Pantomime season starts early as Arsenal score five

West Ham 2 Arsenal 5

Before the match there's a trip to the Colour Factory at Hackney Wick with DC and Danny to see Liam Brady interviewed by Martin Allen at a West Ham Way event. 

Brady reminisces about how he liked working with John Lyall, but not the running sessions of Lou Macari, the time Jack Charlton called him Ian Brady, how Stuart Slater was too shy for the goldfish bowl of Celtic when Liam managed there and the time Julian Dicks ripped up the senior pros' pack of cards on the team coach. Mad Dog Martin Allen makes a good compere, questioning like he played with a lot of no-nonsense expletives and then auctioning a signed Trevor Brooking shirt for £250. It's also good to meet Ulf from the Swedish Hammers podcast who ends up with the Brooking shirt, while DC comes away with a folder full of signed Brady pictures.

In the London Stadium Michael is attending his second pantomime of the day having already seen Pinocchio at the Theatre Royal Stratford, while Matt and Lisa have been to the dump with a carpet and are looking forward to seeing another load of old rubbish. Nigel makes up our number.

The early pattern sees Arsenal dominate through Odegaard and Saka with West Ham penned back. We don't want to be giving them corners. But on ten minutes Gabriel loses the blocked-off Antonio, Kilman isn't alert enough and Gabriel heads home a soft set-piece goal. It should have been disallowed for a push on Paqueta, but even so it's very poor defending and surely Antonio shouldn't be on Gabriel.

Summerville nets with a nice lob over the keeper but is correctly ruled offside. The second Arsenal goal arrives when Odegaard flicks a great pass through to Saka. Neither full-back has gone with their man and Saka crosses for Trossard to tap home. Number three comes when Paqueta dangles a leg and Saka goes over it very easily. Odegaard dispatches the penalty. 

He's behind you! After 35 minutes Paqueta loses possession, Trossard plays a long ball over the defence, Kilman slices horribly and misses the ball, leaving Havertz to run through and calmly slot home. 

Just as we're anticipating another 6-0 defeat West Ham come to life. Soler plays a great through ball and Wan-Bissaka has space to poke home. After not scoring in four years that's two in two for Aaron. Two minutes later the Irons win a free kick on the edge of the box and Emerson scores with a beauty. 

KICKED UP THE ARSENAL

Can we pull off a famous comeback? Erm, no. In added time Arsenal win another corner. Fabianski punches it clear but has also caught Gabriel with his fist. Goalkeepers often get the benefit of the doubt on those, but ref Anthony Taylor points to the spot and Saka scores.

The second half sees a punch-drunk home crowd deciding that things can't get any worse and resorting to some proper supporting, singing "West Ham are Massive!" and "We are West Ham's Claret and Blue Army!" Antonio drags a shot narrowly wide as Arsenal ease off, while sub Alvarez improves things a bit in midfield. When sub Danny Ings drags a shot across goal from the sort of chance he used to bury it's too much for Matt who resorts to some ungodly invective, as Lisa quietly books a trip to a wellness clinic in San Sebastian. 

Mercifully it ends at 5-2 and bizarrely we've scored the best goals of the game.Though as Nigel points out in five halves out of six we haven't conceded and we drew the second half. A job doing West Ham's PR awaits.

At the Eagle Nigel is in iconoclastic mood, first declaring that Ever Fallen In Love by the Buzzcocks is a disappointing record, much to the horror of Matt and myself, and then that Psycho Killer by Talking Heads is a pretentious song and David Byrne can't sing. Which leads us to Bob Dylan, who couldn't sing either, but didn't do badly. 

Matt and Nigel then become animated about the fact that at Chester FC a corner could be taken in England into a penalty box that is in Wales. Michael says that he's missed ex-Pistol Glen Matlock to come to the game tonight and perhaps wishes he had never minded the bollocks at the London Stadium. 

Sky's advert for a documentary on darts called Game of Throws has us wondering if today's match was was a Game of Moans or a Game of Groans. All of which is better than watching Jamie Redknapp and Theo Walcott dissecting our defensive errors on Sky.

This has certainly deflated all the optimism of Monday night and we can't carry on defending like this. As Matt points out, Lopetegui built his reputation on defending but can't organise our back line. The next few games in December will decide if Loppy stays, but Steidten also has questions to answer. Arsenal played like Champions elect but we should at least be making them score good goals and giving them a game. Leicester away on Tuesday needs to see a big improvement.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 5; Wan-Bissaka 7, Kilman 4, Todibo 5, Emerson 7 (Coufal 6); Soler 6 (Irving), Paqueta 4 (Rodriguez), Soucek 4; Summerville 5 (Alvarez 6), Bowen 6, Antonio 5 (Ings 4).