history, consisting of Coufal, Fornals, Antonio, Lanzini, Areola, Downes, Ogbonna, Benrahma and Emerson. That's a lot of experience and talent and with that group we have to hope that finally Moyes can make game-changing substitutions. And we even have two strikers... 

West Ham tame Wolves for much-needed win

West Ham 2 (two) Wolves 0

In the Best Cafe Nigel and Michael join me for a cup of Rosie Lee. Michael the Whovian's had his Covid and flu boosters and says he might be away with the fairies, so much so that he is hallucinating that A Yeti used to play for West Ham, Michael Antonio once crashed his car dressed as an abominable snowman and de Zarbi are now managing Brighton. 

Groundhopper Nigel's been to see Oxford City play, while there's no sign of Matt and Lisa, who in a desperate bid to make the blog are seeing three games in one day, fitting in the Under-18s and the Under-21s at Rush Green before today's match, as you do.

We head off to the match and desperate times times require desperate measures. With West Ham in the bottom three Nigel, in a break from all precedent, opts to eat his lucky banana on the way to the match. Inside the London Stadium we meet Fraser, who clearly anticipating no goals, hasn't bought any cigars with him, plus gameahollcs Matt and Lisa.

It's probably West Ham's strongest team. Kehrer is in at right-back where he plays for Germany and Paqueta, Cornet and Scamacca all start. Wolves play some neat football in midfield and Fabianski has to make a fairly routine save from a long-range Podence shot and then has to make a much more difficult save from Jonny.

But the Irons slowly come into the game and Scamacca and Bowen both look in the mood. Cornet heads on and Scamacca fires just wide from distance. Bowen runs at the defence and his shot is parried by Sa only for Macca to prod it wide of the post. Cornet has to go off injured and is replaced by Fornals, who works hard but misses with a couple of volleys later on.

But the breakthrough comes after 29 minutes, as Scamacca releases Bowen, who runs at the Wolves defence. He's halted by three Wolves defenders but as the ball rebounds out to Scamacca on the edge of the box the Italian takes a touch and fires a thumping half-volley into the corner. He needed that first league goal and runs to the fans with an ear-cupping celebration. 

JARROD MARCHES ON

At half-time we have a welcome surprise, meeting returning Irons Steve the Cornish Postie and Scott the Clacton Nostradamus. There's a scare at the start of the second half as Kehrer clears an innocuous ball straight to Traore who volleys wide. But minutes later West Ham get a second. Kehrer's shot is blocked but Bowen is alive to the rebound, controlling the ball with his chest and then head before firing in a quick low shot into the corner. A great finish for his first league goal of the season.

Wolves, without three strikers, have been powderpuff in attack, and bringing on Diego Costa inspires a chorus of "Stick your blue flag up your arse…" from the home fans, though the burly Spaniard makes a difference. Costa puts a free header wide and then crosses for Podence to score, though it's correctly disallowed for a marginal offside.

Antonio comes on for Scamacca and is his usual mix of some good pace and control but poor shooting decisions, much to the chagrin of the Vicar's Son. But the Hammers hold out. The defence looks a lot better with no-nonsense Craig Dawson in it. Zouma has been solid in the air and Kehrer has been quietly effective in our first home win. Moyes will love the clean sheet and for the first time this season in the league we've scored twice.

Al we have to do to ensure another win is for Matt and Lisa to go to three games in a day, Michael to have a Covid jab and Nigel to eat his lucky banana before the kick-off. Our change in luck could also be connected with the fact that my lucky 1970s hooped away strip has come out of storage after two months of subsidence work. Not that we're superstitious.

We retreat to Leyton and the Eagle, where there are at least bottles of un-chilled Spitfire on offer. As Gimme all Your Lovin' pays on the juke box our party discusses bands beginning with 'Z' (getting ZZ Top, the Zutons and the Zombies, though Michael correctly points out that ZZ Top begins with Zee and not Z) and a fight almost starts when Nigel tells Fraser that the West Ham way might be no more. Still, it's been a satisfying evening with a vital win and another winnable game against Fulham is coming up. Hopefully the Hammers will soon be looking upwards.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Kehrer 7, Zouma 7, Dawson 7, Cresswell 6; Rice 7. Soucek 5, Paqueta 5 (Emerson 6), Cornet 5 (Fornals 6);  Scamacca 7, (Antonio 6), Bowen 8.

New signings need to be given a chance

The quality of West Ham's new signings can be seen from the international break. Scamacca almost scored with a header for Italy against England and Emerson made a late cameo; Kehrer played at right-back for Germany against England at Wembley; Areola had a rare outing for France and Paquetta played twice for Brazil. While established Hammer Declan Rice also had a solid match for England. 

It's been forgotten that Scamacca had a nasty virus for a fortnight, but with Antonio also on duty with Jamaica it's surely time to give him a start. There's a fair piece by Jacob Steinberg in the Guardian today, pointing out that the Hammers have been unlucky in terms of hitting the woodwork and being robbed by VAR. But even so, having spent £150 million, Moyes needs to get Paqueta going quickly and also give new signing Cornet a game. And let's see some proactive substitutions before we go behind. Come on you Irons!

Welcome home Nobes

Good to hear that Mark Noble has returned to the Irons in the role of sporting director. He's sensibly taken a course at Harvard to learn more about the administrative side of the game and just his presence around the club will be a boost. He'll certainly be a good influence for the younger players and can also help first team stars adapt to the club culture — for example last year Jesse Lingard revealed that he was told not to use his mobile by Nobes when the players shared a lift as Mark wanted the squad to talk to each other. He'll also be a sympathetic ear for any players having problems and is closer to their age group. It's good to have Nobes back and this should be a beneficial move for WHU all round.

Moyes has plenty of credit in the bank

Some pretty absurd speculation in the media and among some fans about David Moyes being under pressure. They seem to be forgetting that he has saved WHU from relegation twice and has then taken the club to sixth and seventh-placed finishes and reached the club's first European semi-final since 1976. 

It's also strange to merge the results of two seasons. A slump was always expected towards the end of last season as the small squad tired and the side concentrated on Europe. What matters is this season's results, which haven't been great. But the side isn't getting tonked every week like Leicester and only an absurd VAR decision deprived WHU of a point at Chelsea. If we're still in the bottom three after ten games it will be more worrying, but home games against Wolves and Fulham are winnable. 

Yes, the effort of two near misses at the top four can be demoralising and some players have probably gone as far as they can with Moyes, and he recognised this last season, which is why he has bought in the new signings. The gaffer could certainly be more adventurous (maybe he should play Scamacca and Antonio together?) but right now he needs a bit of patience and time to get the new signings up and running.

Worrying start continues at Evertom

Everton 1 West Ham 0

This wasn't pleasant reading via text updates while on the train from Oxenholme to Euston. Those who watched it live say the Hammers didn't really get going until the last 20 minutes. Bowen had a dangerous cross well-cleared by Coady early on in a dull first half. The second half began with Bowen firing over, but then saw Maupay spin well to fire in a fine shot from the edge of the area. Kehrer should have been tighter on the former Brighton man who always scores against us.

After that the Irons were unlucky. Soucek saw a header flash across the goal-line from a West Ham corner. An excellent tackle from the Czech then released Benrahma, who beat Begovic only to strike the inside of the post. Bowen had a goalbound shot blocked and a fine tackle from Patterson denied Cornet.

So the poor league start to the season continues, though it has to be said the signings of Coady, Tarkowski, Gueye and Onana have vastly improved Big Fat Frank's Everton side. I'm not panicking yet, and we would have another point but for the world's worst VAR decision at Chelsea. Playing three of last season's top four in Man City, Spurs and Chelsea in the first seven matches hasn't helped. We've also hit the woodwork four times this season and missed a penalty, though as my pal Michael the Whovian says, "I get the feeling it's going to be an unlucky season." 

But despite several close matches there are problems in that Moyes has yet to find an effective attacking combination from Bowen, Antonio, Cornet and Scamacca while Paquetta is still adjusting to the pace of the Premier League. And we certainly should have tested Everton's reserve keeper a lot more. Though you do get the feeling that when it all clicks we might give someone a tonking. For the next game against Wolves I'd start Benrahma, Scamacca and Cornet and give the ever-reliable Craig Dawson a game at the back. The international break comes at a good time for West Ham and now is the time to regroup and bed in the new signings.

Hammers see off Silkeborg after late scare

Silkeborg 2 West Ham 3 (Europa Conference League)

Was in the Lake District for this one, but keeping up via BBC text reports. It was the worst possible start after five minutes when Kusk caught Areola and the defence out with a nifty shot from distance. The Hammers were back in it eight minutes later when Lanzini converted his penalty after Cornet was fouled in the box.

As Silkeborg tried to play it out of defence Cornet set up Scamacca for a thumping shot into the top of the net tp put the Irons ahead. When Craig Dawson's header from a corner made it 3-1 at the break the game seemed secure. A good moment for the returning Ballon D'Orson.

But Tengstedt set up a nervy finish after Bowen lost possession and Areola parried Adamsen's shot out to him. Indeed it took a great reflex save from Areola to keep it 3-2 as the Danes threatened a late equaliser. But at the whistle it was a fourth successive victory in the Conference on a tricky night and a welcome return to sporting action

Antonio sees off FCSB on strange night at London Stadium

West Ham 3 FCSB 1 (Europa Conference League) 

A strange night indeed at the London Stadium as news comes through at 6.30pm that the Queen has died. The game goes on and there's a minute's silence at the start plus a spontaneous chorus of God Save the Queen. At half-time a picture of the Queen handing Bobby Moore the World Cup trophy goes up on the big screens. It's down to diehards Fraser, Nigel and myself, as Matt and Lisa are called away to royal reporting duties.

The first-half sees lots of bouncing away fans as West Ham create chances, but Scamacca looks still not sharp after his virus and misses West Ham's best chance when set clear by Downes.The Brentwood-born youngster has a decent game and Emerson looks lively at left-back. But SCSB are dangerous on the break. After failing to score with a free header they then score with a sweeping move in the 34th minute as Cordea fires home.

In a break with precedent we stay in our seats at half-time and it seems to work, aided by Nigel's lucky banana. Moyes brings on Antonio, Bowen and Paqueta for the second half and the Irons immediately look better as Antonio troubles the injury-feigning Romanians with his pace. Bowen nets the decisive penalty after Cornet is clattered by the keeper. Paqueta starts to play some incisive trough balls and the second arrives as the progressive Emerson strokes home after Antonio forces a save. The third comes after a great turn and shot from Antonio who has his best game in ages. Fornals and Antonio could have added more goals in the end. 

A strange evening ends and we're sure the Queen would have been happy to see her beloved West Ham finally beat a Romanian side. And then a trip to Hackney Wick in the rain where Nigel meets the match day announcer on the Overground and they bond over trivia, as Nigel asks who was the West Ham legend who made his debut in the other 3-2 win over Man United? The answer is of course Bobby Moore. It looks like Sunday's game could be postponed, but after a difficult first half this was an encouraging performance in Europe.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6: Coufal 6, Ogbonna 6 (Dawson n/a), Kehrer 6, Emerson 7; Rice 7, Downes 7, Benrahma 5 (Bowen 7), Lanzini 5 (Paqueta 7); Scamacca 5 (Antonio 8), Cornet 7 (Fornals 6).

VAR trouble

Surely the solution to the ridiculous VAR decisions last weekend is easy. Refs should be trying to reward attacking play with goals rather than looking for pedantic means to disallow them. If there is any grey area at all, the benefit of the doubt should go to the team that has scored. It might also help if the people operating VAR had played the game. The referee's body the PGMOL has effectively admitted it got the Cornet 'goal' decision wrong. There was no way Jarrod Bowen's challenge was an obvious foul, he tried to avoid Mendy in what is a contact sport, though he might have looked at the keeper in a funny way. If the officials can't agree or it takes more than 30 seconds to decide then the conclusion should be that there was no offence. 

Hammers robbed of a point by VAR

Chelsea 2 West Ham 1 

Never listen to a match on the radio — the tension always seems much worse than being there. A poor first half sees West Ham comfortably contain Chelsea. The second half comes alive when Bowen's excellent volley is parried for a corner by Mendy. From that corner Rice plays the ball back into the danger area and Antonio pokes home in front of the jubilant away fans. 

But it's hard to ever feel confident at Stamford Bridge and subs Broja, Havertz and Chilwell make a difference. The equaliser comes when sub Chilwell gets a lucky bounce and swivels to shoot through Fabianski's legs from a tight angle. The keeper should have been quicker off his line to block.

Next up sub Benrahma does brilliantly with his cross to give fellow sub Cornet a free header which he puts against the post. It might as well be written that Chelsea will go down the other end and score a late winner. Chilwell gets in a cross from the left and Havertz gets across Ogbonna to score. I'm not sure Ogbonna should have been brought on against a top side when he's still getting match-fit — perhaps Zouma or Kehrer might have been a bit sharper in that situation.

But for once the Hammers seem to retrieve the game. Under pressure from Bowen, Mendy makes a hash of gathering a back-header and spills the ball to Cornet, who shoots into the roof of the net. Mendy writhes on the ground as if shot by the Grealish sniper. Enter sodding VAR which decides that Bowen's trailing foot has caught Mendy. It's the merest brush with his laces and Jarrod actually jumped over the keeper to avoid clattering him. How could both the ref Andy Madley and VAR get this wrong? Why didn't the ref stick to his decision to award a goal at the monitor? 

Moyes calls it "scandalous" and Declan Rice says it's the worst VAR decision ever. Alan Shearer is scathing on Match of the Day and says,"it's as bad a decision as you will ever see", but none of that will salvage the lost point. Infamy, infamy, they've all got in in for me.

Hammers spend big in window of opportunity

Well, it's certainly been quite a rebuilding operation with West Ham signing eight players this summer. The squad looks a lot stronger with the signing of Paquet, Emerson, Scamacca, Cornet, Areola, Downes, Kehrer and Aguerd. The players who have left were all either retiring (Noble), under-achieving (Diop) or limited at the top level (Fredericks, Yarmolemko, Kral), while the disappointing Vlasic has been loaned out along with Arthur Masuaku. Though thankfully Craig 'Ballon d'Orson' has not been sold despite late Wolves interest — he's been magnificent for us the last two seasons.

In total the Irons have spent something like £170 million and only recouped £15 million from the sale of Diop. Where the money has come from is something of a mystery, though Moyes had some cash saved down the back of the sofa from not buying a striker for 18 months. Sullivan and Gold aren't known for their lavish spending (apart from the Pellegrini splurge) so perhaps some of the cash has come from part-owner Daniel Kretinsky. 

If the signings fail or another pandemic hits you have to hope the club can take the hit, though ground capacity has increased and the club has the revenue from two European campaigns. And hopefully it's all still within UEFA Financial Fair Pay regulations, though presumably we can't keep spending at this rate. But the board have certainly shown ambition and backed Moyes, for which they deserve credit. Now we just need the signings to gel and fit into the club ethos. The players looked exhausted at the end of last season and reinforcements should freshen up the whole club.

Tottenham Hotspur — it almost happened again

West Ham 1 Tottenham Hotspur 1

My day begins with a trip from Ravenglass to Euston after a spot of Wainwright-bagging, and then it's on to the London Stadium with Fraser and Nigel, who has dumped his 'lucky' Wimbledon FC bag in favour of a lucky Copenhagen Airlines bag and an Ilulissat t-shirt. 

We get to see Euro-winning Hammer Ellen White interviewed on the pitch and then an introduction to Lucas Paquet. We're joined by Lisa, Matt and Michael, who is carrying an Anything Goes programme plus a folio of his own play, perhaps hoping that he might bump into a theatre impresario in the Billy Bonds Stand.

The game starts at a lively pace, with Perisic getting in some dangerous crosses and Fornals testing Lloris with an effort from the edge of the box. Then comes the VAR penalty controversy. Ref Stuart Atwell awards a penalty for handball against Cresswell even though the ball has been played at him from point-blank range. After an interminable VAR delay the decision is correctly overturned as the ball hit Cresswell on the head and then deflected on to his arm. 

The crowd celebrate the overturned penalty as if it's a goal and that inspires West Ham. Rice has a thumping volley punched away by Lloris. Benrahma finds Antonio, who cuts inside and curls an excellent effort against the post.

But Spurs always look threatening on the break, and when Rice advances too far and Benrahma mis-controls the attempted one-two, Spurs burst forward. The pacy Kulusevski finds the overlapping Kane who crosses low for Kehrer to poke into his own net under pressure from Son.

BOUNCING SOUCEK

The second half starts ominously as Kulevesky crosses for Son to shoot wide. But the Hammers are starting to press Spurs' defence much more effectively as Lloris is forced to kick into touch. Coufal's quick throw is controlled by Antonio who produces a great flick to Soucek. Tomas has a lot to do but controls well and fires a half volley into the net to spark pandemonium in the Bobby Moore end. That's potato salad to add to Spurs' lasagne. It's a good moment for Antonio, in for the ill Scamacca, who has played like a man fighting for his place,

The Irons sense a winner. More pressing sees Soucek get in a cross that Bowen pokes wide under pressure. Sanchez goes close with an overhead kick but the Hammers come again. Coufal is starting to rampage down the right as of old and gets in a decent cross that Fornals volleys over. It's turning into a cracking end to end game as Kane's scuffed volley is dealt with by Fabianski. 

Spurs are worried and wasting time. As Hojbjerg goes down yet again Mystic Matt suggests that, "there's little more annoying than a self-styled hard-man who spends most of their time writhing around pretending to be hurt."

Can it happen again? Soucek wins a lost ball and crosses for Bowen to shoot wide.Then Jarrod wins a tackle and races down the right wing to play in the overlapping Soucek. Tomas gets in an inviting low cross but subs Paqueta and Emerson leave it to each other. 

Right at the end the ball ricochets off Ogbonna and falls to Bowen who pokes it agonisingly across goal. The whistle blows and it's a decent point against a Spurs team likely to finish in the top four. Once Scamacca and Paqueta are fully integrated then WHU can surely have another decent season — this was certainly the best we've played so far.

We retreat to the Refreshment Rooms for Meantime ale as Nigel entertains us with interesting facts about Liechtenstein and Matt and Fraser tell us about the the times they wound up Frank Bruno. The Hammers deserved to win on chances, but this was more like the performances of a year ago. Now we just have to show Chelsea where to stick their blue flag on Saturday.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 8, Zouma 8, Kehrer 6, Cresswell 6 (Ogbonna 6); Rice 8, Soucek 8, Fornals 7, Benrahma 6 (Paquet 6), Fornals 7 (Emerson n/a); Bowen 7, Antonio 8.

The full Paqueta

Once our transfer targets used to be written on the back of a fag packet - now we have the complete Paqueta. The board have certainly pushed the boat out with the £51m purchase of Lucas Paquetta from Lyon. We saw him in the Europa League last season and he started the move that saw Aaron Cresswell sent off in the home leg. 

Lucas has an impressive record in France and is a regular for Brazil. He looks a Payet-like creative player who could well become a cult figure. Mind you as some fans say, record signings do make us a little bit nervous when you think of Haller, Anderson Carroll and Foe, all of whom had mixed careers with the Hammers. But let’s hope Moyes has done his homework and Paqueta sees us step up into the top six.

Fornals kickstarts Hammers’ season

Aston Villa 0 West Ham 1

Received the text updates for this while on the Ravenglass and Eskdale railway to Dalegarth, which was all very pleasant. Finally the Hammers had some luck with Fornals’ goal taking a huge deflection, and also with the Villa goal correctly disallowed after a corner went out of play. 

Emerson started in a five-man defence but it was sub Benrahma who changed the performance in the second half as the Irons reverted to a back four. Scamacca started and tested Martinez whole looking useful with little service and Kehrer will gain confidence from keeping a clean sheet at the back.

It all made Jonathan Wilson’s Observer piece on the Hammers’ crisis seem a tad premature. Plus Lucas Paquetta looks likely to arrive soon. Irons! 

Job done at Viborg

Viborg FF 0 West Ham 3 (Europa Conference)

Declined to get yet another subscription for a TV channel with Premier Sports so kept in touch with  this on the feed from the club website. Just as well, as the white and orange away kit would have had me adjusting the contrast controls on the TV. 

It was certainly a great instinctive finish from Scamacca for the first goal when he flicked in Soucek's cross. The Irons were indebted to Areola for a fine double save but the game was made secure with Benrahma's crisp finish into the corner after a fine through ball from Cornet. 

Proving that we do know where the onion sack is, Soucek bagged the third with a good poacher's goal after Lund parried a header. Tomas needed a goal more than anyone and accompanied with an assist it just might help him see an upturn in form. Soucek has at least been getting in scoring positions this season and was unlucky not to net against both Forest and Brighton. There was still time for Cornet to fire over an empty goal after good work by Scamacca and Benrahma.

Credit to the noisy Viborg fans, but in the end it was a satisfying night's work. Scamacca and Cornet benefitted from starting and it was good to see Oggy get another game and also for Oko-Flex to make his WHU debut. So 6-1 on aggregate, if only we could play Viborg every week…