Hammers mauled by Black Cats

Sunderland 3 West Ham 0

It's always dangerous listening to games on the radio at home as we inevitably lose. It's a case of meet the new midfield, same as the old midfield. Potter opts for Rodriguez, a player the club is trying to offload, Ward-Prowse and Paqueta in front of the five-man defence when surely Soucek or Alvarez would be better for a game against a feisty newly-promoted side. Hermansen gets the nod in goal ahead of Areola.

Early on Bowen does well to fire a shot against keeper Roefs' legs and the speedy Diarra has an effort well-saved by Hermansen. The full-backs don't really get forward much apart from Fullkrug setting up a fine goalbound effort from Diouf, which is saved by a block from Ballard.

You expect West Ham to step it up after the break but it's Sunderland who take the lead. It's a fairly simple cross that sees Mayenda get in front of Aguerd to loop his header into the corner. Could the keeper have got across his goal quicker? The ball seems to go in in slow motion.That gives the home crowd a big boost. 

It's two when the towering Ballard meets another cross by out-jumping Paqueta. We've spent £110 million on our three central defenders and shouldn't be conceding headers like these.

Potter acts too late, bringing on Wilson and Soucek before finally abandoning the five-man defence by taking off Todibo for Andy Irvine in the final ten minutes. The Portobello Pirlo does put in a decent free kick that flicks of a Sunderland defender and has to be tipped over by Roefs.

With the Hammers forced to press Sunderland get a third in added time from a West Ham corner. Isidor breaks at speed, Diouf doesn't get in a challenge, Hermansen gets a hand to the ball without stopping it and and it's three-nil. 

You've got to feel sorry for Big Joe who is at the match reading his copy of Granta among the Makems. To make it worse Kudus has made two goals for Spurs. Still, as my pal Matt suggests, it could all be a masterclass from Potter designed to convince Sullivan to spend big on a new midfield. Paqueta has been anonymous despite his FA charges reprieve. Does he want to go or stay?

Are we in for a relegation struggle after one game? This game was always going to be difficult but West Ham shouldn't be getting walloped by a newly-promoted side full of new players. The side is looking stale and the build up us still one-paced. A big big improvement is required against Chelsea.

All square at the Stadium of Light

Sunderland 2 West Ham 2

Another game where West Ham have twice lost the lead. It's a decent away point on paper, but I've lost count of the number of points West Ham have thrown away from winning positions. The Hammers had the ideal start. Byram got in a good cross, Carroll mishit across goal and Ayew kept his head to poke home. Five goals in eight ages is now looking like a decent return from Ayew, although he also volleyed over when well-placed later in the game.

Just when it looked like the Irons might control the game Khazri equalised direct from a corner — Sunderland's first goal in 701 minutes of football. Anichebe was possibly fouling Randolph on the line, but the West Ham keeper also wasn't strong enough and there was no defender on the far post to clear.

Hammers had another great chance to win after James Collins headed in Snodgrass's corner two minutes after the break. But Sunderland showed good spirit to come back into the game. When Byram was sent off for a second yellow (his first booking was a silly off the ball foul) after 82 minutes you knew it was likely to all go wrong. In the 90th minute Randolph dropped the ball under pressure from Anichebe and Borini stroked home. To give the ten-man Hammers some credit they did survive ten minutes of added time due to Billy Jones' head injury.

So Byram and Noble will be suspended for the Everton game, with Ogbonna, Obiang and Antonio out for the season. Bilic also needs to look at the goalkeeping position after another uncertain display by Randolph. Though as results panned out we gained a point on Swansea and Hull, and at 14th the Irons are now nine points clear of the Swans with five games left and a better goal difference. Let's hope we can get a result against Everton to finally dispel any lingering fears. 

Hammers fightback earns draw at Sunderland

Sunderland 2 West Ham United 2

Listening to the Radio London commentary it seemed like WHU could have been five down at half time as a rejuvenated Sunderland team seemed to be trying to persuade Dick Advocaat to stay. Fletcher scored from a free kick routine and then Lens doubled the tally, with a superb chip over Adrian, scored for the Mackems. Adrian made a great save from O'Shea and Borini missed a couple of good chances. Right on half time Carl Jenkinson stroked the ball home after good work by Moses on the left wing and suddenly winless Sunderland got nervous for the second half.

When Lens was red-carded the home side became even more desperate and the equaliser arrived when Lanzini's shot was parried by Pantilimion and Dimitri Payet scored his fourth of the season. The last half an hour saw a lot of West Ham corners and sub Jelavic scoop over from a yard out, but generally it seemed we lacked a quality final ball. Still, after being battered in the first half, I'm grateful for a point. Seventeen goals this season so far — it's certainly not been dull.

Drawing drawing West Ham…

Sunderland 1 West Ham 1

We’re in Lewes on a mini-break to celebrate our wedding anniversary for this one. Strangely Her Indoors has eschewed an afternoon at the Stadium of Light in favour of staying the White Hart, where Thomas Paine once formed the Headstrong Society for the Julian Dicks types of his day, a trip round Lewes Castle, tea at Anne of Cleves’ house, an Italian dinner and Sunday climbing Mount Caburn followed by a pint of Harveys best bitter in the Snowdrop.

Upon returning to London my recording of Match of the Day reveals a decent away draw. Jenkinson has a volley well saved by Pantilimon early on, though Sunderland go ahead with a Gomez penalty after Johnson collapses when brushed by James Tomkins. Never a penalty. West Ham show a bit of character to equalise, as Downing cuts in from the right and fires a deflected left-foot shot into the corner.

After that it appears to be a game that could have gone either way. The hapless Altidore somehow contrives to miss a cross from Larsson while just a couple of yards from goal and Winston Reid is lucky to get away with a handball in the box.

Andy Carroll scoops a delicate chip on to the roof of the net, while Downing finds Cresswell on the overlap, but the keeper smothers his effort. Adrian makes a decent stop from Fletcher and a brilliant tip over from Wickham’s fierce shot. At the end Andy Carroll almost wins it for the Irons, sidefooting the ball just wide of the post.

It’s the sort of game we might have lost season, so as Big Sam says, we’ll respect the point against the league’s draw specialists. Got to be happy with 28 points collected from 16 games.

We are staying up!

Sunderland 1 West Ham 2

It’s off to the Lucky Pub, the location of which can’t be revealed under the terms of the Shadow Proclamation. Matt is booed by his own fans (Lisa and Fraser) for ordering a blackcurrant and soda, while the rest of us stick to Whitstable Bay organic ale and a Carlsberg for Fraser.

Strangely Sunderland have dropped Adam Johnson and are playing five at the back. We start well as Downing whips in a good cross across the face of Sunderland’s goal. As Noble waits to take a West Ham corner after nine minutes there’s a Sky close-up of Nolan and Bardsley with their hands all over each other. Nolan’s antics help distract Sunderland’s keeper Mannone as the corner comes in and Andy Carroll rises brilliantly above O’Shea to power home a header through the keeper’s hands. Andy runs off with his Dambusters celebration. The Makems have been undone by a Geordie, much to the delight of the commentary team.

GEORDIE SURE 

We have a decent first half. Taylor fires wide of the post when found by Downing and Diame gets in a shot straight at the keeper. Sunderland should equalise when Cattermole fires straight at Adrian, and then puts the rebound wide. We also escape a penalty when Howard Webb ignores Nolan’s elbow making contact with the ball. But generally West Ham defend well with Tomkins and Reid looking solid, although McCartney at times appears shaky. The streetwise Nolan is more impressive away from home and Noble and Diame are helping to launch counter attacks with Carroll causing problems.

There’s not even anything to boo about at half-time. Johnson comes on for Sunderland and Armero replaces McCartney for the Irons. It gets better after 50 minutes as Carroll jumps with Brown and deflects the ball to Mo Diame, whose slightly deflected shot drifts into the far corner to make it two. We can hear Bubbles coming from the away fans.

NOT WAVING BUT DOWNING 

In the 61^st minute Downing skips past Alonso and is through one on one with the keeper. He looks certain to score put plays the ball the wrong side of the post with his left foot.

As Downing misses Michael The Whovian Who Is Also A Very Cultured Man With Many Other Interests arrives in his dinner jacket, having removed his bow tie so that he looks like an extra from Brideshead Revisited. “There’s no need to dress for the occasion,” quips Matt. Turns out he’s MCing an event at a nearby club for thespians.

Will Downing’s miss prove costly? It seems so as Johnson scores a well-taken goal to put Sunderland back in it after 65 minutes. Michael moans that he has the anti-Midas touch with football.

The crowd get behind the home side and Adrian has to field an effort from Wickham and Borini hits the side netting. Downing is now having one of those inconsistent nights where he keeps losing the ball and is bullied out of the game by defenders.

“They’re not going to score, their confidence has gone in front of goal,” says the Zen-like Fraser as the rest of us panic that it might be a case of 2-0 and we f***ed it up. And then Roger Johnson comes on and we get even more worried, though again the big man proves effective.

RESPECTING THE PINTS

Sunderland’s keeper Mannone even comes up for a corner after 89 minutes but West Ham are professional and see the game out relatively comfortably, despite an injury to Winston Reid. Thirty seven points! This should guarantee survival after looking odds on for relegation at Christmas, which is a big achievement by Allardyce and his men. 

Matt heads off to work the night shift while the rest of us transfer to Michael’s Actors’ Club. We pretend to be resting thespians as Fraser channels the spirit of Adam Faith. Then someone comes up to him and says he enjoyed his version of Ol' Man River. There’s Bombardier, Black Sheep and Fursty Ferret at the cheap bar and just to round the evening off for Pete The Other Whovian there’s Richard Franklin, aka Captain Mike Yates from UNIT, at the bar having a chat with Michael. We are not worthy, indeed. Premiership survival and a glimpse of the last surviving UNIT officer from the Jon Pertwee era of Doctor Who all in one evening.

After more pints than is sensible we retreat home to dream of mid-table respectability. The Lucky Pub has worked its charms again.

Grim up north

Sunderland 3 West Ham 0

Never a fixture that fills a West Ham fan with confidence, we've ended up getting battered at the Stadium of Shite. Not much we could do about the first goal, an unstoppable shot from Larsson, who was very nearly closed down by Nolan. However the Match of the Day evidence shows it's one-way traffic apart from a tame shot at the keeper from Jarvis in the first-half.

Sunderland's second is "pathetic" to quote Big Sam. From a West Ham free-kick the Black Cats break. Joe Cole doesn't stick with McClean who has the freedom of the half to break and produce a great save from Jaaskelainen. The rebound falls to young Dan Potts who tries to chest it instead of heading or hoofing clear and Johnson nips in to poke home. Full-back Colback hits the post before Sunderland grab a third, Sessegnon turning inside Potts to mishit the ball across goal for McLean to score from  a tight angle. It's only then that West Ham show a little life with subs Vaz Te and Tomkins having late efforts saved.

Not good enough from the Hammers and Big Sam appears baffled by our poor work rate, though at least he's honest about it. Collins getting injured hasn't helped, but with O'Brien and McCartney out we surely need to sign a new left back as Potts is inexperienced and was exposed on his PL debut. At least Joe Cole has shown a decent appetite and Chamakh has come on as sub for a run-out. We also had Diame on the bench which offers some hope for next week. The Irons desperately need to beat QPR now and prove we're not a soft touch to teams that fight for every ball.

Normal service resumed

Sunderland 1 West Ham 0

Rejoice! We’re off the bottom for 24 hours thanks to Wolves losing 3-0 at Blackburn. At least until we visit the Stadium of Shite.

I manage to get into the Bank of Friendship to watch the second half after the school winter fair. Matt isn’t too impressed to judge by his text of “ This isn’t the Hammers of last Tuesday — woeful! Scotty nowhere near being fit Carlton back to being useless – less presence on the left than the coalition government plus no keeper on the bench – typical WHU!”

Kieron Dyer is a strange choice, as he’s not featured in either of the week’s wins, unlike Barrera who played in both, while Jacobsen appears to be injured and so Ben Haim is at right back. Grant has opted for Cole and Obinna and relegated Piquionne to the bench.

Sunderland are a goal ahead through a fine finish from Jordan Henderson. Gyan has sprung our offside trap on the right and delivered a rapid cross for Henderson to open his body up and sidefoot into the top corner. Sadly there’s no runner with him so even the other Jordan might have scored given the freedom of the box.

Boa Morte has been booked early on when he could have been red-carded and Gyan has hit the bar with a clever lob. Our only chance has been an Obinna free kick straight at the keeper until Jonathan Spector suddenly metamorphosises into Lionel Messi again, beating two Sunderland players with a clever stepover running into the box and shooting just wide.

Matt is perhaps overdoing the pessimism a bit on the evidence of the second half. Sunderland haven’t lost at home in the league all season and we start the second half with Obinna finding Cole who turns on the edge of the box and sends a low shot narrowly wide.

Green makes a decent stop from Gyan’s drive but our defence looks reasonably solid. Piquionne and Hines come on in an attempt to save the game. Our best effort comes when Obinna fires in a left foot shot that strikes the outside of the post.

One positive is that James Tomkins has another excellent game. Late on Green fumbles and he makes a fantastic block to deny a certain goal.

But in a cagey game Sunderland play out time to gain another three points. “So predictable,” texts Nigel.

We haven’t played that badly, but we still haven’t won away from home since the first day of last season at Wolves. Grant needs to decide what his best side is and now we have to aim for three points at Blackburn and Fulham.

We’re bottom again as Wolves have scored more goals. Oh dear, I should never have baited all those Man United fans. Normal service has been resumed.

It's Vic there…

Sunderland 1 West Ham 2 (Carling Cup)

A great win at the Stadium of Shite and all while resting the likes of Green, Upson, Gabbidon, Noble and Cole and without the cup-tied Jacobsen. Sunderland were below strength too of course, but had a good side with Gyan and Bent up front.

Looking at the highlights Piquionne and Obinna seem to be forming a vibrant partnership and combined superbly for Freddie’s opener. Piquionne rounded the keeper to apply an expert finish — it’s just headers under the bar he has problems with.

It was a sloppy to concede Gyan’s equaliser from a corner, but again we produced a fine move for the Hammers' winner, with Parker and Barrera combining on the right to cross. Is Vic there? He was indeed.

Credit too to Stech for securing the win with a late save with his feet.

Nigel says he’s on or a Cup Final breakfast in Kew. Not that we’re getting carried away, but if Avram Grant can be photographed smiling then anything is possible.

Two-nil and we f•••ed it up...

Sunderland 2 West Ham 2

Oh no, we’re winning 2-1 against ten men. Nothing worse than hope when you're a West Ham fan. Collecting my daughter from her friend Maya’s house I catch the scores on Sky Sports News. Now I have to wait 30 minutes watching helplessly with Maya’s dad, a similarly panic-induced Plymouth fan bemused to be winning at Boro.

Matt’s texted to say he’s on a mini-break in the Vatican seeking a miracle. My suggestion is he says ten hail Di Canios if it gets us an away win. Inevitably Sunderland then equalize and I’m tortured by catholic guilt. There’s a report every few minutes detailing nerve-tingling escapes for the Irons. Thankfully for Matt we hold on for an away pontiff. Although he says he wants to crucify the lot of them and our defence resembles the Walls of Jerico.

After trick or treating with the kids in a Cyberman mask Match of the Day reveals a strange team selection after the Arsenal game, with super subs Diamanti and Hines still on the bench.

We play well in the first half as Collison plays in Franco for the Mexican to score from close range, a reward for the manager’s faith. Even better Collison then wins the ball to play in Cole who sidesteps a defender to slot home like an England centre forward.

But then Jones raises his hand to Ilunga’s face and the defender writhes on the floor like a man who’s just seen Nick Griffin on Halloween night. The sending off is technically correct though, even if Herita’s histrionics are unnecessary. That seems to fire ten-man Sunderland and after Kovac fouls on the edge of the box, Reid fires a fantastic free kick into the top corner to make it 1-2 at half time.

Franco goes close with a header early in the second half, but after that it’s all Sunderland. Green makes two excellent saves and then the Makems hit the bar in quick succession. Finally a cross takes a wicked deflection off Upson and falls perfectly for Richardson to score.

Zola says we “need to be more cynical” and it’s clear we have forgotten how to close up a game. But, as they say, we’d have taken a point at the start.

Is it lack of character or the loss of Neill and the suspended Parker that cost us the win? Ilunga is out of form and Spector tries his best but is not the answer. Perhaps there’s a case for bringing in Gabbidon and putting Tomkins at right-back? Or trying out Da Costa again? Or even giving Bondz N'Gala a chance?

Still, Sunderland are a much improved team and perhaps we’ll be grateful for an away point come May. If we can avoid defeat against Villa and beat Burnley then we just might be looking upwards again.

Behrami army

Sunderland 0 West Ham 1

An away crew of Nigel, the Gav, Matt, Lisa and myself congregate in our lucky away pub in Covent Garden. We’ve seen West Ham win at Highbury and Ipswich away in the play-offs in this very boozer. And no we can’t tell you its name; if we do we have to kill you in case it loses it's magic.

Collison and Sears are dropped, and Bowyer appears to be on the left. We watch the game in the surreal circumstances of three TVs and no sound, as the lunchtime drinkers scarper at the prospect of the Stadium of Shite. Though not as surreal as when we watched West Ham win at Blackburn at the Lord Nelson in the Tevez year, accompanied by Stealers Wheel singing “clowns to the left of me jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you”. Now that was a lucky pub.

Sunderland have all the early pressure, Cisse plants a header just over our bar. Mystic Matt says we just need a deflected goal. Then in the 19th minute Neill overlaps on the right and is bought down.

“Lucas Neill was too quick for him,” I say, prompting Nigel to answer “It’s not often we say that.”

Faubert’s free kick is headed out to Behrami whose shot takes a deflection off Kenwyne Jones into the back of the net. Wahey! The lucky pub is working. Behrami’s first goal for the Hammers.

Sunderland surge forward and have two penalty claims we conclude, judging by the silent slow motion replays. Collins has his arms round Jones’ neck but luckily the ref doesn’t see it. The second claim looks like a simple bit of shoulder barging between Collins and Cisse. The ginger giant and Matty Upson are looking up for it at the back though, throwing themselves at everything in the air. Green makes a good tipover from Sunderland’s Collins and then Andy Reid curls a lose ball on to our bar.

But then we should make it two. Anton Ferdinand (remember him?) miscontrols the ball allowing Bellamy to race through for a one on one. Instead of shooting he allows himself to be pushed way out wide by Fulop bit manages to cross and present Behrami with a tap in from one yard that he thumps against the bar.

“Hornchurch third team could have put that in!” booms Gavin.

We all agree that we’ll lose now and that miss will be seen as the turning point. But at least we go in one up at the break.

The second half begins with more Sunderland pressure. We aren’t holding the ball in midfield, Faubert and Bowyer appear anonymous, Cole miscontrols the ball too often and Bellers looks affected but his miss. We’re relying on Collins and Upson, but thankfully Sunderland look way off form.

We plead with Matt to start swearing again. “I think Scott Parker’s the greatest player I’ve ever seen,” says Nigel, making an admirable attempt to wind him up.

It works. Perhaps inspired by Lisa’s half-time knowledge of the Gary Crosby incident, it’s the terrible prospect of hope in his heart that gets Matt raging.

“We don’t ****ing deserve to win this… what’s Bellamy done all game… There’s Zola sitting there doing ****-all… what is the ***ing point of Boa Morte… that was ****ing rubbish Di Michele!”

A wave of Anglo-Saxon kinetic energy appears to inspire our lads and we hold out, even though with five minutes to go I start thinking about the Everton game. We’ve played better and lost, but somehow we’re holding on. Then there’s four sodding minutes of added-on time and we hold it up in the corner and blimey, we’ve won! We go above Tottenham! Maybe we’ve dragged Arsenal into the relegation struggle too…

We celebrate with more Bishops Finger and a trivia round of naming our favorite and least favourite three Premier League teams. Nigel and Gavin head off to see Uriah Heep on pretty much their perfect Sunday. While Roy Keane, Anton and George McCartney feel very ’umble indeed.