A better weekend for ex-Hammers and loan stars

West Ham might have lost to Palace but the weekend was better for some of our loanees and ex-players. Grady Diangana scored for top-of-the Championship West Brom in the 4-2 victory against Cardiff; Jordan Hugill (remember him?) scored his sixth goal of the season for QPR in their 4-2 win against Blackburn; and "divine ponytail" Andy Carroll came on as a sub for Newcastle against Man United to unsettle the Mancs' defence in the Toon's 1-0 win. 

Farewell Adrian and Andy

As predicted West Ham have released Adrian and Andy Carroll, and a little more surprisingly Samir Nasri. Big Andy always put in a shift when fit and scored some great goals — it's just a shame his body has proved so fallible. I remember seeing Adrian star in a 2-0 win at Cardiff under Sam Allardyce, when he first really started to show his character and become a cult with the fans. That penalty and knee-slide against Everton in the FA Cup was unforgettable too. Adrian was a little hard done by to be dropped for Darren Randolph and then Joe Hart, but in both cases won his place back. Fabianski has proved an upgrade, but Adrian will always get a good reception when he returns to the London Stadium.

Farewell Big Andy

I guess we'll always have the overhead kick and that hat-trick against Arsenal. Andy Carroll is to have ankle surgery and that means he's played his last game for the Hammers. West Ham's treatment room will never be the same again. Got to feel sorry for the big Geordie whose body just doesn't seem up to the demands of top level football anymore. Will anyone take a chance on signing him on a pay-per-game basis? He'd certainly be a very Burnley-esque signing as they also have Peter Crouch, or perhaps whoever Big Sam next manages will take a punt. Could he do a job in the Championship for ten games a season? Knowing West Ham, he'll probably sign for someone else and have a brilliant five-years of injury-free football...

Farewell AC: My top Andy Carroll West Ham goals

It looks like Andy Carroll might have played his last game for West Ham, with Manuel Pellegrini announcing that he is suffering from another ankle injury and his contract ending this season. His injury record has been hugely disappointing, but I've no problem with what he did for West Ham when fully fit. Carroll could have been a great striker if his body had been up to it. Here are my top six AC moments (excluding the pink bedroom he designed with Billi):

THAT OVERHEAD KICK AGAINST PALACE 
With the crowd gripped by the wantaway Payet furore, Andy produced the best goal seen at the London Stadium in early 2017. He produced an acrobatic overhead kick of stunning power that flew into the top corner — and all without getting injured!

A SEVEN-MINUTE HAT-TRICK AGAINST ARSENAL 
Coming from 0-2 down to lead 3-2 against Arsenal was one of Andy's finest moments during WHU's farewell season at the Boleyn. His first was a trademark header, his second a volley to equalise before half-time, celebrated with his 'Angel of the North' outstretched arms routine. Early in the second half he scored another header to complete a seven-minute hat-trick. Just a shame it ended up 3-3.

THE WINNER AGAINST CHELSEA
Carroll scored a classic header at the Boleyn to condemn Jose Mourinho's Chelsea to defeat in the final season at Upton Park in 2015. He rose like the Shard of E13 to head home Cresswell's cross and then did a celebratory slide that left huge ruts in the turf and threatened to demolish the East Stand prematurely.

THAT GOAL AT SWANSEA
Proving that he could play on the ground as well, Carroll beat two Swansea defenders with his nifty footwork and then shot into the top corner during an away match in early 2015. 

A GREAT HEADER AGAINST LIVERPOOL
West Ham celebrated a late Christmas Carroll when Andy scored the second against Jurgen Klopp's men in a 2-0 win in January 2016. Mignolet was left hailing a bus as Andy rose above two defenders to thump home his header. He then did a belly-slide towards the East Stand.

A WEST BROM DOUBLE
Carroll scored the goals that arguably kept West Ham up last season. His first was a classic header outleaping the Albion defence. His second came in the dying seconds when he slid home from an acute angle to spark late celebrations. All of this while later learning that he had fractured his ankle.

A Christmas Carroll?

Managed to blag a neutral ticket for the Fulham game today, so preparing to drink white wine once my butler has ordered it. Feeling the biting cold outside you wonder if it might be wise to start with Andy Carroll, as Perez is still doubtful. Playing in a suspect defence on a freezing evening you wouldn't fancy a big Geordie lump like Andy coming at you. Carroll won the Anderson free kick from which Hernandez scored last week and presented the Palace defence with a new problem. Their preoccupation with Andy also gave Anderson and Hernandez more space. Expect we'll see something of him today whatever formation Pellegrini opts for. Come on you Irons!

Oh Carroll!

Well, it wouldn't be a proper pre-season without news of another long-term injury for Andy Carroll — and now Winston Reid is out too. Both have failed to fully recover from last season's injuries and require further surgery, ruling both Andy and Winston out for three months. You've got to feel for Carroll, his body just doesn't seem up to the demands of top level football anymore. While Winston is now 30 and you wonder if he's also in decline, though as a defender he should have a good few years left. It's a cruel game for both of them. So that's one pre-season game played and already Lanzini, Carroll and Reid are crocked. At lest we're getting our injury crisis in early. Nurse, the screens.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Football gets more and more like nursery school. The Evening Standard reports that after a day on the naughty step Andy Carroll has apologised to David Moyes and the rest of the squad and returned to training. Let's hope the matter is over with and that Carroll now has a point to prove. It would be unlike Moyes to play two strikers and Carroll is not fully match fit, but the prospect of Carroll and Arnautovic up front together would certainly worry most defences, even if it's just for the final 20 minutes.

Arguing among ourselves

Things are continuing to implode at West Ham. The Evening Standard reports that Andy Carroll left the bench for the dressing room when he wasn't used as a sub against Man City. While the Daily Telegraph claims that Carroll snd Moyes had a row at the training ground yesterday with the striker being sent home. Carroll wouldn't have made any difference at 4-1 down, so it's hard to see what his beef is beyond a bruised ego. 

Meanwhile Chicharito looked completely uninterested when he came on, which is another problem as he obviously doesn't want to play for Moyes. While Moyes seems intent on picking a fight with Manuel Lanzin, West Ham's most creative player, having subbed him for losing the ball before City's fourth goal. 

Moyes at least sounded fairly keen on keeping Lanzini onside when he told the Standard: “The players here have got to understand, we play players to keep the ball, to defend. Manu had a great chance to keep the ball for us and we end up losing the fourth goal for it. But hey, no problem – it happens.” Yes, we want to retain possession, but there's always a risk with creative players and by the time the fourth goal went in the game was lost.

Moyes was right to clamp down on discipline when he arrived but is now the right time to play the hard man? Carroll is a player who could make the difference in the last half an hour of our remaining three games.

Meanwhile, with Carroll annoyed and Chicharito dreaming of a move should West Ham perhaps do the unthinkable and play Hugill alongside Arnautovic? He might not have a great touch, but he'll run all day and put himself about. What we need more than ever is a team who will battle for the shirt.

Super sub Carroll saves Hammers

West Ham 1 Stoke City 1

This could be a bad omen. Nigel has two programmes, as I’ve bought him one after a missed call and he’s also got his own. It’s all about fine margins in programme buying.

It’s a timid team selection from David Moyes with Hernandez on the bench and a five-man midfield as Fraser and Matt suggest he’s picked a team not to lose.

The first half is a poor affair of misplaced passes and nervous players, which slowly subdues the crowd. West Ham’s best chance is when Zabaleta pulls back for Arnie to fire into the face of Butland. Cresswell tests Butland with a free kick and on a rare Stoke attack Diouf fires straight at Hart. Arthur’s crossing isn’t getting beyond Stoke’s three giant centre backs, though Arnie does pull a chance wide after good a link-up with Mario.

At half-time we’re reduced to discussing Nigel’s quiz question of naming two Beatles songs that don’t have the lyrics in the title. We get A Day in the Life, at least. Nigel then goes vaudeville with his quip about conjunctivitis.com, which is a site for short eyes.

ACHY BREAKY HART

The second half sees more West Ham pressure. Creswell has another free kick well-saved. Arnie heads home from a Cresswell cross but is marginally offside. Fernandes shoots home from the edge of the box but Arnautovic has dawdled getting onside and it’s ruled out. 

Declan Rice looks assured at the back and has some effect helping out in attack. But Stoke continually foul in midfield while ref Michael Oliver seems remarkably reluctant to issue yellow cards. The count of 36 fouls in the game is the joint highest in the Premier League this season.

Moyes is as usual glacial in making substitutions, but finally brings on Hernandez with 14 minutes left. There’s been a warning as Stoke break for Diouf shoot over. It all goes terribly wrong on 79 minutes as Hart spills Shaqiri’s tame shot straight into the path of veteran striker Peter Crouch who gratefully prods home. It’s a terrible bit of keeping.  In the last four games Hart has made errors against Burnley and Stoke, while having a great game at Chelsea and being untested against Southampton. Adrian should surely return for the rest of the season.

OH CARROLL

The crowd stick with the Irons and the side do keep relatively calm and carry on attacking. The Vicar’s Son starts to mutter about a “s**t team, s**t manager and s**t stadium.” Stoke seem destined to secure a scrappy away win and put us right back in it. In desperation Moyes brings on Carroll and Lanzini. It all looks over until Cresswell crosses and Andy Carroll expertly volleys the dropping ball into the corner. Great technique as the London Stadium erupts with relief. There’s even time for a disallowed goal as Hernandez nets only for Carroll to be penalised for handball. But a draw keeps us seven points ahead of Stoke and Southampton.

It’s off to the Refreshment Rooms, where there’s some Moyes-style dithering over who is in the round. Michael gets excited by the Bundesliga manager extolling “the high art of rotation” before going into a Withnail-esque diatribe against the Refreshment Rooms and Stratford in general. Nigel reminisces about legendary WHU reserve keeper Colin Mackleworth. We’re then joined by Gavin and Ilona. Gavin had expected us to win 4-0 but has been cheered by someone giving him a half and half scarf for tonight’s game and a fitting souvenir of a feast of defensive football.

It’s disappointing not to win, but also not the disaster it could have been. While the resurrection of Andy Carroll hopefully gives us another option for the rest of the season.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hart 4; Zabaleta 6, Rice 7, Ogbonna 6, Cresswell 7, Masuaku 5 (Lanzini 6); Fernandes 5 (Hernandez 6), Noble 6, Kouyate 5, Mario 5 (Carroll 7); Arnautovic 6.

Irons need creative midfielder as injury crisis hits

More bad news on the injury front. Andy Carroll is out for three months following an operation on his fractured ankle, while it's reported that Manuel Lanzini could miss four to six weeks with his hamstring injury and Arnautovic is out for three weeks with a hamstring problem. We're down to Hernandez up front, while West Ham urgently need a replacement for Lanzini, as there's no-one at the club who can play the number ten role. Not replacing Payet, sold a year ago, has made the situation even worse. 

One solution might be David Moyes' pursuit of Lyon midfielder Clement Grenier, who is not a prolific scorer but can play the creator role. Though knowing West Ham we might sign Paul Clement the former Swansea manager by mistake. Lanzini's injury could be a chance for Ayew to play behind the main striker, but he's always looked more of a winger or striker than a midfielder (and without an injury crisis he would surely have gone back to Swansea after a reported £14m bid). 

The rest of the squad is over-stocked with defensive midfielders, though Kouyate did play better in a more advanced role on Saturday and Antonio would be a boost if he was ever fit, though again his injury sounds serious. Another four wins are needed for survival and action needs to be taken in the transfer window now.

Oh Carroll

So Andy Carroll is injury prone. Who knew? Andy's ankle has intervened in the strange tug-of-love with Chelsea. He's going to be out for at least five weeks with his latest ankle injury, after a scan revealed a hairline fracture, and that should be enough to kill any deal with Chelsea. In fact now the Blues are considering Peter Crouch… Meanwhile it would be interesting to know when Carroll did his ankle in. Was it due to coming on against Spurs or something from earlier games?

But thinking about Andy has made me realise that although he hardly ever plays he has given us a lot of memorable moments. That overhead kick against Palace, his hat-trick against Arsenal, towering headers against Chelsea and Liverpool in the final season at the Boleyn, a great dribble and shot into the top corner away to Swansea, his late winner against West Brom. Andy's not played enough of course, but it's still quite pleasing he's likely to stay and restore full employment to our medical team. 

We don't want to sell to Chelsea

One of the more outlandish transfer rumours seems to have some currency, with the Evening Standard reporting that West Ham will block any move by Chelsea to bring in Andy Carroll on loan. It does make some kind of sense from Chelsea's viewpoint. Carroll would be an impact sub and play when Morata needed resting, and might benefit from Alonso's crosses. But as his goals against West Brom proved, we need Andy at West Ham for the rest of the season, particularly as Antonio is injured and Sakho and Hernandez might leave. 

If Chelsea were to offer a large fee for a permanent move it might be tempting to sell such an injury-prone player, but that's unlikely to happen with his contract running out in 18 months. The only way a loan might happen would be if Chelsea were to loan Michy Batshuayi to West Ham in return, which could be interesting as he was a Hammers target in the summer of 2016. 

From Andy's viewpoint he will get more game time at West Ham, though of course he might pick up a medal or two from the bench at Chelsea. But when fit, I've always liked Andy, and we don't want to see his man-bun depart just yet. And there's another risk; as one person quipped, if Andy's head has been turned by Chelsea then he might get a neck injury.

In defence of Andy Carroll

I'm not sure the away fans at Watford should have had a go at Andy Carroll, with chants of "Andy Carroll we left 'cos you'e shit!" and "You'e not fit to wear the shirt!" (though this was more against the team as a whole). Big Andy has wound up some fans after the Liverpool match by suggesting that the empty seats at the end of games don't help the players. It's never wise to pick a fight with your own fans, and yes, you can understand why fans left at 4-1 down against Liverpool, but generally he has a point. Banks of white seats add to the air of pessimism and personally I stay to the end of the match whatever happens. 

The other point is that unlike some players, when Carroll plays he always puts in a shift. If anything he tries too hard and gets booked and sent off for silly offences because he's too hyped up, as at Burnley, when he did deserve criticism. He had no need to lead with his elbow in the first minute at Watford either and he needs to calm down. 

His injury record hasn't been helped by his tendency to throw himself at everything in the box, but he's certainly up for it. At Watford Carroll was completely isolated up front and up against three big centre backs in Mariappa, Britos and Kabasale, but always kept battling for scraps. It's easy to come out with statements that might sound bad after a game, but what he said was only words and fans can be over-sensitive. Carroll is an easy target because he's injury-prone and married to a Towie star, but he tries and on his day he can also be unplayable. We're going to need him if we're to get out of trouble.

Hungry like the Wolf

Congratulations to Andy Carroll and Billi Mucklow on the birth of their second child, who has been given the entirely sensible name of Wolf Nine Carroll. Is the lad's first name a tribute to Wolfie from Citizen Smith? Or a hint that he might go on to play for Wolves? His second name of Nine is thought to be a nod to the Beckhams, who named their daughter Harper Seven after David's shirt number. Which is all very well as a principle, but it does mean that if Declan Rice has a child he'll have to give it a middle name of Forty One.

It's not all Andy's fault

Andy Carroll has come in for some rather unfair criticism since the Spurs game. Yes, he played a bad pass for the first goal, when he was still getting used to the game having come on as a sub, but an error on the half-way line shouldn't necessarily result in a goal. The defence was equally to blame, with Cresswell and Ogbonna (who probably needs a few more games to regain full sharpness after his long-term injury) failing to track Alli and Kane. 

For the second goal it wasn't exactly a Carroll "mistake" as the BBC feed called it. He lost a 50/50 challenge with Vertonghen near the halfway line, but again it shouldn't have resulted in a goal as Alli and Kane again lost Zabaleta and the there centre backs In the second half Carroll caused Spurs some problems, drawing a lot of fouls, one of which resulted in a red card for Aurier, and winning quite a few headers against three very effective centre backs. He could have had a penalty in the dying minutes too. 

What we really need to do is find a way of getting Carroll and Hernandez further up the pitch where can they can do some damage at the other end.

One for Walker's World…

Where's Jimmy Walker when you need him? If our former keeper was still writing Walker's World he might have enjoyed some of the dodgy gear worn during the premiere of Iron Men at the Genesis Cinema. In particular Jimmy might have thought that Andy Carroll was 'having himself' with his pink Chelsea boots and ripped jeans. Robert Snodgrass (pre-babyseat-gate) and Aaron Cresswell are certainly having a laugh at Andy's footwear in the pictures. While James Collins with his flat cap, grey jumper and bushy beard looks rather like a brilliant but temperamental modern artist. Over to you Jimmy.

Andy's Whiplash and other bizarre WHU injuries

So Andy Carroll might be "slightly doubtful" for the trip to Middlesbrough having sustained whiplash scoring his epic goal against Palace. In terms of bizarre West Ham injuries it's up there with Enner Valencia injuring himself stepping on a broken tea cup a couple of seasons ago and getting crocked by crockery. Other strange WHU injuries have included: Steve Lomas injuring himself walking round Disneyland; Billy Bonds tripping over his slippers, and falling downstairs injuring his toe; Hayden Foxe injuring his finger by catching it in a bib and Christian Dailly going down with pleurisy. Not to mention Devonshire Flu and Trevor Morley's knife wound…

Super Andy Carroll

A really impressive performance from Andy Carroll against Liverpool. it wasn't just his goal; he looked more mobile than he has for a long time, terrorising the Liverpool defence and also doing some great defensive work at corners.

Though as several papers have reported, there was a post-match warning from Slaven Bilic to keep working hard: “He looks really good and fit and it’s all about him now. Is he going to maintain and progress and look after himself, or is he going to go the other way? He has history in that and I’m not his dad, I can’t demand things from him. But I’m expecting that to be fair.”

The Guardian also notes that Sam Allardyce said in his autobiography of Carroll: "He treats life too casually. He also gets himself into situations off the pitch which a manager can do without – and so can he.”

There's a hint of Frank McAvennie about Carroll. I like the fact that he plays football with a smile like the working-class players of old and dates Towie babes and seems to have a new bairn every other month (that's two now with Billi). We can't all be boring James Milner. But clearly at 26 such an injury-prone player also has to work really hard from now on in. If he continues to play like he did on Saturday he can be unstoppable and he might finally develop into the complete striker that we've been looking for.

Oh Carroll!

Never thought this would happen, but West Ham have got Andy Carroll on a season's loan from Liverpool. He wasn't exactly keen to join us initially, but Brendan Rodgers has been very clear he isn't going to play. I've always rated Carroll on what he did at Newcastle and he appeared to be coming back to form at Liverpool towards the end of the season. It's often forgotten that his left foot is pretty useful as well as his head and we have to hope the team don't just lump balls forward because they have a big man. But with Jarvis bought to ping in crosses this makes sense and 80k a week is worth it to ensure Premier League survival. Carroll is also going to be angry enough to want to prove Brendan Rodgers wrong. We've got a £35 million striker for a season and there's no obligation to buy at the end of the loan, so this seems a pretty good deal. This may mean Cole or Maynard goes before the window closes, but as long as his refuelling habits survive East London, this looks a fine piece of business.