Wayne's world

Manchester United 3 West Ham 0

It’s a toss-up between Charlie Nicholas on Sky Sports News or 5 Live. Eventually I settle for the radio on the TV, while Her Indoors does her sewing and says she doesn’t want to listen to West Ham how about Mad Men on catch-up TV – all accompanied by our yapping border terrier Vulcan who can hear a fox (in the box?) outside and is running around like Mad Martin Allen in the mating season.

Sounds like we are quite bright early on with Behrami going close and Diamanti’s shot spilled on the line by Foster. And you can hear Bubbles on the radio every time we get a corner. Must be Big Joe, who’s in attendance.

Inevitably I miss the first goal while saying goodnight to the kids and it’s game over. (A fine header from Rooney after a first time cross from Berabatov). Park hits the bar at the start of the second half and then Rooney bags a second header while I’m upstairs joining a Facebook group. What a part-timer.

Owen adds the inevitable third - another player whose season we’ve resurrected. Maybe Don Draper would be better viewing? His suits do look cool. Oh, and someone called Kieron Dyer has come on to the pitch for 15 minutes – no, that can’t be true, must be Virgin’s bad reception or a jarred scart lead.

Never expected much tonight and United are always dangerous after a defeat. Zola was clearly right to rest Parker so he couldn’t be booked and suspended for our next game — yet another cup final against Bolton.