£31m bid for Batshuayi?

Meanwhile the Guardian claims that West Ham have offered £31m for Marseille's Belgian striker Michy Batshuayi. I'm not sure we should be offering that amount of money for one player, even if the 22-year-old Batshuayi has scored 16 goals for Marseille this season in Ligue 1. We managed to pick up Payet for just £10 million and Leicester paid very little for Vardy, Mahrez and Kante. Claudio Ranieri surely has it right when he says he doesn't want superstars, but players who will fit in with Leicester's team ethic and maybe West Ham should be thinking the same way. If he's the next Luis Suarez or Lionel Messi then fine, but paying that sort of money is always a gamble.

Farewell Boleyn video

Great video on West Ham leaving the Boleyn produced by the Guardian today. Includes interviews with many people involved in match days, such as Nathan's pies and eels, Gary Firmager of OLAS, the nuns who can see the ground from their window, the two for one sweets man and the Stevie Bacon burger stall. The video certainly gets over the feeling that a little more of the Premier League millions should have been spent on ensuring local traders can transfer to Stratford. It also includes Ronnie Boyce and former ICF man Bill Gardner, who has some great quotes about his troubled past sleeping in a graveyard in Aldgate East and a nice line in humour: "I've got it in my will that my ashes will be scattered on the pitch. But now they've sold it, I'll probably be in the mango aisle in Safeways." Click on the link to view.

Bunch of Legends at Upton Park

A Vicar's Son writes…

England 2 Germany 7

The long goodbye to the Boleyn continued with the strangest game I've seen for a long time, as an England "Legends" team takes on a German one in a match to celebrate West Ham winning the World Cup 50 years ago. 

I meet Mike in Ken's Cafe with his friends Charlie, Nick and Georgina, where Carol drops the bombshell news that Ken himself will attend. In 49 years of feeding numerous hungry Hammers just round the corner from the ground, having opened the year after West Ham won the World Cup, he's only ever been once. Carol thinks he saw a Russian team, suggesting it may have been the famous 4-1 defeat against Dynamo Tbilisi in the Cup Winner's Cup in 1981 — considered one of the best-ever performances by a visiting team. Billy has got him a ticket for this one, so he can join the 17,707-strong crowd.

Mike has already cleaned the club shop of all merchandise, and has finished his big breakfast so early we have time for a cheeky drink in the Boleyn before the game. We also tried to change our tickets, which were allocated at random and are right next to our season ticket seats. We try to change them for an unfamiliar stand, but fail.

OH TEDDY TEDDY TEDDY…

The game starts with some familiar former Hammers on the pitch - Rio, Oh Teddy Teddy, Trevor Sinclair, David James and Dean Ashton, who all played in Mark Noble's testimonial, along with the uncapped Anton Ferdinand. Peter Beardsley, Darren Anderton, Graeme Le Saux and Steve Howey also start, along with somewhere called Wingrove, who we believe is a freestyler. He is young and quick, but we don't see any tekkers from here, and he's clearly not a proper footballer.

The Germans, meanwhile, definitely are. They look younger, fitter and much thinner, and some, such as the nominal right back Balitsch, are still playing, while Odonkor, the 11, is just 32, after retiring early through injury. They are also highly competitive, especially captain Michael Ballack, who approaches it like the World Cup Final he played, arguing with ref Dermot Gallagher, organising his team and taking it very seriously indeed. 

For England, Sheringham's touch is still impeccable, and Anderton is playing well, but the Ferdinands and James are soon under siege. In Noble's testimonial, the first-teamers took it easy, but here, the Germans seem to have only one gear. Jens Lehmann still looks like he could play in the Premier League, and saved everything, while Jens Nowotny marshalled the defence. Balitsch sprinted about 90 yards to notch the first, Marko Rehmer got a second and Balitsch a third. Ashton tried a Van Basten style volley that flew over, but England were finding it tough. At half time it was 3 0, and I quipped that I thought it was all over.

HE'S HERE, HE'S THERE, HE'S EVERY F***ING WHERE…

By this time, England gaffer Ray Winstone had began making substitutions, with Lee Mack replacing Le Saux, and Jeff Brazier Howey. Meanwhile John Moncur came on, the announcer suggesting he was winning his first cap, and put in a few trademark late tackles, which upset Ballack no end. 

In the second half, things became very strange. England fielded actors Damien Lewis and Mark Strong, comedian Jack Whitehall, another competition winner and a competition winner, among others. Germany brought on Oliver Neuville, who scored in goals in both the 2002 and 2006 World Cups, and Dieter Eilts, who won Euro '96. Their one concession was a ski jumper, but even he has played semi-pro football. 

BEARDSLEY IN GOAL AGAIN

If you've ever wondered who would win in a clash between Angus Deayton and a battle hardened ex-Bundesliga stalwart, you now have an answer. And it is not the ageing TV presenter. Meanwhile Germany kept scoring. So no change there, then. Odonkor headed the fourth, and Marco Reich, who played for Derby, Palace and Walsall among others, got numbers five and six. Beardsley now went in goal, in tribute to his role when Alvin Martin scored a hat-trick of penalties against three different keepers including Beardsley, in an 8-0 win over Newcastle. 

Ballack went off, and Germany finally eased up, allowing Ben Cohen to score a couple. Fitting, as his uncle George played right back in the 1966 triumph. Russell Howard was among other comedians said to be playing by this stage, along with Jon Richardson and the lesser known Jack Barry, but I don't know if they really were. Spencer Owen also appeared (me neither) when we'd have been better off with Michael. By now, the Germans had throttled right back, but Neuville still scored a final goal to make it 7-2. 

As Lewis gave pitchside interviews, and Ballack accepted a large trophy, we headed to the Central to make sense of it all. After a couple of bottles of Newcastle Brown, it was no clearer. I headed home to discover that Leicester had won the Premier League. A bizarre end to a baffling day.

Noble's double takes West Ham up to fifth!

West Brom 0 West Ham 3

What a great result from the Hawthorns. West Ham have certainly made sure we won't be the victim of any dodgy decisions this week. West Brom might have had nothing to play for but we saw they could still get results at Spurs on Monday and it;s never easy to play against a Tony Pulis team of giant centre backs. Credit to Ogbonna for a brilliant goalline clearance when WBA dominated the early stages. Good to see Mark Noble get a brace for the second game in a row; his first was a classic breakaway goal created by the speed of Kouyate on the left and his second a superb full volley after Payet had glided through the midfield and Andy Carroll had lofted in a delicate cross. Payet — who else — made the opener for Kouytate's headed opener. We go fifth for today at least and that's ten games unbeaten in the Premier League — a WHU record and also a record PL points total. Irons!

The final Final at Upton Park…

A Vicar's Son writes…

West Ham 1 Hull City 0

On a bitterly cold Monday night more than 10,000 fans watched West Ham's most important Academy game since the 1999 FA Youth Cup final v Coventry, which starred Joe Cole and Michael Carrick. The crowd for the first leg of the Development Squad Final against Hull was big enough to persuade Ken's Cafe to open and to delay the Tubes enough that I missed kick off. 

Just like Cole's precocious skills shone in 1999, this time young Norwegian Martin Samuelson took centre stage. Technically he was dazzling, beating opponents with ease, although he still needs to work on his passing. He seems to have toughened up during a loan at Peterborough, and could play a key role in next year's Olympic Stadium debut season.  

With Bradford City loanee Josh Cullen back for this game, and first teamer Sam Byram at right back the Hammers played some fine one touch football that had the young crowd squealing with delight.  But after coming close several times Hull ended the half better, and Swiss keeper Raphael Spiegel made one terrific save. 

I spent half time failing to buy a programme or a much needed cup of tea, before an evenly contested second half.  West Ham's best move of the game ended with a great chance for Canadian international Doneil Henry, who finished like a centre half and scuffed it wide. 

Hull were causing problems for a defence well marshalled by captain Reece Oxford. A triple substitution saw the departure of Jamal Hector — Ingram, with Bermudan Djair Parfitt - Williams returning after nearly three months out injured.  And he made the breakthrough when Hull's keeper dropped the ball under pressure at a last minute free kick, scrambling home before taking his shirt off during wild celebrations, earning an inevitable booking.  There was just time for Cullen to almost chip the keeper from the halfway line - the linesman was so far away he didn't spot a fine save and gave a goal kick.

So the fans went home happy from what for most will be their last game at the Boleyn and West Ham will be confident of finishing the job next Wednesday. 

Samuelson, Oxford, the number 10 Marcus Browne and Parfitt-Williams look real talents and Reece Burke, on loan at Bradford where he was player of the year, is also a real prospect.  There's nothing Hammers fans like more than players from the Academy making the first team. The last golden generation, led by Cole and Carrick, were sold cheap in a relegation fire sale. This time, the next generation will surely stick around to help the push towards the Champions League. 

Nobes for Mayor of London?

Interesting piece in the Property section of Tuesday's Evening Standard reveals that Mark Noble, Bobby Zamora and Rio Ferdinand, who all grew up on council estates, have teamed up to support social housing. The trio have formed the Legacy Foundation which aims to encourage developers to build communities of mixed private rented and public housing. There will also be a heavy sport input with facilities provided on the estates to keep kids occupied during the after school period of 3-6pm. Nobes recalls moving house seven times in four years when he was growing up in social housing in Newham and all three seem to be genuinely interested in the project rather than simply fronting it. Is it too late to vote for Mark Noble as Mayor of London?

A brief history of Ken's Cafe

Ken and Carol Lucas have been running Ken's Cafe for 49 years. Here they tell Pete May about their Boleyn memories… and the good news is they're staying open after the Hammers' move to Stratford.

Ken’s Café is a pre-match institution at West Ham. On match days the queues stretch through the door and out into Green Street. Ken’s is only the size of a normal two-up two-down Green Street house, but it fits in a tremendous number of customers around its Formica-covered tables.

Behind the counter is Carol in her apron, dispensing strong tea from an urn and numbered tickets for each food order, sharing jokes and shouting for someone to get more cups (the staff include three generations of her family). Hundreds of fans all get fed on time. Instead of on overpriced stadium pie or hot dog, you can still get egg, chips and beans with two slices and a cup of tea for less than a fiver.

Ken and Carol Lucas have plenty of stories to tell.  Ken emerges from his kitchen to make a rare appearance in the café itself and makes himself a coffee, joining Carol and myself at a table. Did they ever get used to get any footballers in?

FRANK LAMPARD'S SAUSAGE SANDWICH 

“Frank Lampard Senior used to have a business two doors away and he’d sneak in for his sausage sandwich with masses of brown sauce,” remembers Carol.

“I put a load of brown sauce on it, he said ‘it ain’t enough’, I said ‘just have the bottle!’” adds Ken, who cooks all the food in the kitchen at the back of the café aided by his daughter Sarah Jane.

“We had half the team in here… Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst… a lot of the youngsters come in the old days. But they’re prima donnas now aren’t they, with their tinted windows, not signing autographs like in the old days,” says Carol. Though Carlton Cole did come in more recently. “It made my grandson Billy’s day and though he wasn’t meant to eat it, Carlton mullered his bacon sandwich!”

Ken and Carol celebrate their 50th anniversary

The good news is that the cafe is staying open next season after the Irons move to Stratford. “No we are not closing down!” emphasises Carol. “We’ll just potter along, as long as we get to the end of the week with enough to cover us.”

Ken, who recently turned 80, owns the café outright, so fans will still be able to get their pre-match grub in Green Street before taking a bus or taxi to Stratford.

Carol, who is a few years younger than Ken, but never seems to age, was originally from Slough and Ken from Streatham. They met at the Southend Kursaal when Carol was on the coach and Ken was riding his motorbike. After accepting a ride home on Ken’s bike Carol was in trouble with her parents, but romance quickly blossomed.

Having been a cook in the Army, Ken was working as a lorry driver, but fancied opening a café. In 1967, two years after marrying Carol he looked over number 467 Green Street. “I parked my lorry outside. The law come in and said you’ve got to move your lorry there’s a match on in two hours.  I didn’t even know West Ham was here!” recalls Ken.

When Ken and Carol took over the premises it was an amusement arcade. They still live upstairs and four of their children were born there. Ken kept a few machines in the café, though this lead to problems with, what he terms, “a few Herberts from Canning Town.”

ROCKERS, SHOTGUNS AND SYNAGOGUES 

“We had all the rockers in here and all the mods went to a place in Plaistow,” remembers Carol. “I told them we can’t have German helmets in here, it’s a Jewish area!”

“One of them came in with a shotgun. I said I’m not having that in here!” laughs Ken. “ You see ’em now and they’re all granddads. When I say ‘do you remember the shotgun?’ they go, ‘sshhh!’”

Back in the 1960s and 1970s Ken’s Cafe did an unlikely trade selling bacon sandwiches to Rabbis from the nearby Synagogue. “It was a very Jewish area when we moved here,” says Carol. “The market was mainly Jewish and next door was a Jewish lady selling materials. The rabbis would sneak in, and him next door, every time his wife went to the warehouse, he’d say, ‘quick Ken, get me a sandwich!’”

But it was the football trade that really helped the café prosper. Ken and Carol are proud of the fact that customers on match days are usually served within 20 minutes and nothing is cooked until it’s ordered. “Keep the fat hot!” is Ken’s sage advice for feeding industrial quantities of chips to hungry fans.

They’ve had the odd mishap though, such as the time a fryer broke down and, “the time the electric went off, so we did it by candle light but we still fed ‘em!”

POLICE AND TEA LEAVES

Ken and Carol are happy to serve fans of any hue, though if there’s any aggravation it’s normally Carol who sorts it out. “I can shout them out, because they’re not likely to hit a woman,” explains Carol. “But the worst football fan was a woman in in her 80s, quiet as a mouse. Then one person came in wearing another team’s colours and she was like a volcano. The most she ever managed was three games before we threw her out again.”

Even the police used to like a secret cuppa round the back. “In came one of the chiefs saying ‘have you got any of my officers in there?” I said ‘no’ and he looked in the kitchen, but we had eight of them in the scullery at the back!” laughs Carol.

Over the years, the café’s displays of replica guns on the walls have caused some talking points. “This girl said, ‘are them guns real?’ I said, ‘yes’, the only thing you’ve got to do is don’t slam the door when you leave.’ She flew out of here!” chuckles Ken. “The law came in and he said ‘I’ve got to have you about these guns’ until I told him they were plastic.  We did have one of them nicked once and about a month later the bank was robbed!”

Ken’s Café has had its share of well-known customers such as Never Mind The Buzzcocks’ Phill Jupitus and Ken Livingstone when he was running for Mayor. “Ken’s alright, though I don’t like his politics. He saw the sign at the front and said, ‘my cafe!’ We’ve had EastEnders stars too and Iain Dale from LBC. I’m dreadful for names I just see faces,” says Carol. “What I like is the celebrities are just like any other punter. They queue up, they don’t expect special treatment. They’re not here as celebrities they just want to be one of the punters. So I won’t let anyone molest them.’’

Other memorable moments at Ken’s include a car swerving in Green Street and coming through the front window some ten years ago. “I was sitting here doing my books and crash, a car come in. The whole side of the shop come down. I got a new front out of him though,” says Ken. The Cafe has also had a window smashed by an irate window cleaner who had a grudge against the previous owner and was once burned down— but only on celluloid, when it was used as a film set.

FAMOUS THROUGHOUT THE UK

Thanks to their match-day regulars Ken and Carol have been recognised in unusual places. Ken recalls: “We were at Center Parcs in Nottingham and this big bunch of Herberts came over. I said ‘watch it’ but as they got nearer they said “Ken’s Café!! How are yer!” What a relief! We were at the Isle of Wight in a chip shop late at night and the guy says, “I’ve seen you before in Ken’s Café!”

There was talk of a committee being formed to help local businesses move to Stratford, but little came of it. They remain sceptical about West Ham’s move to Stratford and Carol bemoans the flat prices of the planned development of the Boleyn Ground. “It’s rock bottom for housing in this borough, you get five families in some houses, so there should be more social housing when it’s developed.”

The area is changing, but Ken’s Café today is pretty much the same as it’s always been and that’s part of its charm and why authentic cafes are back in fashion. Ken and Carol seem genuinely happy in their work and will carry on. It’s a proper caff and they’re a culinary treasure.

“They won’t give us that fifth star for food because they want lighting and marble floors and posh chairs and a toilet,” says Carol. “But people are fed up with Costa Coffee and all this espresso double this double that. We won’t change!” And none of their customers would ever want them to.

Pete May's memories of West Ham's final season at Upton Park will be appearing in a forthcoming e-book Goodbye To Boleyn.