We've won at home!

West Ham 3 (three) Southampton 1

At the Clyde Best Cafe Matt and Lisa are enjoying a halloumi baguette and an omelette after discussing the early LPs of Pendragon, while Nigel is causing consternation by trying to pay with a Scottish ten pound note. 

We take Matt's 'short-cut' via the tower block and dodgy alleyway to the London Stadium, where we find that with Scott is Steve the Cornish Postie, up for his first game since Man United in order to bring us some luck. Alison is at home having just returned from a scouting mission in Jamaica.

The big news is that David Moyes is trying to further wind up Fraser by playing three strikers and making Ron Greenwood and Pellegrini look a tad defensive. After the earlier demo the crowd seem up for this one.

Bowen immediately looks pacy and Antonio finally appears to be back to full fitness, bullying his full back and beating the defence for speed. Haller looks a different player with two fast players alongside him and races forward to support the breaking Antonio. The move ends with Bowen tackled at the last by Ward-Prowse. 

JARROD MARCHES IN
West Ham take a deserved lead as Antonio and Haller press, Rice wins the loose ball to find Fornals and the Spaniard's through ball is dinked over the keeper by the sharp Bowen. He looks pretty pleased to score his first goal and with his energy must be a handful to play against.

Antonio makes another great run and cross but Haller's header is straight at the keeper. But all the worries reappear as with their first break Southampton score. Obafemi manages to loop a possibly mishit shot over Fabianski. Will it be a Brighton-style collapse?

The crowd stay with the Hammers and inspired by the indefatigable Rice the Irons keep going. Diop heads a corner wide when he should score. We get our reward as Antonio crosses, McCarthy only gets one hand to the cross and the giant Haller heads the ball out of his arms. He still has much to do but manages to stretch out a long leg and poke the ball home from an acute angle. Just the player we needed to score.

WAITING FOR THE GREAT LEAP YEAR FORWARDS
At half-time we're not confident though and Nigel is told in no uncertain terms not to eat his 'lucky' banana. The Saints fizz a series of crosses across West Ham's box at the start of the second half. But Moyes' policy is to play longer balls and catch Southampton on the break with our pace and it seems to be working. On 54 minutes Haller flicks on a goal kick, Fornals lobs over the defence and Antonio races through the Saints' defence to score the third.

Ings has come on for the Saints but the Irons, having lost 22 points from winning positions, finally get the job done. Meanwhile Haller is proving something of a revelation. His rabona plays through Antonio, only for McCarthy to save with his foot. Nigel attempts to get out his lucky banana with ten minutes to go only to be shouted at by our entire party. Eventually he gets to eat it after the final whistle.

Finally the 'lucky' banana emerges

We head off to the Refreshment Rooms walking behind a kid in a 'GSB Out' jacket. The mood is much happier, and surely Liverpool will thrash Watford later on. The absent Michael the Whovian asks if he is now banned and we agree that he must now self-isolate as the West Ham jinx.

Nigel suggests that we need a new routine of paying for lunch with a Scottish tenner, using Matt's 'short-cut' to Carpenters Road, no half-time lucky banana — oh, and Postman Steve has to be there. Plus we also need Matt and Lisa to travel to Somerset after the game, a top civil servant to resign on the morning of the match and the Prime Minister to announce another impending child. Not that we're superstitious.

With ten games left there is still much to do, but this performance offered hope. We're just out of the drop zone again. Fornals made two goals and the three strikers looked a real handful. Let's see what they can do against David Luiz and co next week. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Ngakia 7, Diop 6, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 6; Fornals 8 (Anderson n/a), Rice 8, Noble 7; Antonio 8, Haller 8, Bowen 8 (Snodgrass 6).