Billy Bonds is after you...

"Sort it out Billy!" was the shout you'd always hear from the Chicken Run or North Bank back in the 1970s and 1980s. My mum always thought that the name Billy Bonds sounded like a pirate and the adjective the press often attached to him was "buccaneering" as he rampaged across the pitch with his seventies beard and flowing hair. 

Billy was certainly a hard man and if anyone clattered Pat Holland or Trevor Brooking he would be there having a word or sliding in on the culprit. But Billy was also a very skilful player and underrated passer, as we saw when he made a comeback to play in midfield at 44 during the 1987-88 season.

Having signed from Charlton Bonzo started off as a right back but really shone when switched to defensive midfield. On The Big Match and in matches he always seemed to be shouting and pointing, organising his side. With Brooking and Paddon he formed the quality midfield that won the FA Cup in 1975. Bonds scored with some great long-range shots and volleys and finished the club's top scorer in the 1973-74 season with 13 goals, including a hat-trick against Chelsea. Bonzo netted quite a few headers too with that loping and bouncing spring of his. In the boozy 1970s side of Moore and Greaves and co he remained super-fit and, always a family man, he would the first to head for home after training or a match.

He was brilliant when moved to centre back too and with Alvin Martin formed the impregnable barrier that kept a clean sheet against Arsenal in the 1980 FA Cup win. Other career highlights were winning the old second division championship and reaching the League Cup Final in 1980-81. 

He wrote in his autobiography Bonzo of coming up against Vinny Jones when he was 40-odd and laughing at Jones' crude attempts to annoy him: "Vinny's attempts to wind me up with little shoves, tugs and taps at corners and set-pieces and non-stop verbals literally made me laugh."

Bonzo helped the club by becoming manager after Lou Macari, twice winning promotion and getting relegated once. But with his high standards he never seemed quite suited to the modern management of big-earners and though he never forgave Harry Redknapp for taking over, Harry was clearly the better buyer and seller of players. His spell at Millwall was regrettable from our point of view, but perhaps understandable for a south London lad.

Away from the pitch he was a very different character, a gentle man who was a keen bird-watcher. He was never arrogant and the biggest ire in his Bonzo autobiography was reserved for Ted MacDougall: "I played with and against some really great strikers, far better than he ever was. Yet none of them carried on as if waiters receptionists and the like were just menial workers instead of ordinary decent people doing a job."

I'm proud to have seen Bonzo lift the FA Cup twice at Wembley and it's hard to forget his tears on the pitch before the Newcastle game when the Billy Bonds Stand was officially named after him. His 799 games for the Hammers will surely never be beaten. The term legend is much over-used but he really was one. If only he was here to sort it out now. RIP Bonzo.

There are only two things that never let you down…

After Saturday this seems rather appropriate. Just found this seminal Billy Bonds advert on the back of one of my early programmes, West Ham v Wolves from 1972. Here's Bonzo looking like he could easily get a walk-on role in The Sweeney…

A victory for Billy Bonds' claret and blue army

West Ham 2 Newcastle United 0

At 5.15pm the East Stand is very nearly full for its renaming as the Billy Bonds Stand – and we have a free plastic bag on every seat. Her Indoors (Nicola) makes a rare appearance, along with Fraser, Matt and Lisa, Scott, Alison, returning after a lengthy injury lay-off and Steve the Cornish postie, who has travelled up the Salt Path for the match. 

We worry our players might be injured by some of the giant inflatables reading, "six foot two eyes of blue, Billy Bonds is after you!" A series of former players are introduced by Alvin Martin, including the likes of Brian Dear, Ken Brown, Pat Holland, Alan Taylor and Keith Robson, though it might be stretching it to call Allen McKnight a "West Ham great." Fraser wonders where Joey Beauchamp is. Trevor Brooking makes a short speech and then on comes Billy. 

BILLY BONDS IS AFTER YOU
The big screens show the great man in tears as he is overwhelmed by the display of emotion as the whole ground chants "Oh Billy Billy Billy, Billy Billy Billy Bonds!" Bonzo cuts the ribbon, and walks along the length of the stand pumping his fist. It's all surprisingly moving. Though someone does quip that Billy never used to cry on the pitch in the 1970s. 

Then arrives a very tardy Nigel. He's late as he dropped his lucky 1970s West Ham scarf in the streets of Kew and had to go back to retrieve it from a tree (not that there can be many WHU scarves in Kew). He's missed the appearance of Bonzo and in a triple disaster has also arrived too late to get a programme. Doh!

The renaming ceremony creates a vibrant atmosphere, possibly the best it's been at the London Stadium as the team kick off accompanied by Bubbles and our raised bags creating a giant tribute. The away fans regale Mike Ashley with a friendly chant of, "you fat cockney bastard, get out of our club!"

RICE IS RIGHT
Everyone wants to win it for Billy, and all goes to plan after seven minutes when an excellent inswinging corner from Snodgrass is headed home by Declan Rice, a young player with a hint of Billy Bonds about him. It's two when the Hammers are awarded a penalty after Hernandez controls Anderson's free kick in the box and is then brought down by Lejeune. Mark Noble does well to thump home the penalty after his first run-up is halted by the ref for encroachment. 

Mo Diame comes on for the Toon in the second half, and although they look a well-drilled side they remain defensive and hardly trouble Fabianski. Ogbonna has to make one excellent block and late on Rondon sends a free kick against the post. But the Hammers often threaten on the break with Anderson and Lanzini prominent, while sub Masuaku gets in some decent crosses. Late on sub Arnautovic finds Lanzini, who has an effort tipped away by Dubravka. 

The half is most noticeable for the rhythmic stamping and rousing chorus of "Billy Bonds' Claret and Blue Army!" It's only symbolic, but having a Billy Bonds Stand seems to have reunited the London Stadium. We wonder if he's left 15 minutes after the final whistle with a couple of cans of lager in his hand.

We have witnessed that most unusual of events — a routine West Ham home win. And on 39 points the Irons really are safe. We retreat to the Broadway to find the Refreshment Rooms closed for a private party (perhaps the club have organised a cockney knees-up for all those old stars?). 

So instead we drink at the Secret Weapon (or is it named Loaded?), after a hungry Nicola has first purchased a takeaway falafel from the Best Cafe which we sneak into the pub. Hipsters play board and video games, you can get a seat and it does a decent pint of Neck Oil. It might even be our best drinking option. We wonder how to get pub purists Michael and Nigel to adopt it — it's not the Central, but perhaps if the decor was themed more towards Tom Baker, Marc Almond and Iron Maiden it might help them shift their opinion. 

Meanwhile Matt reminisces about watching second division football in Uzbekistan, though this is trumped by the fact that both Nicola and myself have been to the Lawson Tama stadium in Honiara. We note Matt mentally planning his next mini-break to the Pacific.

It's been a good Saturday night and a fine tribute to a genuine West Ham hero. Billy Bonds might just have sorted it out.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Fredericks 6, Diop 7, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 6 (Masuaku 6); Anderson 7, Lanzini 7, Rice 8, Noble 7 (Obiang 6), Snodgrass 7; Hernandez 7 (Arnautovic 6).

Bonds and Brooking get shirty

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Bonds and Brooking salute West Ham's new star signing from the blogosphere

Went along to the London Stadium Store today to see Sir Trevor Brooking and Billy Bonds at their signing to coincide with the new kit launch. In the queue was Tom from Erith, who recognised me as the author of the book Hammers in the Heart and said hello. We were all given numbered tickets in the queue. One punter asked what we would win, so a steward quipped, "This is West Ham, no one ever wins anything!"

After a long wait we were eventually ushered through to the top table. Trevor was sporting a pair of shades because of an eye infection, but both Bonzo and Brooking looked like they could still do a decent job for the Irons. Bonzo hadn't heard that Manuel Pellegrini had been mugged at gunpoint when I mentioned it, so me and Trev put him straight and Broking quipped that it would be good preparation for managing West Ham. Both men were very affable with the 400 or so fans and posed for myriad photos — including this one with me.