The quality of Mersey is not restrained

Liverpool 5 West Ham 2

The day gets off to a bad start with the news that West Have announced a £104m loss for the last financial year and will have to sell players in the summer. Then WHU have to play at a ground where we have only won once since 1963.

Not conceding after five minutes would be a good start. But from a Liverpool corner West Ham win two headers only for Gravenberch to find Etikike with a clever pass. Castellanos has got upfield too quickly and the Liverpool striker fires through the legs of the Greek Bloke to beat Hermansen at his near post. 

West Ham respond by winning a corner and from the resulting melee the Greek Bloke fires over when well-placed in front of goal. It's two for the home side when a corner is headed in by Van Dijk who has out-muscled Magassa. Aaron Wan-Bissaka has moved away from his post, when had he stayed he could have cleared.

The Irons have a good spell after that as Liverpool look vulnerable to quick breaks. Bowen is taken by surprise when Alisson plays the ball straight to him and can only scuff it back at the keeper. Another pass straight to Bowen results in Jimmy Summerville having an effort superbly blocked by Konate. Bowen and Soucek then almost produce a copy of Tom's goal against Man United, with Soucek's flick being parried at close-range by Alisson.

But against the run of play Liverpool score a third. The Greek Bloke makes a good block to concede a corner. Again it's headed clear but Ekitike plays it first time to Mac Allister who hits it on the volley to score with a great finish. The ball takes a nick off AWB's head to beat Hermansen. We'd take a draw at this point.

The second half starts with renewed hope as Soucek sweeps home a fine low cross from Diouf. Gakpo misses a good chance and a long-range drive from Fernandes extends Alisson. But the Reds score a fourth as Wan-Bisakka allows Gakpo to turn inside. The striker shoots through AWB's legs, with the ball taking yet another deflection.

HAMMERS KOP IT

Summerville still threatens and forces a really good save from Alisson. From the resulting Bowen corner Castellanos arrives at the back post to head home from a difficult angle. Liverpool look a bit worried as Jimmy Summerville twists inside two defenders only to fire over when he might have scored.

It's game over when Frimpong crosses and the ball takes another unlucky deflection off Disasi for an own goal. Liverpool almost make it six as sub Nyoni fires over.

It's been a strange game as West Ham have played well going forwards and had slightly more possession than Liverpool. The Irons have scored twice at Anfield and created seven other decent chances. We've been unlucky with three deflected goals, but you won't win many games conceding five. Bad habits have re-emerged, with an early goal conceded and three let in from corners.

But at least the most difficult fixture of the run-in is out of the way. Fulham are not as good as Liverpool. If Nuno can restore some solidity to the back four and we get a bit more luck with deflections then we can still get something at Craven Cottage on Wednesday. 

Hammers unlucky to lose to Champions-elect

Liverpool 2 West Ham 1

It's off to the World's End pub with Mystic Matt for this fixture, hoping for a less than apocalyptic result against the league headers. The pub is strangely deserted as we sit down with pints of Hepcat session IPA. It's back to a five-man defence with Alvarez and Soucek dropped.

Early on Diaz and Bradley pepper the West Ham goal with shots. Salah plucks the ball out of the air to round Scarles and curl an effort just wide. The 19-year-old Scarles is having a torrid time against one of the best players in the world and perhaps Potter should have opted for the experience if Emerson. Liverpool's goal arrives when Scarles lunges in and misses the ball allowing the wily Salah to race down the right and cross for Diaz, who has got behind Wan-Bissaka, to stroke home.

But suddenly there's a sign of life from West Ham. Wan-Bissaka plays a fine through ball to Soler, who has advanced into the Liverpool box and fires against the body of Alisson. The ball rebounds to Kudus, who cleverly spins and chips on to the bar. Alisson has got a fingertip to the ball, making it a fine save.

Mac Allister fires against the legs of Areola but at the end of the half the Irons gain confidence. Scarles gets a couple of tackles in and gets more support from Kilman. Kudus fires against Alisson from an offside position, but we are finding space. Just before the break Ward-Prowse's corner presents a free header to Dinos Mavropanos who heads over when he should score. Though to be fair the Greek Bloke has a pretty good game defensively. 

The second half starts with a couple of tables of plastic Liverpool fans arriving much to the chagrin of Matt, though I do manage to hold him back. Mac Allister hits the bar with a free kick two minutes in but after that it's all West Ham. Scarles is taken off with Wan-Bissaka switched to the left and Coufal coming on at right back. Paqueta starts to dominate midfield and plays the best ball of the game through to Bowen. But Alisson has come off his line really quickly and saves the one-on-one with his chest, when perhaps Jarrod should have tried to round him.

Kudus, who is having a fine game, hits a goalbound shot from the left that Alisson deflects wide. A deserved equaliser arrives in the 87th minute when Paqueta plays a brilliant through ball to Wan-Bissaka on the left. The full-back's cross is deflected into his own net by a combination of Robertson and Van Dijk.

But Liverpool respond like champions. Wan-Bissaka deflects Diaz's shot on to the bar. West Ham clear a corner. Paqueta appears to be pushed but the ref rules plays on and Liverpool get another corner. This time Van Dijk manages to give sub Fullkrug a nudge and head home.

But there's still time for West Ham to almost equalise. Kilman plays in a good cross and Fullkrug, on 15 minutes too late, twists to send a header on to the bar. 

It's no wins in five and West Ham have a worrying tendency to lose games late on under Potter. But on a positive note this was a really spirited performance and we've won at Arsenal and run Chelsea and Liverpool close. Paqueta, Kudus and Wan-Bissaka have had really good games at Anfield and the defence has stayed mainly solid. Southampton next is a potential banana skin, but you do feel at some point WHU and Potter's luck has to turn.

Another mauling at Liverpool

Liverpool 5 West Ham 1 (Carabao Cup)

After the Chelsea defeat a trip to Anfield wasn't exactly welcome. One-one at half-time is a promising scoreline though. Danny Ings had an early goal disallowed too. The Hammers take the lead when Cresswell's corner causes confusion as Alvarez tried to get a shot away and a Liverpool clearance deflected in off Quansah. Four minutes later it's 1-1 as Chiesa shoots into the ground and Jota gets between Fabianski and Kilman to score with a brave header, 

Yet again though, the Hammers concede soon after the break as Jones finds Jota, who slots home with a cool finish. The arrival of sub Antonio makes a difference and West Ham nearly equalise when following good work by Summerville and Antonio, Kilman can't react quickly enough to score, firing against Kelleher.

The game is over when Fabianski saves well from Bradley only for Salah to shoot the rebound in toi the roof of the net. It gets worse aa Alvaraz receives a silly second booking for a rash challenge on Salah and the Irons are down to ten men. Even at 3-1 down, Summerville misses a really good chance after being set up by Antonio. 

Liverpool then bag a couple in added time through Gakpo, the second aided by a fortunate deflection off Todibo.The Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff has been postponed yet again, It's been a miserable week for the Hammers. To cap it all, Lopetegui leaves the game on crutches after injuring himself stamping his foot. He's learning that supporting West Ham is a painful business.

It's been a slightly better performance than Chelsea, but northing is going for the team at the moment. We're still in Ghent, where the local Gent fans wear nooses to reflect the nickname of “noose bearers” given to Ghent residents. This dates back to the Ghent revolt of 1539 when King Charles V of Spain made the ringleaders parade in their underwear with nooses around their necks. West Ham fans do not as yet sport nooses, but after this we might well be tempted.

The quality of Mersey is not restrained

Liverpool 5 West Ham 1 (Carabao Cup)

This was always going to be a difficult tie and an evening in front of Sky made for pretty horrible viewing. Moyes rested Paqueta, Ward-Prowse, Aguerd, Zouma, and Emerson. This was a tie WHU were always likely to lose even with a full-strength side and with Man United and Arsenal coming up there was always going to be some rotation. Though disrupting the back four so much certainly backfired.

Liverpool looked at it from the start with Jones and Elliott busy in midfield and West Ham barely putting together a forward pass. Ominously Liverpool's squad forwards are Gakpo and Nunez. The opener came when Benrahma lost possession, Johnson failed to close down and Szoboslai fired home a long-range screamer. It was a relief to be just one-goal down at the break.

The killer goal came just as Paqueta was preparing to come on. Soucek failed to track Jones and the Liverpool midfielder fired through Areola's legs. The third saw Konate get through the midfield with embarrassing ease and find Gakpo. Mavropanos tried to do one of those silly arms behind the back tackles and the ball went through his legs and into Areola's net.

There was a little hope when Johnson found Bowen with a decent chip, Jarrod cut inside Quansah and curled a great shot into the net. But it got even worse when Mavropanos advanced too far forward and Trent-Alexander played a fine through ball to Salah, who scored with ease having earlier missed the target after Nunez hit the post.

The fifth was very poor indeed with Jones slaloming through the defence and Mavropanos and Ogbonna bamboozled. 

Liverpool did play really well. But it was tough on the 5000 travelling fans and proof that a lot of our squad players aren't good enough. Fornals and Benrahma have gone backwards, Mavropanos is raw and Ogbonna and Ings look too old. Our tired squad could do without a 12.30 kick-off on Saturday. Let's hope the rotation brings a better performance against MUFC.

Some positives amid the usual Anfield defeat

Liverpool 3 West Ham 1

If you're going to get anything at Anfield you have to take your chances. West Ham start really well. First Paqueta plays in a cross and Soucek's header forces a great one-handed save on his line from Allison. At least Tomas seems to be getting in more scoring positions again without Rice in the side. Then Coufal plays in another inviting cross and Antonio makes a complete mess of his header when he should have scored. 

After looking the better side the Irons go a goal down. The ball deflects rather luckily off Nunez's heel and Aguerd brings down Mo Salah, who has reacted quicker and wins the penalty, which he duly converts.

But West Ham come back with a lovely equaliser before the break. Paqueta plays it upfield, Bowen wins a header to find Antonio who feeds Coufal on the right. The full back crosses and Bowen bravely dives ahead of Van Dijk's boot to score with a fantastic diving header. Jarrod's scored in each of our four away games.

Can West Ham get only their second win at Anfield since 1963? Nunez misses a great chance for Liverpool at 1-1 and Bowen puts a header straight at Allison from Ward-Prowse's free-kick. But Liverpool are back in front after 65 minutes as Mac Allister lobs the ball over the West Ham defence and Nunez scores with a brilliant volley as the ball arrives over his shoulder. The game is settled after 85 minutes as Robertson's corner finds Van Dijk, whose header is bundled over the line by Jota.

Two defeats in a row, but then Man City and Liverpool are probably the best two teams in the league at the moment. West Ham could have defended better for all Liverpool's goals, but on the positive side we scored a great goal and created three other excellent chances.

Next in the league we play Sheffield United, a team that has just conceded eight at home. What could possibly go wrong?

Penalty miss proves costly at Anfield

Liverpool 1 West Ham 0

A blow that Paqueta missed this one with a shoulder injury and Moyes opted to go with Flynn Downes as a third holding midfielder. It began as the Darwin Nunez show, with the striker forcing a great save from Fabianski after he hit a stunning half-volley. Nunez then powerfully headed home Tsimikas's cross, forced another good save from Fabianski and then struck the post with another volley.

But shortly before the break the under-pressure Irons had a chance to come back into it. Downes' knock-on to Bowen saw the forward barged over by Gomez and after some VAR debate a penalty was awarded. Bowen never looked that confident taking it in front of the Kop and Alisson pulled off an athletic save. Not that bad a bad penalty, but perhaps we still need to get an assessment from the Office for Penalty-Taking Responsibility. Just after that Kehrer went close with a header from a corner.

After the break Liverpool had more chances and Zouma almost scored an own goal. But subs Benrahma and Antonio caused problems, and credit to Moyes for finally playing Michail and Scamacca together, albeit briefly. 

Scamacca shot wastefully wide when set up by Antonio with Benrahma free in the middle. Benrahma didn't connect properly with his volley after Rice's dropping cross fell at his feet. Then after great work from Benrahma and Bowen on the left Soucek looked certain to score only to be robbed by a great tackle from James Milner and a deflection off Alisson.

In recent seasons we have perfected the art of losing unluckily at Anfield. At some stage we have to start taking our chances against the big teams away, although this was a decent performance and at times we had one of the best teams in Europe worried, while youngsters like Downes and Scamacca will have learned from playing here. Irons!

Good performance, no points at Anfield

Liverpool 1 West Ham 0 

It looks ominous in the second minute when a quick free kick sets Salah clear, only for Fabianski to make a good one-on-one save. But even without the ill Rice the Irons grow into the game with Soucek and Lanzini doing an effective job in front of the defence. Antonio is looking up for it, he races through on to Cresswell's pass and stings the palms of Alisson and a few minutes later has another low effort saved. He's not going to beat Van Dijk for pace but it's encouraging that he's trying to.

Alexander-Arnold sends a free kick narrowly wide as the hosts attempt to make up ground on Man City. Liverpool take the lead when a scuffed shot from Alexander-Arnold falls to Mane, who has got behind Dawson as Fabianski hesitates. It goes to VAR and Mane is deemed onside by a hand —although if that had been WHU scoring it would surely gave been chalked off.

Cresswell has to stay calm to turn and clear the ball off the West Ham line as Liverpool threaten a second. But suddenly it's West Ham who should be scoring. Johnson plays a ball over the top and Fornals is through against Alisson. Pablo panics a bit and lobs the keeper, only for Alexander-Arnold to clear off the line. Even then Vlasic should score with the loose ball but takes one touch too many.

The second half sees more West Ham chances. Bowen is through but foiled by a tough challenge and then has to depart with a leg injury. Another great chance comes when Soucek does well to get in a cross and Manuel Lanzini appears to have got the ball under control only to slice over from six yards out.

Then sub Mark Noble plays a glorious first-time ball through to Antonio. Micky takes a little too long and rather than shoot or find Benrahma he allows Keita to get a block in. Jota is booked for a nasty foul on Lanzini and Dan Chesters gets a couple of minutes for his league debut.

At least we have Liverpool holding it in the corner at the end, while Salah has been shackled and now subbed off. It's been a good performance and WHU have run Liverpool closer than most teams — but really should have got a point from this. Antonio looks back on form but our midfielders really need to start scoring again. Let's hope this big effort on Merseyside hasn't made the Hammers too tired before the Europa League away leg at Sevilla. 

It's the hope I can't take…

Liverpool 3 West Ham 2

We're at the World's End for this one, with Lisa, daughter Lola and Michael The Gooner who is an honorary Iron for the night. Lola has arrived with a Tardis Box set of Christopher Eccleston Doctor Who dvds, which sits on our table as a good luck charm.

The cameras linger on the black balloons and 'This Charmless Man' banners as the WHU fans protest at the kick-off. It looks like we will be in for the predicted thrashing after nine minutes as Alexander-Arnold chases a lost ball to whip in a great cross that Wijnaldum heads home. Fabianski gets a hand to the ball but can't parry it. 

But two minutes later West Ham win a corner and the lucky Tardis works its magic. Snodgrass gets a good pace on the ball and Diop heads home as Alisson fumbles the ball on the line. There's a stunned disbelief from our table as we wait for VAR to deny us. But the goal stands. We've scored a goal! "We're gonna win the League!" chant the West Ham fans.

Liverpool put West Ham under predictable pressure. Fabianski saves well from Salah, Alexander-Arnold fires just wide and Van Dijk heads a corner against the bar. But WHU force a late corner and the half ends at 1-1. The Hammers are playing much much better than at Man City. The team are passing the ball crisply, Anderson provides an outlet even if he does often lose the ball, Soucek is strong in front of the back four, Antonio is causing problems with his pace. Ogbonna has a great game at the back and young Jeremy Ngakia is playing without fear and using his pace to get forward to good effect. 

ABSOLUTELY PAB
The second half sees Soucek go off injured to be replaced by Fornals. We will miss the bouncing Czech's workrate it seems, though suddenly the impossible happens. A very nice passing move sees Rice get in a cross and Fornals sweeps home on the half-volley. Pablo runs to the away fans to perform a salute. We're winning at Anfield. Football, bloody hell. 

For 17 minutes we dream of an incredible victory against a team that never loses. But then Salah strikes a tame shot that goes straight through Fabianski's hands and legs. You have to feel for the keeper who was so brilliant last season. It's a Roberto-esque error and you wonder if Fab is still feeling the effects of his two hip injuries.

GAME OVER, MANE
Can we hold on for 2-2? Antonio finds sub Haller who shoots straight at the keeper when he might have done better. But Liverpool are relentless going forward. A lucky deflection sees the excellent Alexander-Arnold beat Fabianski to the ball and Mane taps home his cross. 

Mane has a fourth goal correctly disallowed for offside and we wonder if we just might make it 3-3. Moyes appears to be drunk as he is throwing on attackers with Bowen added to the fray. Antonio finds the new striker with a great through ball, but a slightly heavy first touch sees him dink the ball into the chest of Alisson. In the last minutes West Ham Cresswell's free-kick results in Noble having a goalbound shot deflected wide for a corner before the final whistle blows. 

I predict that Liverpool might just win the league after this, though the plastic Liverpool fans in the pub have all scarpered at the final whistle. Michael the Thespian arrives from Time and Tide at the Park Theatre, ready to commiserate with us and discuss lyricism in theatrical performance over a Camden Pale or two. 

A cruel loss against a side that is proving invincible but a vastly improved performance. The Hammers must now play with the same intensity and purpose against Southampton. 

Hammers need to be positive at Liverpool

West Ham have little to lose at Liverpool on Monday. No one expects the Hammers to get anything so who not ask Liverpool a few questions? Liverpool have to drop points sometime. Moyes has to be less conservative than at Man City. There's no point in signing Bowen for £22m and not playing him. If he can't take pressure then he shouldn't have been signed — and having scored 16 goals this season he'll be feeling confident. While the idea of signing Bowen was surely to give Haller some support, so why not try them alongside each other? 

The other change that is needed is for either Anderson, Lanzini or Fornals (I'd go for Anderson) to come into the side to provide some creative spark going forward. There's no point in playing 90 minutes with the aim of keeping the score down, that's an insult to all the West Ham fans who have travelled to the match. If the Hammers are going to stay up they have to get some points in unlikely places — and that will need a positive attitude in every match. We might get tonked at Anfield, but let's at least give it a go.

Opening day disaster at Anfield

Liverpool 4 West Ham 0

Luckily I was up on Castle Crag in the Lake District whole this was happening. There seems to be a new PL rule that WHU have to lose the opening game 4-0 as it’s happened two seasons running. It was always going to be a difficult game but Robertson was given a worrying amount of space to cross for Salah’s opener. The Irons’ defence went to sleep for the second as the excellent Milner chased a lost cause and crossed for Mane to score just before half-time. The third was offside but Keita again found too much space while poor marking gifted Sturridge the fourth from a corner. All we could muster was an Arnie effort dragged wide and a Balbuena header straight at Alisson.

Match of the Day highlighted the worrying gaps between West Ham’s defence and midfield and you wonder if Noble and Wilshere can be mobile enough at this level. Perhaps there is a case for bringing in Obiang or Sanchez. It’s also strange that Pellegrini chose to leave out big money signings Diop and Yarmolenko. Early days yet but a reaction is needed against Bournemouth.

Quality of Mersey overwhelms West Ham

Liverpool 4 West Ham 1

With Salah, Firmino and Mane in irresistible form we never expected West Ham to get much out of this and so it proved. It was a nice touch to have t-shirts for the away fans commemorating the 25th anniversary of Bobby Moore's death, though that was about as good as it got. Indeed, it was a rather a strange selection from Moyes as it was a big ask to being in Evra for this one and playing Mario and Lanzini together while dropping Antonio diminished the Irons' threat on the counter.

Salah hit the post early on although the Hammers could easily have taken the lead when Anautovic's brilliant chip was tipped on to the bar by the fingertips of Karius. But it was Liverpool who scored first, Can getting above Evra to head home a corner. Arnie had another long-range effort saved but once Salah poked home after great work by Oxlade-Chamberlain it was all over. Mario failed to control Adrian's clearance, allowing Can to play in Firmino for the third, while the excellent Robertson set up Mane for the fourth with a rampaging run down the left. The one plus for West Ham was that sub Antonio took his goal really well, following a fine tackle and through ball from Kouyate.

The Hammers are back to three points above the drop zone and have to get something from much more winnable gams against Swansea and Burnley. One other moan — I really don't like our 'Man City' sky blue away kit. We conceded in the 97th minute at Palace wearing it and it really doesn't look like a West Ham kit.

We want four! Hammers end Anfield hoodoo in style

Liverpool 0 West Ham 3 (three!)

Crisis what crisis! Never in doubt we'd end our 52-year Anfield hoodoo by winning 3-0 at Anfield. Listened to the game on Radio London and could hear some great chants of "Diafra Sakho he scores when he wants!" as Sakho scored the third in added time. What a bizarre season so far, winning at the Emirates and Anfield and slumping at home to Leicester and Bournemouth.

That 2-0 half-time score had me thinking of the FA Cup Final, but this time we don't f**k it up. Perfect start when Lanzini scored after three minutes and then some poor play by Lovren let in Lanzini to cross for Noble's second. A bit hairy when Noble was sent off (Countino had also been red-carded in the second-half) but what a fantastic result when you consider West Ham were without Jenkinson, Adrian, Valencia, Zarate, Carroll, Collins and O'Brien and had a bunch of teenagers on the bench. Last time we won at Anfield on September 14 1963 I was in very short trousers, Doctor Who was yet to be broadcast and the Beatles had just released their first LP. Time to Twist and Shout!

Watching Match of the Day it was good to see Slaven Bilic mastering his English gaffer metaphors, saying, "we parked the bus but we left the hand-brake off." Leaving Liverpool looking like the bus at the end of The Italian Job. MOTD singled out Lanzini for special praise and he did a great job harassing the Liverpool defence and tracking back on the right. It seems a 4-3-3 formation worked much better, with Lanzini and Payet supporting Sakho and Noble, Obiang and Kouyate shielding the defence. Both red cards were harsh; Coutinho was bamboozled by a piece of Payet skill and Mark Noble was fouled and then played the ball — hopefully his sending off will be rescinded.

Liverpool only had three chances with Firmino hitting the post, Milner blasting wide and Lovren hoofing over. We also saw Cresswell force a save and Reid head over and ended the game with a flurry of corners. And what a great finish by Sakho for the third in the 92nd minute.

Tough on my pal Big Joe who has been going to Anfield for years but missed this one because his in-laws were on holiday, but what a result. Irons!

The quality of Mersey is not strained

Liverpool 2 West Ham 0

Listen to this on Radio London as it's agreeably West Ham-centric and the commentators spend much of the game wondering why Kevin Nolan is in the team when he's not scoring and not mobile enough to play behind the strikers. There's an ominous feel as soon as the team goes up with Sakho omitted to placate Senegal, Kouyate on his way back from Africa, and Tomkins and Jenkinson injured. The first half is noteable for one good save from Adrian from Sterling and a glaring miss from Markovic as Liverpool play with something of the fluency of last season. The breakthrough comes shortly after the beak when Sterling chests it to Coutinho and from the return pass shoots home.

Our best effort is a snap shot from Valencia. Sturridge comes on after being out all season and you just know he's going to score. Coutinho finds him on the right and he beats Adrian at his  near post, which will not please the keeper. Sturridge then does his silly surfing celebration. Injuries to Carroll and Collins hardly help. Joey O'Brien has a goal disallowed in the last minute after Nolan stands all over Mignolet. So it's now going to be 52 or 53 years before we win at Anfield. Quite apt as in the evening we go to watch The Merchant of Venice at the Almeida Theatre and Portia (a Scouser?) is still going on about the quality of Mersey not being strained…

Mersey beaten

Liverpool 4 West Ham 1

Oh well, never going too get much at Anfield where we haven't won since 1963. More chance of the Beatles reforming than a WHU win. Seems like West Ham did OK for much of the first half, with Collins playing well against Suarez. Maiga even produced a good save from Mignolet after he got his head to a fine cross from Jarvis. Though Downing is clattered early on after a bad tackle from Flanagan and needs stitches in his calf — yet another injury.

Typically though, we concede just before the break. Suarez profits from some hesitant defending to get a shot in and the ball rebounds off Jussi on to the luckless Demel's shins and in. What's worse, we concede another two minutes after the break as Sakho ghosts in at the back post from Gerrard's free-kick, as Collins almost clears off the line, only to see Skrtel bundle the ball home off the bar.

WHU then pull a goal back. Demel's cross is headed back by Jarvis and Skrtel scores with an attempted overhead clearance under pressure from Maiga. We should then equalise. After a West Ham corner, Collins' shot turns into a fine ball to Maiga, but somehow he manages to screw it wide from two yards. The lad really can't hit a barn door at the moment.

Inevitably Suarez drifts in to head a third and then twists and turns to fire in a shot that is deflected off O'Brien's shoulder. Meanwhile Nolan has stupidly got sent off with the game lost, clattering Henderson from behind. Nigel texts: "Could well be playing East London derby with Orient next season. Only bright spot is Nolan is suspended. Next game at home to bottom side. What could possibly go wrong?" It's left to the West Ham away fans to produce the best chant of the day in: "You've got Luis Suarez, we've got Carlton Cole!" Worrying times. Our best hope is that Man United get sucked into the relegation zone…

Anfield silenced

Liverpool 0 West Ham 0

"Gary O'Neil was simply phenomenal… this West Ham defence has been immense…" It's not often you hear that from the Radio London commentary team. Sounds like we had some towering performances from O'Neil, Tomkins and Collins while Jarvis had a fine second half. Plus a Collison header cleared off the line. A very unexpected point and this could be the point that secures our Premier League future.

Looking at MOTD2 we could have won it. Diame made a brilliant run beating five players only to shoot over the bar, while we should have had a penalty for Enrique's kick on Tomkins and Carlton Cole could have scored if he'd had a better first touch after a clear sight of goal. On the other hand, they had a goal correctly disallowed, Gerrard had a decent shout for a penalty and we were lucky when Suarez rolled the ball right across our line and past the post. Good to see James Collins get some praise from Alan Hansen too. Not often we get anything at Anfield. Irons!

That's why we're going down?

Liverpool 3 West Ham 0

Thankfully my local is showing Ireland versus the All Blacks so I’m spared watching this. And also I have to prepare for a dinner party in Crouch End with Spurs fans’ sipping champagne after winning at Arsenal.

Yes, like half the team, I’m not fit to wear the shirt as I sob into the spinach and wild mushroom bake.

It sounds dire on BBCsport.com’s live scores and the texts on my mobile at 3-0 confirm it’s abject, possibly one of the worst performances ever seen from a West Ham side. Without Parker we go from poor to pathetic.

“Grant out! This is embarrassing. If we keep it to six we will be lucky,” texts Matt.

“Grant’s last game,” adds Nigel.

Somehow we keep the score down in the second half, simply because Liverpool settle for three and Rob Green does a great double save.

Match of the Day reveals a complete failure to close Johnson down as he chests the ball and fires home the opener, a stupid handball from Gabbidon for the penalty and Obinna losing the ball on the edge of our box before Maxi has the freedom of our area to head the third. Our defence looks as safe as the Irish banks.

The away fans amuse themselves with chants of “That’s why we’re going down!” when Obinna slices wide and “Paolo Di Canio!” and “You’re getting sacked in the morning!” at Grant.

Our one near chance in the second half comes when sub Barrera crosses for Piquionne to miscue his header.

The Observer writes that “A butterfly possesses stronger wings than West Ham's left flank of Obinna and Ilunga, and more heart.” While Hamish Mackay of Over Land And Sea says: “This was the most shocking, gutless and incompetent display I have ever witnessed from a West Ham team.”

I don’t like sacking managers but it’s getting impossible to defend Avram Grant. It’s the lack of passion and basic closing down that is most worrying. At least a Curbishley or Pardew figure would shuffle the squad and restore some defensive nous. Is his morose style likely to inspire the players? He looks like a man who’s just placed his mortgage on Kieron Dyer playing 38 games a season.

And to cite injuries and claim that he will “take the second half performance” is stretching credulity to its limits since the second half was played at training pace and Gerrard was out for Liverpool.

From day one he’s placed far too much faith in injury prone players past their best such as Boa Morte, Dyer and Gabbidon and signed unconvincing players in Reid, Obinna and Barrera.

At my Crouch End dinner party at least DC has an anecdote about the Stranglers’ Jean Jacques Burnel writing a verse for his band during a soundcheck.

Indeed, as the Men in Black once sang: Something Better Change.

Woeful woeful West Ham

Liverpool 3 West Ham 0

Her Indoors has booked tickets to see Jerusalem at the Apollo Theatre without consulting the football fixtures. So luckily I’m spared having to watch our annual capitulatution at Anfield.

Jerusalem is the story of Johnny ‘Rooster’ Byron, a man living in a caravan deep in the woods who drinks vodka, milk and raw eggs for a hangover-curing breakfast and hangs around with teenage misfits smoking dope and doing lines of cocaine. He’s barred from the Cooper’s Arms and under threat of eviction from Kennet and Avon council for anti-social behaviour. You can only assume that at some stage in his life he must have been a West Ham supporter.

Matt’s text to our restricted view box reads like a line from a post-modern footballing version of Waiting for Godot, only bleaker. “Lost 3-0 utter tosh throughout fans MOM again no silver lining”. Nigel follows up with “Lawro just sd 1 word summed up WH: Championship”.

The next day’s Guardian comments “Woeful West Ham put Liverpool on easy street” following up with “Here, on a night when fighting spirit was a prerequisite for a team in trouble, was the embodiment of Premier League surrender.”

It’s a big indictment of Zola and Clarke that we go into games at Man United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool assuming we’ll lose. We haven't won at Anfield since 1963. And Zola saying that he looked into the eyes of the players and knew they’d react against Wigan isn’t inspiring us with hope.

The management has failed to motivate the players and even if we win all the final three matches we will still have only 40 points. Which with the players we have isn’t good enough. We have failed to build Jerusalem in E13's green and pleasant land.

Could all that volcanic ash in the sky actually be the result of a huge eruption from David Sullivan’s gaff in the Chigwell vicinity?

Kop that

Liverpool 0 West Ham 0

“I’ll be watching on Setanta thinking of you as we go 0-4 down at half-time,” I tell Big Joe who’s travelling to Anfield in the hope of seeing us get our first win there since 1963, back in the days when the Beatles were a support act.

Matt, Nigel and Fraser are watching the gamer in our lucky Covent Garden pub. I’m booked to play for my pub quiz team, so plan to watch the first half at home and then, secure in the knowledge we’re losing, head off to the pub.

It’s the normal one-way traffic at Anfield. Hypia goes close with a couple of headers but Liverpool look strangely pedestrian, unable to get to the byline and cross the ball into the danger areas. Neill looks steady and Upson and Collins are continuing their fine form of late. Then, just before half time, incredibly, Craig Bellamy races unopposed down the left and fizzes a 30-yard shot on to the inside of the post. Sod it. This being West Ham we might win and I won’t be watching.

I head for the Faltering Fullback, not named after a West Ham defender, as far as I know. At least the game is on in one bar, but we’re at a table in the TV-less middle bar. So in between identifying song lyrics and the first World Cup Final to be decided on penalties as well as who plays at Blundell Park, I’m rushing into the other bar every time here’s a big "Oooh!". Green has just made a fantastic save from Benayoun.

Then, stunningly, Carlton Cole puts a header from a corner just wide. Quite a few Hammers fans are in the bar upping the noise quotient. The ref gives two dodgy offsides against Carlton when he’s through. We surely can’t win this, can we? Then there’s the biggest groan of the evening as Boa Morte is played in and fires widely wide... He’s only been on the pitch for two minutes.

We come fourth in the quiz, just outside the money, so our dreams of going professional will have to wait. And then comes the text from Big Joe: “If only the dead snake could shoot straight.” Three clean sheets in a row, where once our defence looked as dodgy as Roy Keane’s beard. We’ve held the new league leaders. In fact we gave them one hell of a 0-0 beating. Time for another pint of London Pride. Top four here we come.