Carpet-bagging Foxes spoil Hammers' claret party

West Ham United 2 Leicester City 2

It's in to the Clyde Best Meze to meet Michael, who is very excited after an audience with Jeremy Young, who acted in the first ever Doctor Who story An Unearthly Child. Not that Michael is a Whovian. There's a late cameo from Nigel, who arrives for a bacon sandwich having re-mortgaged his house for a trip to Old Trafford last week. In a major tactical error Matt and Lisa are away at at a wedding in Symonds Yat, having been foolish enough to consort with people idiotic enough to get married during the football season.

We walk to the stadium along an unseasonably sweltering Carpenters Road, which is all very worrying if you've seen David Attenborough's Climate Change: The Facts — in 20 years London might be inundated, the world will be burning and even worse, West Ham will still be trophyless. Inside we meet Fraser, the Raymond Chandler of E20, middle-class Clactonians Alison and Scott and south London Irons Gavin and Ilona.

RUG TESTING
The big talking point is the new claret carpet. It's a PR disaster to trumpet it a few weeks after Spurs have unveiled a billion pound stadium, but it does improve things a little and makes the pitch seem slightly smaller. "You've only come for the carpet!" is the chant aimed at the Leicester fans.

The Irons start off well, as if still indignant after the robbery at Old Trafford. Antonio just fails to connect with an Arnautovic cross and then bundles Anderson's cross wide. It's certainly much more lively than the Everton game. Maddison has a couple of long range shots but West Ham take a deserved lead when Noble, who is having a fine game, crosses with his left foot. Antonio nips in front of Morgan and Evans to head home. His celebration is brilliant as he caresses the hallowed carpet, admiring its texture and weave.

Rodgers clearly has words with Leicester and they come out looking galvanised for the second half. We can see the equaliser coming as, sure enough, Chilwell gets in a good cross and Vardy brilliantly nips in front of Balbuena to flick home. 

SUPER LUCAS
Anderson immediately goes on a storming run into the box as the Hammers are spurred into life. Scott does a Mystic Matt and bemoans the arrival of Perez, as Mystic May predicts he'll score a hat-trick. The departing and dispirited Arnautovic hasn't looked anything like the striker he was under Moyes. Lucas immediately runs about a lot and raises the crowd. When fellow sub Obiang fires a shot against the inside of the post, Perez is on hand to stroke home for a good poacher's goal. 

Just as we've said that the ref is having a much better game without the presence of the Vicar's Son, Lee Probert starts to miss handballs and blatant fouls. Perez is then denied his second goal after Obiang does well to win a tackle and play him in. Lucas rounds Schmeichel and scores only to see it wrongly disallowed for offside by Mr Probert. Perez was clearly level with the last man. 

It all gets a bit surreal as Jack Wilshere makes a rare appearance with five minutes left. Can the Hammers hold on to a 2-1 lead? Of course we can't. In added time Tielemans plays a fine through ball, Masuaku and Obiang are slow to track Harvey Barnes, and the Leicester man strokes home his first goal for the club. Hopefully there will be a routine rug test after this.

Matt texts to say that he changed his password to "West Ham's defence" but the computer said it was extremely weak. We talk Gavin out of trying the Carpenters Arms and head for the Refreshment Rooms. There's a good discussion about border terriers with Gav and Ilona, who unlike WHU have never lost the lead. We're joined by Gambling Dan, who is now betting on Antonio to score a hat-trick every game at the appealing odds of 250-1. 

If nothing else it's been an entertaining game, though West Ham could have had six points instead of one from the last two games. Though we do have a nice carpet.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Zabaleta 6, Balbuena 6, Ogbonna 6. Masuaku 6; Snodgrass 6 (Obiang 7), Noble 7 (Wilshere n/a), Rice 7, Anderson 6; Antonio 7, Arnautovic 4 (Perez 7); The Carpet 10.