There's much mayhem at the turnstiles as lots of season tickets read red, but eventually we all get in, even if the digital readers might be trying to tell us something. Before the kick-off deadline day loan signing Morato is paraded on the pitch as if he's Vinicius Junior. I'm joined by Matt, Lisa, Michael, Nigel and his lucky Stranglers bag and Big Sam, set to see if we can do it on a wet Tuesday night in Bolton.
Wolves have the better of the exchanges in the first half an hour, though as Michael points out, Pablo does give us a bit of extra steel disrupting behind the front line even if he doesn't score. The Portugeeezer returns from injury looking creative and trying backheels. But Wolves go closest, as Jimenez's shot goes into the ground and bounces on to the bar and then Mane hits the bar after Walker-Peters misjudges the flight of the ball. We're still missing a ball-winner in midfield.
We need a goal to steady nerves and one duly arrives. Just as Mystic Morris remarks that Mukasa hasn't done much yet, Pablo plays a clever chip to Walker-Peters on the right. His cross is cleared to Engels, who plays a short ball to Mukasa outside the box, who wallops an absolute screamer in off the bar. That's why Man City have signed him, the boy has Divine talent.
Piroe has grown into the game and does well to turn into the box before winning a penalty. Jarrod Bowen sends Sa the wrong way to make it 2-0. Suddenly the side starts to play with confidence. What could possibly go wrong when you're 2-0 up against a newly-relegated team? Well, a lucky deflection falling to Munetsi, who isn't challenged effectively by the Greek Bloke and scores with a fine finish into the corner. We recall bad memories of Burnley. Wolves' half-time team talk will be to run at our shaky defence.
At half-time we're strangely offered four pints of Lost lager by some lads who have over-ordered. It's cold but not very drinkable. The second half begins with Wolves hitting the side-netting. But just as we're getting nervous a good move on the right sees Pablo jump over the ball to free Bowen who finds Mukasa. He has a shot from the edge of the area. The ball takes a big deflection and lopes over Sa. A bit lucky but if you don't shoot you don't score and two goals will kickstart Mukasa's first-team career.
DOUBLE FOR DINOS
On come Veltman and Castellanos in like-for-like substitutions.The crowd get going and West Ham win a corner after a powerful Bowen run and shot is palmed away. Michael says this is the moment for the Greek Bloke. It is indeed. The GB heads Engel's excellent corner on to the bar and then wallops the rebound into the top of the net. He runs to our corner where none of us have ever doubted him.
Just as we're dreaming of five, Wolves break down the right and Tchatchoua's cross is diverted into his own net by Mavropanos. It's been a very mixed evening for the Greek Bloke, though to be fair he's returning from injury.
We're nervous again at 4-2. Kante and Lamadrid come on for Pablo and Mukasa. Matt seems to have missed Andy Burnham's memo about embracing positivity as he bemoans some lacklustre clearances. When there's a late cameo from new signing Austbo, Michael remarks that he isn't the first Asbo we've seen at West Ham.
The Hammers hold on to win and the result is everything — that first win will instil confidence and another boost is that finally the window has shut. In Ye Olde Black Bull we're joined by Matt's two Wainwright-bagging Wolves mates and over Brixton Pale Ale we discuss the projected Big Sam musical as well as those who have played for both clubs such as Kevin Keen and Shaun Newton, who only cost ten grand. We've beaten a team that will probably be our promotion rivals so this is progress even if we are still letting in too many goals. Now for Derby on Saturday.
PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Walker-Peters 6 (Veltman 6), Mavropanos 5, Kilman 6, Scarles 7; Bowen 7, Engels 7, Mukasa 8 (Kante 5), Solomon 6 (Austbo 5); Pablo 7 (Lamadrid 5), Piroe 6 (Castellanos 5).
