Tuesday, October 25

King Kurt and Benrahma see off Cherries

West Ham 2 Bournemouth 0

At the London Stadium Michael has been watching something called Doctor Who, Nigel has forgotten to eat his lucky banana but is still dreaming of being a Highway Star after watching Deep Purple live and Fraser is liking the Tory idea of replacing the gaffer every six weeks. Matt and Lisa complete our party, on a rare day of only going to one match.

It's a bit of a strange selection by Moyes. Flynn Downes is played in Paqueta's number ten role rather than being kept as a holding midfielder and allowing Rice and Soucek to get forward. But the Hammers dominate most of the first half, going close with first a Soucek header and then, after a Downes shot is blocked, Cresswell draws a great save from Neto. At the other end Soucek gives the ball away and allows Solanke to get a shot in.

Bowen isn't really getting into the game and Scamacca is outnumbered, though Benrahma is a threat on the left and even though he makes a few rickets always wants the ball. The breakthrough comes from a corner just before the break. It's an ugly goal, but we'll take it. The ball strikes Kehrer on the arms, Soucek heads it back in and Zouma gets a flick to head it home. VAR gives it despite Kehrer's handball, as it is deemed not deliberate and in the phase of play before the goal is scored. You can always rely on Mike Dean!

Meanwhile Mystic Matt has to delete his half-time tweet criticising Bournemouth play-acting as both Solanke and keeper Neto go off injured. If there's an actual severed leg he might consider an injury genuine...

The second half sees Rice have a shot saved by sub keeper Travers, but the Hammers slowly let Bournemouth into the game. Downes fades in his attacking role and Johnson has a bit of a nightmare at right-back, while Scamacca tries to take on one man too many. Benrahma is WHU's best outlet, at times showing great control and having shots from all angles. 

Ryan Fredericks gets a good round of applause from the home fans when he goes off. Antonio comes on for Scamacca, throws himself to the ground a lot and doesn't hold it up very well, in a much less effective cameo than William Russell, Sophie Aldred, Janet Fielding and David Tennant in Doctor Who. Nigel remarks that it seems a long time ago when we were playing well and in the top four. 

Bizarrely Moyes doesn't make any further changes until the 88th minute, bringing on Coufal and Fornals. We're into the 90th minute as Coufal gets in a cross that the diving Zemora blocks with his hand. It's hard to see how the defender could have got out of the way, but according to the letter of the law and Mike Dean, it's a penalty. The newly-blonde Said Benrahma smashes it home in emphatic style. Have we finally found our penalty taker?

There is much shock when Matt says he is giving the man of the match award to Benrahma — having obviously never doubted him. From flirting with the bottom three West Ham go up to tenth in the congested Premier League. We deserved to win on possession, though have had to rely on a couple of contentious VAR calls — still, that's an impressive five home wins in a row, the first time the Irons have done this since the Boleyn days.

We head to the Olde Black Bull, which is serving Tribute and Wherry, and sensibly decline to discuss emotions, instead sticking to trivia. We go though Scottish islands, major UK towns Nigel hasn't been to (Dundee take a bow) and MPs without a football team in their constituency. While it's left to Nigel to come up with some absolutely world class trivia — Said Benrahma has scored three goals this season all under different prime ministers. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Johnson 5, Zouma 7, Kehrer 6, Cresswell 6; Rice 7, Soucek 6, Benrahma 8, Downes 5 (Fornals n/a); Bowen 6 (Coufal n/a), Scamacca 5 (Antonio 5).

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