Sent down?

West Ham 1 Manchester City 3

Strangely Her Indoors doesn’t want to celebrate our wedding anniversary at Upton Park, so instead we take a mini-break in Cambridge where our hotel overlooks Jesus Green and the River Cam. Is it worth taking a punt on West Ham? Evidently not.

After an amble around the artfully arranged pebbles and St Ives school paintings in Kettle’s House the final result of 1-3 comes through from Nigel, with the comment “MC hardly had to break sweat. Our 1st corner was on 65 mins!”.

“In Cambridge, West Ham failed to graduate?” I text to Matt.

He answers: “Well, we go a First in the 88th minute and they got a Third in the 65th!”

Yes, and we'll be lucky to get a 2:2 at Blackburn.

Indeed, Matt has bought Lisa a ticket as a surprise birthday present. He certainly knows how to show a girl a bad time.

Thankfully I can offer Her Indoors a romantic chance to watch Match of the Day in bed on Sunday morning, complete with coffee making facilities.

Spector fails to close Toure down for the first, which is admittedly a great strike. We have a mini-revival at the start of the second and Freddie just fails to get on the end of an Obinna cross.

But then Tomkins is done by Toure for pace and strength for the second as Upson fails to cover and Johnson springs our feeble offside trap for the third. The unmarked Tomkins scores with a good header for our consolation.

We’re bottom still, Wolves win and we’re looking doomed. We stroll past the colleges and end up drinking mulled wine in the Eagle where Watson and Crick discovered DNA (or was it IPA?).

They wouldn’t be able to crack West Ham though. Does Grant know what his best side is? Why is it Dyer and Boa Morte on the flanks one week and Stanislas and Barrera the next? Is Spector the answer in midfield? Is Cole interested? Why has Jacobsen disappeared to be replaced by Gustave Flaubert?

It will take all the dons in Cambridge to work this one out.