Deadline day nerves

We seem to have started the traditional deadline day custom of West Ham being linked with unlikely signings to make us look ambitious. Unless Raphina has a release clause there surely won't be any way Leeds will sell him, and he plays in Jarrod Bowen's position anyway. Kalvin Phillips is another strange rumour, unless we're after a replacement for Declan Rice or plan to sell Tomas Soucek, which would be a mistake. 

What we need is another striker - even Burnley have managed to sign one now. Plus another defender to replace the injured Ogbonna. If Rob Newman can't find any strikers perhaps we could ask David Baddiel. So far the best WHU deal of the window has been my pal Nigel flogging his old prog rock LPs to his local vinyl shop... Just hope the club has a working fax machine for those late deals.

A vital six days for West Ham

We have six days left until the transfer window closes on Jan 31 and it's vital West Ham act. It's all very well for Moyes to say that "sometimes making the decision not to sign a play can be more of a test" than signing a player to appease the fans. But the fact remains WHU still only have one striker in Antonio, and we are a hamstring pull, a dose of Covid or an international duty injury away from the whole season being derailed. 

It's not often West Ham are in with a chance of making the top four, but now we have Wolves coming up the league, Arsenal and Spurs getting results with games in hand and Aston Villa strengthening with Coutinho. Getting any signing at all through the door would be a boost to the squad — and prove to Rice and Bowen that we are ambitious. Of course we don't want to make more expensive mistakes — like Ajeti, Wilshere, Hugill, Haller, Anderson, Yarmolenko et al — but the club also can't afford to stand still when we are still in the Europa League and FA Cup and likely to play 60-odd games. Even if it means paying over the odds we need to sign someone.

Fergie-time heartbreak at Old Trafford

Manchester United 1 West Ham 0

Luckily I was in Leicester for this one, visiting the Space Centre (strangely no mention of former rocket scientist Iain Dowie) and the King Richard III Visitor Centre - he too was cut down at the death and there was a long VAR dispute about the whereabouts of his body. 

In a game of few chances Bowen hit the side netting and Varane headed a good chance wide, while Areola, in for the injured Fabianski, made a decent stop from Fred. The Hammers almost win in it in added time when Soucek's header from a corner drifts just past the post. 

It looks like being a dour draw and a decent point, but a combination of errors in the 94th minute result in the winner. Bowen loses the ball, sub Fredericks mistimes a header and Cresswell is sleeping at the far post as Rashford nicks in the winner from Cavani's cross. To make it worse there's a VAR pause and Cavani's arm is just offside. Yet VAR allows it in another decision favouring the famous clubs. Surely this goal should be referred to Sue Gray?

Realistically WHU will do well to make the top eight and Spurs and Arsenal have games in hand. It was positive to see Soucek and Zouma return, while Benrahma is also coming home, yet our season risks being derailed — and Rice leaving — if Moyes and the board don't act. We need a second striker and a centre back. Never mind the talk of staying calm — we need panic signings and soon!

A game too far for tired Hammers

West Ham 2 Leeds United 3

Pre-match lunch is in the Best Cafe with legacy fans, Matt, Nigel and Michael, where we discuss current affairs and wonder if Andy Carroll was at one of Boris' parties. The cafe isn't that busy and my egg chips and beans arrive very promptly, along with halloumi and chips for Michael and Matt, traditional bacon for Nigel and lattes and Americanos all round for us middle-class fans.

We join Fraser in the stadium and from the off it's clear the Hammers are looking tired. Leeds force two early corners and take the lead after seven minutes. A rusty Cresswell fails to cut out a long ball, Raphina pulls it back for Klich to force a good save from Fabianski. The defence isn't alert and allows Forshaw to gather the rebound and find Jack Harrison who strikes home. 

The midfield is badly missing the workrate and size of Soucek. Antonio is lucky to stay on after losing the ball and lunging into Klich. For once Mike Dean is lenient and only gives a yellow, but it's a sign of how sluggish the side is looking. Slowly the Irons do come back into it though, aided by Leeds losing two players to injury. When they bring on young Lewis Bate Nigel is at least able to crack a Carry On-style joke about "Master Bate".

Possibly unsighted by Rice, Craig Dawson heads just past the post from Cresswell's corner. The next corner is more productive as Bowen shows fine movement to profit from some poor defending and head home.

DEFENSIVE LAPSES

Sadly the Hammers then concede four minutes later from a corner. Ayling wins the header and Harrison gets behind Cresswell to poke home his second. Daniel James should make it three before the break but fires straight at Fabianski. Is this all because Nigel ate his lucky banana before the match - though his new tactic worked against Norwich and Leeds in the Cup?

The Hammers improve after the break and seven minutes in Antonio does well to hold off Ayling and find Fornals, who dinks inside his man, wrong-foots the keeper and pokes home a fine goal, topped off with a knee slide and a General salute to the fans.

The sage voices of row 44 say that at this point the Irons need need to concentrate on not going behind again and Rice needs to stop bombing forward as there's no Soucek behind him. But it's to no avail. We're level for just eight minutes before Diop plays a difficult ball in to Vlasic, who fails to hold it up. Raphina plays an instant crossfield ball to Harrison, who dinks it over the advancing Fabianski to make it 3-2.

I wonder why Alex Kral, a Czech international and midfield ball-winner, hasn't been given a chance. What was the point of loaning him? Michael the Whovian points out that Kraals were an alien race in the Doctor Who story The Android Invasion, prompting my own memory of the Tom Baker story The Power of Kroll. Moyes should play Kral just for us Doctor Who fans.

Lanzini is forced to give away a silly free kick and Raphina rattles the bar. It seems to be 4-2 when, after a poor pass out from Diop, Raphina roasts Issa for pace and crosses for Klich to score - though it's correctly disallowed as it hit the offside Rodrigo on the line.

That inspires West Ham to make a brave attempt at grabbing a point. Mystic Matt is surprisingly positive towards KIng Arthur Masuaku, who has come on with Yarmolenko. Though the decision to sub Fornals is strange. The Hammers force a corner and after Coufal's shot is beaten out it's headed home by Yarmolenko, only for Mike Dean to rule that Bowen was offside. We even bring on chirpy cockney Sonny Perkins for a late cameo up front.

BOWEN, BOWEN, GONE

Antonio seems to be playing as a left-winger at this stage and at the death plays in a great cross that is deflected towards Bowen. Jarrod seems certain to score but rather than head it chests the ball over the bar. So that's it, great entertainment, but we've lost a five-goal thriller.

We find a long short-cut that takes us over a blue bridge somewhere beyond Pudding Mill Lane, then discover that the Stratford Royal theatre bar is shut and instead opt for the Railway, which has a DJ but no decent beer, so it's down to Guinness. Politicos Nigel and Michael compare Wes Streeting to Jarrod Bowen, which can't happen often, while uber-fan Matt heads off to his second game of the day, West Ham versus Spurs at Barnet in the WSL.

Three home games in a week has proved too much for the Irons. We've played 32 games this season and it's starting to show. The Hammers are still fourth in the table, but for all Moyes' talk of not making panic buys, we need more players and soon.

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 6, Diop 4 (Perkins n/a), Dawson 5, Cresswell 5; Rice 7, Lanzini 5, Vlasic 5 (Masuaku 6), Fornals 7 (Yarmolenko 6), Bowen 7; Antonio 6.

May the fourth be with you...

West Ham 2 Norwich City 0

It's down to the diehards of Fraser, Matt (in a yellow hoodie and looking suspiciously like a Canary) and Nigel, who counsels that Norwich have only scored three away goals all season. Matt adds that Dean Smith has asked his fans to stop cheering imaginary goals. What could possibly go wrong?

Soucek and Noble are missing, possibly with Covid, though it's good to have Cresswell back in the side at last. Early on Lanzini fizzes in a ball and Bowen turns to produce a good save from Krul. 

Then the Hammers go a little flat. The referee misses that Krul has manhandled Vlasic into the net at a corner and then Lanzini slices way over the bar from a short free kick. A short corner seems to have broken the deadlock as Bowen's cross drifts straight into the net. No-one has touched it but sodding VAR disallows it for offside anyway.

BOWEN AT THE DOUBLE

A proper goal does arrive when Cresswell overhits a cross, which finds Coufal on the other flank. Vlad's cross is a good one and Bowen profits from some poor marking to head home.

The second half should be a case of killing the game but the Hammers contrive to miss several chances. Ref Simon Hooper denies another good claim for a Vlasic penalty as the Croatian has his shorts tugged and is then brought down in the box. Antonio does a great turn, but only swivels to shoot over the bar.

It should be two as Lanzini and Fornals combine to release Bowen, who chips over Krul onto the bar. Jarrod then hits the base of the post with another effort. With more luck and better finishing he could have had 20 goals this season. But 1-0 is a dangerous scoreline and a great run from Idah sees Fabianski deflect the striker's shot onto his post. Great work from the underemployed Hammers' custodian.

With fourth spot and going above Arsenal at stake the crowd start to get a little nervous. Mystic Matt declares that the definition of insanity is bringing on Masuaku and Yarmy again and again and is then aghast as Arthur slices a cross hopelessly into the side netting.

But some of us have never doubted King Arthur. Just as Lisa is about to send over details of the latest meditation apps, Lanzini finds Arthur on the left and the maverick left-back crosses for Bowen to tap home from a just-onside position. There's a horrible two-minute pause but finally VAR allows the goal and it's an assist for Masuaku. 

Mystic Matt says that with hindsight he thought he was at a work meeting and his criticism of Arthur followed the correct procedure at all times -— though he will be offering a full apology to the public house later and we should await the result of the inquiry chaired by Michael the Whovian.

There's still time for Yarmolenko to test Krul and choruses of "West Ham are Massive!" and Bubbles to echo around the London Stadium. We go fourth!

After a brief catch-up with Old Shenfieldians Mark and Tim it's off to Ye Olde Black Bull for some Titanic plum porter. Games against sides at the bottom are never easy, but we did another professional job, even if the squad is looking dangerously thin. We're unbeaten all year. And on 37 points we might even be safe... Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 7, Diop 7, Dawson 6, Cresswell 6; Rice 8, Lanzini 6, Vlasic 6 (Masuaku 7), Fornals 6, Bowen 9; Antonio 6 (Yarmolenko 6). 

Zouma meeting

Some better news on the injury front is that Kurt Zouma might be back at the end of January and Aaron Cresswell is also close to returning from his back injury. So the need to sign a centre-back is slightly less urgent, though Dawson and Diop have wobbled at times in recent weeks. Moyes will have to decide if Alese and Baptiste are good enough to do a job if called upon or sign a fourth centre back. The big need is still for another striker. Interesting to see that Newcastle are moving for Burnley's Chris Wood who has a release clause in his contract. Could the Irons identify players who might have a release clause and benefit from this in similar fashion? 

Jarrod Bowen's on fire as Irons see off Leeds

West Ham 2 Leeds United 0 (FA Cup)

Legacy fans Matt, Lisa and Nigel have been to the Best Cafe, joining Fraser and myself in the London Stadium for the first home game of the New Year. Matt's been checking out the brilliantly-named Moaners Corner Cafe at Woking's stadium, while Nigel, who has eaten his lucky banana before the game, is reminiscing about Downtown Records in Brentwood High Street and his forays into the vinyl shop in Felixtowe. Michael is AWOL writing this week's play.

Some 8000 noisy Leeds fan are present singing not very original ditties such as, "You sold you soul for this shithole!" and "Is this a library?" Credit to the club though for making it Kids for a Quid, resulting in a very respectable 54,303 attendance.

Leeds are fielding three debutants and the Irons make early inroads against a youthful side. After good work by Rice on the left Bowen has an effort cleared off the line and Antonio has a shot deflected on to the roof of the net.

AIN'T NOBODY LIKE LANZINI

The Hammers take the lead after 34 minutes. Antonio finds Vlasic, who uses his upper body strength to roll his defender and aim to shoot. Hjedle manages to block his shot but in the ensuing melee Lanzini shoots home. After a lengthy VAR pause for a possible offside the goal is given. That's Manuel's sixth of the season - he seems to be finally getting back to the level he was at under Bilic and early Moyes. 

It's almost two before the break as Fredericks plays a great one-two with Bowen only to shoot at the keeper. The second half sees a strong start from the Hammers, Vlasic, who is looking much sharper, makes another great turn and is brought down on the edge of the box. The free-kick goes into the wall.

Antonio bounces away several Leeds defenders to set up Bowen, only for Meslier to save with his feet, then Vlasic sets up Rice who blazes over. But 1-0 is a dangerous score and with Raphina on Leeds start to threaten as Harrison misses a good opportunity from Klich's cross.

Late on Fredericks makes a great interception but instead of pulling back to the unmarked Bowen or Rice fires wastefully wide. King Arthur comes on and misplaces his first pass, much to the displeasure of the Vicar's Son. With three minutes left James then miskicks at another great chance for Leeds. 

JARROD MARCH

In added time Meslier comes up for a Leeds corner and we fear the worst. But after a couple of crosses are cleared sub Fornals turns to play a superb ball out to Antonio on the right wing. Michail waits just long enough to release Jarrod Bowen, who is of course on fire, and slots past Meslier before giving a knee slide to the Bobby Moore Stand. All that running through potato fields is paying off and Jarrod must be close to an England call-up.

In one final bizarre cameo sub Yarmolenko gets all of 20 seconds on the pitch. The only bad news is that Sours have pulled off a giantkilling act by coming from behind to beat mighty Morecambe.

We head to the Black Bull, which only takes cash. Luckily Fraser still adheres to the Arthur Daley-school of carrying a wad of rolled-up bank notes and obliges with a round. There are big cheers when Kidderminster draw the Hammers in the next round. What could possibly go wrong? 

We sink some very palatable pints of Titanic porter and discuss bands named after a person who carried on even after that person left, such as Manfred Mann, and then move on to bands where the drummer sang. Which is better than discussing Savio, who also pops up and inspires a Wikipedia search of his lost career. 

An enjoyable afternoon and we move on to the next round. Home games against Norwich and Leeds again this week could now shape our season. Irons! 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Fredericks 6, Dawson 6, Diop 6, Johnson 6; Rice 7, Soucek 6, Lanzini 7 (Fornals 7), Vlasic 7 (Masuaku n/a), Bowen 8; Antonio 7 (Yarmolenko n/a).

January targets

My suggestions for what West Ham need in the window can be found in the Observer here, along with my half-season summary. Everyone knows WHU need a striker to cover for Antonio. The Evening Standard suggests we're interested in Blackburn's Ben Brereton Diaz, while Sky Sports claims the Irons are after Brazil striker Gabriel 'Gabigol' Barbosa from Flamengo. Another target might be Arsenal's soon to be out-of-contract Eddie Nketiah. While with Moyes' record of converting wingers to strikers, perhaps WHU should consider Wolves' Adama Traore. It's no secret that Jesse Lingard is loved at West Ham and another move for the Man United midfielder would really help with Benrahma away in Africa and Fornals tiring — he could also do a job as a false nine. 

Defence is the other area for improvement with Ogbonna and Zouma both out, as Issa Diop's late lapses against Palace proved. Burnley's James Tarkowski and Liverpool's Nat Phillips are two centre backs who have been mentioned. While if Aaron Cresswell's back problem proves to be worse than expected then a loan move for a left back has to be a possibility. Plenty of work for Moyes and his team to do over the window, 

Hammers raid Palace for three points

Crystal Palace 2 West Ham 3

West Ham start badly in south London. Palace should be 1-0 up after a couple of minutes as Ayew crosses and Schlupp scuffs his shot against the base of the post. Yet after surviving the early Palace pressure it's West Ham who strike. Johnson is getting crosses in from the left and Guaita has already had to make a fine double save from Antonio and Benrahma. After 22 minutes Said Benrahma whips in a wicked low cross that is so good might have come from the boot of Kevin De Bruyne. Antonio simply has to deflect it past the keeper.

The Irons go two goals up after a typical Rice surge finds Lanzini, who takes three brilliant touches and half-volleys it into the roof of the net. Manuel is back... Benteke goes close and Edouard hits the bar, to remind us all that Palace are not playing badly. 

But just before the break West Ham benefit from a silly handball by Milivojevic and a VAR decision for a penalty. Lanzini strokes it home and 3-0 at the break looks unassailable.

Strangely Moyes decides to replace Johnson with Masuaku at the break. The Hammers don't have such a good second half, sitting back on their lead, though Antonio does go close with a spin and shot. It gets more worrying when Olise comes on and Arthur doesn't know what to do with him. The promising youngster crosses for Edouard to score on 83 minutes. Then Diop gives away a stupid free kick. Fabianski, like the Clash, doesn't know whether to stay or go, and Olise's free kick sails straight in. Palace almost equalise at the death when Mateta's brilliant overhead kick goes just wide.

But WHU hold out and it's still another away win. The side's tiredness in the second half is perhaps understandable after so many games in December and Diop and Dawson have been asked to play a lot of games together on the spin. We're back to fifth and one point behind Arsenal after 20 games. Reinforcements are still needed, but the race for fourth spot is still on. Irons!