We're all going on a European tour!

West Ham 3 Southampton 0

After 14 months I'm finally back at a football match, having managed to buy a return after failing in the initial ballot. Just like in the olden times Matt and Lisa are dining in the Best Cafe and it's my first isotonic egg chips and beans since March 2020.

We head to the ground the required hour before kick off, buying a programme with a card, showing our tickets on our phones and then passing a rather cursory photo ID test. Lisa and Nigel are watching in the Ball and Bat in Westfield. 

At the turnstile disaster almost strikes for Matt. He's accidentally turned the brightness down on his phone and now it's a black screen where his ticket should be and he hasn't printed a back-up. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Luckily, through looking at my phone and where the brightness control is, he's able to avert his worst nightmare. Still, good lack of colour for the blog.

The 10,000 fans make more noise than some of our 60,000 crowds and we're soon into choruses of "David Moyes' Claret and Blue Army" and "If you hate Tottenham stand up!" After a moving set of pictures of Hammers fans who have died during the pandemic, including Glenn Roeder, we kick-off. 

It's a nervous start from the Irons even if it is great to see Coufal, Lingard and Craig Dawson in action for the first time. Minamino should put Southampton ahead but shoots just wide after Fabianski narrows the angle. Walker-Peters then spurns another inviting chance. Matt hears a cry of, "You're shit Cresswell!" Just like old times.

We need something to get the side going and it's left to Mystic Matt to provide an assist. As soon as he WhatsApps "Fornals having another one" Bowen wriggles past a couple of chances to get a shot away and McCarthy parries into the path of Fornals, who gleefully shoots home and runs to the fans. 

Three minutes later Couyfal crosses and Fornals quickly moves his feet to fire home with the aid of a slight deflection. Pablo is turning into a goal machine.

The second half sees Southampton continue to enjoy a lot of possession without doing too much. Fabianski does have to make a great save from Bednarek though. It gets nervous as the chants of "We're all having a party when Tottenham f••ked it up!" prove premature.

Soucek and Rice have held the side together in midfield, though Antonio is a little off the boil up front and is replaced by Benrahma, who wastefully fires into the side-netting, much to the chagrin of Matt. 

But the game is finally put to bed when Fornals plays through Rice who races through with great power, gives the keeper the eyes and shoots home at the near post.

"We're all going on a European tour!" rings round the stadium and then Bubbles.The players come on for a lap of honour and Moyes pumps the air in a moment of personal redemption. Blimey. We go above small London clubs Arsenal and Spurs. "We have a 100 per cent record at West Ham games this season," points outs Matt. 

With the Stratford bars rammed we think laterally and move to Canonbury where the four of us enjoy some Gamma Ray in the Snooty Fox and Nigel reveals that Brentford is the club that has its centre spot closest to a railway station. We party like it's 1999, when we finished fifth with a negative goal difference. What a season. No-one expected this. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 8; Coufal 8, Dawson 7, Ogbonna 7, Cresswell 6; Fornals 8, Rice 8 (diop n/a), Soucek 8, Lingard 7, Bowen 7 (Noble n/a); Antonio 6 (Benrahma 5).

Character sees West Ham through against Baggies

West Brom 1 West Ham 3

With lockdown easing, a besuited Nigel, Matt, Lisa and myself are allowed upstairs at the Lucky Pub, the Leicester Arms, to watch this vital game. A pint of Portobello tastes very good after all those months in front of the computer. 

Private Matt is distributing copies of When Saturday Comes and insisting that he never doubted Captain Benrahma for a moment during the Brighton match.

Can we take advantage of Spurs losing at home? Fabianski has managed to injure himself in the warm-up and Randolph is now in goal, which seems ominous. 

Big Sam's men begin the match with a terrible back pass from Ajayi. Antonio has far too much time, pokes the ball past the keeper, looks to have made a mess of it but is touched by Johnstone and goes down for a penalty. Declan Rice steps up and thumps it against the post. We get the feeling that this might be the game where our Europa challenge comes unstuck, particularly as Nigel has forgotten his lucky banana and lucky Status Quo tour bag.

SALAD DAZE

We're looking tired and nervous. Soucek and Fornals are giving away fouls and WHU's passing is awry as Albion are inspired by their home fans. When Pereira's corner flies in off Soucek's head past a flailing Randolph it looks like it's going to be a long evening. Randolph redeems himself with an excellent reflex save to deny Pereira.

Benrahma has had a shot tipped over by Johnstone but it's looking bleak as half-time approaches. Then Fornals flings over a cross, Bartlett misheads it to Benrahma and the West Ham man plays in a low cross that is tapped home by Soucek. After an agonising VAR pause it's deemed onside by a toe. A good time to score.

The second half sees Cresswell strike the outside of the post with a clever free-kick but it still looks like ending in a draw. We can't understand why Moyes keeps Fornals on and subs Benrahma, who has done ok, for Bowen. But although Fornals is not playing well, he never stops running and clearly the gaffer thinks we need energy against Big Sam's side.

OGGY! OGGY! OGGY!

Fornals pokes against the keeper after making a good run behind the defence. This results in a a corner in the 82nd minute and Mystic Matt moves into action. "We're shit at corners, we'll never score from this!" he declares. Cresswell duly swipes in an inviting corner. Dawson and Soucek distract the defenders and Ogbonna ghosts in at the back post to head home.

The Baggies have to come forward and as they do so Fornals wins the ball to release Lingard. Jesse looks he might have deliberated for too long, but then plays in Antonio who has run behind the defence to stroke home the third. Always in doubt, but we've shown massive character to get through this.

The game ends with a late cameo from Michael the Thespian who has arrived after an evening at The Mousetrap and is dispensing theatrical bon mots. The team spirit is shown by the celebrations at the end. Fornals, whom we thought should have been subbed, has played a part in all three goals. Maybe Moyes does know what he's doing. 

We go above Spurs! We can't finish lower than seventh and a point against Southampton will guarantee sixth place, West Ham's best finish since 1999, and Europa League football. We're also now guaranteed to finish above Arsenal for the first time in Premier League history. Who would have though this possible after the first two defeats of the season?

There's work to be done against Southampton, but we are close to a European Tour. Irons!

Benrahma can be a big player for West Ham next season

Said Benrahma has been a frustrating player to watch this season, often shooting when he should pass and passing when he should shoot. He'd had more shots without scoring than any other PL player. Yet there's never been any doubt about his talent, the way he can glide past players and the five assists he has already. In the Villa and Burnley matches he really showed his potential.

So it was great to see Said finally score against Brighton. It wasn't a tap-in either, but a superbly-placed shot from the edge of the area. Benrahma was struggling for confidence as much as anything and will hopefully now be a regular scorer. He scored 27 goals in his Brentford career and if you look at them on YouTube they're a pleasing mix of long-range efforts, poacher's goals and penalties. He also had a decent scoring record at Nice so there's a lot more goal threat from him than we've seen so far. My hunch is that now he's adjusted to the Premier League he's going to have a big season next time round.

Benrahma salvages a point

Brighton 1 West Ham 1

Was away in Yorkshire for this one so couldn't watch it live. But the highlights show West Ham had several chances, most notably Soucek's first half shot that was parried by Sanchez and a wicked cross from sub Benrahma that Dawson headed past the post when he should have scored. Brighton could point to a shot from Jahanbakhsh that drifted just past Fabianski's post.

It looked like West Ham, who had failed to find the killer pass for much of the match, would succumb to a late defeat when Tau drifted behind Rice to play through Welbeck, who beat the  WHU offside trap to score. 

But credit to the indefatigable Coufal, whose cross is deflected to the edge of the box to Benrahma. The Algerian takes a touch and sends a sumptuous finish into the corner for his first goal in 31 appearances. That's more like the player we signed from Brentford.

It's a great moment for my WhatsApp West Ham group, as Mystic Matt, having recently claimed that Said would never score for the Hammers, has just announced "Benrahma is coming on we might as well give up." He wins the evening's Nostradamus prize from Michael the Whovian.

It's two points dropped and five games with only one win, but we haven't played that badly and it's encouraging that Rice has returned and Moyes is finally fielding a full-strength side. The Champions League dream has gone, it was a miracle we were still in with a shout with such a small squad, but WBA and Southampton are winnable games. We can still make this a great season and get into the Europa League.

Everton too strong for Hammers

West Ham 0 Everton 1

This was always going to be the most difficult of the final four fixtures, up against a team with an eye on the Europa League that we traditionally struggle against. From the start the Irons struggle to penetrate the Toffees' five-man defence in a cagey game. 

The breakthrough comes after 24 minutes as the Hammers' midfield fails to close down Godfrey and he plays a precise through ball to Calvert-Lewin. The Everton man has got the wrong side of Dawson and beats him for speed before slotting past Fabianski.

The West Ham keeper then has to push over a Sigurdsson free kick and save well at the feet of Richarlison. But the Irons do keep going and fashion a great chance late on as Fornals gets in an inviting cross and Benrahma heads wide when he should score. If only that chance had fallen to Antonio. 

My phone starts to glow red with Matt announcing on WhatsApp that Benrahma can't call himself a PL player for missing the target from there. Though Said has clearly got great skill as he showed at Burnley and I think once he does finally score he'll have a better season next time round. It's too early to give up on him.

BLUE WALL

An injury to Lanzini hasn't helped, but after the break West Ham do up the tempo. Sub Bowen gets in a quicker cross, but generally we're building up much too slowly. The best chance comes when Fornals plays in the overlapping Coufal who shoots against the post. Bowen almost taps home the rebound but is leaping over the keeper and can't connect properly.

The rest of the game is rather like trying to break down FC Astra. Lingard has had a dip in form and is struggling, but he does make a brilliant defensive run to block a goalbound shot from Coleman. Everton's Allan patrols the midfield like a bouncer outside a dodgy salsa bar in Rio de Janeiro and some of our attacks are about as convincing as a Keir Starmer reshuffle.

King almost makes it two for Everton as he heads against the post. But Everton see the game out fairly comfortably. Still, there's been no lack of effort and with this squad it's a miracle that we have had a chance of Champions League football with four games to go. It's been a great season whatever happens, but the next three games are all winnable. If Fulham are relegated tonight none of our opponents will have anything to play for. And if Declan Rice returns, who was missed badly in this game, there's a real hope we can make Europe. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 8, Diop 6, Dawson 5, Cresswell 5 (Fredericks 5); Benrahma 5 (Yarmolenko 5), Lanzini 5 (Bowen 6), Soucek 6, Lingard 5, Fornals 7; Antonio 5.

Ken's Cafe is no more

This is a sad sight on Green Street, Ken's Cafe is now closed and has lost its famous sign. Carol and Ken have retired and the venue of legends is no more. It felt a bit like being Indiana Jones finding the ruins of a lost civilisation. Or as Wordsworth might have put it: "Where is it now the vision and the gleam, the egg chips and beans?"

My recent visit to the Newham Bookshop also allowed me to explore the new housing development on the site of the Boleyn Ground. Perhaps it will be slightly better when it's finished, but it's basically just a monolith block of flats dominating the road where the John Lyall Gates used to stand. Slightly better news is that the Boleyn pub is being restored by a Remarkable Pubs and its listed Victorian features will still be seen in all their glory. Though strangely enough the beer-soaked carpet isn't included in the renovation. 

Booked in Newham

Good to visit the Newham Bookshop and see Vivian and John again. London's best indie bookshop is at least getting some trade from the new residents of the flats on the site of the Boleyn Ground and has survived lockdown through some very generous online purchases by book lovers from around the world. My latest book What Are Words Worth?, a writer's diary featuring plenty of West Ham references, is now on its hallowed shelves. 

While the Newham Bookshop still has its customary selection of West Ham literature, including new releases They Played With Billy Bonds: The West Ham Years  by Tim Crane and The Boleyn's Farewell by Danny Lewis. We might not be going there for match day reading anymore, but if you live locally then please do go along and support the shop.

Antonio double sends Hammers back to fifth

Burnley 1 West Ham 2

Can the Hammers do it on a cold wet night in Burnley? An unexpected boost is the return of Antonio, who immediately shows just how integral his hold-up play is to the side, while an injury to Mark Noble forces Moyes to pick a very attacking side. 

Lanzini curls a shot on to the roof of the net as the Hammers start well. Yet it's Burnley who take the lead. Chris Wood gets behind Diop, flicks the ball over his head and then collides with Soucek. It's the sort of penalty that wouldn't have been given in the pre-VAR age. Wood duly dispatches it past Fabianski.

The Irons' response is instant. The tireless Fornals wins a loose ball and finds Lingard, who plays it back to Coufal. RoboCop's cross allows Antonio to get between two defenders and head home. Seven minutes later Said Benrahma finds enough space on the left to play in a teasing cross that Antonio pokes home at the far post. 

The only negative is that Wood is getting in behind Diop and after another mix-up Dawson has to head off the line. It could easily be three before the break as Benrahma fires in a cross that drifts just wide with Antonio almost diverting it in. 

What's been most surprising is the excellent performance of Lanzini in the Mark Noble role. Playing deeper perhaps negates the loss of pace since Manuel's injuries and he proves expert at feeding Benrahma, Fornals and Lingard. 

Thierry Henry is in the Sky studio and the second half sees West Ham resembling Wenger's Arsenal as we try to walk the ball into the net. Antonio misses a great chance for a hat-trick as he fires against his standing leg. It might prove costly, as Rodriguez then pokes wastefully wide after Fabianski parries Brownhill's shot.

The Hammers almost score a great team goal as Benrahma feeds Antonio, who shoots just past the post and late on Lingard tests Pope again. We've had 22 shots and played some great football, though we're still somehow hanging on to the end. Coufal has his usual excellent game, Diop has a better second half and the returning Dawson is superb at the back, mopping up all threats from Burnley's long balls. 

It's the Hammers' eighth away win. That's a new record set for WHU Premier League away wins in a season. If we win the next four games we will finish at least fifth, maybe fourth. Even if we don't, the Europa League is now a distinct possibility. After two defeats in a row WHU had to get something out of this. The only downside is that Antonio is no longer doing silly celebrations because of VAR, though with Michail back it is all looking much more optimistic. Irons!