Sunday, April 8

Four-nil to the Cockney Boys!

Barnsley 0 West Ham 4

Clearly the lads are inspired by groundhopper Nigel completing his 92 league grounds in the company of Whovian and Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart biographer Michael McManus, who has ordered “four goals rapid!”

In a desperate attempt to make the blog Matt sends a text reporting dancing in the streets of Khiva in Uzbekistan, where he’s on a mini-break with Lisa. He writes that he’s celebrating by drinking 11.5% Qibray beer. Meanwhile I’m down in Margate with all my family (insert Chas and Dave joke here) visiting the Shell Grotto and miss Nolan’s first goal as I’m still looking round the Turner galleries. Middle-class fans, eh? The half-time replays show that Nolan wins a corner with a clever one-two and the Barnsley defence completely fails to deal with it allowing Kevin to prod home from a foot out for his eleventh of the season.

I’m in the Wig and Pen drinking Spitfire in time to witness the second as Maynard plays a one two with Nolan and in acres of space fires home a fine low shot from outside the area. It gets better. The ground appears bereft of Barnsley fans and the home side are in freefall. Their keeper Button bungles a clearance under pressure from Maynard, slices the ball out to Noble who chips a clever goal into the top of the net – his first from open play this season. In the second half Nolan finds McCartney, who fires a dipping shot at goal. It’s saved by Button but Vaz Te is on hand to volley a sharp fourth. We’re playing some good stuff and Maynard strikes the bar with a 30-yard screamer and then has a goal disallowed for offside. Hopefully scoring today is the boost his confidence needed. 

Nigel texts to say that he’s celebrating the biggest away win he’s ever seen in the Manx Arms, but bets we blow it against the Blues. We’ve also broken the club record by wining 12 away games – some achievement. Barnsley were poor, but still had to be beaten and hopefully giving someone a tonking will inspire the lads to win the final five. Irons!

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