Penalty heartbreak for spirited Hammers

West Ham 2 Leeds United 2 (FA Cup) (Leeds win 4-2 on pens)

Inside the London Stadium we find Nigel and his lucky Stranglers plastic bag, CQ, Matt, Lisa, Big Sam (who successfully relegated Leeds three years ago) and Michael the Whovian, who is still recovering from the excitement of viewing the two missing episodes of The Daleks' Master Plan

One home game from Wembley, what could possibly go wrong? After the international break there's no Hermansen, Wan-Bissaka, Greek Bloke or Todibo, while Soucek is only on the bench, Summerville is not yet ready and Callum Wilson is also missing. Everyone is worried by the inclusion of Max Kilman, though perhaps he'll be better alongside Disasi.

After three minutes Areola has to make a good save to deny Okafor. Then Bowen gets in a great low cross and Perri has to make a brilliant low save from Taty's flick. Adama Traore shows his speed to power through midfield and pass to Bowen, who forces another decent save, with Traore failing to follow up.

But slowly Leeds start to look the better side, with Magassa and Potts struggling to contain their midfield and Walker-Peters being tormented by Okafor. Leeds take the lead when Tanaka twists and turns in the box and shoots against Disasi, the ball deflecting up and in off the crossbar. The 9000 Leeds fans celebrate wildly. 

Nigel goes early and eats his lucky banana while the Hammers are lucky not to concede a penalty when Potts can only play the ball towards Okafor and Kilman catches Stach after he's got his shot away.

At the break Nuno takes off Potts and Magassa for Soucek and Pablo and West Ham give it more of a go. Traore is breaking clear when he's cynically fouled by Ampadu, who gets a fully-deserved yellow card. Traore has switched to the left and gets in a great cross that Castellanos heads against the post when he should probably score. The home crowd ramp up the atmosphere.

But on 71 minutes Max Kilman makes a clumsy challenge and takes out Aaronson in the box. VAR correctly rules that it's a penalty. Sub Dominic Calvert-Lewin converts and it seems it's game over. Kilman is booed by his own fans when he next touches the ball which isn't going to help anyone. The Leeds fans chant about going to Wembley.

Some West Ham fans head for the exits. Leeds almost make it three but at least Traore is still sending over inviting crosses. Meanwhile Matt is perhaps in need of a wellness trip to San Francisco as he lambasts Nuno, Pablo, Taty, Kilman and cheating Leeds

But the announcement of 11 added minutes gives us some hope. Pablo heads over from Diouf's cross. Three minutes into added time the indefatigable Bowen turns inside to fire a great drive against the post and Fernandes is able to tuck home the rebound. Surely we can't come back?

AXEL ROSE

Two minutes later Traore gets another great cross in the box and there is Axel Disasi who does a karate kick on the ball to slide it home. Axel rose brilliantly. He celebrates like he's won the World Cup again, as the West Ham fans go effing mental. That goal is for the diehards who stayed. None of us ever doubted Nuno's team selection, much. Those who left early are not being allowed back in. "You're not singing anymore!" is chanted at the Leeds fans, no longer marching on together.

So it's extra time. Nigel makes the mistake or going to the gents and West Ham seem to score in the first minute. Perri fluffs his clearance and Taty Castellanos cleverly lobs it back into the net from a tight angle. Cure wild celebrations until sodding VAR rules that he was offside by a shoulder.

Gnonto skies a chance for Leeds before Bowen rattles the post with another great effort. Pablo nets the rebound but has drifted offside. There's still time in the first period for Traore to set up Diouf who slices his shot way wide.

On come Scarles and Kante. Legs are tired but Kante does well to power into the box to shoot wide and Pablo misses a half-chance. There's another sub-plot when Areola injures himself getting under Aaronson's cross. He's taken off and on comes 20-year-old Finlay Herrick, who has only ever played on loan at Boreham Wood. We wonder why Hermansen is not on the bench.

Luckily Herrick doesn't have to make any serious saves for his five minutes and then it's penalties. Incredibly Herrick saves the first penalty from Piroe and we're looking forward to tomorrow's headlines. But then a tired Jarrod Bowen takes a poor penalty that is saved by Perri. Walker-Peters and Soucek score for the Irons while Leeds net their next two although Herrick gets a hand to Gnonto's shot.

Matt has a very bad feeling about Pablo taking the fourth spot kick and is confirmed correct when Perri saves his tame effort. It's left to Struijk to send Leeds off to Wembley.

It's been a great cup tie for the cameras, though as Nigel remarks, losing and extra time is the worst possible result for the Hammers with a vital game coming up on Friday. We head off to the Eagle concentrating on the league. 

We conduct a straw poll of whether we're going down or not. Some think we're going down on goal difference. I'm one of the few to regard my glass of Guinness as half-full, as if we can beat Wolves then we still have a good chance of survival. Nigel gets out his mental computer and says we have to win at either Palace or Brentford. We then discuss the advantages of playing in the Championship, which includes a better chance of away tickets and going to Lincoln.

The biggest game of the week is still Wolves on Friday. Perhaps Leeds will become distracted by a trip to Wembley? We have to hope that Summerville is fit and Harmansen, the Greek Bloke, Todibo, Wilson and Wan-Bissaka are back for Wolves. But there's hope in the spirit we showed against Leeds. Traore had his best game for the club and Disasi was again immense. It's not over yet.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6 (Herrick 7); Walker-Peters 5, Disasi 8, Kilman 4, Diouf 6 (Scarles 5); Potts 4 (Soucek 6), Magassa 4 (Pablo 4), Fernandes 6; Bowen 8, Castellanos 6 (Kante 6), Traore 8 (Mayers n/a).

Greek Bloke blasts West Ham into quarter-finals

West Ham 2 Brentford 2 (FA Cup, aet, West Ham win 5-3 on pens)

It's down to the diehards for this cup tie. With Matt and Lisa in Amsterdam wondering if this could be anywhere, Liverpool or Rome and Michael also AWOL, it's just Nigel and myself, plus Big Sam, who has travelled up by coach from Cardiff and his mate Jake the vlogger.

Both teams play strong sides, though for WHU Hermansen, Todibo and Diouf are out of the squad, while Summerville and AWB start on the bench. Pablo returns and does a decent job linking up play although he's not a natural goalscorer.

Early on Brentford's Henderson fires a good chance over and then Areola has to make a fine save to deny Kayode. But it's the Irons who take the lead after 19 minutes. Fernandes whips in a cross after a corner is cleared. Soucek does really well to get between two defenders and head a fridge, leaving Bowen to fire home from close range.

Things are a little worrying at the back though as Scarles can't contain the impressive Ouattara. It's from Ouattara's cross that Collins heads towards goal and the ball nicks off Thiago to beat Areola, who should have done better. A VAR appeal for handball is cleared.

It's an entertaining game between similar sides and without the tension of league points at stake. The crowd of 48,000 fans is again noisy as we get behind the side, unlike the fans of certain north London neighbours. 

Kante is having an energetic game in midfield. Traore has already had one good run before shooting wide. The muscular winger is then brought down in the box by Kayode. After a long wait for Godot the VAR sign eventually goes up and after review the ref suggests Jarrod Bowen strokes home a penalty. 

West Ham survive a VAR check on Scarles' challenge in the box and Ollie also heads off the line. At the other end Soucek again heads a fridge and Kelleher does really well to save from the diving Czech.

So it's 2-1 at the break. Scarles is replaced by the more tenacious Ezra Mayers and Adama Traore leaves to man the doors at a West End nightclub, being replaced by Jimmy Summerville. West Ham have chances. Summerville has a shot deflected over after a mazy dribble and Bowen shoots into Kelleher from out wide. Magassa replaces Kante but has a bit of a 'mare, prompting Matt in Amsterdam to turn the air claret and blue. Brentford bring on 1960s folk singer Donovan and hurl endless long throws into the box.

The equaliser comes when Ouattara gets in a cross and Summerville nudges Kayode in the back. Thiago duly scores the penalty. "Just when I was starting to think of the next round," muses Nigel. Lewis-Potter's cross whizzes across the box late on as it ends 2-2 and we need to regroup. 

Big Sam watches the latter proceedings in just his Prague WHU shirt, prompting thoughts he might have Geordie blood, while Nigel makes a bold decision in extra-time, eating his lucky banana. Strangely Jake's vlog misses this crucial intervention. 

Extra time goes very quickly. Callum Wilson forces a great save with his first touch. Donovan fires over for the Bus Stop From Hounslow and Taty has an effort deflected over. Summerville is limping after a heavy clash which is worrying.

WE'VE GOT DINOS MAVROPANOS!

At the very end Disasi thunders a shot just over. He seems to be enjoying playing for the Irons and has transformed our season. It's also good to see him celebrate a tackle that prevents a late Bees goal.

So it's penalties. Bowen and Taty score with ease, while Brentford's Ouattara takes just about the worst Panenka ever, chipping the ball into Areola's hands like a dad playing with his toddler in the park. Wilson and Soucek also score with high and powerful pens as it's 4-3. So who will take the final penalty to win it?

"It's the Greek Bloke!" hollers Big Sam. We know that Dinos will never let us down. The Greek Bloke shows character to take the responsibility and blasts the ball into the top-right hand corner to spark a team mobbing and Bubbles on the tannoy. So it's Leeds in the next round and we're one game from a Wembley semi-final. 

Sam leaves to catch the 11.30pm coach back to Cardiff, arriving home 24 hours after leaving before starting work four hours later. Luxury. There's dancing in the streets of Amsterdam. Nigel and myself have a swift pint at Fabwick in Hackney Wick, which is furnished like a bohemian front room, reflecting that although we don't really need a cup run while fighting for survival winning has to be good for morale. We're two games from the final and this team is starting to show real spirit. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Walker-Peters 6 (Wan-Bissaka 6); Disasi 7, Mavropanos 8, Scarles 5 (Mayers 6); Soucek 8, Fernandes 7 (Wilson 6), Kante 7 (Magassa 4); Bowen 8, Pablo 6 (Castellanos 6), Traore 7 (Summerville 7).

Hammers (just about) avoid cup hopes going for a Burton

Burton Albion 0 West Ham 1 (FA Cup)

Watching on TNT the game begins with a hole in the goal netting being repaired with a piece of blue string and a plane flying overhead with a "Sullivan and Brady out" message. That's about as entertaining as the game gets. Nuno has made ten changes from the Man United game and the Greek Bloke is named as captain, joining fellow legends Moore, Bonds, Rice and Bowen. None of us have ever doubted Dinos.

The Brewers have an early penalty appeal turned down after the Greek Bloke shoves Beasley. The Irons look passive against a determined Burton. Magassa and Kante don't get to grips with midfield, Lamadrid is peripheral and Traore only occasionally threatens. Burton have had six attempts on goal before Wilson finally gets a tame shot in. The match looks like a League One relegation struggle with Burton edging it.

The second half begins with West Ham stepping up the pace as the Greek Bloke has a header saved from a corner. We finally get a decent effort away as Callum Wilson hits an excellent half-volley that is topped over by Collins. Nuno brings on Potts, Summerville and Castellanos late on in an attempt to win it but the game drifts into extra-time.

Can West Ham pull off an upset and score? Mayers finds Summerville on the left. Jimmy cuts inside a defender and fires in a shot that is deflected into the top of the net. Phew. That's six goals for Jimmy now.

It's hopefully game over until Freddie Potts lunges into a late tackle. It's a rash challenge and under pressure from the Burton players the ref changes his decision from a yellow to a red card. Suspensions are not what we need.

Armor fires just wide for the Brewers while Summerville pounces on a loose pass and rolls it into the side netting when it seems easier to score. Disasi comes on to tighten up the backline. Late on Lofthouse shoots just past the post and Areola has to make a late parry as Burton almost take it to penalties.

Finally we're through. Our reserves haven't looked very good on this showing. Not many positives apart from the fact that Mavropanos and Kilman were pretty solid at the back, it's another clean sheet and youngsters like Kante will learn from this. Still, at least Dinos has a 100 per cent record as captain. The Cup Final breakfast round at Nigel's Kew Gardens gaff remains on (just).

Taty bye to QPR

West Ham 2 QPR 1 (FA Cup)

In the Best Meze Cafe it's a solid turnout of Matt, Lisa, Nigel and Big Sam, though the breakfast menu is off but the chips arrive fairly quickly. Matt is full of interesting information, including the fact that Mott the Hoople once recorded a song called Waterlow about Waterlow Park, not to be confused with the Kinks' Waterlow Sunset. He then goes down a Wikipedia rabbit hole, researching Scott the Hoople, who is in fact Scott McCaughey, a guitarist who once played with REM.

Meanwhile Nigel is noting that the Eagles' Joe Walsh is in goal for QPR, up against our Desperardo attack. We wonder if in The Long Run and perhaps if Hell Freezes Over we might even win. 

I'm hoping the game doesn't go to extra time as my wife has purchased me a ticket to see Tony 'Baldrick' Robinson at the Park Theatre at 5pm, without realising the date of this game had changed. Baldrick's current cunning plan for West Ham is seemingly to lose all our games and lull our opponents into a false sense of security.

In the stadium the noisy QPR fans have a whole end and seem to think they are by far the greatest team the world has ever seen, which might be news to Real Madrid and Barcelona.

Ezra Mayers makes his debut at left wing-back and AWB returns, with Castellanos up front and Paqueta rested amid transfer rumours of a return to Brazil. Nigel's literary cry of "Go on Ezra Pound!" might be lost on younger fans, but young Ezra looks promising, showing a good turn of pace in a poor game. 

Not much happens in the first half until the lively Jimmy Summerville cuts inside to unleash a shot that Walsh does really well to tip over. The Greek Bloke goes down with injury following a corner and has to be stretchered off. Let's hope it's not as serious as it looked for Dinos. Pablo replaces him.

West Ham get the fillip we need in added time. Pablo does well to shrug off Cook and play the ball to Magassa. The midfielder, who has had a mixed half, feeds Summerville who wallops home from a tight angle.

But as ever WHU seem to fade after the break. Kone causes Todibo problems and forces a save from Hermansen. The equaliser comes after a hasty clearance is fired back in by Dembele and Kone gets in front of Wan-Bissaka to head home.

"We'll see you all next year!" chant the Rangers fans, along with some ribald comments on the architectural merits of the London Stadium. West Ham improve after the goal with Soucek replacing Magassa. Summerville has a really positive game and Castellanos tests Walsh with a long-range effort.

WE'RE WINNING AT HOME!

But the game ends at 1-1 and I'm forced to miss the added 30 minutes in favour of Tony Robinson and the Full Time Team. At least the proper fans are there to see Soucek force a save from Walsh and Summerville go close. In the 98th minute Summerville produces a Cruyff-like turn to send the QPR full-back racing towards Hackney Wick. Jimmy jinks in a fine cross and Castellanos is there to head home a poacher's goal. Could the Irons finally have found a striker? To  channel Ken Dodd, it's Taty bye to QPR.

The Hammers see the game out and after ten winless matches we'll take any form of victory. This might be an important turning point for Crysencio Summerville too, since he's got a goal and an assist to finally produce some end product from his runs. The Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff remains on. Now let's get a result at Spurs.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Wan-Bissaka 6 (Walker-Peters 5), Kilman 5, Todibo 6, Mavropanos 6 (Pablo 6), Mayers 7 (Scarles 5); Magassa 6 (Soucek 6), Potts 6; Summerville 8, Bowen 6, Castellanos 7 (Rodriguez n/a). 

Concentrating on the league as injuries mount

Aston Villa 2 West Ham 1 (FA Cup)

Its over to Matt's gaff for this one where we're joined by another north London Iron in DC and offered beer, tea, crisps and fudge. The Hammers start off excellently under Potter's new reign. Wan-Bissaka and Summerville feed Paqueta who fires a great long distance shot just wide of the post. Nine minutes in and Fullkrug and Kudus set free Summerville on the right. His low cross is tucked away by Paqueta. Lucas does a guitar strumming celebration for some reason.

Villa look disjointed and West Ham seem to be holding on quite comfortably. Interestingly Potter is playing Summerville as a kind of right wing-back and has given Ollie Scarles a game at left back in the absence of Emerson. Scarles gets in some fine tackles and combines well with Paqueta. But then Fullkrug goes down with a tweaked hamstring as DC tells us that Fullkrug had missed more than 100 games with injury in his career before we signed him. It gets worse as Summerville also has to go off injured at the interval.

Villa step it up in the second half and are helped by subs Onana, Buendia and Ramsey. Fabianski has to make a fine low save from Maatsen. But the equaliser cones from a corner that should never have been given after Villa shoot wide without touching any West Ham players. From the corner the ball ricochets around the box and although Fabianski saves one effort but the ball rebounds off Soucek and Onana taps home.

Four minutes later Villa score again. Wan-Bissaka is too far upfield and Mavropanos can't close down Watkins as the Villa man crosse for Rogers to get across Kilman and fire home.

Rogers hits the angle but West Ham do show some spirit to threaten at the end. Cresswell has a shot blocked and sub Danny Ings has one scuffed shot blocked and then shoots wide when he fails to wrap his foot around the ball in a good position.

Still the evening hasn't been entirely wasted, Matt has been reading Inside The Academy: The Hopes Highs and Heartbreaks of West Ham's Youth and his discovered that the son of Culture Club's Mikey Craig once played for the Academy. DC then produces a picture of himself with Mikey Craig and Boy George at an exhibition of Boy George's paintings in Manchester in a pop trivia overload.

So it's concentrating on the league as another cup final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew Gardens is postponed. And at the latest count we now have injuries to Bowen, Antonio, Fullkrug, Summerville, Areola, Emerson, Todibo and Mavropanos. Still, there was some evidence of a new manager bounce and the side seemed to put in more of a shift and show more tactical discipline than under Loppy. Though it's now going to be a struggle to field a decent side against Fulham on Tuesday.

Another difficult away draw

That Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew Gardens is looking increasingly unlikely. Aston Villa away is another difficult tie, though there's some faint hope that Villa might be distracted by the Champions League. The Irons don't seem to have had much luck in domestic cup draws. OK, Bristol City at home in the FA Cup last season wasn't bad, though we still managed to lose after a replay, but we've also drawn Liverpool away two seasons running in the Carabao Cup, losing both games 5-1. In season 2022-23 we drew Man United away in the FA Cup and lost 3-1. While in 2021-22 we drew both Man United away and Man City at home in the Carabao Cup and beat them both only to then lose 2-1 away to Spurs. And in 2020-21 we went out of the FA Cup after being drawn away to Man United and losing 1-0. Mind you, we also struggled to beat Kidderminster away in the FA Cup two seasons ago. Infamy, infamy, they've all got it infamy.

Concentrating on the leagues...

Bristol City 1 West Ham 0 (FA Cup)

It's a night in front of the BBC coverage for this one. With Paqueta, Bowen, Kudus and Aguerd all out this was always going to be difficult, while Alvarez and Fornals are also absent, plus long-term casualty Antonio.

It's the worst possible start after three minutes when after the City keeper clears from Cornet's pass to Ings, Mavropanos plays a no-look backpass and Conway nips in to round Fabianski and score. That's the second goal Dinos has given away from a poor back pass and for all his promise he needs to work on his concentration.

West Ham come back into it and force a few corners, even though the front three of Cornet, Ings and Benrahma haven't scored a goal between them all season. Cornet under pressure sends a volley past the post. Ings has a decent turn and snapshot just wide, but then fluffs another chance when he tries to square it rather than shoot. That's the sign of a striker completely lacking in confidence.

The game is effectively over just after the break when Benrahma is sent off for kicking out after being fouled. It was a bad challenge by Williams but a stupid piece of indiscipline from Beni, and sums up the way his season has gone. Though City are also lucky to still have 11 men after a raised arm from Gardner-Hickman on Cresswell goes unpunished.

Emerson moves into midfield and tries his best to get some progressive play going, but Bristol are really fired up and want it more on a cold Tuesday night in the west country. West Ham's best chance comes when Cornet gets in a good cross from the left and Soucek's effort is brilliantly tipped over by O'Leary. 

Mubama comes on late and it's pleasing to see young Callum Marshall get ten minutes, but that's about the only positive. Wells goes close with a couple of late efforts and the outcome is never really in doubt. So the Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew Gardens is off once more, as we concentrate in on the Premier and Europa Leagues and getting some bodies back in action.

Bristol City earn replay as Irons' injuries mount

West Ham 1 Bristol City 1 (FA Cup)

Before the game it's off to Dace Road to inspect the Hackney Wick flood damage. A few shops have been boarded up by the Old Ford Lock, but it looks like the London Stadium should be safe from inundation for now. 

In the stadium we're all over the place thanks to the non-automatic WHU automatic home cup ticket scheme. I'm at the end of row 45, Matt (in his yellow hoodie to match Bristol's away shirts), Nigel and CQ are nearer the corner flag in row 49, Michael is behind the goal in row 67 where he says the view is surprisingly good, and Big Sam has managed to buy one of our proper seats in row 44. 

City have brought 9000 fans and there's a good atmosphere amid a sell-out crowd - it's always worth offering cheap tickets for the early cup games. Moyes names his strongest side, bar rotating Fabianski in goal. West Ham are ahead on four minutes. Paqueta plays a great disguised pass over the top of the defence to find Bowen who rounds O'Leary and slots home. 

But things start to unravel after 14 minutes when Paqueta pulls up with a recurrence of his knee injury. After playing him against Arsenal and seeing him come off it would surely have been better to rest Lucas for this one. On comes Divin Mubama in a surprisingly positive move from Moyes. 

Sam Bell wriggles through on the right to test Fabianski to show it's not all over. West Ham have several chances. A fine run and cross from Bowen sees Fornals force an excellent one-handed save from O'Leary, though Pablo should surely have scored with all the goal to aim at. 

A great backheel from Fornals releases Emerson who in turn finds Bowen. His cross is almost poked into his own net by Pring. Next a Ward-Prowse snap shot is tipped round the post by the keeper. Before the break Mavropanos has to go off after an agricultural challenge, which is more bad news for our depleted squad.

Predictably enough Bristol come at West Ham in the second half with Pring shooting wide from a teasing cross. West Ham pay the price for playing a free kick backwards rather than forwards as Emerson hoofs an aimless ball into midfield, Williams gathers and sends a great through ball to Conway who fires crisply intro the corner to the delight of the bouncing Bristolian fans.

Moyes reacts by bringing on Ings, Cornet and Johnson for the clattered Coufal. There are now three strikers on the pitch which might be enough for the convalescing Fraser. Bowen gets in a great cross that is just behind Mubama. 

West Ham win a series of corners that are headed away by the resolute City defence. Strangely Mubama, who at times dribbles into trouble, ends up on the right wing as Bowen goes into the centre.The best chance comes when Ward-Prowse's corner is headed down by Soucek. Mubama does well to swivel and shoot, but it's at the keeper's legs. The rebound falls to Ings, who has actually played quite well, only for Danny to fire into the side netting when he should have scored.

The day ends with the worrying sight of Bowen limping off in added time before the whistle blows and it's the replay we don't want. At least Nigel's Cup Final breakfast in Kew is just about still on. Matt, Michael and myself head to the Eagle past a wintry mauve sunset over Stratford. 

Matt is preparing for the Tufnell Park film quiz with a whisky and can of Hackney Haze as Sinead introduces us to a peanuts and Tayto crisps combo. Michael and myself advise extensive prepping on auteurs like Paul 'Jean-Luc' Goddard, the class awareness of the Carry On films and the early works of Robin Askwith. Matt leaves me to take one for the team as someone has to finish his East London Pale Ale as he rushes off to play for Temple of Dumb, who finish third out of nine teams.

At least we get a rest now. It's going to be a worrying ten days looking at the treatment table before the replay. Not a disaster, but another game that is stretching the squad even further. 

PLAYER RAINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 6 (Johnson 5), Mavropanos 6 (Ogbonna 6), Zouma 7, Emerson 6; Soucek 5, Alvarez 5 (Ings 6), Ward-Prowse 6, Paqueta 6 (Mubama 5), Fornals 6 (Cornet 5); Bowen 7.

Out of the Cup after late United revival

Manchester United 3 West Ham 1 (FA Cup)

It seems like a good time to be playing a below full-strength United side, distracted by a Carabao Cup win. Sabitzer tests Areola early on but West Ham have the better of the first half. A great ball from Benrahma releases Antonio, but he never looks like scoring in a one-on-one with De Gea and waits too long before shooting against the keeper. An Emerson cross fizzes across the goal with Fornals standing still and that moment reveals just why we need Danny Ings in the side to gamble and get in the box.

Casemiro comes on for United at half-time as Ten Hag gets worried. The Irons take a deserved lead as United appeal that the ball has gone out for a throw. Soucek just keeps the ball in play and finds Emerson. The left-back passes to Benrahma who arrows a great effort into the top corner. The 4000 away fans celebrate and dream of another Di Canio-esque Cup win at Old Trafford.

All seems to be going to plan. Fornals hits a low cross across goal with no-one there to tap it home, then Antonio does well to beat Martinez for speed but, perhaps haunted by his first half miss, instead of crossing he fires against De Gea's legs. Two fine saves from De Gea but Antonio seems to have lost the art of good decision-making when given time in the box. It proves costly.

Rashford is now on and Casemiro has a header disallowed correctly for offside. On 77 minutes United win a corner after a miskick by Aguerd. Areola comes but fails to clean out his defenders and Nayef Aguerd back-heads the ball into his own net. Sod it.

The game looks to be going into extra-time with 90 minutes gone, but Weghorst's shot deflects to Garnacho on the edge of the box. Johnson could be a but tighter and the winger curls a great finish into the far corner. United score an undeserved third in the fifth minute of extra time when poor old Aguerd makes a hash of a routine clearance and Fred strikes home.

On ITV we then get to see Roy Keane patronise West Ham just to make it a bit worse. So our FA Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew is cancelled for the 17th season running. It's not the despair, etc. A good performance for 77 minutes but if you don't take your chances against top sides and then give them an own goal this is the result.

Bowen and Antonio see off Derby

Derby County 0 West Ham United 2 (FA Cup)

It's Monday night at home in front of ITV 4 for this cup-tie. Nice of them to ruin it for us by having the draw just before kick-off — and yet again West Ham are drawn away to Man United. That's three times we've drawn the Mancs away in the last two seasons and the fifth time we've drawn MUFC in seven seasons. Infamy, infamy...

Derby are now a League One club with a fine stadium but not much brass, but at least they are still in existence which was in doubt last year. The Irons start well, with Downes making a fine tackle to release Bowen, who fires at the keeper. After ten minutes comes a welcome opener to deflate the crowd. Antonio's shot is blocked, but Downes plays a short ball to Soucek who plays a one-two with Antonio. Soucek unselfishly heads Antonio's return across the goal for Bowen to fire home.

Derby rarely threaten and we get plenty of time to admire Aguerd's control and left foot passes. Antonio and Bowen are lively up front and Fornals dithers when he should have shot. "How shit must you be we're winning away?" chant the West Ham fans, followed by "My name is Ludek Miklosko..."

The second half sees the game put to bed as Fornals pounces on some lax midfield play to put in a through ball that is deflected to Bowen. Jarrod's cross nicks a defender and sits up nicely for Antonio to head home.

Sub Dobbin has a few decent runs for Derby, but the rest of the game is spent enjoying the chants of, "Ten men men went to carry, went to carry Lampard." Bowen should make it three after sub Benrahma plays him through and young Mubama comes on and does a few bits of good hold-up play.

So a fairly easy win without Rice and Paqueta, and now a massive task at Old Trafford. Still, we won there in the Carabao Cup next season and we have to beat the top sides to progress. Though I do fear our cup final breakfast in Kew might just be postponed for another season.

Benrahma seals morale-boosting win at Brentford

Brentford 0 West Ham 1 (FA Cup)

Brentford play a side of mostly squad players for this, though the Irons managed to lose to Blackburn's reserves in the Carabao Cup, so it's still a difficult game against one of WHU's bogey teams. Apart from Coufal was was crocked by a bad Summerville foul at Leeds and Scamacca who was feeling his knee, Moyes plays a full-strength side.

Those who watched on iffy TV feeds said it was a poor game. Wissa and Lewis-Potter had a couple of half-chances for Brentford and Soucek missed a really good chance after being set up by Emerson. It wasn't settled unto the 79th minute when Rice made a great tackle to free sub Benrahma who shot from distance. A great strike, though Brentford reserve keeper Strakosha should have done better. Said, who refused to celebrate against his former side, now has six goals and is West Ham's second top scorer.

It's a good psychological boost to win any game and particularly against Brentford who have defeated us in all three games since promotion. So the Cup Final breakfast round at Nigel's gaff in Kew remains on — at least until we see who we get in the 4th Round draw today.

Concentrating on the leagues...

Southampton 3 West Ham 1 (FA Cup)

It's on to BBC iPlayer for live coverage of this difficult away cup tie on the south coast. Some 5000 Irons fans are present and the cries of "Tottenham get battered everywhere they go!" come across clearly on the tele.

The Saints have made nine changes while Moyes makes just two. The Hammers start well and should capitalise on early pressure when Antonio crosses for Bowen to head over when well placed. Soucek scuffs a couple of chances wide but after half an hour the game turns when left-back Perraud thumps home a swerving shot from outside the box. It's a great effort though Areola appears caught off guard by it.

At the break the Saints bring on Broja and Stuart Armstrong to pose more problems. In a way that summarises the difference between the two squads. We have just Antonio while Southampton have four strikers in Stuart and Adam Armstrong, Broja and Shane Long, or maybe five if you add Theo Walcott.

The second half begins with Ward-Prowse going close before the Hammers force a series of corners. Thankfully for us Caballero drops a corner, Diop pokes it across the box and Antonio taps home an easy goal. Could the Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew be back on?

Actually not. Dawson appears to have made a good tackle on Broja but the decision goes to sodding VAR. The ref has to look at three replays on his monitor but ultimately gives the penalty. To me it seems that Broja is looking for the foul and goes down when he could shoot. Ward-Prowse puts it down the middle and scores.

Soucek goes off with a bloody head injury and my WhatsApp feed is running hot with the Vicar's Son berating late subs Benrahma and Vlasic. Benrahma tries his best though with little effect to create something against a well-drilled defence and the side do have some late attacks. Dawson very nearly equalises after a corner when Caballero makes a fine reflex save from his header. 

We're in added time when the speedy Broja, who also terrorised our defence at the London Stadium, drifts inside Dawson, glides past Zouma, who should do better, and then slots it into the corner.

Oh well, it's going to have to be a Europa League Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff now — though I'm not specifying in what year. At least we can now concentrate on the Europa League and the top six so it's still a good season overall. Though the frustrating thing is that we had the chances to get a result here and end 42 years of hurt in the FA Cup. Liverpool and Sevilla away next — what could possibly go wrong?

Rice and Bowen save lacklustre Hammers

Kidderminster Harriers 1 West Ham 2 (aet) (FA Cup)

Up against a plucky non-league side in a live TV game — what could possibly go wrong? Quite a lot it seems. From the kick off Zouma hoofs the ball out of play and it gets worse. Diop is slow to everything, Kral is ineffective in midfield, Yarmolenko is getting hustled off the ball and the side just don't look up for it against a side that chases everything. 

Kidderminster take a deserved lead when Areola comes out but fails to gather a free kick and Penny calmly slots home the loose ball. The half is summed up by a stupid short corner from Noble and Johnson then booting the ball into touch.

At least Moyes removes Diop and Kral for Rice and Dawson at half-time and the Irons improve a little, even if the build-up is painfully slow. Kidderminster keeper Simpson has to make a smart double save from Bowen and Benrahma forces a great block from Preston.

The only good thing is that Robert Plant is in the crowd, allowing for Nigel to quip on WhatsApp that West Ham look Dazed and Confused after a Communication Breakdown. And I think I can hear my pal Matt shouting at the TV in Holloway.

With ten minutes left a desperate Yarmolenko performs an embarrassing dive in the box. Soucek, Cresswell and Fornals have come on but it still looks like being an epic giantkilling victory for Kidderminster until added time. Declan Rice is in his own half when he finds Fornals, but gallops upfield to take the return ball, turn inside a defender and wallop it into the roof of the net, before celebrating in front of the massively relieved away fans. Thank goodness we have a world-class player in Declan. The Cup Final Breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew remains on — just.

To their credit Kidderminster still make it hard for the Irons in extra time. Bowen has a goal disallowed for offside, Zouma goes down injured, and it looks like an inevitable penalty shoot-out. That's until added time again, when Yarmolenko, who has at least kept going, plays in a deflected cross to Cresswell, whose cross is turned in by Bowen at the far post. VAR might have called it offside, but Jon Moss gives it and the Hammers are through, though the players look almost apologetic after an embarrassing victory.

Great credit to sixth-tier Kidderminster for their showing. The only positive is that the Hammers did show some resilience to escape the worst result in WHU history. But this game made the lack of new WHU signings look even more shortsighted. Noble and Yarmolenko are ageing and Diop, Kral, Vlasic and Fredericks don't look good enough on this showing. Though with luck like this maybe we'll go on and win it now...

Jarrod Bowen's on fire as Irons see off Leeds

West Ham 2 Leeds United 0 (FA Cup)

Legacy fans Matt, Lisa and Nigel have been to the Best Cafe, joining Fraser and myself in the London Stadium for the first home game of the New Year. Matt's been checking out the brilliantly-named Moaners Corner Cafe at Woking's stadium, while Nigel, who has eaten his lucky banana before the game, is reminiscing about Downtown Records in Brentwood High Street and his forays into the vinyl shop in Felixtowe. Michael is AWOL writing this week's play.

Some 8000 noisy Leeds fan are present singing not very original ditties such as, "You sold you soul for this shithole!" and "Is this a library?" Credit to the club though for making it Kids for a Quid, resulting in a very respectable 54,303 attendance.

Leeds are fielding three debutants and the Irons make early inroads against a youthful side. After good work by Rice on the left Bowen has an effort cleared off the line and Antonio has a shot deflected on to the roof of the net.

AIN'T NOBODY LIKE LANZINI

The Hammers take the lead after 34 minutes. Antonio finds Vlasic, who uses his upper body strength to roll his defender and aim to shoot. Hjedle manages to block his shot but in the ensuing melee Lanzini shoots home. After a lengthy VAR pause for a possible offside the goal is given. That's Manuel's sixth of the season - he seems to be finally getting back to the level he was at under Bilic and early Moyes. 

It's almost two before the break as Fredericks plays a great one-two with Bowen only to shoot at the keeper. The second half sees a strong start from the Hammers, Vlasic, who is looking much sharper, makes another great turn and is brought down on the edge of the box. The free-kick goes into the wall.

Antonio bounces away several Leeds defenders to set up Bowen, only for Meslier to save with his feet, then Vlasic sets up Rice who blazes over. But 1-0 is a dangerous score and with Raphina on Leeds start to threaten as Harrison misses a good opportunity from Klich's cross.

Late on Fredericks makes a great interception but instead of pulling back to the unmarked Bowen or Rice fires wastefully wide. King Arthur comes on and misplaces his first pass, much to the displeasure of the Vicar's Son. With three minutes left James then miskicks at another great chance for Leeds. 

JARROD MARCH

In added time Meslier comes up for a Leeds corner and we fear the worst. But after a couple of crosses are cleared sub Fornals turns to play a superb ball out to Antonio on the right wing. Michail waits just long enough to release Jarrod Bowen, who is of course on fire, and slots past Meslier before giving a knee slide to the Bobby Moore Stand. All that running through potato fields is paying off and Jarrod must be close to an England call-up.

In one final bizarre cameo sub Yarmolenko gets all of 20 seconds on the pitch. The only bad news is that Sours have pulled off a giantkilling act by coming from behind to beat mighty Morecambe.

We head to the Black Bull, which only takes cash. Luckily Fraser still adheres to the Arthur Daley-school of carrying a wad of rolled-up bank notes and obliges with a round. There are big cheers when Kidderminster draw the Hammers in the next round. What could possibly go wrong? 

We sink some very palatable pints of Titanic porter and discuss bands named after a person who carried on even after that person left, such as Manfred Mann, and then move on to bands where the drummer sang. Which is better than discussing Savio, who also pops up and inspires a Wikipedia search of his lost career. 

An enjoyable afternoon and we move on to the next round. Home games against Norwich and Leeds again this week could now shape our season. Irons! 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Fredericks 6, Dawson 6, Diop 6, Johnson 6; Rice 7, Soucek 6, Lanzini 7 (Fornals 7), Vlasic 7 (Masuaku n/a), Bowen 8; Antonio 7 (Yarmolenko n/a).

Concentrating on the League

Man United 1 West Ham 0 (FA Cup, after extra time)

At least this was on BBC1 so no logging on to Sky or BT, though a tedious match probably had millions switching over to ITV. It was a great defensive performance from the Hammers marred by any lack of penetration going forward. Selecting Mark Noble, who did ok, seemed massively over-cautious when Benrahma was on the bench and without Antonio few fans held out much hope.

Ogbonna was crocked making a goal-saving tackle on Martial, so Diop came on who was then felled after a clash of heads with Martial. Issa then had to go off at half-time to be replaced by the first concussion substitute. The only big chance of the first half came when Fabianski made a great save to turn away Lindelof's deflected header. 

With Ben Johnson and Fredericks on as subs the Irons at least improved a bit and got in a few crosses. But the second half was nearly all United pressure even if they looked out-of-sorts. Fabianski made one good block from Rashford. Yarmolenko, who had little change from Maguire, ended up getting injured and being replaced by Odubeko. It was a big ask for the youngster to take on Lindelof and Maguire and he made little impact.

The efficient West Ham defence held on for 0-0 at full-time and in the absence of Ogbonna and Diop, Craig Dawson had a magnificent game at centre back and almost connected with a late corner. Sign him up quick. But we were always likely to lose it in extra-time and so it proved. Rice mis-controlled on the edge of United's area and the Reds broke. After a goalmouth melee Rashford touched the ball back to sub McTominay who drove home first-time.

The game ended with sub Odubeko subbed by Lanzini and Benrahma at least having a header saved by De Gea, though he was probably offside. And so the Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew Gardens has to wait — again. We'll all be as old as Captain Tom by the time it happens. 

It's still mystifying why Moyes didn't bring in a loan striker in the window. It's right he doesn't want to waste millions on a keep-the-fans-happy stopgap, but a loan signing would have been no risk. That decision effectively sabotaged the FA Cup run and he now has to buy the right long-term striker in the summer. 

Perhaps Lingard returning will make a difference and Antonio is just 'fatigued' and will survive the rest of the season. West Ham can certainly defend these days but the end of the season is very much depending on one man's hamstrings.

Great moment for Afolayan as Hammers demolish Donny

West Ham 4 Doncaster 0 (FA Cup)

It's on to BBC iPlayer for this one as Fornals sweeps home in the second minute after a cross from Fredericks. News filters through on WhatsApp that a tardy Matt has missed the goal as he was fetching his and Lisa's jalapeno cheese toasties. Middle-class fans eh?

Lanzini misses a great chance after fine interplay with Benrahma and then it's the false nine's Yarmolenko's turn to fire wide when well-placed. A cavalier Moyes is playing three number tens in Benrahma, Fornals and Lanzini and the Hammers' midfield play is too much for Darren Moore's League One side. Number two arrives after a great through ball from Benrahma finds Yarmolenko, who scores with a lovely dink over the keeper.

Thankfully the result is never in doubt during the second half. The third is a Butler own goal after Mark Noble's corner causes confusion in the Doncaster defence. Soucek forces two good saves  from Balcombe with a great volley and then a header. Doncaster hit the bar through Matt Smith but before the Time Lord can find any more time and space he's subbed.

Moyes is able to bring on young striker Oladapo Afolayan for Soucek after 70 minutes. This results in the game's best moment as Fredericks bursts down the right and fires a cross-shot at Balcombe. Afolayan shows good instincts to tap home the rebound and produces a lovely smile after scoring on his debut. That's the way to celebrate Sebastien.

Benrahma tests the keeper with a free kick but it's a shame he can't get a tap-in to boost his confidence. But we get to see another two debuts in goalkeeper Trott and the promising Baptiste on the right. All in all a professional performance and rather enjoyable viewing. The Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew Gardens remains on.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6 (Trott n/a); Fredericks 7 (Baptiste 6), Diop 6, Balbuena 6, Johnson 6; Fornals 7, Soucek 6 (Afolayan 7), Noble 6, Benrahma 7, Lanzini 6; Yarmolenko 7.  

Dawson produces late Cup fireworks

Stockport 0 West Ham 1 (FA Cup)

It's another evening in front of BT Sport wondering if West Ham can do it on a rainy Monday night in Stockport. Matt takes to WhatsApp to announce that as Dowie has been dropped we might stand a chance. Though resting Bowen, Soucek and Cresswell is still a risk. 

It's all West Ham early on as Benrahma twists to curl a shot on to the outside of a post and Yarmolenko fires just wide. Then, bizarrely, the game is stopped by Mike Dean as cacophonous fireworks explode outside the ground. Well, my pal Fraser has been demanding more entertainment from Moyes.

Once the game resumes West Ham are restricted to long-range efforts from Lanzini and Rice as the rain cascades down and creative outlets Benrahma and Lanzini struggle to break down the defence in the mud. While it's really not Yarmolenko's type of game and Antonio is off the pace too, not looking match fit against a pair of giant defenders. We also miss Cressy's delivery.

MONDAY MUDDY MONDAY

In the second half the game becomes a muddy stalemate as fifth division Stockport even force a few corners. On one side of the pitch the ball hardly moves so deep are the puddles. Statto Matt helpfully points out that we've played six games against non-league teams since WW2 and scored just eight goals, so this is nothing new.

Moyes has to act and brings on Bowen, Soucek and Cresswell. Finally the Hammers threaten to get a few more crosses in rather than go through the middle of a packed defence. 

The breakthrough comes in the 83rd minute with a short corner — possibly the only successful short corner West Ham have taken in their history says Fraser. Bowen and Rice exchange passes and the former crosses for Craig Dawson, arriving late, to send a powerful downward header past Hinchcliffe. 

There's time for a late three-minute cameo from 18-year-old striker Odubeko as the Hammers see the game out. The side hasn't played well, but the attitude to fight has been good from Rice and co. This is exactly the sort of cup-tie the old West Ham might have lost.

A nice touch at the end is the West Ham squad standing in the rain as Moyes tells them they have to traipse back across the mudpatch to get a shower.

So it's on to face Doncaster in the 4th round. But the magic of the FA Cup is surely being further destroyed by making the fifth round draw at the same time as the fourth round. We now know that if we beat Doncaster WHU have to go to Anfield or Old Trafford.

But still, for the time being the dream of a Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's house in Kew remains on.

Total football from Holland

Good to see the on-loan Nathan Holland cause all sorts of problems for the Newcastle defence in last night's FA Cup fourth round replay at Oxford United — the very same ground where earlier this season he was part of the West Ham team that capitulated 4-0 in the Carabao Cup. He was a constant threat on the wing with his runs and crosses and capped it all with a sumptuous equaliser in the 94th minute, a cushioned volley from the edge of the area that gave Darlow no chance. If he can perform like this against a Premier League defence then he has a big future at West Ham.

Hammers make it easy for Super Slav's men

West Ham 0 West Brom 1 (FA Cup)

What could possibly go wrong against a side of West Brom's reserves managed by Slaven Bilic? Matt, Lisa and West Brom fan Kirk have booked late and are in the back of Row Z, so I'm with Fraser and Michael, with Clacton Irons Scott, Joe and super sub Biff (Alison has succumbed to a foul-weather virus) in a bank of three behind us.

West Ham start slowly and get slower. Sanchez looks way too immobile to be a Premier League player and Balbuena gives the ball away with every pass. Even Rice is passing straight to the men in yellow and green and Lanzini is still struggling to find any form. WBA take a deserved lead when Sanchez plays the ball against Diop's legs and the ball rebounds to Townsend, who fires a strong shot into the corner.

Austin misses a great headed chance and Albion should be winning by more at the break. Moyes has seen enough and makes a triple substitution at the break, bringing on Noble, Antonio and Ogbonna. 

Art the start of the second half the woman in front of us throws up. This is the first time I've known West Ham make a fan physically ill. We have to move to escape the smell of vomit.

The Hammers improve marginally. Haller pokes a tame shot wide and Lanzini and Noble are also both just wide with decent attempts. Ajeti shows terrible control to fluff one opportunity but does have a decent back-header fly just wide. 

Even the sending off of Ajayi for a second yellow on Ajeti doesn't make us look like winning. It's not until the 90th minute that Bond has to save an on-target shot from Rice. To sum it all up Antonio's cross rebounds to Noble in added time and skipper blazes a simple chance over the bar.

The crowd have done their best to raise the side in the second half but the Hammers leave the pitch to a chorus of boos. I text Nigel to inform him that the Cup Final breakfast in Kew has been postponed until 2021. We exit to the the Usain Boat bar on the River Lea. Drinking Doom Bar on a chilly boat in the dark is an apt end to the afternoon. I retreat to watch The Personal History of David Copperfield, though even Mr Micawber might struggle to believe that something will turn up for the Irons. Michael leaves with me to attend a Burns night in Archway. Only access to the stadium is now barred and we have to trek through a post-apocalyptic darkened building site to eventually find Hackney Wick.

This awful performance is a clear message to Sullivan and Moyes. The squad isn't good enough and unless we make signings in defence, midfield and attack we're going down.

PLAYER RATINGS: Randolph 6; Zabaleta 5, Diop 5, Balbuena 3 (Ogbonna 5), Cresswell 5; Fornals 5 (Antonio 6), Rice 5, Sanchez 2 (Noble 5), Lanzini 4; Ajeti 5, Haller 4.

Zab and Pab see Hammers into 4th Round

Gillingham 0 West Ham 2 (FA Cup)

It's off to watch this one with Matt at the World's End, where Cup Fever has ensured we're the only two fans in front of the big screen. 

The first half is pretty poor, with the Hammers under-hitting or over-hitting passes and Fabianski having to make a smart stop to deny the home side. At least the three centre backs do well to repel the aerial onslaught. The bad news is that Fredericks suffers a hamstring injury and has to be replaced by Zabaleta. Surely the Irons will have to move for a right back if Ryan is out for several weeks?

West Ham play much better in the second half, despite Haller horribly slicing an early one-on-one chance way over the bar. Sebastien then hits the post from a tight angle and Rice has a clear penalty turned down when his shirt is tugged. Eventually the breakthrough comes as Masuaku and Anderson combine to cross only for Fornals to miss the ball. Zabaleta doesn't though, striking a shot clean through the Gills' keeper Bonham. His first goal for West Ham.

Ogbonna does well as the Hammers defence has to survive a series of Gillingham corners. But the second arrives as Haller breaks and inexplicably fails to play in Lanzini to his left, instead passing to Anderson on the right. Felipe does well to win the lose ball and set up Fornals who fires into the corner. Game over.

It hasn't been pretty, but the Hammers have shown some character to get through. The Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's Kew Gardens gaff is still on...