Hammers make it easy for Super Slav's men

West Ham 0 West Brom 1 (FA Cup)

What could possibly go wrong against a side of West Brom's reserves managed by Slaven Bilic? Matt, Lisa and West Brom fan Kirk have booked late and are in the back of Row Z, so I'm with Fraser and Michael, with Clacton Irons Scott, Joe and super sub Biff (Alison has succumbed to a foul-weather virus) in a bank of three behind us.

West Ham start slowly and get slower. Sanchez looks way too immobile to be a Premier League player and Balbuena gives the ball away with every pass. Even Rice is passing straight to the men in yellow and green and Lanzini is still struggling to find any form. WBA take a deserved lead when Sanchez plays the ball against Diop's legs and the ball rebounds to Townsend, who fires a strong shot into the corner.

Austin misses a great headed chance and Albion should be winning by more at the break. Moyes has seen enough and makes a triple substitution at the break, bringing on Noble, Antonio and Ogbonna. 

Art the start of the second half the woman in front of us throws up. This is the first time I've known West Ham make a fan physically ill. We have to move to escape the smell of vomit.

The Hammers improve marginally. Haller pokes a tame shot wide and Lanzini and Noble are also both just wide with decent attempts. Ajeti shows terrible control to fluff one opportunity but does have a decent back-header fly just wide. 

Even the sending off of Ajayi for a second yellow on Ajeti doesn't make us look like winning. It's not until the 90th minute that Bond has to save an on-target shot from Rice. To sum it all up Antonio's cross rebounds to Noble in added time and skipper blazes a simple chance over the bar.

The crowd have done their best to raise the side in the second half but the Hammers leave the pitch to a chorus of boos. I text Nigel to inform him that the Cup Final breakfast in Kew has been postponed until 2021. We exit to the the Usain Boat bar on the River Lea. Drinking Doom Bar on a chilly boat in the dark is an apt end to the afternoon. I retreat to watch The Personal History of David Copperfield, though even Mr Micawber might struggle to believe that something will turn up for the Irons. Michael leaves with me to attend a Burns night in Archway. Only access to the stadium is now barred and we have to trek through a post-apocalyptic darkened building site to eventually find Hackney Wick.

This awful performance is a clear message to Sullivan and Moyes. The squad isn't good enough and unless we make signings in defence, midfield and attack we're going down.

PLAYER RATINGS: Randolph 6; Zabaleta 5, Diop 5, Balbuena 3 (Ogbonna 5), Cresswell 5; Fornals 5 (Antonio 6), Rice 5, Sanchez 2 (Noble 5), Lanzini 4; Ajeti 5, Haller 4.