Wednesday, September 17

Claret and Blue Monday

As capitalism and WHU sponsor XL collapses under the weight of its own internal contradictions (and Dean Ashton's thighs) tens of thousands of West Ham fans remain stranded miles from their promised destination of the Champions League.

"I wanted to visit Barcelona and Madrid, but all I've been offered is a trip to an Icelandic biscuit factory," said one angry fan.

Meanwhile West Ham claims that the use of a pioneering Zola-powered vehicle will still propel Hammers fans towards a European tour.

But City experts fear that the club has over-exposed itself in the sub-prime player market and traded it too many derivatives from Newcastle. Will the government step in? Or will West Ham have to merge with Chelsea — a process that some analyists believe has already begun.

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