Jeepers keepers

Really bad news that Lucasz Fabianski is out for at least two months. Roberto will now get his chance and did well to thwart Callum Wilson in a one-on-one situation at Bournemouth. He's experienced so we have to hope he takes his chance. As back-up we have Alvin's lad David Martin, but it still leaves WHU looking very thin on keepers. Pellegrini might need to look at out-of-contract goalkeepers. One forum has already mentioned Michael Vorm and Julian Speroni as being available. Any other ideas? Just a shame we couldn't hold on to Adrian — whatever happened to him?

It's the Yarmy and Cressy show again

Bournemouth 2 West Ham 2

Well, at least the Irons got something out of this after the Oxford debacle and for a night at least go up to third place.The Hammers took the lead with a great goal, Haller showing the skills of a real target man to cushion the ball and find Yarmolenlenko, who spun on to his left foot and find the corner of the net. With three goals in four games Yarmy is starting to look a real force.

The lead didn't last long though, with the unmarked King poking home after a ricochet and VAR allowing the goal to stand despite offside claims. Fabianski straining a though muscle and having to be replaced by Roberto was a blow, but the Hammers almost regained the lead before half time as first Ramsdale saved brilliantly from Anderson's overhead kick and then Ogbonna headed a great chance wide.

Something went wrong with the concentration early in the second half as Bournemouth took the lead after 27 seconds, through Callum Wilson, who absolutely always scores against West Ham. It could have been worse when Ake bundled home, only to be correctly ruled offside. At 2-1 Roberto then had to to make a fine one-on-one stop from Wilson.

But credit to Pellegrini's men for fighting back in a game we would have lost last season. Yarmolenko's cross was headed down by Anderson  — who seems to be improving dramatically in the air and earlier almost scored with his head — and goal machine Aaron Cresswell stroked home his second in two games.

There was still time for Cresswell to survive a shirt-tugging penalty appeal, but the Hammers hung on to take a point against a side we traditionally struggle against. I'm reasonably happy with that.

West Ham need to take the cups seriously

There's a good article by Andy Dunn in today's Daily Mirror on the capitulation at Oxford. As Dunn says, West Ham fans are not going to remember a mid-table finish, but they would recall a trip to Wembley. In a season where we don't look like getting relegated there's no excuse for not giving it a go in the League Cup, our best hope of a trophy. 

Yes, there was a case for making a few changes. Yarmolenko is recovering from a long term injury so doesn't need two games in a week, Noble is now 32 so needs resting now and again, reserve keeper Roberto wants some games and Cresswell has only just come back into the side so could have been replaced by Masuaku. 

But WHU could still have fielded a side such as this: Roberto; Fredericks, Diop, Ogbonna, Masuaku; Anderson, Rice, Fornals, Snodgrass; Ajeti, Haller. As the Mirror piece points out, going into the game knowing it was a reserve side didn't do much good for the players psychologically. When it comes to the FA Cup Pellegrini needs to take it seriously and play a proper side.

Signs of quiet progress under Pellegrini

Match of The Day had an interesting comparison of last season's record with this season's. West Ham currently have 11 points from six games, whereas last season we had four points from six games. It's early days, but in his understated way, Pellegrini seems to be making progress.

Most encouraging has been the improvement in defence after three clean sheets. Fredericks is starting to look like a proper speedy right-back and Ogbonna has come in and looked much improved. Arthur Masuaku has shown more defensive discipline too and his replacement on Sunday, Aaron Cresswell, scored a sensational free kick and didn't get caught for pace on the turn through some shrewd positional play. Anderson, Noble, Rice  and Fornals also provided a much better defensive shield for the back four.

While at 32 Mark Noble looked the best player on the pitch, always doing the simple things well. Now he's surrounded by talent like Rice, Anderson, Lanzini, Yarmolenko and Haller we're starting to see that he's actually a very good player in his own right.

Though it is, of course, only six league games in so far. Now I've been positive about the Hammers, we'll probably get thrashed at Oxford and Bournemouth...

All's well that's Cresswell

West Ham 2 Manchester United 0

It's to the Best Cafe for our pre-match repast, where Lisa and Matt have caused consternation with their hipster north London ways, through ordering ciabatta and a halloumi baguette. After a plea from the overstretched waitress we opt for eggs, chips and beans instead. We're joined by Michael, who denies having the whip removed, and my daughter Nell, who opts for a late toasted cheese and ham sandwich at Greggs. 

We just make the kick-off where we join Fraser, Steve the Cornish postie and Clacton Joe (Alison is away preparing to govern).The first half hour is tepid, with Matic and Yarmolenko both firing shots into the goalkeeper's chest. Fornals, replacing the injured Lanzini, is struggling with the pace of the game. 

Noble has a volley saved by De Gea as the game stutters into life. The biggest talking point has been United's dodgy away kit, a horrible yellow/brown/pink peach colour. When Rashford does show his pace, Rice makes an excellent covering tackle

As the half seems destined to end goalless Mystic Michael lends a hand. "Does Yarmolenko actually have a left foot?" he complains, just as Noble feeds Anderson. Felipe dinks a lovely first-time pass into the path of Yarmolenko, who with one deft touch bamboozles Maguire and then wraps his left boot around the ball to strike it firmly into the corner. Yarmy has proved the boo boy wrong.

United are better at the start of the second half, with Mata poking wide when he should have scored. But West Ham hold out and counter. Yarmolenko cleverly sets up Anderson who fires against De Gea's knees. Fabianski isn't that busy, apart from having to make a fine stop from Maguire's shot after a corner.

TOP CORNER
We all moan when Anderson is replaced by Wilshere, but actually it proves to be a sound substitution. Jack keeps the ball and shows his class as United continually foul him. From one free kick Cresswell fires just over. Then with ten minutes left Wilshere finds Noble who is clogged again. This time Cressy fires a lovely free kick over the wall and into the top corner before running to our corner to celebrate. After his Yarmolenko faux pas Michael points out that he has already said Cresswell looks like he's really playing for his place.

"Dad, you never said that was going to happen," says a puzzled Nell. 

United have fallen a long way, and there is no Fergie-time barrage as the Hammers fans cheer every pass. Still, WHU have to beat these mid-table teams and it's an encouraging result. Nigel texts from Brighton to quip that he's watching another set of struggling Reds.

We head off to the boat bar on the River Lea, pre-booked by Lisa, though Steve the Cornish Postie fails to keep touch tight on his man and loses us in the throng. Fraser announces that he's up for a prize as the Raymond Chandler of E20. A couple of bottles of Doom Bar round off a day when WHU have, incredibly, kept their third league clean sheet in a row, our best defensive run since the great days of David Moyes. We go fifth. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Fredericks 7 (Zabaleta 6), Diop 7, Ogbonna 6, Cresswell 8; Rice 7, Fornals 5, Noble 8, Anderson 6 (Wilshere 7); Yarmolenko 8 (Snodgrass n/a), Haller 6.

Haller left looking isolated

With Antonio out until the New Year and Hernandez sold, Sebastien Haller was left looking rather isolated against Aston Villa. Yarmolenko had a fine match against Norwich, both scoring and showing an ability to beat his man either with skill or just power. But against Villa he got very little change from a resolute defence. And is he a winger or striker? No-one seems really sure. 

Perhaps bringing on Ajeti late in games might offer Haller a bit of back-up. Or Yarmolenko could be shifted to a more central role. With Anderson and Lanzini in the side there should be plenty of balls coming in, but the Hammers have to find a way of getting more players into the box. Haller can't do it all on his own.

At least we kept a clean sheet…

Aston Villa 0 West Ham 0

Well, not quite the 11 goals WHU needed to go second but at least it was a solid defensive performance in a disappointing game. Watched the first half in the World's End. The Irons had more of the play in the first half though Villa had the best chances with Wesley heading a great chance over and McGinn drawing a fine low save from Fabianski. For the Hammers there was a Haller header just wide and an Anderson header blocked by a defender after a fine Masuaku cross. 

The best moment is when Mings and El Ghazi clash after conceding a West Ham corner. Heads come together but Mike Dean, for once, eschews a controversial double sending off.

For the second half I had to move to the Faltering Fullback to play for my pub quiz team the Beta Males. So had half an eye on the screen while trying to remember which planet had moons called Phobos and Deimos (Mars), why played Rey in the recent Star Wars movies (Daisy Ridley) and who was the lead singer of Skunk Anansie (Skin). 

Mike Dean distinguished himself again by giving Arthur Masuaku a second yellow for a rather innocuous foul on the halfway line. Haller looked increasingly isolated up front and Yarmolenko, after a fine game against Norwich, disappointed. 

But we did well to hold out with ten men. Diop had a fine game at the back as did Fabianski whose commitment was characterised by his charge from goal to take the ball and El Ghazi out in the first half. 

Grealish just failed to connect with a cross late on and the Irons also had a late but not entirely convincing penalty shout from Fredericks. Not a great game, but to be positive that's four league games unbeaten since the City defeat and Villa defeated Everton in their last home game. And perhaps with 11 men we might have nicked it. 

While as my pal Nigel quipped, David Cameron will certainly be pleased with a draw between his two teams, West Ham and Aston Villa.

All Hammers need is an 11-0 away win...

Doh! Thanks to my pal Nigel for jinxing us by stating that if West Ham win 11-0 at Aston Villa tonight we go second. Creating such a hostage to fortune could easily mean that we only win 10-0... 

Away ticket allocation is not working

In the fourth season of WHU at the London Stadium it's still almost impossible to get to an away game. As a fan who's been going to games for 50 years that doesn't seem very fair. Yes, it's an improvement to have ten per cent of tickets going into a ballot, but the odds are still pretty low of getting one. 

It's a Kafka-esque situation where you can't get away tickets without points and you can't get points without going to away games. Even if the people who go to away matches can't get to the match they probably sell their ticket on to another fan so they still claim their points. It's pretty much a closed shop.

Wouldn't it be fairer if at least a few of the less popular away games were sold on a first come first served basis? That way the rest of us would have a chance of accruing some points.

Super Hammers demolish Mourinho's men

West Ham United 3 (three) Manchester United 1

It’s off to Hackney Wick for an early start where they’re selling vegan beet burgers outside Tank — the vegan burgers in Ken’s Café were surely better. It’s a full turn-out at the London Stadium. Alison and Scott have remembered their tickets today, Nigel’s back from up north, and Michael’s visiting his theatre of dreams along with Matt, Lisa and Fraser.

West Ham start brightly with Noble setting the tone by flying into tackles. WHU score after five minutes. The inspirational Noble finds Zabaleta with a through ball, and although marginally offside, Zab crosses for Anderson to flick home with a audacious back heel. There’s a gasp of admiration from the crowd when they see the replay. The Brazilian’s the sort of Fancy Felipe we love to see at West Ham. Scoring so early, we calculate we should be on for at least nine today.

Lukaku grazes the outside of the post with a header as the Mancs look like they might be coming back into it. Then Diop is roundly applauded for a Moore-esque tackle as he calmly dispossesses the big United striker.

YARMY ARMY

West Ham respond with a corner and after picking up Diop’s header, Yarmolenko shifts the ball on to his left foot and fires in a shot that rebounds off Lindelof into the net. A little fortunate perhaps, but credit to the big Ukrainian for making it happen. Two-nil to the cockney boys.

United are a big side but out of condition, and we do this for a living. The Red Devils are ponderous in their passing, with Pogba looking frustrated and spending a lot of time moaning. United’s malaise is summed up when a corner goes straight to Noble and West Ham break at speed allowing Anderson to find Arnautovic, who fires over the bar. The black-clad Mourinho paces his technical area like a Portuguese philosophy professor who’s had too much caffeine as he’s regaled with the East End bon mot of, “F**k off Mourinho!”

At half time Fraser quips that we’d scored three at this stage against Macclesfield. Michael the Possible Whovian approves of the programme feature on “Doctor WHU” (aka club doctor Richard Weiler).

The United comeback almost arrives as Fabianski makes a sensational low save with one hand to deny Fellaini’s header. Pogba goes off after 70 minutes to much derision. But United’s changes work as Rashford brilliantly backheels a corner home despite the attentions of two defenders.

But West Ham respond three minutes later. United are claiming Rashford has been pushed by Zabaleta as the ball finds Noble. The West Ham skipper plays it straight through a statuesque United defence for Arnautovic to calmly slot home. It looks so easy that at first I assume the ref has blown for offside. But it’s quite correctly a goal and Arnie runs to the bench to hold up a Sanchez shirt in support of the midfielder who might be out for months with medial ligament problems. Arnie deserves his goal for he has been immense up front.

YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL ANYMORE!

Sub Robert Snodgrass gets a deserved cheer for some manic pressing as the Irons refuse to let up the intensity. Michael amuses the lads in front of us with his “damn your eyes!” comment after the ref refuses a free kick, and Fabianski has to make a low save from McTominay’s low effort. But United don’t come at us with anything like the intensity of the Ferguson sides and we’re almost relaxed for the final stages.

“You’re not Special anymore!" rings round the ground. Pellegrini even manages to bring young Grady Diangana on for his league debut in the final two minutes.

The whistle blows and the players stay on the sun-soaked pitch for a long time saluting the fans as Bubbles and Twist and Shout comes on the PA.

Fraser, Michael, Matt and Lisa heads off to the pub to meet Gambling Dan, who is in the money as he had a wager on West Ham to win 3-1. On Wednesday he’d just missed out after bets on the Irons winning 9-0 and 10-0.

Meanwhile I’m off to the RAF Club in Piccadilly (it’s like the Central but with more pictures of Spitfires) for my pal Mark’s 60th birthday celebrations, where’s he’s pleased to receive a signed Trevor Brooking book and signed picture of Billy Bonds. My pal Nick, a United fan, is there too and very keen on Mourinho being sacked. So a good day all round. After the first four defeats the pundits were predicting we’d be pointless after seven games. But seven points in three matches has left the season looking very different.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 8; Zabaleta 8, Diop 8, Balbuena 7, Masuaku 7; Rice 7, Noble 9, Obiang 7; Anderson 8 (Diangana n/a), Arnautovic 8 (Antonio 6), Yarmolenko 7 (Snodgrass 7). 

Four mill to the lawyer boys

A staggering £4 million has been spent by the London Legacy Development Corporation in legal disputes with West Ham. The figure emerged when the LLDC chief executive Lyn Garner was being questioned by the London Assembly's budget and performance committee. That's almost two seasons' rent squandered on fighting the LLDC's anchor tenant. West Ham might not be entirely blameless in this, but it does seem like the LLDC is arguing over every point following its poor negotiating over the original contract. 

Some of the legal fees have gone on the bizarre carpet dispute and rows over TVs and draught beer. For £4 million we could have installed a different-coloured carpet for every day of the week. While there's still no stadium naming rights deal. It's time to stop making the lawyers richer and to see some cooperation between the LLDC and West Ham.

If you eight West Ham…

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West Ham United 8 (eight) Macclesfield Town 0 (Carabao Cup)

For once it really was never in doubt. There’s a brass band paying Bubbles outside H block at the stadium, which is a nice touch and the atmosphere among the 24,833 crowd is actually livelier than at some sold-out league games. I’m joined by fellow diehard Fraser, who is wearing his lucky West Ham socks.

Young Grady Diangana is making his debut and fires into the side netting in the first minute. For 20 minutes the Hammers struggle a bit to break down the league’s bottom side, with Adrian having to make a good reaction save. While our injury curse continues with Sanchez going off after a kick on the ankle. The breakthrough comes as Rice recycles a corner to chip in a good cross for Antonio to nod home.

CAN WE PLAY YOU EVERY WEEK?
A tardy Matt arrives just after Antonio’s goal, but in time to witness Perez score with a good finish from Cresswell’s cross. The lively Diangana then fires in a shot that keeper O’Hara can only parry and Robert Snodgrass proves lethal from two inches to prod the ball over the line. Snoddy looks genuinely pleased to have broken his Hammers duck and runs to the crowd, getting a good reception. “Where were you when Snoddy scored?” I text to Nigel, caught up on the Liverpool to London train.

Three-nil up against the league’s bottom side without a win, what could possibly go wrong? Bizarrely, nothing. Ryan Fredericks fires in a great shot that goes through the keeper ti make it 4-0. Macclesfield really do look a poor side and aren’t even getting stuck in or fouling us. Ogbonna scores a fifth from a corner after more poor defending. We might make it to penalties now…

THEATRE OF EIGHT

Pellegrini proves he’s not scared of blooding youngsters by bringing on midfielders Conor Coventry (at half time) and Joe Powell. Still the Hammers pepper the Macclesfield goal. Snoddy scores his second after a neat give and go. Biggest cheer of the night comes when Grady Diangana plays a one-two with Perez and fires past O’Hara before running to the Bobby Moore Stand. In the 82nd minute fellow debutant Joe Powell plays Diangana in with a fine through ball and Grady finishes with confidence.

When did we last thrash a lower league team? Normally it’s a huge struggle against the likes of Accrington (won with a last minute Payet free kick a couple of seasons ago). Even Matt, who has just seen his biggest ever win, thinks the referee has had a good game, barring his lack of added time in the second half. Can we play Macclesfield every week? My texting finger is worn put after asking Nigel where he was when Perez, Fredericks and Diangana scored their first goals. And will Fraser have to smoke a cigar for every goal?

We retreat to Stratford and try the Black Bull, which is less packed than usual. It has a decent selection of Tribute, Coast to Coast and other ales and isn’t bad. We reminisce about how quickly games go when you are enjoying them and recall the ten-goal victory against Bury, the 8-1 against Newcastle (when Alvin Martin scored a hat-trick against three different keepers) and the more recent 6-0 against Brighton. It’s West Ham’s biggest win since 1983. Though against Man United we might have to settle for seven…

PLAYER RATINGS: Adrian 6; Fredericks 7, Diop 6, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 7; Sanchez n/a (Rice 7), Snodgrass 8, Obiang 6 (Coventry 6), Diangana 8; Perez 7, Antonio 7 (Powell 7).

Let's get Declan signed up

Some worrying reports in the Guardian and Daily Mail today about the impasse over Declan Rice's contract — although hopefully it's just media stirring. Declan's currently only on £3k a week (still not bad for a 19 year old!) with his contract in its final year and his representatives having apparently turned down a £15k a week offer. He's said to be holding out for £30k a week, which on current form he'd deserve. 

You don't want young players getting too much too soon, but he looks a level-headed lad and surely won't fade in the way Reece Oxford has done. Rice already has a near-full season of playing at centre back and was starting to look a real leader at the end of last season. While his form in midfield in the last two games has been superb. 

Gareth Southgate is clearly interested in poaching him away from Ireland and it's pretty clear the boy is one hell of a prospect. Other clubs are sniffing around and it's noticeable that Pablo Zabaleta, a manager in the making, has stated that West Ham should get his contract sorted. It would be bad business to leave it any longer as on current form his value is only going to go up. We need to get Deckers tied down as soon as possible.

Yarmy's miss costly, but good point for gritty Irons

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West Ham 0 Chelsea 0

Will Chelsea be up for a wet Sunday afternoon in Stratford? Come to that will West Ham? It’s a midday trip on the Overground to Hackney Wick, where there’s now a grander entrance to cope with the footie crowds, complete with some strange concrete hieroglyphics last seen in Tomb of the Cybermen.

Inside the stadium Alison and Scott have forgotten their season tickets. They’ve had to queue up at the ticket office and in scenes reminiscent of Bodyguard prove their identities. Several other Hammers fans have also forgotten their tickets, including two lads in their twenties agreeing they should probably have gone to bed after their night out rather than go straight to the match. We’re joined by Fraser, Matt, Lisa and Michael the Whovian (fresh from meeting legendary Hammers fan and actor Donald Sumpter at The Prisoner), while Nigel is up in Liverpool seeking some Momentum.

There’s no Arnie and Pellegrini’s gameplan is rather Moyes-esque, with the side letting Chelsea’s defenders have the ball and sitting back with three holding midfielders. The game is also noticeable for Chelsea’s garish yellow away kit — they look like a team of lemons. Hazard shoots at Fabianski and Giroud miscues a volley, but West Ham’s system works pretty well.

With half an hour gone the Hammers suddenly look dangerous on the break. Anderson dummies to find space and releases Antonio with a fine through ball, only for Mikhail to slice wide. Then the excellent Rice intercepts and finds Yarmolenko with a good ball out wide. He runs at goal and is blocked, with the ball falling to Antonio, who fires against Kepa’s legs. Kante heads wide before the break in a late warning of Chelsea's quality.

The second half sees Yarmolenko cut inside and fizz a left-foot shot just over, while Fabianski saves Morata’s effort with his face. Antonio tries to beat Rudiger for pace but comes a definite second, rather emphasising his recent sharpness and fitness problems. He’s hooked for Perez, who this time has warmed-up.

Bizarrely a fan behind us spends most of the game swearing at Anderson for not steaming into tackles like Julian Dicks. Robert Snodgrass eventually comes on for Felipe and the chance for West Ham to win it comes as Snoddy gets in an excellent cross and the unmarked Yarmolenko seems certain to score, only to head wide of the post. Cue collective heads in hands. A shame, as making a crucial goal might have kick-started Snoddy’s Hammers career.

STICK YOUR BLUE FLAG UP YOUR … 

Mystic Matt produces a stat about how often Chelsea have scored after the 79th minute. Can the Hammers hold on for a gritty point? The crowd help with a chorus of “Stick your blue flag…” Kante forces a decent opportunity over the bar as Chelsea dominate possession with Jorginho setting a Premier League record of 180 passes. Though after a late flight back from Greece the Blues lack a cutting edge.

Substitute Barkley produces a great bending shot that Fabianski brilliantly turns round the post. The former Swansea keeper has bossed his area well today. There’s a nice ovation for Mark Noble as he goes off for Sanchez. We have a nervous four minutes of added time, which sees Willian slice wide, but Diop and co remain resolute. Mike Dean blows his whistle and it’s a fine point against a side that had won its previous five games and scored 16 goals.

Lost by the River Lea

After the match we take a very circuitous route along the River Lea to eventually find the Olympic Village and a bar called The Neighbourhood. Inside we find Gambling Dan, who has bet on every score except 0-0. Over pints of Mosaic and Goose we muse upon the impossibility of finding the perfect pub. Maybe George Orwell could help. Michael is impressed by the splash-proof urinals but not the prices, while we fear it might be too hipster for Nigel, who also rejects craft beer and Wetherspoon’s. Strange, as we happily all went along to the Central at Upton Park. Perhaps we are spoilt for choice.

Still, we enjoy a drink in the unexpected sun. After losing the first four games the pundits were suggesting we’d lose the first seven. Four points from two games is progress.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 8; Zabaleta 7, Diop 8, Balbuena 7, Masuaku 6; Noble 7 (Sanchez 5), Rice 8, Obiang 6; Anderson 6 (Snodgrass 7), Antonio 5 (Perez 5), Yarmolenko 6.