Statement win for Hammers with cast-iron(ish) penalty

West Ham 2 Manchester United 1

Arriving at the London Stadium I'm greeted by the incredible news from Michael the Whovian that a disco version of the Doctor Who theme has been played on the PA before kick-off. Even more surprisingly Matt, Lisa, Michael and Big Sam have been served quickly and efficiently in the Best Cafe. DC is absent we learn, taking in the Leaning Tower of Pisa, a structure built on dodgy foundations, so nothing at all like being at West Ham.

Loppy has dropped Areola, Todibo and Soucek, while Kudus is suspended. The game kicks off with the sun in our eyes and Man United dominating. In the second minute Garnacho hits the bar. Fabianski has to block a shot from Hojlund and Fernandes head a good chance over. A simple ball over the top from Fernandes sees Dalot round Fabianski and then shoot over an open goal to much derision from the home fans. Alvarez back-heads a United corner against his own bar. Fabianski has to make a great one-handed save to keep out Casemiros's header.

Antonio has worked hard and Wan-Bissaka has at times threatened going forward, but it's been a very poor half from West Ham and United could be three or four up. Soler looks lost on the left wing, Paqueta has been peripheral and the Irons haven't got stuck into United at all.  

At half time we agree that there are two ways of looking at it; if we've ridden our luck so much we could go and win it, or that it's inevitable the pressure will eventually tell. Lopetegui takes decisive action at the break, taking off Mavropanos, Paqueta and Soler for Todibo, Soucek and Summerville. He might even have thrown some teacups.

West Ham start with much greater intensity as Bowen and Wan-Bissaka cause problems on the right and Soucek gives us a greater physical presence.. On the left wing Jimmy Summerville's speed is a welcome outlet and he plays in several inviting crosses. Emerson can\t quite get on the end of Antonio's cross. Antonio curls a shot just wide and the crowd start to get behind the Irons. Danny Ings comes on for Antonio.

VAR WE LOVE YOU

Incredibly WHU take the lead on 74 minutes. Bowen crosses from the right, Ings scuffs his shot and Summerville has made up a lot of ground to stroke home at the back post as the Bobby Moore Stand erupts. That will give Crysencio some confidence. 

Only then West Ham sit back and seven minutes later United win three headers in the box and Casemiro equalises. To their credit Lopetegui's men go for a winner. In the final minute the ball is lofted into the box and Ings goes down after a challenge from De Ligt. The ref plays on but a minute later there's a VAR check. Referee Coote awards a penalty after going to the monitor, even though it looks more like Ings has run into the big Dutchman. The United players go mental for a minute or so surrounding the ref. Thankfully Jarrod Bowen keeps cool after the long stoppage to stroke home a fine penalty. 

There's a tremendously nervy 14 minutes of added time as Todibo does well at the back, Emerson fires at Onana and eventually West Ham hold on for three points. There's something very satisfying about nicking a game after being outplayed in the first half and getting a late dodgy penalty.

Nigel and Sam take a detour on the way to the Eagle to buy a half and half scarf. The cover story is it's for Big Sam's stepdad, though we suspect it's actually for Nigel, as he's always wanted a West Ham/Man United half and half scarf. 

"These London derbies are always difficult," suggests Nigel. We agree that United's fans in Guildford and Woking will be gutted. Perhaps MUFC will turn to David Moyes to try and keep them up.

In the Eagle Sinead has Greene King IPA in the fridge as Matt reminisces about their greatest trips to Rochdale and the fact it's the only ground where he's seen a fox on the pitch - apart from at Leicester, of course. We agree that United just couldn't handle Danny Ings and get another round in. While Michael enjoys so much added drinking time it could be David Coote is officiating in the Eagle. Will this result kick-start our season? Hopefully so. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 8; Wan-Bissaka 7, Mavropanos 6 (Todibo 7), Kilman 6, Emerson 6; Rodriguez 6 (Cresswell n/a), Alvarez 6, Paqueta 5 (Soucek 6), Soler 4 (Summerville 8); Bowen 8, Antonio 7 (Ings 7).