It's good to talk

Some interesting quotes from Jesse Lingard last week. Jesse revealed that when he was getting a lift with Mark Noble and Aaron Cresswell he took his phone out in the car but was immediately told by Nobes to put it away as at West Ham the players talk to each other. 

Lingard told the Players Tribune: “On the plane, I would normally whack the headphones on and listen to music, but Nobes and the rest of the guys wouldn’t stand for it.It was like that everywhere at West Ham, proper conversations about everything. No phones, no social media. No more mm-hmm. If we were having dinner at a hotel, we’d stay down there for ages just talking. It helped us bond as a team, and personally, it helped me a lot.” 

Could this be the secret of West Ham's recent success? It's simply that the players have become good mates.

Sphinx can only get better?

The Guardian reports that Czech billionaire lawyer and businessman Daniel Kretinsky is in talks to buy a 27 per cent stake in West Ham. He's currently the co-owner and president of Sparta Prague, so at least Soucek, Coufal and Kral would feel at home. Though presumably he could not buy a majority share in West Ham without selling Sparta Prague.

Kretinsky is known as the "Czech Sphinx" for his "inscrutable business manner". By the current very low bar of the PL fit and proper person test, any investor who doesn't kill people would be a bonus. Kretinsky also has investments in Le Monde, Royal Mail and Sainsbury's, which might keep WHU's postal and shopping bills down. Hopefully the likes of David Conn are doing their research on how he made his money, but if he's legit then any injection of cash would certainly help the club progress. We might even be able to buy a second striker.

Beating City… it's so good, so good!

West Ham 0 Manchester City 0 (Carabao Cup) (West Ham win 5-3 on pens) 

It's down to the diehards for this £15 spectacular. Hipsters Matt and Lisa have been drinking cocktails and enjoying vegan burgers at the Lock Inn at Hackney Wick, Fraser joins us in the ground, Nigel is away curating his heavy metal collection and Michael the Whovian is trying to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow while visiting his dad. In a testament to the loyalty of West Ham fans it's another sell-out, despite being the third home game in six days. 

The line-ups seem ominous, with City fielding a very strong side and West Ham resting Antonio, Rice and most of the first team. With only Yarmolenko up front the Hammers sit deep early on, though Noble does get a shot away at Steffen, with City then breaking and Dawson making a saving tackle to foil De Bruyne. 

The Mancunians enjoy 64 per cent possession in the 90 minutes and fashion two late chances in the first half. Palmer has a shot saved by the feet of Areola and Ake misses a good headed chance after a free kick. Mystic May suggests that penalties are our best chance of winning it.

It's a lively start to the second half as Masuaka fires a cross come shot wide and Gundogan shoots wide when he should score. But the Irons are starting to play with belief as Masuaku fires a shot at Steffen and Yarmolenko 's effort from the rebound is blocked by a last-ditch tackle.

WE'RE NOT REALLY HERE?

Then it becomes the Areola show. The Fonz first saves De Bruyne's deflected shot with his feet and then makes a brilliant reaction save to keep out Stones' header. At the other end good work by Noble, Cresswell and Vlasic sets up Soucek only for Tomas to slice wide. He can't buy a goal at the moment.

Moyes senses he can win it, bringing on Fornals, Benrahma and Bowen (who is apparently good friends with Dani Dyer). Rather more ominously City bring on Grealish, Foden and Jesus. Areola then has to save with his feet from Gundogan and then tips over a rasping effort from Zinchenko. 

"Come on you Irons!" reverberates around the stadium as the atmosphere goes up a notch. Surely we can't knock out the side that has won the Carabao Cup four years in succession?West Ham have a late chance to win it as Fornals sets up Soucek for another slice wide.

The three minutes of added time get rather nerve-wracking as City win a free-kick. The  initial effort is blocked and then Jesus plants a header straight at Areola. Former Culture Club drummer Jonathan Moss blows his whistle and it's a penalty shoot-out.

HE SHOOTS HE SCORES!

As we've all know since the 2006 FA Cup Final, West Ham don't win penalty shoot-outs. But what's this? Noble confidently puts the first penalty down the middle to score. Then Foden hits his penalty wide. Bowen scores even though Steffen gets a hand to it, before City pull one back. Up steps Craig Dawson, who puts his body on the line every game and shows true bottle here, to power home a typically no-nonsense penalty. Cresswell converts the fourth, then Grealish scores and it's 4-3. If Benrahma nets the fifth penalty we've won it. Said steps up and confidently dispatches it into the top corner before running to his family in the corner and sparking mayhem.

If the theories of quantum physics are correct and there are a series of multiverses, then we seem to have entered a different one where West Ham win penalty shoot-outs. Perhaps like the City fans we're not really here. City have lost their first Carabao Cup tie in five years. Bubbles and Sweet Caroline plays on the PA. Three wins in six days! 

The spirit in the side has been immense. Yes, City have battered us at times, but Areola has been brilliant in goal and Diop and Dawson have been excellent at the back. Winning has become a habit.

A great night is rounded off by finding the Black Bull is half-empty as all the people with kids have gone home. It's cash only, but we have enough to order pints of tasty Titanic porter, having sunk the luxury cruise ship that was Man City. No doubt we'll get Liverpool away in the next round, but having seen off both Manchester clubs we'll take on anybody. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 9; Johnson 8, Dawson 8, Diop 8, Cresswell 7, Masuaku 6 (Fornals 7); Noble 7, Soucek 6, Vlasic 6 (Benrahma 8) Lanzini 6 (Coufal 6); Yarmolenko 6 (Bowen 6).

It's happened again....

West Ham United 1 Tottenham Hotspur 0

It's down to myself, Matt, Lisa and Fraser, Scott and his mate Dave in the Billy Bonds Stand. Nigel is attending the 75th birthday party of CQ's cousin in Terry and June land, waiting for Iron Maiden to make the party mix. While Renaissance Fan Michael is at a Faure Requiem featuring Bach plus Fantasia on a Theme, presumably written about West Ham getting into the Champions League places, and Vision of a Garden, probably composed about the Central.

Matt wonders if Kane is sulking after missing the chance to be WHU's back-up striker. He'd have definitely got a few games in the Europa League game and the odd ten minutes at the end of league games when Antonio needed to be rested.  

It's an even first half. Antonio causes Romero problems with his strength, one surge setting up Fornals for a smart volley well saved by Lloris. Michail then cuts inside well only to slice wide when well placed. Spurs do come into the game more after the first 20 minutes, with Ndombole going down to heavy boos after a fine tackle by Zouma. 

Son shoots at Fabianski when through and then after Kane finds himself up against Cresswell, the Spurs striker has a header excellently saved by Fabianski. There's still time for Soucek to head wide an inviting cross but it's goalless at half-time. 

The second half sees Kane just miss an inviting cross as the game appears to be heading for a a goalless draw. Benrahma isn't getting any joy against Emerson Royal and Bowen is running into cul-de-sacs much to the chagrin of the Vicar's Son beside me. A great run by Rice is ended by Antonio straying offside.

SPURS CAUGHT IN THE MATRIX

But the home crowd are roused after Fornals is fouled by Romero and then Pablo uncharacteristically reacts to whatever Romero has said, provoking a mini-fracas. The game is settled in the 72nd minute. Fornals does well to win the ball back and get in a deflected shot that Lloris tips over for a corner. Cresswell swings it in and Antonio pokes home. For some reason he's being marked by Kane — West Ham's striker shouldn't be too difficult to spot for Spurs' centre backs as we only have one. Cue mayhem and Antonio doing a celebration from The Matrix.

It's a stressful final 20 minutes, but Spurs don't create any chances as Zouma leads the way with some hefty clearances. Johnson isn't as good as Coufal going forward but sticks to his job at the back and wins some important tackles. Antonio almost makes another as Benrahma's effort is saved by Lloris. We haven't played that well, but Moyes has instilled an ability to snatch results on such days. It's good to see the players come to the fans at the end with Oggy punching the air and Moyes joining in.

We decide to try the refurbished Lord Napier at Hackney Wick. It's a proper old pub but will it pass the Nigel credibility test? We enjoy the "Shithouse to Public House" sign behind the bar and take pints of Camden Pale up to the roof terrace. Hipster couples out for a quiet Sunday drink look a little bemused at the crowd of geezers singing, "Tottenham get battered wherever they go!"

A good day is rounded off by the news that Man United are losing 5-0 at home to Liverpool. Lisa suggests that Ronaldo, like Kane, must be regretting not becoming West Ham's back-up striker. We just have to hope that United don't try to poach the promising young gaffer doing so well at West Ham. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Johnson 6, Zouma 8, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 7; Soucek 6, Rice 8, Fornals 7, Benrahma 6, Bowen 6 (Lanzini n/a); Antonio 7.

Perfect Europa start continues

West Ham 3 KRC Genk 0 (Europa League)

Arriving at Hackney Wick there's time to scout out the Lord Napier, the "Shithouse to Penthouse" ruin that has now been re-opened as a proper pub — with architectural correspondent Nigel approving of the green tiles on the exterior. 

Elsewhere Matt and Lisa have been imbibing cocktails in the Olympic village and Nigel is quaffing a quick half with his mate Martin in the stadium concourse. We're joined by Fraser, though Michael the Thespian is AWOL presumably watching esoteric fringe theatre or knocking out another play.

It's a decent crowd of nearly 46,000 as the flame-throwers go off again and our squad side emerges on to the pitch. Cresswell is doing well getting down the left but at first the Irons' build-up seems ponderous. Genk's lively winger Ito gets away down the left and crosses for Bongonda to head home, before the goal is disallowed for offside. 

At the other end Soucek has a header saved and Bowen scuffs a fine cross by Cresswell. Vlasic is doing some neat lay-offs but still seems a little unsure of his role wide on the left. Genk look a better side than Rapid Vienna and are causing problems with blonde winger Ito prominent. Areola also has to race from his area to make a last-ditch clearance. The WHU keeper is lucky when he completely misses a cross and Onuachu heads wide of the empty goal. The fans of de Smurfen start to bounce up and down in the away section. 

It's down to a set-piece to calm WHU nerves. In added time at the end of the first half Cresswell swings over a corner and Dawson gets his head on to it, the ball arcing over the leaping defender on the line. A good moment for Dawson, who has been a little unlucky to lose his place in the league side to Kurt Zouma.

The Irons start the second half slowly but then come to life after 57 minutes as Cresswell's free kick is headed in off the bar by Issa Diop. A goal for both of WHU's reserve centre backs. Two minutes later Yarmolenko and Lanzini find Jarrod Bowen, who runs from deep to fire home a shot that the keeper should have saved. The first European goal for a player who was in the Conference with Hereford a few years ago.

Vlasic has a good chance blocked and there's still time for young Dan Chesters to come on for his debut in the 87th minute. Despite being regularly watched in the Under-23s by Matt the lad looks confident, wins a couple of tackles and plays a few passes. Meanwhile sources close to Lisa are suggesting that West Ham could win Group H, though we couldn't possibly comment. But three wins out of three and three clean sheets in Europe isn't a bad start. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Johnson 6, Diop 7, Dawson 7, Cresswell 7 (Fredericks 6); Rice 7 (Noble 6), Soucek 6, Lanzini 6 (Chesters n/a), Vlasic 6 (Fornals 5); Yarmolenko 6, Bowen 7 (Benrahma 5).

Oggy secures gritty win at Everton

Everton 0 West Ham 1

Managed to watch most of this while also supervising out local Play Street, as you do. West Ham started well and looked immediately sharp with Rice dominating the midfield against an Everton side lacking Calvert-Lewin and Richarlison. 

Iwobi missed with an air-shot after looking likely to score, but at the other end Soucek had a goal correctly disallowed for offside after Bowen's shot was parried and Fornals curled wide when he should have hit the target. Bar the odd dangerous cross from Townsend flicked wide by Rondon the Toffees failed to seriously worry the Irons' defence.

The second half saw more gritty, attritional action. The winner was always likely to come from a set piece and it arrived in the 74th minute when Ogbonna got on the end of Bowen's fine inswinging corner to score his first of the season.

After that the Hammers could have had a second as Pickford tipped away Bowen's shot and late on saved from Antonio. The only blemish was the facial injury suffered by Soucek. Credit to Zouma for some fine blocks and Ben Johnson for filling in at right-back for the injured Coufal. It wasn't pretty but it was resilient and after the Brentford game is a great result against an in-form side. Irons!

Ten games in...

The first ten games of a season are normally a good indicator of a team's chances. Overall it's been positive for the Irons, with notable wins against Newcastle, Leicester and Leeds. Progress in the Europa League has been very satisfactory, with a pair of 2-0 wins so far, while the spirit in the squad was shown by the second string winning 1-0 at Old Trafford in the Carabao Cup. On the downside the Irons have only won one in five of their last league matches and succumbed to late goals against Man United and Brentford, though were a little unlucky in both games, particularly with Noble's last minute penalty saved by De Gea. 

Hopefully there is more to come from the new signings, though encouragingly we have four solid centre backs who can be rotated in Zouma, Ogbonna, Dawson and Diop, and it's still not clear which is the best pairing. We've yet to see the potential of Vlasic who is still bedding in, though Kral looks like he could be a useful substitute for Rice and Soucek. The form of Soucek has been worrying but will surely return. While Areola in goal looks like he has bags of potential.

What's been more evident than ever is that the side is hugely reliant on Antonio and we have to keep him fit. Bowen is a willing stopgap, but not really a striker. At least Antonio didn't travel with Jamaica during the international break. 

Everton away will present another big test. Are we going to be among the best of the rest in mid-table or can WHU really challenge for the top six? It's been a long time since the Hammers had two good seasons in a row, and still competing in all competitions, it's looking reasonably optimistic so far if Moyes' men can overcome the recent blip in results.

Be careful what you wish for

It's a pretty sad day when Newcastle United can be used for sportswashing by the Saudi Arabian state, via its sovereign wealth fund, even if the state won't be involved in the day to day running of the club. It's a move rightly condemned by Amnesty International. I wouldn't want the regime whose 'rogue' hit-squad murdered journalist Jamal Khashoggi anywhere near West Ham. There are plenty of people who want Sullivan, Gold and Brady out, but with the way football has gone, and bearing in mind the ridiculous lack of ethics in the Premier League's fit and proper person's test, we'd likely end up with someone far worse. 

Sullivan and Gold have made mistakes, but they don't participate in human rights abuses, unless we count Sully's dodgy Russian coat. The new stadium was oversold and had a lot of initial problems. Some of GSB's mistakes have resulted from giving the fans what they want, ie appointing Pellegrini and signing lots of overpaid Fancy Dan attackers. They got that wrong and also blundered in appointing Avram Grant, but they appear to have got it right with Moyes this time round and have found money for £50m worth of signings this summer, so deserve some credit for that. Any likely buyer is going to be from the Middle East, Russia or America without any great love of the club and will probably have some very morally dubious history. We should be careful what we wish for.

The only real solution to football's ills is to move to something like Germany's 51:49 model where fans are guaranteed a 51 per cent ownership of their clubs.

Getting the best from Rice and Soucek

David Moyes has admitted that Tomas Soucek hasn't found his best form yet this season and appears to be looking leggy after playing in the Euros on top of a demanding season last time round. Is part of the problem that Declan Rice is getting forward too often and leaving Soucek as more of a defensive shield?

Yes, Declan can add goals to his game and has already scored twice in the Europa League, but Rice venturing further upfield seems to have detracted from Soucek's scoring ability, since his only goal so far has been the rebound from a penalty against Newcastle. Maybe there's a case for resting Soucek and giving Kral some more games.

Soucek did have a goal disallowed at Leeds and could have scored a late header against Brentford, so perhaps if he gets one then his confidence will return. Or maybe he just needs to eat more potato salad. Whatever, the two-week break might be a good time for WHU's array of coaches to consider some tweaks to central midfield. Rice has made his name as a holding midfielder and as with England, perhaps he needs to restrict his runs forward or alternate with Soucek. There's nothing too much wrong, but the balance doesn't look quite right at the moment.

Beaten at the last by a bus stop in Hounslow

West Ham 1 Brentford 2

The day begins with Nicola and myself reminiscing about Brentford Nylons and Alan Freeman (you have to be a certain age to remember the ads). This it's on to the Best Cafe after first chatting with Stop! Hammer Time podcast guru Phil Whelans on the Overground.

Inside the cafe are Matt and Nigel, who is annoyed to be missing Altrincham v Grimsby while in Manchester next week. Then it's down Matt's alleyways of doom past the tower block and on to the London Stadium (where Matt narrowly avoids another programme disaster having arrived without cash and then being loaned £3.50) to meet Fraser, Michael, Scott and returning foul-weather fan Alison in her first game since lockdown. Meanwhile Steve the Cornish Postie has overslept and missed his train in the biggest own goal since Iain Dowie scored at Southport.

When Michael remarks that Ben Johnson is the first literary Hammer since Alan Dickens we spend a lot of time searching for players with writers' names and come up with Jermain 'Daniel' Defoe, James 'Wilkie' Collins, Robert 'Graham' Green, Ronnie 'Frank Cotrrell' Boyce, Scott 'Dorothy' Parker and Trevor 'Sheridan' Morley, among others. 

Worryingly Nigel predicts that we'll lose today. It's a very slow start from the Hammers who appear to be suffering the much-predicted Europa League hangover. Mbeumo grazes the bar after a couple of minutes and then Toney has a volley saved by Fabianski. Brentford are strong in the tackle and get players forward quickly, while Toney is looking too strong for Zouma.

NEVR MIND THE BUS STOPS

Zouma does have a header just wide from a Cresswell corner but it's Brentford who take a deserved lead. Toney plays a first-time through ball and Canos who has got beyond Zouma, fires against Fabianski. It's a good save but Mbeumo scores with the rebound even though Fabianksi has clawed it back from just behind the line. "We're just a bus stop in Hounslow!" sing the gleeful away fans.

A crisper passing move between Fornals and Antonio sees Benrahma curl an effort narrowly wide, but it's clear Moyes has a lot of talking to do at the break. While Brentford are winning no friends with their time-wasting as Raya takes forever with his goal-kicks and players continually fall to the floor.

Things are so bad Nigel eats his 'lucky' banana at half-time in a bid to restore our fortunes. The Irons look a lot better in the second half. Antonio is crudely wrestled to the ground by Jorgensen and Benrahma's free kick is tipped over by Raya. Coufal gets forward to good effect, wins a challenge and crosses for Bowen to head wide when he should score. Antonio does well on the other flank to get a cross in, but first Fornals' effort is is blocked and then Coufal's shot is well saved by Raya.

JARROD MARCH

"I'm losing faith in our ability to score from corners," announces Mystic Matt. That does the trick. Cresswell's corner is headed out by a defender to Bowen who rifles a low shot into the corner and runs to the Bobby Moore Stand. His first goal in 16 games. A purple smoke bomb adds to the enjoyment.

It looks like the Hammers might even win, though a point would not be a disaster. Rice gets in a great cross only for Antonio and Soucek to distract each other and both just fail to connect. The lack of subs is a puzzle though.

The game appears to be drifting towards a draw in the 94th minute when Ogbonna gives away a free kick on the edge of the box. Jansson gets above Coufal to power in a header, Fabianski saves but the ball drops kindly to Wissa who thumps home the winner and disappears beneath a mound of yellow shirts in front of the Hounslow away crew.

We slump away in despond and with the Refreshment rooms closed try Escape, a hipster pub full of board games.The prices are a bit steep but the Gamma Ray is good and a "nice ambiance" comment inspires chants of, "You're going home in a London ambiance!" Then we turn to naming more literary Hammers and West Ham film directors (Scott 'Alan' Parker, Martin 'Woody' Allen, Robert 'Spike' Lee, Paul 'Jean-Luc' Goddard, Kevin 'Christopher' Nolan, etc. It's better than discussing the game.

After three wins in a week something had to go wrong, though West Ham deserved a point on their second half half showing and Brentford will surprise a lot of teams. We have to forget this one and go again after the international break.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 6, Zouma 5, Ogbonna 5, Cresswell 6; Rice 6, Soucek 5, Fornals 6, Benrahma 7, Bowen 7; Antonio 7.

Goodnight Vienna

West Ham 2 Rapid Vienna 0 (Europa League)

There's a crowd of fans taking selfies by the new statue of Moore, Hurst and Peters with the Cup Winners' Cup. It's not dissimilar to the old World Cup statue in Barking Road and should add something homely to the London Stadium. Presumably the statue of Andriy Yarmolenko has been delayed in the DPD van.

Inside the stadium there's been a disaster — Matt has failed to get a programme and hasn't been quite comprehensive enough in his knowledge of Hammers who have played in Austria trivia. He's identified Marco Arnautovic, Emanuel Pogatez and Nikica Jelavic, but strangely forgotten about the great Raggy Soma, who played for Rapid and features in tonight's programme. Better news is that Matt was in Colchester on Tuesday to see the Under-21 side lose; the home side included a sub appearance from young Freddie Sears, who must be at least 18 by now. 

Michael the Mesmerist and Nigel arrive from pre-match drinking in the Stratford Theatre East and the Abbey Well, while Fraser also joins us ready to wave a souvenir plastic flag as part of the crowd mosaic. We're treated to more flame throwers and a light display reminiscent of 1975 disco nights at Ilford's Room at the Top club.

It's the Irons' first ever group fixture in the Europa League Thankfully there are no Romanians in this competition says Matt, as Romanian sides have knocked us out in three of the last four Irons European excursions. 

WOULDN'T IT BE RICE?

There's a lively crowd of Austrian ultras bouncing around in the away end and their Rapid side sport rather a nice green and white kit with a sash. With seven changes from Saturday, West Ham start strongly. Rice heads against the post from Cresswell's free kick and then Dawson heads Cressy's corner against the post.

The Hammers take the lead as Yarmolenko finds Antonio with a fine crossfield ball. Michail controls well with his chest and sets up Rice for a tap-in. Declan celebrates in the corner and it kicks off with the Austrian Ultras, who start lobbing missiles at the West Ham fans and encroaching into the neutral area. Some West Ham fans respond with their own barrage, but thankfully police and stewards restore order.

Rapid have a shot blocked before the break but generally it's looking comfortable for West Ham. The feelgood factor is increased by an unlikely half-time cameo from DC, who has ventured away from the dugout side and into the Billy Bonds Stand.

But the second half sees West Ham's energy levels drop and complacency set in. Yarmolenko fades and Noble is getting bypassed. We rely on Rice, Diop and Dawson to keep our lead intact. Moyes is so concerned he has to bring on Bowen, Soucek, Lanzini and Fornals. It looks like Rapid will equalise when the ref awards a penalty after an apparent trip by Ben Johnson. But after strong complaints from the players, the ref looks at VAR and sees a blatant dive.

BENRAHMA DRAMA

Mystic Matt's patience is sorely tested when after a great through ball by Fornals, sub Jarrod Bowen rounds keeper and defender only to blast over an open goal. It's even more worrying when Vienna bring on their Third Man. Without the calming influence of Lisa, Matt is lambasting Bowen, Fornals, Benrahma, Lanzini and most of our side, apart from the Phonse, who hasn't had to make a serious save in goal.

But when West Ham remember to attack we have a better final ten minutes. Fornals has a powerful shot tipped over and in the fifth minute of added time Bowen sets up Benrahma who expertly passes the ball past a defender and into the corner of the net. Not pretty in the second half but we've done a professional job and top Group H.

With the Refreshment Rooms closed it's off to the Stratford Theatre East bar, where Nigel receives a text from CQ saying that "Vienna means nothing to me". Then it's time for Matt and Nigel to discuss dodgy journalists and Fraser to reminisce about interviewing Matthew Perry. Michael asks what is this TV series called Friends?

Eventually we're chucked out and retreat to the station dreaming of being in Europe after Christmas. Three wins in a week — we could get used to this.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Johnson 6, Dawson 7, Diop 7, Cresswell 6;  Noble 5 (Soucek 5), Rice 8, Vlasic 5 (Lanzini 5), Benrahma 7; Yarmolenko 5 (Fornals 6), Antonio 6 (Bowen 6).