VAR mayhem robs West Ham of point

West Ham 0 Arsenal 1

Pre-match it's a pint of IPA in Hackney Wick's Crate with daughter Lola and her boyfriend Michael, hoping to reduce the tension. In the stadium, we find a clean-shaven Big Sam up from Wales, Nigel and his lucky Stranglers bag, super sub Lisa and Matt wearing his tee-shirt from the last game at the Boleyn, ten years ago to the day. Michael the thespian is away, possibly giving Keir Starmer lessons in vision and dramatic delivery.

Nuno opts for five at the back bringing in Todibo for Pablo. The atmosphere is fervent and tense, though Arsenal dominate the first 25 minutes. The Greek Bloke blocks Calafiori, then from a Declan Rice corner Hermansen has to save brilliantly from Trossard, who hits the outside of the post from the rebound. Next up Rice whips in a free-kick and Mavropanos has to make another great block close to the line. Arsenal seem to get most of the decisions and earn some revived chants of "Same old Arsenal, always cheating!"

It takes a crunching tackle from Summerville to get the crowd going. Ben White is injured in the 50-50 and has to go off, with Rice temporarily shifted to become an unlikely right-back. West Ham start to threaten at the end of the half. Bowen almost plays in Diouf and Summerville finally gets a run at the Arsenal defence before shooting wide. The best chance comes when Wan-Bissaka storms down the right and plays in a cross and Taty Castellanos' diving header is parried by Raya.

We're happy to be 0-0 at half-time, hoping that Arsenal will get increasingly nervous. The Irons start the second half with more confidence. Taty has a shot blacked and Bowen can't connect properly with the second effort. Pablo comes on for Castellanos and puts himself about a bit. Diouf gets in a fine cross that Pablo almost reaches — though it's clearly deflected off a defender for a corner the ref gives a goal kick. After good work by Saka Gyokores heads over. This could go either way.

At 0-0 comes a turning point. Mateus Fernandes plays a neat give and go with Pablo and is through on goal, but he takes one touch too many and Raya makes a great save with his outstretched foot.

Almost inevitably it's 1-0 to the Arsenal seven minutes from time. Impressive sub Odegaard exchanges passes with Rice before picking out Trossard, whose shot is deflected in off Soucek. Some Arsenal fans in the Billy Bonds Stand cheer the goal, 1980s-style aggro erupts and there are ugly scenes as one of them is kicked down the steps with the stewards slow to react. 

ALWAYS CRASHING IN THE SAME VAR 

Callum Wilson is on for Disasi as the game moves into added time. After a knock-down from the Greek Bloke Wilson's shot is deflected wide for a corner. "Come on you Irons!" plead the crowd. Mads Hermansen comes up for it. Bowen's corner comes over and there's an almighty scramble in the box. Raya fumbles his catch the ball drops loose and is cleared, but then thumped over the line by Wilson before Rice can boot it out from the back of the net. The London Stadium erupts and Arsenal's title dream is now in the balance. 

Only after the angry Gunners surround the ref it's a sodding VAR check on Pablo's arm as Arteta leaps around the touchline crying wolf about blocking goalkeepers. There's a five minute stoppage before ref Chris Kavanagh is called to the monitor. He watches the incident 17 times before disallowing the goal, which hardly suggests it's a clear and obvious decision. After review, VAR favours the title challengers.

The replay reveals that Pablo's arm is across Raya's neck, though he's arguably using it for leverage, and is also being pushed into the keeper by Trossard. It's the sort of challenge on keepers that Arsenal have been getting away with several times this season. To make it worse there are numerous fouls on West Ham players as the ball comes in and before Pablo's challenge. Rice drags the Greek Bloke into the back of the net, Soucek is bundled to the floor, Todibo is being wrestled by Odegaard and Trossard is holding and pushing Pablo. Mick McManus and Giant Haystacks are probably in there as well. If you give one foul in the box you surely have to give them all and award West Ham a penalty or more accurately four penalties. Infamy, infamy.

So that's it. Arsenal are going to win the league and relegation looks likely for West Ham. We've payed well and with spirit. A point would have given WHU a real boost for the next two games. I apologise to Lola for introducing her to West Ham, though perhaps heartache is good for the soul.

We resignedly head to the Eagle for Guinness and Tayto crisps. Nigel is at least cheered by Rochdale beating Boreham Wood (Matt has an interesting fact about them) and has a good trivia quiz question about John Moncur's son George. Not to mention some recent meeting Ian Gillan stories. All better than thinking about Lincoln away. We've now got to hope it goes Spursy yet again, and win our final two matches. It's not looking good but we gave Arsenal a game and deserved a point. COYI!

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 7; Wan-Bissaka 7, Mavropanos 8, Disasi 7 (Wilson 7), Todibo 7, Diouf 7; Soucek 7, Fernandes 7; Bowen 7, Castellanos 7 (Pablo 6), Summerville 7. 

Pantomime season starts early as Arsenal score five

West Ham 2 Arsenal 5

Before the match there's a trip to the Colour Factory at Hackney Wick with DC and Danny to see Liam Brady interviewed by Martin Allen at a West Ham Way event. 

Brady reminisces about how he liked working with John Lyall, but not the running sessions of Lou Macari, the time Jack Charlton called him Ian Brady, how Stuart Slater was too shy for the goldfish bowl of Celtic when Liam managed there and the time Julian Dicks ripped up the senior pros' pack of cards on the team coach. Mad Dog Martin Allen makes a good compere, questioning like he played with a lot of no-nonsense expletives and then auctioning a signed Trevor Brooking shirt for £250. It's also good to meet Ulf from the Swedish Hammers podcast who ends up with the Brooking shirt, while DC comes away with a folder full of signed Brady pictures.

In the London Stadium Michael is attending his second pantomime of the day having already seen Pinocchio at the Theatre Royal Stratford, while Matt and Lisa have been to the dump with a carpet and are looking forward to seeing another load of old rubbish. Nigel makes up our number.

The early pattern sees Arsenal dominate through Odegaard and Saka with West Ham penned back. We don't want to be giving them corners. But on ten minutes Gabriel loses the blocked-off Antonio, Kilman isn't alert enough and Gabriel heads home a soft set-piece goal. It should have been disallowed for a push on Paqueta, but even so it's very poor defending and surely Antonio shouldn't be on Gabriel.

Summerville nets with a nice lob over the keeper but is correctly ruled offside. The second Arsenal goal arrives when Odegaard flicks a great pass through to Saka. Neither full-back has gone with their man and Saka crosses for Trossard to tap home. Number three comes when Paqueta dangles a leg and Saka goes over it very easily. Odegaard dispatches the penalty. 

He's behind you! After 35 minutes Paqueta loses possession, Trossard plays a long ball over the defence, Kilman slices horribly and misses the ball, leaving Havertz to run through and calmly slot home. 

Just as we're anticipating another 6-0 defeat West Ham come to life. Soler plays a great through ball and Wan-Bissaka has space to poke home. After not scoring in four years that's two in two for Aaron. Two minutes later the Irons win a free kick on the edge of the box and Emerson scores with a beauty. 

KICKED UP THE ARSENAL

Can we pull off a famous comeback? Erm, no. In added time Arsenal win another corner. Fabianski punches it clear but has also caught Gabriel with his fist. Goalkeepers often get the benefit of the doubt on those, but ref Anthony Taylor points to the spot and Saka scores.

The second half sees a punch-drunk home crowd deciding that things can't get any worse and resorting to some proper supporting, singing "West Ham are Massive!" and "We are West Ham's Claret and Blue Army!" Antonio drags a shot narrowly wide as Arsenal ease off, while sub Alvarez improves things a bit in midfield. When sub Danny Ings drags a shot across goal from the sort of chance he used to bury it's too much for Matt who resorts to some ungodly invective, as Lisa quietly books a trip to a wellness clinic in San Sebastian. 

Mercifully it ends at 5-2 and bizarrely we've scored the best goals of the game.Though as Nigel points out in five halves out of six we haven't conceded and we drew the second half. A job doing West Ham's PR awaits.

At the Eagle Nigel is in iconoclastic mood, first declaring that Ever Fallen In Love by the Buzzcocks is a disappointing record, much to the horror of Matt and myself, and then that Psycho Killer by Talking Heads is a pretentious song and David Byrne can't sing. Which leads us to Bob Dylan, who couldn't sing either, but didn't do badly. 

Matt and Nigel then become animated about the fact that at Chester FC a corner could be taken in England into a penalty box that is in Wales. Michael says that he's missed ex-Pistol Glen Matlock to come to the game tonight and perhaps wishes he had never minded the bollocks at the London Stadium. 

Sky's advert for a documentary on darts called Game of Throws has us wondering if today's match was was a Game of Moans or a Game of Groans. All of which is better than watching Jamie Redknapp and Theo Walcott dissecting our defensive errors on Sky.

This has certainly deflated all the optimism of Monday night and we can't carry on defending like this. As Matt points out, Lopetegui built his reputation on defending but can't organise our back line. The next few games in December will decide if Loppy stays, but Steidten also has questions to answer. Arsenal played like Champions elect but we should at least be making them score good goals and giving them a game. Leicester away on Tuesday needs to see a big improvement.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 5; Wan-Bissaka 7, Kilman 4, Todibo 5, Emerson 7 (Coufal 6); Soler 6 (Irving), Paqueta 4 (Rodriguez), Soucek 4; Summerville 5 (Alvarez 6), Bowen 6, Antonio 5 (Ings 4). 

Six-nil! Six bloody nil!

West Ham 0 Arsenal 6

Move along. Nothing to see here. Just a routine joint record home defeat. The Overground and Elizabeth lines being down suggests it's going to be a bad day. Matt has left his bag at the Best Meze cafe but unfortunately manages to retrieve it and make the kick-off. 

We're joined by Lisa and Michael plus a ticket exchange punter replacing Nigel, who is returning from a scouting mission in Cuba checking out Havana Clue FC, according to Matt.

West Ham keep it goalless for 32 minutes, though Areola makes a brilliant save to keep out Trossard's volley. Ben Johnson is playing alongside Emerson on the left but neither player is getting really close to the flying Arsenal winger. 

Declan Rice swings over a corner and Saliba outmuscles Alvarez and Emerson at the back post to head in. Nine minutes later a simple ball over the top sees Saka free and Areola brings him down for a penalty. Saka looks offside, but VAR deems him onside and he duly scores, 

The West Ham defence appears to be having Joe Biden-style memory lapses. Next Rice's free kick sees  Ben Johnson drift back and play a line of attackers onside. West Ham's line is too deep, Areola is stuck on his line, and Gabriel heads home. In the second minute of added time Arsenal ping some passes around and Trossard in front of a minimal challenge from Zouma, curls home a great shot into the top corner.

Four-nil down at the break and thousands of West Ham fans leave. "There's nobody here!" chant the gleeful Arsenal fans. The lack of fight and leadership has been deeply worrying. While we're not getting anything forward to the isolated  Bowen and Kudus.

Zouma is hooked at the break, which suggests he has been playing while not fully fit, while Phillips comes in for Alvarez and at least gets 45 minutes of football to aid his match fitness. 

Mavropanos improves things slightly at the back though Areola is soon saving from Saka. The home fans who haven't flounced out sing some defiant choruses of "We are West Ham's claret and blue army!".

Saka then cuts inside Emerson and Areola far too easily and fires home the fifth. On 65 minutes Declan Rice fires home a long range screamer. At least he doesn't celebrate and then gets applause from the home fans after he's subbed. 

HOME ALONE

Thankfully the Gunners ease up and it stays at six. Kudus even has a shot saved by Raya's legs. Arsenal have played like prospective champions and West Ham have been terrible. For the Hammers it's the sort of bad day at the office where the photo-copier catches on fire, you get made redundant, the Inland Revenue presents a huge tax demand and there's a heavily-armed ex-employee with a grudge at reception.

Declan Rice comes over to applaud the diehard West Ham fans at the end and gets a good reception. We trudge like shell-shocked WW1 veterans to the Eagle. Nigel is soon to be home re-enacting Michael Palin's Ripping Yarns' "Eight bloody one!" sketch. At least he's been paid £61 not to go to the game, which is the best result of the day. 

Matt suggests we've moved from a low block to a no block. He's on the whisky, though it's tempting to ask for absinthe. Michael muses on his Tainted Love for West Ham over a pint of Guinness. Our collective line is that we have won the series of three games against Arsenal and this was a dead rubber.

Hard to believe the same side beat Arsenal six weeks ago. The sales of Fornals and Benrahma look even stranger with the squad so stretched. It's been a good season up to January, but now is the time to show some character. We need a massive reaction at Nottingham Forest. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6: Coufal 5, Zouma 3 (Mavropanos 5), Aguerd 4, Emerson 3 (Cresswell 4); Johnson 3, Soucek 3, Alvarez 3 (Phillips 4), Ward-Prowse 3; Bowen 4, Kudus 4.

Bowen earns battling point against Gunners

West Ham 2 Arsenal 2

Arriving at Hackney Wick having bagged my 214th Wainwright fell there's a feeling we might upset Arsenal today. Matty Etherington is on the pitch pre-match (no, he didn't bet on the Grand National) and I'm joined by Matt, Lisa, Nigel, Fraser and Michael at a spring-like London Stadium.

But it all seems to be going wrong after ten minutes as another Newcastle-style thrashing beckons. First White gets behind the home defence to cross for Jesus to tap home. Match of the Day 2 fingers Benrahma for not tracking back but Cresswell, Kehrer and Coufal are also caught off-guard. It's two when Martinelli plays in a teasing cross for the unmarked Odegaard to drift in and stroke home.

The Arsenal fans get decidedly cocky, singing "You're going down!" and "Are you Tottenham in disguise?" but they don't realise West Ham have a new continental midfielder called Schadenfreude. 

Arsenal ease off and something happens as West Ham remember to compete. The Gunners' defenders don't like it when Antonio runs at them. On 33 minutes WHU are back in it. Rice dispossesses a dawdling Partey and feeds Paqueta. Lucas feels contact from Gabriel and goes down in the box to win a penalty. Benrahma sends Ramsdale the wrong way from the spot.

The crowd is ignited again as Benrahma makes a storming run from his own half to win a free kick. Antonio heads the resulting cross into the ground and Ramsey has to tip the bouncing ball over. Jesus starts to lose his cool and gets petulant. The Irons play a lot better and Arsenal start to look worried. At half-time we ban Nigel from eating his lucky banana as it's all to play for at 1-2 down.

The Irons win a couple of early corners but then the game seems over as Antonio turns his back on the ball in his own box and the ball strikes his hand. Penalty to the Arsenal. Saka takes a short run-up and strikes the ball somewhere towards the River Lea, to much derision from the Hammers' fans.

YOU'RE NOT SINGING ANYMORE!

That inspires both the crowd and Hammers' players. Kehrer lofts a ball back into the Arsenal box and there is Jarrod Bowen to expertly volley down into the ground and up over a flailing Ramsdale as the stadium erupts. The Gunners fans are not singing anymore.

It's turned into a really good game that could go either way. Coufal has a fine match and makes one great tackle on Martinelli, while Paqueta is busy and effective in midfield and Antonio and Bowen are causing all sorts of problems running at the Arsenal back-line. 

Arsenal go close when Jesus just fails to connect with a cross and Bowen does really well to head away a dangerous Saka cross from on the line. Saka can only shoot straight at Fabianski when released after a poor Paqueta pass. Benrahma shows fine determination to outmuscle Holding and get in a swinging cross that Antonio heads against the angle of post and bar. So nearly a famous comeback from 2-0 down.

We have five minutes of nervous added time to get through as "Come on you Irons!" booms around the stadium, but ultimately it's a great bonus point that gives Man City the upper hand in the title race, at least until we win at the Etihad. 

We head off to the Eagle in jovial mood as we watch Forest lose and Nigel tells us about his forthcoming Zombies gig and how Colin Blunstone quit music for a couple of years to become an accountant. Matt receives preferential treatment as he is presented with an East London Pale Ale from the mysterious contents of the Eagle's fridge while Michael chats with a heavy-metal fan of his work at the bar and Fraser celebrates the survival of Moyes again with an alcohol-free Guinness.

A satisfying day all round and another win or so should see West Ham survive with the bottom five seeming to be in real trouble. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 8, Zouma 7, Kehrer 6, Cresswell 6; Rice 7, Soucek 6, Benrahma 7 (Fornals n/a), Paqueta 8 (Downes n/a); Antonio 8 (Cornet n/a), Bowen 8.

Hammers let three-goal lead slip in thrilling derby

West Ham 3 Arsenal 3

Quite an afternoon at the London Stadium. Moyes has picked a much more attacking line-up with Benrahma and Lingard recalled and the first 30 minutes is thrilling. It's the perfect start after 15 minutes. With Arsenal off the pace. Antonio races down the left to pull back for Lingard on the edge of the box. Jesse controls with one deft touch and then fires a sumptuous half-volley into the top corner. A great goal from a player now exuding confidence. 

Two minutes later a quick free kick from Lingard finds the Arsenal defence sleeping and Bowen fires home through Leno. Unbelievably it's three after 32 minutes as Coufal crosses and Antonio rises above the Arsenal defence to head for goal. It takes a nick off Soucek and after a strange non-celebration as the players wait for VAR to adjudicate it emerges that Soucek is onside and we're three goals up. Daughter Lola and myself can't believe the TV screen.

NO DOUBTING TOMAS

Where the game turns is Arsenal pulling a goal back before half-time. Lacazette turns well to shoot but his shot is going wide until it takes a deflection off Soucek's block. There are further warnings as Fabianski saves well from Saka and then the Arsenal man has a shot deflected just wide. But we'll take 3-1 at the break.

Ominously Arsenal almost score at the start of the second half as Diop has to make an acrobatic clearance off the line from Lacazette. Soon it's 3-2. With Bowen claiming a free-kick, Match of the Day 2 highlights the fact that Benrahma doesn't track Chambers' run and the right-back crosses hard and low, forcing Dawson to shoot into his own net. On other days it might have gone past the post, but here Craig has got his angles all wrong.

ANTONIO WOE

At 3-2 the Hammers are unlucky not get a fourth. Antonio flicks on to Bowen who has a goalbound shot blocked by Tierney and Lingard opts to try and find Benrahma when he could surely have gone for goal. There's also frustration as the ref hauls back play for a free kick when Lingard is through on goal. 

The key moment comes when Benrahma makes a brilliant dash though the area to pull back across goal for Antonio to hit the post when he should have scored. Antonio pounds his fists in frustration. Great play from Benrahma though, at his best he can do stuff other players can't.

At the other end Odegaard is finding pockets of space behind the strikers and orchestrating the Arsenal pressure. The problems are coming from West Ham's left flank, though bringing on Noble and Fredericks doesn't address this. In contrast Arsenal are able to bring on the £70m Pepe and the promising Smith-Rowe.

KICKED UP THE ARSENAL

Sure enough, on 82 minutes Pepe manages to get in a great cross and Lacazette heads home having got between Dawson and Diop. 

We'd be grateful for a point at this stage as Fabianski has to tip away another dangerous Chambers cross and save from Pepe. But then Declan Rice makes a sensational run from outside his own to box to race through the Arsenal midfield and shoot against Leno. That would have been a fantastic winner. Finally it ends 3-3.

"Hugely enjoyable for neutrals, horrible for us," sums ups The Gav on Whats App. It's deeply disappointing, but perhaps Moyes is right when he says it's still a good point against a good side who normally beat WHU. We're still fifth in the league with nine games to go despite working with one striker and a very thin squad. 

The international break has come at a good time. With Ogbonna and Masuaku close to fitness that would certainly give Moyes more options at the back and the hard-working Fornals should also return. It's still progress to be really upset at not beating Arsenal and if nothing else it was a massively entertaining game. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 7, Diop 6, Dawson 5, Cresswell 6; Lingard 8, Rice 7, Soucek 7, Benrahma 6 (Fredericks 5); Bowen 6 (Noble 5), Antonio 7.

Fragile Hammers shattered by nine-minute blitz

West Ham 1 Arsenal 3

Up against a side that hasn't won in nine matches. What could possibly go wrong? The best part of the pre-match build-up is seeing Michael the Whovian on the big screens playing for the Pride of Irons. He's not actually at the game with us, presumably because he has been added to Pellegrini's struggling squad. Meanwhile a tardy Nigel asks me to buy a programme as he doesn't want to miss a cover picture of Albian Ajeti. And at Felixstowe last week he was aghast to discover the Seasiders programme was only available online, meaning he wasn't really there. We're joined by Matt and Lisa, Fraser, Roz and Joe for a meeting of London's crisis clubs.

It's all OK for 60 minutes. Arsenal keep passing to us as they try to play out of defence and lose both full backs, Bellerin in the warm-up and later Tierney to injury. The Hammers dominate the first half, with Cresswell having a fine game and the side seemingly up for it. Antonio goes close with a strong run and shot against Leno's legs. West Ham take the lead as the improved Fornals chips in a high ball following a corner and Ogbonna heads home via a deflection off Maitland-Niles. A good side should kill off a struggling Arsenal at this stage but as ever the Hammers struggle to score a second. 

At the start of the second half Snodgrass is presented the ball and has a shot deflected wide. A push in the box is ignored by Mike Dean and then a neat move ends with Rice shooting straight into Leno.

ARSENAL PEPE IT UP
But it only takes a second to score a goal. West Ham have been hampered by Cresswell injuring himself while getting booked for a foul, and having to be replaced by Masuaku. Matt's attempts to be positive about Arthur last all of ten minutes. Fredericks fails to cut out a cross from Kolasinac and Snodgrass hasn't followed Martinelli's run from deep. The Arsenal striker sweeps home on his first full league appearance. At 1-1 West Ham should try to keep it solid but things fall apart quicker than in a W B Yeats poem.

Six minutes later Pepe cuts inside Masuaku to send a screamer into the top corner. That's Pepe's first goal from open play for Arsenal. Three minutes after that Pepe is given too much space by Masuaku again and chips over the defence for an unmarked Aubameyang to volley home. Martin gets a hand to the ball and it's not a mistake, but perhaps Fabianski might have produced something brilliant to deny the Arsenal man. 

"How shit must you be we're winning away?" chant the Gunners' fans. What's most worrying after that is the way heads drop. There is no battering of the Arsenal defence to try to pull it back to 2-3. Antonio is kept on for the whole 90 minutes despite having already once gone to the bench for treatment and sub Haller again struggles with no service, while it seems unfair to thrust on young Nathan Holland at 3-1 down.

JUST RELEGATION FOR THE CLARET AND BLUE?
The stadium is largely empty by the end and those empty seats will worry Sullivan and Gold. "Where are we going now?" asks Lisa as we leave. "The Championship," comes the reply. We retreat to the Refreshment Rooms. It's half-empty, the West Ham fans are so dispirited they have stopped drinking. The table nearly collapses as Nigel takes his place, in a fine metaphor for the evening. There is a Pinter-esque silence as we take in the evening's events, accompanied by the Teletubbies performing 'Eh-oh' on the TV screen. They look more mobile than our defence. Matt muses about how much we miss Arnautovic who could make things happen on his own.

Meanwhile Pellegrini is alarmingly complacent in his post match comments, claiming that he is not worried about relegation. Well he should be. We currently have the look of a classic relegation side. One win in 11 games. Five defeats in the last six. Unable to get a run going after a rare away win. Poor summer signings. A striker who can't score, creative midfielders bereft of all confidence, no competition for the central midfield positions, full backs who struggle to defend and an injured goalkeeper. Another loss at Southampton will surely see the board take action.

PLAYER RATINGS: Martin 5; Fredericks 5, Balbuena 5, Ogbonna 6, Cresswell 7 (Masuaku 4); Snodgrass 5 (Holland 5), Rice 5, Noble 5, Fornals 6, Anderson 5 (Haller 4); Antonio 5.

Rice cracker defeats Arsenal

Declan salutes the fans at the final whistle…      Picture: Michael the Whovian

West Ham 1 Arsenal 0

Well, a great team performance and lovely to see Declan Rice get his teenage kicks through scoring the winner. Credit to Anderson for the initial pull back from the goalline. A weak defensive header saw Nasri lay it off perfectly into the path of Rice who scored with a thumping shot. Declan celebrated like he enjoys playing for West Ham, the first teenager to score for WHU in ten years since Junior Stanislas. It was also a good moment for Nasri who looked like he can still be a quality performer against his old club.

It's in to the Best Cafe early doors with a tardy daughter Nell for a late brunch and a dash to the London Stadium, where disastrously we find the programmes have sold out. Matt and Lisa are sitting at the back of Row Z to allow his nephew and wife to join us along with Nigel, Fraser, Scott and Aussie visitor Connor.

At the kick-off a pessimistic Michael mentions he's never seen us beat Arsenal. Fabianski has to make a decent stop from Lacazette early on but the Irons improve for the rest of the half, with Antonio causing problems, Nasri hitting the side netting, Anderson shooting just wide and Rice missing with a free header. Arnautovic is involved although looks understandably preoccupied at times, but the side look up for this and so does the crowd. And without the Vicar's Son alongside us even the ref seems to be having a good game.

We wonder if West Ham have scored too early after 48 minutes. But Arsenal don't threaten that often and Pellegrini makes sensible substitutions with Carroll on for Arnie (who gives a farewell clap to the crowd?) and Snodgrass replacing the tiring Nasri. 

Cresswell has a fine game at left-back and makes one great saving tackle and Obiang replaces the crocked Antonio. The Gunners' best effort sees Iwobi shoot just past the post. Nigel says he can see us getting at least a point as we enter added time, which is usually the kiss of death, but despite a disallowed header from Koscielny we hold on as Bubbles envelops the stadium and then Twist and Shout comes on the PA. An early day tonic. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Zabaleta 7, Diop 7, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 8; Anderson 7, Rice 9, Noble 7, Antonio 7 (Obiang 6), Nasri 7 (Snodgrass 6); Arnautovic 6 (Carroll 6).

Resilient Irons grind out a point against Gunners

West Ham 0 Arsenal 0

It’s a rendezvous at Eat in Westfield to meet my daughter Nell, who has just come from the Tate and is expecting to see further works of art at the London Stadium. Then down the bleak concrete concourse to H Block where Gavin and Ilona are awaiting their tickets. We’re joined inside by Michael the Possible Whovian, Fraser, Alison (who is not a jinx), Scott and Joe. Steve the Cornish postie has been feeling dizzy after the shock of West Ham beating Chelsea and is spending more time at home with his red delivery slips, while Nigel misses the game just because of some historic vote in Parliament. Matt and Lisa are looking for a bar that isn’t showing Real Madrid in Granada.

Early on Arthur Masuaku gets in a quality cross that Arnautovic heads home, only to be ruled offside by an arm and a leg. After that Arsenal’s pretty passing patterns start to dominate but West Ham carry on from the Chelsea game defending stoutly. The cold seems to have muted the crowd a little and also the football.

WORKING FOR THE CLAMPDOWN

Iwobi hits the outside of the post from a tight angle, but it’s a game of few chances. Half an hour in you think this is where a Bilic team would have conceded a goal on the break, but the Moyes defence is looking a lot more solid, reverting to a straight line of five without the ball as Masuaku drops back alongside Cresswell.

Arnautovic lobs on to the roof of the net at the start of the second half but from then on it’s more Arsenal possession. Ogbonna has a storming game at the back and renders Giroud anonymous. Wilshere blasts a half-chance over and Adrian makes a decent save from a Sanchez free kick.

DRAWING DRAWING WEST HAM 

“This is how it’s going to be watching a Moyes team,” mutters Fraser, observing two banks of five and dreaming of the ghost of Martin Peters past. It’s not pretty, but then desperate times have called for desperate measures. The team looks much fitter and harder to beat and even Ozil and Sanchez are looking frustrated.

Moyes shows a strange reluctance to use subs until Hernandez replaces Antonio, while the crowd get going with Bubbles to raise the side. The Irons even almost snatch it in the last couple of minutes. After some sloppy Arsenal defending, Noble finds Hernandez with a clever reverse ball. Chicharito wallops it against the bar with the ball bouncing on the line and away. Really he should have scored.

The whistle blows and four points against Chelsea and Arsenal, plus a narrow loss at Man City, is definite progress. Now come four games against lower level teams and a different sort of test. Can we do it on a cold Saturday in Stoke?

PLAYER RATINGS: Adrian 6; Zabaleta 7, Ogbonna 8, Reid 7, Cresswell 7; Obiang 7, Noble 7, Lanzini 6, Masuaku 7; Arnautovic 7, Antonio 6 (Hernandez 6).

West Ham humiliated at home by rampant Gunners

West Ham 1 Arsenal 5

Picked a good game to miss through visiting my daughter in Paris. Seems like West Ham were pretty merde and Matt's text agrees: "Tres tres merde. Nous sommes pathetique dans le defense, et malade en le attaque. Je suis inconsolable. Le beau Paris plus superiore choix."

There's an element of bad luck for West Ham in injuries to wing-backs Cresswell and Antionio, plus Kouyate, Sakho and early on in the game James Collins. But what's worrying is that Slaven Bilic is saying he feels "humiliated" and that in training and matches the players are not showing the required intensity or desire. 

It's not pretty viewing on Match of the Day. Arbeloa is not ready to return for such a big match and looks off the pace. Ogbonna gives away the first with a slack pass and Reid is outwitted by Sanchez. It's a brilliant piece of control and turn by Sanchez for the second but again Masuaku and Ogbonna are bamboozled, while the defence gives Sanchez and Oxlade-Chamberlain far too much space for the last three goals, even if the fifth was offside. Arsenal are a quality side, but the capitulation is very very worrying. Though credit to the Arsenal fans for their chant of, "Is this the Emirates?"

The only slight positive is that Andy Carroll headed in his first goal of the season after Payet's free-kick hit the bar (three different strikers have scored in successive games after none had netted for the whole season) and Fletcher played 90 minutes and had a rasping effort just wide. Payet is only playing at 90 per cent and looks dispirited, but is still our best player. He'll surely be off in January and we can't really blame him. He was promised a tilt at the top six and got a relegation fight. 

Assuming we lose at Liverpool, the home games against Hull and Burnley are now must-wins, as is Swansea away on Boxing Day and if not Bilic might be getting Santa's sack for Christmas with Premier League survival at stake and a new stadium to fill. He's got to prove he can motivate this group and the players have to show some spirit. As the Stranglers once sang, something better change. 

Andy Carroll unstoppable as ref robs Hammers again in six-goal thriller

West Ham 3 Arsenal 3

There’s a long wait in Ken’s Café at high noon as we make a late bid to get served before 12.45pm and this time it’s me who has to demolish egg, chips and beans in two minutes at 12.35pm. Michael and Matt are discussing Mark Almond musicals as we wonder if Nigel thinks it’s a 3pm kick-off. He makes a late appearance to confirm that he hates Soft Cell even more than The Smiths, before we make a run to the East Stand where Fraser is mentally composing his Victorian novel about gunslingers that isn’t a Western.

There’s a great atmosphere in the stadium and a rousing “We’ve got Payet!” going round all four stands. Andy Carroll picks up a needless booking in the third minute by fouling Koscielny and we worry he’s too fired up. A few minutes later Carroll’s overhead kick is headed into the net by Lanzini but is incorrectly disallowed for offside by referee Craig Pawson.

TWO-NIL TO THE ARSENAL

That would have been a great start but our back five, with Tomkins and Antonio on the right is looking unsure and Reid and Ogbonna are having trouble tracking the runs of Sanchez. Monreal dives in the box and is still on the ground claiming a penalty as Iwobi finds Ozil The prone and offside Monreal moves out of Ozil’s way to allow the Gunner to score and West Ham to vainly appeal for offside.

“You’re just a c*** with a whistle!" goes up from the home fans.

It gets worse as Iwobi finds Sanchez who has drifted through our defence and slots home.

“You’re gonna win fuck all!” sing the gleeful Arsenal fans.

“We could be on for a heavy beating here,” suggests Nigel.

“Could be another 4-0,” I concur.

Antonio rouses the crowd by winning a tackle and playing a fine crossfield ball and Carroll turns and has a decent shot saved. But we’re still looking to keep it down to 2-0 and regroup at half-time.

“Arsenal are like Leicester but with a Rolls Royce engine,” muses Michael, as Mystic May suggests, rather hopefully, that the Gunners might still be suspect at the back.

DER DER DER DER! DER ANDY CARROLL!

On 44 minutes Cresswell swings in a cross and Carroll is allowed time to get a run on the defender and head home. That changes things before half-time. Only it gets better. In added time a west Ham corner is punched clear by Ospina and Noble does really well to beat his man and cross it back in. Andy Carroll mishits his first shot against Gabriel but then athletically volleys home the rebound to cause pandemonium at the Boleyn and run towards the corner doing his Angel of the North celebration. 2-2 and what a half.

Matt notes that the PA plays The Cult at half-time and we wonder if the referee is a cult with a whistle. Instead of discussing how to keep the score down, we’re talking about whether Andy Carroll could get a hat-trick and go to the Euros with England. Though he’s also the sort of player who might then get sent of taking off his shirt while celebrating.

Emineke comes on for Tomkins as West Ham revert to a flat back four and start the second half by going at the Gunners. Arsenal complain as Carroll escapes censure for jumping with an arm in Gabriel’s face, but it looked accidental to me as Carroll was looking at the ball wen jumping. Lanzini has a penalty appeal turned down and then Carroll chases down Koscielny and in a muddle with Ospina, Payet taps the loose ball home. Looked like a 50/50 tussle, but the ref disallows another West ham goal.

West Ham will not be thwarted; Andy Carroll plays a great ball out wide to Antonio on the right. The Shakespearian winger beats Monreal and dinks in a great cross for Carroll to hang above Bellerin and power home a header for a seven-minute hat-trick. Cue an eruption of arms in the Bobby Moore Stand as Andy runs over to our corner flag and Mark Noble sensibly jumps on him to ensure he keeps his shirt on. Has to be Carroll’s best performance for the Hammers.

TWO-NIL AND YOU F••KED IT UP!

“Who are yer!” and “Two nil and you fucked it up!” chant the WHU fans.

To their credit, Arsenal keep calm and come back into the game with Ozil prominent. Lanzini clears off the line from Monreal and Arsenal bring on Giroud and Ramsey, which is worrying. They equalise when Giroud’s clever flick to Ozil sees Welbeck mishit the ball to Koscielny who fires home. Winston Reid should probably have been tighter.

There’s still time for Ospina to nervously tip away efforts from Payet and Cresswell as both sides go for the winner. Payet makes several great runs in from the left but chooses the wrong option after beating three players.

The tension’s getting to Matt, who in language the Archbishop of Canterbury might not approve of, berates Adrian for making a poor clearance, Dimitri for not passing to Emineke but instead waiting for a free kick this ref's never going to give and the hapless ref for not sending off Gabriel for kicking out at Carroll (the Arsenal man escapes as the ref has already penalised Big Andy for a foul.)

It’s breathless stuff and like one of the mad high-scoring games from the Greenwood era. Well, we wanted to be entertained, and nobody respects the point here. Somehow it ends at 3-3 and Bubbles and If The Kids Are United comes on the PA as the players salute the crowd. Four games in a row now that we've had some dubious decisions and we wonder if there's a conspiracy against West Ham organised by the CIA and aliens from Roswell. Though personally I think it's been orchestrated by the people who faked the Moon landings.

So it’s off to the beer garden at the Central, where we muse over a fantastic game among the iffy charity collectors and dvd sellers as we wait for Matt’s mate Peggsy. A point won’t get us into the Champions League and some dodgy refereeing has cost us again — but after a game like that who really cares?

PLAYER RATINGS: Adrian 7; Antonio 8, Tomkins 5 (Emenike 5), Reid 5, Ogbonna 5, Cresswell 7; Noble 7, Kouyate 7, Payet 7, Lanzini 8; Carroll 9.