It’s off to the Lucky Pub,
the location of which can’t be revealed under the terms of the Shadow
Proclamation. Matt is booed by his own fans (Lisa and Fraser) for ordering a
blackcurrant and soda, while the rest of us stick to Whitstable Bay organic ale
and a Carlsberg for Fraser.
Strangely Sunderland have
dropped Adam Johnson and are playing five at the back. We start well as Downing whips
in a good cross across the face of Sunderland’s goal. As Noble waits to take a
West Ham corner after nine minutes there’s a Sky close-up of Nolan and Bardsley
with their hands all over each other. Nolan’s antics help distract Sunderland’s
keeper Mannone as the corner comes in and Andy Carroll rises brilliantly above
O’Shea to power home a header through the keeper’s hands. Andy runs off with
his Dambusters celebration. The
Makems have been undone by a Geordie, much to the delight of the commentary
team.
We have a decent first half. Taylor
fires wide of the post when found by Downing and Diame gets in a shot straight
at the keeper. Sunderland should equalise when Cattermole fires straight at
Adrian, and then puts the rebound wide. We also escape a penalty when Howard
Webb ignores Nolan’s elbow making contact with the ball. But generally West Ham
defend well with Tomkins and Reid looking solid, although McCartney at times appears
shaky. The streetwise Nolan is more impressive away from home and Noble and
Diame are helping to launch counter attacks with Carroll causing problems.
There’s not even anything to
boo about at half-time. Johnson comes on for Sunderland and Armero replaces McCartney
for the Irons. It gets better after 50 minutes as Carroll jumps with Brown and
deflects the ball to Mo Diame, whose slightly deflected shot drifts into the
far corner to make it two. We can hear Bubbles
coming from the away fans.
In the 61st minute
Downing skips past Alonso and is through one on one with the keeper. He looks
certain to score put plays the ball the wrong side of the post with his left
foot.
As Downing misses Michael The
Whovian Who Is Also A Very Cultured Man With Many Other Interests arrives in
his dinner jacket, having removed his bow tie so that he looks like an extra
from Brideshead Revisited. “There’s
no need to dress for the occasion,” quips Matt. Turns out he’s MCing an event
at a nearby club for thespians.
Will Downing’s miss prove
costly? It seems so as Johnson scores a well-taken goal to put Sunderland back
in it after 65 minutes. Michael moans that he has the anti-Midas touch with
football.
The crowd get behind the home
side and Adrian has to field an effort from Wickham and Borini hits the side
netting. Downing is now having one of those inconsistent nights where he keeps
losing the ball and is bullied out of the game by defenders.
“They’re not going to score,
their confidence has gone in front of goal,” says the Zen-like Fraser as the
rest of us panic that it might be a case of 2-0 and we f***ed it up. And then
Roger Johnson comes on and we get even more worried, though again the big man
proves effective.
RESPECTING THE PINTS
Sunderland’s keeper Mannone
even comes up for a corner after 89 minutes but West Ham are professional and
see the game out relatively comfortably, despite an injury to Winston Reid.
Thirty seven points! This should guarantee survival after looking odds on for
relegation at Christmas, which is a big achievement by Allardyce and his
men.
Matt heads off to work the
night shift while the rest of us transfer to Michael’s Actors’ Club. We pretend
to be resting thespians as Fraser channels the spirit of Adam Faith. Then
someone comes up to him and says he enjoyed his version of Ol' Man River.
There’s Bombardier, Black Sheep and Fursty Ferret at the cheap bar and just to round the
evening off for Pete The Other Whovian there’s Richard Franklin, aka Captain Mike Yates from UNIT, at the bar having a chat with Michael. We are not worthy, indeed. Premiership survival and a glimpse of the last surviving UNIT officer from the Jon Pertwee era of Doctor Who all in one evening.
After more pints than is sensible we retreat home to dream of mid-table respectability. The Lucky Pub has worked its charms again.
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