Today's Daily Mail reports that former rubbish West Ham striker Titi Camara has been appointed sports minister of Guinea.
The 38-year-old Titi was Guinea's national coach for four months last year and is also an expert at sitting out well-paid contracts.
The Mail adds: "Newly-elected president Alpha Conde has now made Camara Guinea’s first ex-sportsman to hold a government post. Reports suggest Camara had helped fund Conde's presidential campaign to the tune of 25m CAF Francs (£32,000)."
At this rate Raggy Soma will soon be appointed President of the EU and Gary Charles will be made Home Secretary with a brief to clamp down on drink driving...
Thursday, December 30
The changing men
West Ham 1 Everton 1
Thanks to the 5.30 kick off Ken’s Café is a twilight zone of customers wondering if they can stomach a fry-up at five. All I can face is a mug of tea from a Christmas Carol. Big Joe’s down from Shropshire, Mike’s been to Blackburn and back and Littler Jo has taken in Whitstable versus Ramsgate in the snow.
Inside the stadium Nigel, Matt and Fraser have returned from their festivities only to be bemused by Grant’s selection. It seems most of the team can’t play two games in three days. Cole is on the bench and Ben Haim, Gabbidon and Stanislas are omitted, while Kieran Dyer is presumably at Lourdes. So much for not changing a winning team.
Matt is happy though. In the spirit of Half Man half Biscuit all he wanted for Christmas was a Dukla Prague away kit, and his brother has sent him one over from Australia which he's now wearing.
We discuss the club’s threat of legal action against the Daily Mirror after the paper alleged that several stars could only train two days a week.
“Training for as much as two days a week? Now that is libellous!” quips Matt.
We start off reasonably brightly and young Freddie Sears impresses with his energy, winning a corner. From Parker’s corner Tim Howard saves from Tomkins’ header, Kovac hooks the ball back in to the box and it takes a fortunate spin off Hibbert and into the back of the net. One-nil.
“Our season could have turned. We never used o get lucky goals,” suggests Nigel, before being shouted down by a superstitious triumvirate not wanting to tempt providence.
Everton slowly come back into the game. Ilunga is taken off after 20 minutes and Spector comes on as left back. “He’s the worst left back I’ve ever seen!” says the Vicar’s Son.
True to form, Cahill crosses and Coleman ghosts past the missing Specs to slide the ball home.
In the second half Everton are the better team. That Fellaini can play a bit as well as make films and Matt suggests awarding him Eight and a Half out of ten.
We are fading after two festive games, whereas Everton are much fresher, without creating too many chances. Cole comes on for the limping Piquionne.
When we do get a free kick on the edge of the box, Obinna places the ball like he’s Tiger Woods. “Victor’s taking all that time just to blast it onto the wall…” sighs Matt. Sure enough, he blasts it into the wall. Victor has one of those games where he doesn’t play anywhere near the other striker and you’re not sure if he’s a striker or a winger.
But his one good moment comes with a sweeping ball out to Freddie Sears on the right. He plays a great first time ball low into the path of Carlton Cole who fluffs the chance with a weak left-footed shot wide of the target.
Green makes a good save from Fellaini’s header, the Scousers have a goal correctly disallowed and that’s about it. Boa looks knackered by the end, but let’s give Radoslav Kovac some credit, who at Fulham and again today has held things together, making some good interceptions alongside Parker.
We’d take a point against a good Everton side considering we have a writer and record producer as full backs in Faubert and Spector, plus numerous injuries.
At the finish Jeremy Nicholas plays Highway to Hell — let’s hope it’s not Hull next season. A decent festive return. We are unbeaten for three games and surely Wolves and Wigan will lose tomorrow against Liverpool and Arsenal.
Now all we have to do to escape the bottom three is win the next SOS game against Wolves on Saturday.
Thanks to the 5.30 kick off Ken’s Café is a twilight zone of customers wondering if they can stomach a fry-up at five. All I can face is a mug of tea from a Christmas Carol. Big Joe’s down from Shropshire, Mike’s been to Blackburn and back and Littler Jo has taken in Whitstable versus Ramsgate in the snow.
Inside the stadium Nigel, Matt and Fraser have returned from their festivities only to be bemused by Grant’s selection. It seems most of the team can’t play two games in three days. Cole is on the bench and Ben Haim, Gabbidon and Stanislas are omitted, while Kieran Dyer is presumably at Lourdes. So much for not changing a winning team.
Matt is happy though. In the spirit of Half Man half Biscuit all he wanted for Christmas was a Dukla Prague away kit, and his brother has sent him one over from Australia which he's now wearing.
We discuss the club’s threat of legal action against the Daily Mirror after the paper alleged that several stars could only train two days a week.
“Training for as much as two days a week? Now that is libellous!” quips Matt.
We start off reasonably brightly and young Freddie Sears impresses with his energy, winning a corner. From Parker’s corner Tim Howard saves from Tomkins’ header, Kovac hooks the ball back in to the box and it takes a fortunate spin off Hibbert and into the back of the net. One-nil.
“Our season could have turned. We never used o get lucky goals,” suggests Nigel, before being shouted down by a superstitious triumvirate not wanting to tempt providence.
Everton slowly come back into the game. Ilunga is taken off after 20 minutes and Spector comes on as left back. “He’s the worst left back I’ve ever seen!” says the Vicar’s Son.
True to form, Cahill crosses and Coleman ghosts past the missing Specs to slide the ball home.
In the second half Everton are the better team. That Fellaini can play a bit as well as make films and Matt suggests awarding him Eight and a Half out of ten.
We are fading after two festive games, whereas Everton are much fresher, without creating too many chances. Cole comes on for the limping Piquionne.
When we do get a free kick on the edge of the box, Obinna places the ball like he’s Tiger Woods. “Victor’s taking all that time just to blast it onto the wall…” sighs Matt. Sure enough, he blasts it into the wall. Victor has one of those games where he doesn’t play anywhere near the other striker and you’re not sure if he’s a striker or a winger.
But his one good moment comes with a sweeping ball out to Freddie Sears on the right. He plays a great first time ball low into the path of Carlton Cole who fluffs the chance with a weak left-footed shot wide of the target.
Green makes a good save from Fellaini’s header, the Scousers have a goal correctly disallowed and that’s about it. Boa looks knackered by the end, but let’s give Radoslav Kovac some credit, who at Fulham and again today has held things together, making some good interceptions alongside Parker.
We’d take a point against a good Everton side considering we have a writer and record producer as full backs in Faubert and Spector, plus numerous injuries.
At the finish Jeremy Nicholas plays Highway to Hell — let’s hope it’s not Hull next season. A decent festive return. We are unbeaten for three games and surely Wolves and Wigan will lose tomorrow against Liverpool and Arsenal.
Now all we have to do to escape the bottom three is win the next SOS game against Wolves on Saturday.
Wednesday, December 29
Oh what fun it is to see West Ham win away!
Fulham 1 West Ham 3
You do fear that 12-year-old Freddie Sears might be full of E-numbers after the festive break. Young Fred has been recalled from Scunthorpe and in the latest erratic selection from Grant has gone straight into the side at Fulham in a wide right midfield role.
“Bet he asked Father Christmas for a start!” texts Matt.
A Boxing day tube strike and a trip to my mother-in-law’s gaff in Buntingford mean I’m watching the match in the Fox and Duck.
I’m with my sister-in-law’s Uncle Angus who is a Fulham fan and an English teacher at a top public school, which rather confirms the stereotype that Fulham fans are a little more upmarket than us Irons.
Does he only drink white wine? No, he prefers the Fox and Duck’s red Merlot as they bring us the finest wines known to humanity and some cheese and onion crisps.
Carlton Cole fires across goal early on, but after 11 minutes my worst fears are confirmed. A corner is only half-cleared and Davies crosses for an unmarked Aaron Hughes — who hasn’t scored since 2004 — to head home. A terrible goal to give away.
Andy Johnson should make it two but scuffs his shot. Surely it can’t be like Reading away in 2006?
My only consolation is that Angus says Fulham can’t finish teams off without Zamora and that Salcido gets caught out of position at left back.
Sure enough, on 37 minutes Freddie Sears hits in a terrible cross and Etuhu deflects it into the path of Cole who turns sharply to prod home.
Cole goes close again in added time as Schwarzer saves, but from the corner Parker crosses and a completely unmarked Piquionne ghosts through the offside trap to volley home. Two-one at half-time and could this be the turning point of our season? It’s IPA and red wine all round. My daughter Lola joins us for the second half.
Green foils Johnson in a one-on-one in the second half but Cole is growing in confidence, holds the ball up well and is starting to look like the player of a year ago. A neat back-heel allows Sears to turn and shoot just wide.
Uncle Angus nips out to the gents and inevitably it’s a goal. On 73 minutes Gabbidon punts the ball upfield, Hughes misheads it to Cole and he turns to sweep the ball home in one movement. Lola and myself dance in the pubs of Buntingford. It’s a great goal and as Mark Lawrenson points out later on Match of the Day, you wonder what CC’s been doing for the rest of the season.
Of course you fear we’ll throw it away, but Ben Haim has a decent game at right back, Upson and Tomkins stay solid and Green produces a brilliant tip over to deny Johnson.
We actually look quite comfortable by the final whistle and for a moment Avram Grant looks a little less like Toad of Toad Hall after a motoring conviction and breaks into a smile, having presumably saved his job. Uncle Angus takes it like a gentleman, and I wish him luck for Fulham's game at Stoke, where he's staying overnight for the match on the way to Edinburgh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all he way! Oh what fun it is to see West Ham first win away for the first time since the opening match of last season at Wolves. Thank goodness Freddie Sears wrote that letter to Santa.
You do fear that 12-year-old Freddie Sears might be full of E-numbers after the festive break. Young Fred has been recalled from Scunthorpe and in the latest erratic selection from Grant has gone straight into the side at Fulham in a wide right midfield role.
“Bet he asked Father Christmas for a start!” texts Matt.
A Boxing day tube strike and a trip to my mother-in-law’s gaff in Buntingford mean I’m watching the match in the Fox and Duck.
I’m with my sister-in-law’s Uncle Angus who is a Fulham fan and an English teacher at a top public school, which rather confirms the stereotype that Fulham fans are a little more upmarket than us Irons.
Does he only drink white wine? No, he prefers the Fox and Duck’s red Merlot as they bring us the finest wines known to humanity and some cheese and onion crisps.
Carlton Cole fires across goal early on, but after 11 minutes my worst fears are confirmed. A corner is only half-cleared and Davies crosses for an unmarked Aaron Hughes — who hasn’t scored since 2004 — to head home. A terrible goal to give away.
Andy Johnson should make it two but scuffs his shot. Surely it can’t be like Reading away in 2006?
My only consolation is that Angus says Fulham can’t finish teams off without Zamora and that Salcido gets caught out of position at left back.
Sure enough, on 37 minutes Freddie Sears hits in a terrible cross and Etuhu deflects it into the path of Cole who turns sharply to prod home.
Cole goes close again in added time as Schwarzer saves, but from the corner Parker crosses and a completely unmarked Piquionne ghosts through the offside trap to volley home. Two-one at half-time and could this be the turning point of our season? It’s IPA and red wine all round. My daughter Lola joins us for the second half.
Green foils Johnson in a one-on-one in the second half but Cole is growing in confidence, holds the ball up well and is starting to look like the player of a year ago. A neat back-heel allows Sears to turn and shoot just wide.
Uncle Angus nips out to the gents and inevitably it’s a goal. On 73 minutes Gabbidon punts the ball upfield, Hughes misheads it to Cole and he turns to sweep the ball home in one movement. Lola and myself dance in the pubs of Buntingford. It’s a great goal and as Mark Lawrenson points out later on Match of the Day, you wonder what CC’s been doing for the rest of the season.
Of course you fear we’ll throw it away, but Ben Haim has a decent game at right back, Upson and Tomkins stay solid and Green produces a brilliant tip over to deny Johnson.
We actually look quite comfortable by the final whistle and for a moment Avram Grant looks a little less like Toad of Toad Hall after a motoring conviction and breaks into a smile, having presumably saved his job. Uncle Angus takes it like a gentleman, and I wish him luck for Fulham's game at Stoke, where he's staying overnight for the match on the way to Edinburgh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all he way! Oh what fun it is to see West Ham first win away for the first time since the opening match of last season at Wolves. Thank goodness Freddie Sears wrote that letter to Santa.
Thursday, December 23
Not crocked
Interesting statement from the club today:
"Contrary to a report in today's Daily Mirror, the club categorically deny that Carlton Cole, Kieron Dyer, Herita Ilunga, Danny Gabbidon and Luis Boa Morte can only train two days a week; they train every day they are requested to without fail. The players and the club are seeking legal advice on the matter."
"Contrary to a report in today's Daily Mirror, the club categorically deny that Carlton Cole, Kieron Dyer, Herita Ilunga, Danny Gabbidon and Luis Boa Morte can only train two days a week; they train every day they are requested to without fail. The players and the club are seeking legal advice on the matter."
Tuesday, December 21
Oh Adebayor…
Apparently we've had a loan bid for Emmanuel Adebayor at 100k a week turned down by the player. Great player but he's been trouble at both Arsenal and City and would we want a player who thinks he's too good for us? This sort of showboating signing has the mark of the chairmen on it and was probably never really a goer anyway.
We've also been linked with Steve Sidwell of Villa who is a good player, but you have to hope he's going to play alongside Parker rather than instead of Parker. Robbie Keane keeps cropping up too. He's the sort of player who will always try, and though past his best, would be a good bet to score the goals to keep us up.
We shall see come Jan 1.
We've also been linked with Steve Sidwell of Villa who is a good player, but you have to hope he's going to play alongside Parker rather than instead of Parker. Robbie Keane keeps cropping up too. He's the sort of player who will always try, and though past his best, would be a good bet to score the goals to keep us up.
We shall see come Jan 1.
Monday, December 20
There's only one Ruud Boffin!
Blackburn 1 West Ham 1
I’m Christmas shopping at the Angel as Matt’s half-time text arrives. The Blackburn game is on despite the snow and he’s taken Lisa on a romantic mini-break to Ewood Park (could this be how Shane Warne pulled Liz Hurley?).
He texts: “Two poor teams. We had two best chances but struggling to defend and the Sweary Prof looking shaky. Dyer having one of worst games anyone has ever had for anyone!”
His verdict on the final score of 1-1 is: “Mixed feelings about that they were there for the taking but Dyer, Barrera, Boa Morte and Benni so bad it was amazing we got anything.”
It’s probably a decent away point as Green misses his first game since 2007 and fourth choice Ruud Boffin plays in goal, while Behrami manages to injure himself in the warm up. It’s another strange selection from Grant, with Dyer playing and Cole on the bench even though Victor’s got a bruised leg and can’t play.
Match of the Day has extended highlights because there are only two games. Ruud Boy catches a Pedersen free kick and inspires a chant of “There’s only one Ruud Boffin!” Another famous Belgian. Boa Morte has our best chance in the first half, forcing Robinson to save with his legs after a good through ball from Piquionne.
Nelson’s goal early in the second half comes after a great save from Boffin, only the ball bounces on to Nelson’s thigh and into the net. It’s the result of another corner we haven’t cleared effectively and a cross that could have been stopped.
Still, we come back into it inspired as ever by Parker. Mattie Upson hits the outside of the post with a fine snap volley. The equaliser comes from a great run from Scotty, the ball breaking kindly for Junior Stanislas to, as they say, finish with some aplomb.
We could almost have won it as Piquionne sends a free header over, Benni air kicks from Parker’s astute ball and a knackered Parker overhits his cross when w have players in the box. Against that Dunn has a goal disallowed for an iffy infringement.
Alan Hansen make an interesting point afterwards, comparing the time it takes Parker to get up from a knock and the eternity it takes Ben Haim to recover.
We’re two points behind Wolves now and bottom for Christmas. Grant says he knows nothing of an ultimatum that he has to get one win out of three games. The first has been drawn. Not a bad point, but up against a managerless team was surely our chance to finally win an away match. Avram’s job may now be saved by postponements over the festive season.
Will we play the wild Rovers no more? At least their sacking of Big Sam means they might eventually be dragged down into the morass.
Merry Christmas everyone from Ruud Boffin the red-nosed goalkeeper. Here’s to staying up with the Christmas decorations and making the Carling Cup Final. Or have I been sipping too much claret?
I’m Christmas shopping at the Angel as Matt’s half-time text arrives. The Blackburn game is on despite the snow and he’s taken Lisa on a romantic mini-break to Ewood Park (could this be how Shane Warne pulled Liz Hurley?).
He texts: “Two poor teams. We had two best chances but struggling to defend and the Sweary Prof looking shaky. Dyer having one of worst games anyone has ever had for anyone!”
His verdict on the final score of 1-1 is: “Mixed feelings about that they were there for the taking but Dyer, Barrera, Boa Morte and Benni so bad it was amazing we got anything.”
It’s probably a decent away point as Green misses his first game since 2007 and fourth choice Ruud Boffin plays in goal, while Behrami manages to injure himself in the warm up. It’s another strange selection from Grant, with Dyer playing and Cole on the bench even though Victor’s got a bruised leg and can’t play.
Match of the Day has extended highlights because there are only two games. Ruud Boy catches a Pedersen free kick and inspires a chant of “There’s only one Ruud Boffin!” Another famous Belgian. Boa Morte has our best chance in the first half, forcing Robinson to save with his legs after a good through ball from Piquionne.
Nelson’s goal early in the second half comes after a great save from Boffin, only the ball bounces on to Nelson’s thigh and into the net. It’s the result of another corner we haven’t cleared effectively and a cross that could have been stopped.
Still, we come back into it inspired as ever by Parker. Mattie Upson hits the outside of the post with a fine snap volley. The equaliser comes from a great run from Scotty, the ball breaking kindly for Junior Stanislas to, as they say, finish with some aplomb.
We could almost have won it as Piquionne sends a free header over, Benni air kicks from Parker’s astute ball and a knackered Parker overhits his cross when w have players in the box. Against that Dunn has a goal disallowed for an iffy infringement.
Alan Hansen make an interesting point afterwards, comparing the time it takes Parker to get up from a knock and the eternity it takes Ben Haim to recover.
We’re two points behind Wolves now and bottom for Christmas. Grant says he knows nothing of an ultimatum that he has to get one win out of three games. The first has been drawn. Not a bad point, but up against a managerless team was surely our chance to finally win an away match. Avram’s job may now be saved by postponements over the festive season.
Will we play the wild Rovers no more? At least their sacking of Big Sam means they might eventually be dragged down into the morass.
Merry Christmas everyone from Ruud Boffin the red-nosed goalkeeper. Here’s to staying up with the Christmas decorations and making the Carling Cup Final. Or have I been sipping too much claret?
Tuesday, December 14
Sam's town?
Horrible rumour on goal.com that we are considering sacking Avram Grant and replacing him with Sam Allardyce. Chris Hughton maybe... but not Big Sam. Never can a club and manager have been less suited...
Meanwhile today's Sun claims that Grant will "be read the riot act" by Sullivan, Gold and Brady and that the trio are unhappy with his "laid-back attitude". They can't be too happy either that he's asked for £10 million for new players having spent £6 million on Reid and Barrera.
We now have four games we should be capable of getting some points from in Blackburn and Fulham away and Everton and Wolves at home. If we keep losing though then surely Avram will be gone...
Meanwhile today's Sun claims that Grant will "be read the riot act" by Sullivan, Gold and Brady and that the trio are unhappy with his "laid-back attitude". They can't be too happy either that he's asked for £10 million for new players having spent £6 million on Reid and Barrera.
We now have four games we should be capable of getting some points from in Blackburn and Fulham away and Everton and Wolves at home. If we keep losing though then surely Avram will be gone...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)