A victory for Billy Bonds' claret and blue army

West Ham 2 Newcastle United 0

At 5.15pm the East Stand is very nearly full for its renaming as the Billy Bonds Stand – and we have a free plastic bag on every seat. Her Indoors (Nicola) makes a rare appearance, along with Fraser, Matt and Lisa, Scott, Alison, returning after a lengthy injury lay-off and Steve the Cornish postie, who has travelled up the Salt Path for the match. 

We worry our players might be injured by some of the giant inflatables reading, "six foot two eyes of blue, Billy Bonds is after you!" A series of former players are introduced by Alvin Martin, including the likes of Brian Dear, Ken Brown, Pat Holland, Alan Taylor and Keith Robson, though it might be stretching it to call Allen McKnight a "West Ham great." Fraser wonders where Joey Beauchamp is. Trevor Brooking makes a short speech and then on comes Billy. 

BILLY BONDS IS AFTER YOU
The big screens show the great man in tears as he is overwhelmed by the display of emotion as the whole ground chants "Oh Billy Billy Billy, Billy Billy Billy Bonds!" Bonzo cuts the ribbon, and walks along the length of the stand pumping his fist. It's all surprisingly moving. Though someone does quip that Billy never used to cry on the pitch in the 1970s. 

Then arrives a very tardy Nigel. He's late as he dropped his lucky 1970s West Ham scarf in the streets of Kew and had to go back to retrieve it from a tree (not that there can be many WHU scarves in Kew). He's missed the appearance of Bonzo and in a triple disaster has also arrived too late to get a programme. Doh!

The renaming ceremony creates a vibrant atmosphere, possibly the best it's been at the London Stadium as the team kick off accompanied by Bubbles and our raised bags creating a giant tribute. The away fans regale Mike Ashley with a friendly chant of, "you fat cockney bastard, get out of our club!"

RICE IS RIGHT
Everyone wants to win it for Billy, and all goes to plan after seven minutes when an excellent inswinging corner from Snodgrass is headed home by Declan Rice, a young player with a hint of Billy Bonds about him. It's two when the Hammers are awarded a penalty after Hernandez controls Anderson's free kick in the box and is then brought down by Lejeune. Mark Noble does well to thump home the penalty after his first run-up is halted by the ref for encroachment. 

Mo Diame comes on for the Toon in the second half, and although they look a well-drilled side they remain defensive and hardly trouble Fabianski. Ogbonna has to make one excellent block and late on Rondon sends a free kick against the post. But the Hammers often threaten on the break with Anderson and Lanzini prominent, while sub Masuaku gets in some decent crosses. Late on sub Arnautovic finds Lanzini, who has an effort tipped away by Dubravka. 

The half is most noticeable for the rhythmic stamping and rousing chorus of "Billy Bonds' Claret and Blue Army!" It's only symbolic, but having a Billy Bonds Stand seems to have reunited the London Stadium. We wonder if he's left 15 minutes after the final whistle with a couple of cans of lager in his hand.

We have witnessed that most unusual of events — a routine West Ham home win. And on 39 points the Irons really are safe. We retreat to the Broadway to find the Refreshment Rooms closed for a private party (perhaps the club have organised a cockney knees-up for all those old stars?). 

So instead we drink at the Secret Weapon (or is it named Loaded?), after a hungry Nicola has first purchased a takeaway falafel from the Best Cafe which we sneak into the pub. Hipsters play board and video games, you can get a seat and it does a decent pint of Neck Oil. It might even be our best drinking option. We wonder how to get pub purists Michael and Nigel to adopt it — it's not the Central, but perhaps if the decor was themed more towards Tom Baker, Marc Almond and Iron Maiden it might help them shift their opinion. 

Meanwhile Matt reminisces about watching second division football in Uzbekistan, though this is trumped by the fact that both Nicola and myself have been to the Lawson Tama stadium in Honiara. We note Matt mentally planning his next mini-break to the Pacific.

It's been a good Saturday night and a fine tribute to a genuine West Ham hero. Billy Bonds might just have sorted it out.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Fredericks 6, Diop 7, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 6 (Masuaku 6); Anderson 7, Lanzini 7, Rice 8, Noble 7 (Obiang 6), Snodgrass 7; Hernandez 7 (Arnautovic 6).