All's well that's Cresswell

West Ham 2 Manchester United 0

It's to the Best Cafe for our pre-match repast, where Lisa and Matt have caused consternation with their hipster north London ways, through ordering ciabatta and a halloumi baguette. After a plea from the overstretched waitress we opt for eggs, chips and beans instead. We're joined by Michael, who denies having the whip removed, and my daughter Nell, who opts for a late toasted cheese and ham sandwich at Greggs. 

We just make the kick-off where we join Fraser, Steve the Cornish postie and Clacton Joe (Alison is away preparing to govern).The first half hour is tepid, with Matic and Yarmolenko both firing shots into the goalkeeper's chest. Fornals, replacing the injured Lanzini, is struggling with the pace of the game. 

Noble has a volley saved by De Gea as the game stutters into life. The biggest talking point has been United's dodgy away kit, a horrible yellow/brown/pink peach colour. When Rashford does show his pace, Rice makes an excellent covering tackle

As the half seems destined to end goalless Mystic Michael lends a hand. "Does Yarmolenko actually have a left foot?" he complains, just as Noble feeds Anderson. Felipe dinks a lovely first-time pass into the path of Yarmolenko, who with one deft touch bamboozles Maguire and then wraps his left boot around the ball to strike it firmly into the corner. Yarmy has proved the boo boy wrong.

United are better at the start of the second half, with Mata poking wide when he should have scored. But West Ham hold out and counter. Yarmolenko cleverly sets up Anderson who fires against De Gea's knees. Fabianski isn't that busy, apart from having to make a fine stop from Maguire's shot after a corner.

TOP CORNER
We all moan when Anderson is replaced by Wilshere, but actually it proves to be a sound substitution. Jack keeps the ball and shows his class as United continually foul him. From one free kick Cresswell fires just over. Then with ten minutes left Wilshere finds Noble who is clogged again. This time Cressy fires a lovely free kick over the wall and into the top corner before running to our corner to celebrate. After his Yarmolenko faux pas Michael points out that he has already said Cresswell looks like he's really playing for his place.

"Dad, you never said that was going to happen," says a puzzled Nell. 

United have fallen a long way, and there is no Fergie-time barrage as the Hammers fans cheer every pass. Still, WHU have to beat these mid-table teams and it's an encouraging result. Nigel texts from Brighton to quip that he's watching another set of struggling Reds.

We head off to the boat bar on the River Lea, pre-booked by Lisa, though Steve the Cornish Postie fails to keep touch tight on his man and loses us in the throng. Fraser announces that he's up for a prize as the Raymond Chandler of E20. A couple of bottles of Doom Bar round off a day when WHU have, incredibly, kept their third league clean sheet in a row, our best defensive run since the great days of David Moyes. We go fifth. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Fredericks 7 (Zabaleta 6), Diop 7, Ogbonna 6, Cresswell 8; Rice 7, Fornals 5, Noble 8, Anderson 6 (Wilshere 7); Yarmolenko 8 (Snodgrass n/a), Haller 6.