Oh what fun it is to see West Ham win at home

West Ham 2 Manchester United 0

The big news is that Fraser, Nigel and myself are all sporting West Ham Christmas jumpers, perhaps a case of three unwise men. Michael the Whovian is at home with Covid and his ticket has gone to my daughter Lola, whose last game was the 5-1 defeat to Newcastle. Up against an out of form United, what could possibly go wrong?

The first half is poor. Emerson has an early shot saved but both sides lack rhythm. Late on Kudus's poor back pass sees a chance created for Garnacho, who fires against Areola in a one-on-one. Antony sends over a dangerous cross. The Fonz then has a wobble as he fumbles Mainoo's tame effort wide of the post.

Nigel eats his lucky banana at half-time in an attempt to inspire the lads. It's hard to get an atmosphere going for a 12.30pm kick-off but the West Han fans respond as the side improves in the second half. Bowen's header from a corner is athletically tipped over by Onana.

It takes a brilliant ball over the top from Paqueta to make the breakthrough on 72 minutes. Bowen runs through and fires against Onana but bobbles the ball back in after Onana gets a hand to it. West Ham are indeed massive.

It's two six minutes later when Mainoo lets the ball roll under his foot and Paqueta sends the gift through to Kudus, Mo still has two defenders in front of him but expertly fires into the corner. Then he sits on the hoardings. Matt thinks it will be a long journey back to Surrey for the Man United fans. Another plus is the clean sheet and a decent game from Mavropanos alongside Zouma. 

So it's thirty points for the Hammers and some vindication for the weakened side at Anfield. Merry Christmas, one and all!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7; Coufal 6, Zouma 7, Mavropanos 7 Emerson 7; Soucek 6, Paqueta 8, Alvarez 7, Ward-Prowse 6; Bowen 8 (Fornals n/a), Kudus 8 (Johnson n/a).

Point picked at Cherries

Bournemouth 1 West Ham 1

Up in Edinburgh for the start of the season as the Irons still try to recruit fringe players. And it's certainly good to hear the chants of, "We know what we are... Champions of Europe!" from the away fans bringing back memoioes of the miracle of Prague. 

The Hammers are unlucky in the first half as Benrahma nicks the ball to Soucek whose slightly deflected shot bounces off the post into Neto's hands. The Cherries have another escape when Paqueta gets his head to a corner and Billing has to clear off the line. Brooks tests Areola a couple of times and Solanke's pace troubles Aguerd, but the home side's new signings are still getting to know each other's play.

West Ham take the lead after 51 minutes with a great goal. Fortnals does really well to win a tackle and Soucek plays the loose ball to Jarrod Bowen, who curls home a lovely strike from the edge of the box. He's still on fire and, erm, parenting with Dani Dyer.

But after the goal the Hammers get pushed back as of old. Aguerd and Zouma win some good headers and Rothwell is unlucky when his shot hits the bar. But it looks like the Hammers might hold on for a 1-0 win until Semenyo's shot hits the heel of Souek and falls kindly for Solanke to round Areola and score.

Ings is on for the 33-year-old Antonio and the Hammers almost restore their lead when Paqueta - who has looked committed despite Man City's interest - hits a low shot against the foot pf the post.

So in the end it's a fairly decent away point in a game WHU could have won. The way the side faded after scoring was worrying, but with Alvarez and Ward-Prowse to come in that will surely give the side a boost. And it's already a much better start than last season, when the side lost the first three games. Now we just have to tell Chelsea where to inset their blue flag.

Distracted Hammers lose at relegated Leicester

Leicester City 2 West Ham 1

A predictable defeat in this one, with the Irons players not wanting to get injured before the Europa Conference Final and Leicester needing to win in case Everton failed to beat Bournemouth. Moyes picked a strong side, resting only Soucek, Bowen and Zouma.

West Ham might have done more in the first 30 minutes after several attacks fizzled out. Iheanacho clipped the top of the bar after cutting inside, but Leicester looked nervous. A rare moment of quality saw the Foxes take the lead as Barnes played a swift one-two with Iheanacho, getting beyond Coufal and Downes, to angle the ball home.

The Hammers played with more passion after the break, with Evans heading a corner past his own post and Benrahma curling a fine effort against the base of Leicester's post. Faes headed home the second from a free kick, somehow getting in between WHU's central defenders. But by then news had come through from Goodison that Everton had scored and the West Ham fans taunted the home crowd with chants of, "Say hello to Millwall!"

Sub Bowen had a shot parried by Iverson and then laid the rebound into the path of fellow sub Danny Ings, who somehow blazed over. The Irons did pull one back when Ings released Fornals on the left and Pablo scored with a precise shot in off the near post. There was still time for a blonde Maxwel Cornet to come on, perhaps a disguise in the hope that my pal Matt doesn't recognise him and give him a hard time. He was soon getting in the way of his own player and then kicking his man instead of the ball, which rather sums up his season.

Not too much to learn from this, apart from the fact it kept most of the side match-fit for Prague. It's a sad comedown for Leicester after their title win in 2016, but as the Hammers know, no side is too good to go down. It's been a long, bizarre season, cut in half by the World Cup. One more game to go now - and it's a big one. 

Hammers comeback sends Leeds closer to the drop

West Ham United 3 Leeds United 1

It's off to the Best Meze Cafe to meet Matt and Michael, who is sporting an AK ultra-style black hoodie, though perhaps the AK lads didn't have a signed Hamilton logo on the front of theirs. The big news is that Matt and Lisa are going to Prague on a mini-break for the week of the Europa Conference final. 

The Best's chip portions seem to have got even larger, but after a hasty lunch we're off by one pm to make another unusual kick-off time of 1.30pm on a Sunday. It's a buoyant stadium, with flag-sellers busy outside. Inside Fraser, who is watching his two favourite managers, Nigel and CQ make up our number. 

Is that the Titanic? No, it's Big Sam who is very visible in his white shirt even from the Billy Bonds Stand. The Leeds fans are in good voice and their desperate side start well. Bamford gets behind the home defence to cross only for Rodrigo to miscontrol, then Harrison has a shot straight at Fabianski. Leeds take the lead from a throw in, Rodrigo scoring with a fine first-time volley. He runs into the arms of Big Sam, which is a brave thing to do 

That goal sparks the Hammers into life. Rice starts to dominate and Paqueta does some party tricks. Bamford going off injured helps. West Ham equalise 15 minutes after Leeds scored. Fornals lofts a lovely ball over the defence for Bowen to run on to. Jarrod gets in a good cross and Declan Rice Volleys into the ground and over Robles. Dec runs to te corner flag to celebrate what might be his last goal for the Irons. 

Paqueta makes a surging run to set up Fornals, who shoots wide. Pablo then sets up Emerson, whose effort is smothered by Robes. But Leeds have a good chance to equalise as Zouma is tackled, Harrison races clear and sets up Gnonto and Harrison for a set of scuffed shots that earn derision from the Irons fans. 

At half-time we're joined by Steve the Cornish Postie, who was dancing in the streets of Crantock last Thursday. The Gav and Big Sam Junior turn up too and there's a quick straw poll on whether Nigel should eat his lucky banana. The vote is he should.

The second half begins to chants of "West Ham are massive!" and Leeds look a little intimidated as the Hammers step it up. Paqueta has a long-range shot saved and Robles does brilliantly to tip over Soucek's header from a corner. CQ hands out some lucky claret and blue sweets purchased from a ferry in Greenland.

On 72 minutes Paqueta feeds Ings, who turns well on the edge of the box to play in Bowen, who skilfully finishes across Robles into the corner. There's a long VAR pause before it's ruled that Jarrod is onside by a couple of inches. 

There's still time for Summerville (has he left the Communards?) to get through and be thwarted by a fine block from Emerson. At the other end Paqueta wastefully tries to set up Rice when he could score himself and Ings misses another chance.

GAME OVER, MANUEL

The game is settled when from a West Ham corner Paqueta somehow bamboozles three Leeds defenders to wriggle in from the touchline, slalom across the box and set up sub Manuel Lanzini for a tap-in. A great moment for Manuel in his final home game. Big Sam looks like he could do with a pint of wine. Surely the assist of the season from Paqueta. And Everton and Leicester can't complain about West Ham's effort in this one.

At the final whistle the Leeds players look resigned to relegation as their fans leave. The West Ham players come on for a lap of honour with their kids, Declan receives the Hammer of the Year trophy and Moyesy comes over to pump his fists in front of his biggest fans (and Fraser).

We head to the Eagle where Matt discovers that Tayto crisps are made in a castle in Ireland. He suggests they must make a packet there. The drinks flow, with Hackney Haze from the fridge followed by the unexpected arrival of a newly-cooled bottle of East London Pale Ale. Michael departs for theatrical environs, CQ leaves for her bass class in her bid to become the new Roger Glover and Matt and myself head to Maryland. A difficult season is ending on a high. And on 40 points we thank WHU are finally safe. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 6, Zouma 6 (Kehrer 6), Ogbonna 6, Emerson 6;  Rice 9, Soucek 6, Paqueta 9, Fornals 8 (Johnson n/a); Bowen 8 (Lanzini 7), Ings 7 (Mubama n/a).

Capitulation at a Bus Stop in Hounslow

Brentford 2 West Ham 0

This game proved, as my fellow fan Michael the Whovian succinctly put it, that West Ham have two teams - a middling Premiership side and a middling Championship side to make up our squad. With nine changes from the Alkmaar game it was clear Moyes was prioritising Thursday's semi-final and hoping Leicester don't win all three of their remaining matches.

Brentford took the lead when Aguerd played a loose ball out of defence and the unmarked Mbuemo arrived to stroke home. Fabianski should have done better. Despite several warnings of the dangers of long throws the move eventually paid off with Brentford winning the first ball and Wissa heading home the second. 

Ings did have a snap shot well saved by Raya, but against that Fabianski also had to make a couple of brilliant saves. Agent Nigel is among the Brentford fans and singles out Cornet as dire and Downes as out of his depth, with no service to Ings who was chasing shadows, but a few nice touches from Lanzini. 

Even without Toney Brentford could have scored four of five. Though the game might have changed if Ings had not had a goal disallowed for a ludicrous VAR decision. Sub Benrahma's cross comes back off a post and hits Divin Mubama. Lanzini gathers and crosses for Ings to score but VAR rules that Mubama has handballed it. He had his arms out to protect himself from running into the post and the ball seemed to hit his shoulder anyway. Another ridiculous VSR decision.

This was a really poor performance and proof that without Rice we won't be able to rely on a central midfield of Soucek and Downes. Hopefully it will have been worth resting so many players if we get a result in Holland, though the reserves failed to put any pressure on the first team with this performance.

Depleted Hammers succumb to slick City

Manchester City 3 West Ham 0

It's the worst possible preparation for this one with the news that Zouma is probably out for the season and Rice, Soucek and Aguerd have succumbed to a bug in the Hammers camp. Still, the revamped Irons side give a decent defensive performance in the first half. 

Fabianski has to make a smart save from Mahrez and Rodri hits the post after a give and go with Haaland. But Ogbonna has been getting his head on everything and Flynn Downes has bern solid enough as the only defensive midfielder. On the left Paqueta and Emerson have combined well at times. West Ham even nearly score when Bowen gets away down the right and fires at Ortega when a cross to Emerson might have seen a tap-in.

But with so much possession City's pressure tells in the second half. Downes gives away a foul in a bad area and from the free kick Ake heads home, with Ogbonna having played the City strikers onside by getting back too early. Coufal goes off with a pulled hamstring and the Hammers bring on Ben Johnson. 

It's two when sub Ings plays a poor ball. Grealish breaks and plays through Haaland, who beats Fabianski with a delicate chip for his record-breaking 35th goal of the PL season. On this form he'd probably get in our team. If only City had a decent manager like Big Sam, who is apparently better than Guardiola.

A deflected strike from Foden makes it 3-0. Late on at least Paqueta gets through to have a shot parried by Ortega. It's no disgrace to lose at the Champions-elect but we now have an injury and illness crisis and need to get something from the last four games. Man United are not as good as City and a point or more on Sunday would do the job.

Hammers unlucky to lose amid VAR controversy

West Ham 1 Liverpool 2

At the London Stadium Nigel is enjoying listening to The Trooper by Iron Maiden and is still in disbelief that his new digital season ticket is actually working. He's with Big Sam, the son of CQ's oldest friend, and we're joined by Matt, Lisa and Fraser.

Early on Alisson, whose aim is not true, passes straight to Bowen and his cross almost finds Antonio, while Salah has a shot blocked at the other end. The Hammers take the lead with a fine goal. It starts with some great control from Benrahma and then sees an intricate one-two between Antonio and Paqueta before the Brazilian unleashes a screamer from the edge of the box. Now that looks like the work of a £50m player and underlines Paqueta's recent improvement. 

The crowd is full of noise and positivity and it looks like we might upset the Scousers. They are pinging it around well though, with Alexander-Arnold in central midfield much of the time. It's Trent who finds Gakpo 25 yards from goal. He's not closed down quickly enough and fires a hard low shot in off the post.

Jota goes close with couple of chances for Liverpool but West Ham match them. With Henderson filling in at right-back at times, Antonio causes him problems. Benrahma gets down the left to cross across the box and only a last-ditch intervention from Van Dijk prevents Antonio from scoring. From the corner Rice wins the first header but Antonio can't direct the second header on target. 

The second half sees the Irons apparently take the lead. A great through ball from Aguerd releases Bowen who races into box, stands up Van Dijk, and with very little backlift fires into the net. Only sodding VAR intervenes and he's offside by a boot. This proves costly as West Ham's zonal marking at a corner is all wrong and Matip crashes home a free header.

West Ham make a determined effort to equalise and the key moment is when Thiago tries to tackle sub Danny Ings and falls on the ball with his hand. Astonishingly ref Chris Kavanagh doesn't even consult VAR. Moyes gives the officials his Glasgow death stare and later makes a valid point that if the defender lunges in and is out of control it should be a penalty even if the handball was accidental.

There's still time for the Vicar's Son to berate subs Ings for bottling a challenge with Alisson and Cornet for being Cornet, before Liverpool end up winning their third game in succession. They looked more like the Liverpool of old tonight, so it's no disgrace to lose to them. Its been an entertaining match, Aguerd had made some great interceptions and Paqueta has looked like he's now a PL force, so there are reasons for optimism.

We head off to Ye Olde Black Bull, where an angry and shouty punter has to be ejected - and  it's not David Moyes. Arsenal are getting battered on the TV as Nigel and Matt engage in some competitive groundhopping tales and discuss players with palindromic names like Eze. The Brixton Pale Ale is a bonus, though once we see the replay of Thiago's handball it's back to berating officialdom. Still, on this form we should hopefully get some survival points from the next six games.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 6, Zouma 7, Aguerd 7, Cresswell 6; Rice 7, Soucek 6, Benrahma 7 (Cornet 5), Paqueta 8; Bowen 7, Antonio 6 (Ings 5).

Good performance, no points at Anfield

Liverpool 1 West Ham 0 

It looks ominous in the second minute when a quick free kick sets Salah clear, only for Fabianski to make a good one-on-one save. But even without the ill Rice the Irons grow into the game with Soucek and Lanzini doing an effective job in front of the defence. Antonio is looking up for it, he races through on to Cresswell's pass and stings the palms of Alisson and a few minutes later has another low effort saved. He's not going to beat Van Dijk for pace but it's encouraging that he's trying to.

Alexander-Arnold sends a free kick narrowly wide as the hosts attempt to make up ground on Man City. Liverpool take the lead when a scuffed shot from Alexander-Arnold falls to Mane, who has got behind Dawson as Fabianski hesitates. It goes to VAR and Mane is deemed onside by a hand —although if that had been WHU scoring it would surely gave been chalked off.

Cresswell has to stay calm to turn and clear the ball off the West Ham line as Liverpool threaten a second. But suddenly it's West Ham who should be scoring. Johnson plays a ball over the top and Fornals is through against Alisson. Pablo panics a bit and lobs the keeper, only for Alexander-Arnold to clear off the line. Even then Vlasic should score with the loose ball but takes one touch too many.

The second half sees more West Ham chances. Bowen is through but foiled by a tough challenge and then has to depart with a leg injury. Another great chance comes when Soucek does well to get in a cross and Manuel Lanzini appears to have got the ball under control only to slice over from six yards out.

Then sub Mark Noble plays a glorious first-time ball through to Antonio. Micky takes a little too long and rather than shoot or find Benrahma he allows Keita to get a block in. Jota is booked for a nasty foul on Lanzini and Dan Chesters gets a couple of minutes for his league debut.

At least we have Liverpool holding it in the corner at the end, while Salah has been shackled and now subbed off. It's been a good performance and WHU have run Liverpool closer than most teams — but really should have got a point from this. Antonio looks back on form but our midfielders really need to start scoring again. Let's hope this big effort on Merseyside hasn't made the Hammers too tired before the Europa League away leg at Sevilla.