Liverpool's pace men demolish shambolic Hammers to place Bilic on the brink

West Ham 1 Liverpool 4

It’s into the Clyde Best Café to meet Nigel and CQ. Lisa managed to lose Nigel’s season ticket at the Brighton match, but unfortunately for Nigel the club have sent a replacement. Fraser also lost his season ticket for the Brighton game before finding it concealed in plain sight on his desk. Meanwhile Matt and Lisa have seen the under-18s lose 6-0 at home to Stevie Gerrard’s Liverpool and are now at the matinee of the Ian Dury Musical Reasons to be Cheerful, hoping that West Ham don’t play like Blockheads.

At least we receive a free plastic bag to hold up for Remembrance Day — that is unless the club add the cost to our season ticket. The first 20 minutes of the match aren’t too bad and the crowd remains noisy. Lanzini’s deflected pass falls nicely for Ayew who lobs Mignolet and hits the outside of the post. But it all goes wrong when West Ham get a corner. Having learned nothing from our drubbings against Liverpool and Man City last season, the Hammers have only Cresswell back. When Fernandes loss a challenge Mane runs the length of the field as Reid tries to get back and Noble runs in sand, before slipping in Salah to poke home. The lack of pace in the West Ham side is hugely alarming.

Two minutes later it’s worse as Liverpool’s corner is deflected towards his own net by Noble and Hart can only parry it to a grateful Matip. “You’re going down with the Everton!” chant the Liverpool fans.

QUALITY OF MERSEY IS NOT RESTRAINED

The only positive is the half-time revelation that Michael has bought a new Tardis badge. Carroll comes on for Fernandes in the second half and for a few minutes the Irons make a game of it. Ayew’s cross is expertly controlled on the chest by Lanzini who then lobs it into the corner. Game on it seems. Only 30 seconds later Liverpool cut straight through our midfield and the unmarked Salah strokes. It’s very basic; even in my glory days of the Shenfield School First X1 we were told to win the next tackle after scoring to guard against complacency.

Bizarrely, going 3-1 down rouses the crowd and there’s some decent noise to try and inspire the side. Lanzini puts over a chance that is easier than the one he scored and sub Arnautovic gets in a great cross that Hernandez heads over, claiming that he’s been pushed.

It’s all over when Oxlade-Chamberlain, who’s been struggling at Anfield, has his career kick-started by West Ham, poking home after Hart parries his initial effort back to him. Liverpool should get at least two more after that as they break at will. The exodus starts. Even Reid has been poor, while Noble has had a terrible game too.

“That’s ten goals I’ve seen Liverpool score today,” muses a moribund Matt.

I’ve defended Bilic for most of his time at West Ham but for a season and a half it’s been getting worse and the naivety and lack of organisation here is indefensible. It seems kinder to make a break rather than increase poor old Slaven’s suffering in that lonely technical area. The players need to look at themselves. The club needs someone to come in and reorganise and kick backsides. It’s not the fault of the stadium either, defend like this anywhere and you’ll get tonked.

We discuss potential new managers. But who is there who would come? Pardew, Koeman, Big Sam, Clever Trevor Brooking, Alan Curbishley, Glenn Roeder? I suggest Di Canio as the nuclear option to get the training running on time.

ARE WE HOLOGRAMS IN DISGUISE? 

Matt announces that instead of supporting West Ham he could have been the ticket man at Fulham Broadway station. Nigel says that the Arsenal cup game clashes with the Ronnie Dio hologram concert at the Islington Garage and we wonder if the West Ham side is comprised of holograms too. They certainly look realistic, but don’t seem to have got the knack of movement yet.

“At least you saw a West Ham goal!” I tell Steve the Cornish postie as he heads off to his hotel to listen to some Leonard Cohen as he contemplates a 200-mile journey home.

“We’re a club with no identity anymore,” muses a Hammers fan walking towards the Overground as we pass some apt graffiti reading “This Ship Is Sinking”. I head off to Homerton to view more fireworks than we got on the pitch. And in a plot to wind up my pal Fraser even more the latest rumour is that David Moyes might be on his way to West Ham. It’s been a draining day to be a West Ham supporter and on this form we’re going down.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hart 4; Reid 3, Ogbonna 4, Kouyate 4; Fernandes 3 (Carroll 5), Noble 3 (Arnautovic 5), Obiang 4, Lanzini 5, Cresswell 4; Ayew 5, Hernandez 4 (Sakho 4).