Lover man Payet sees off wild Rovers

It's off to the Heeltap at London Bridge to watch this one with coffee-drinking Lisa and Matt (both preparing for shifts) and Michael the Heathian, hot from researching former Tory PMs. Matt's wearing his lucky Botafogo shirt, as you do. It's a slow start to the game, with Blackburn harrying at the heels of West Ham's passers. On 20 minutes Blackburn take the lead as Payet jumps out of the way and Antonio turns his back as Marshall drills a low shot into the corner, that Randolph should possibly have done better with. 

Thankfully we're up against a struggling Championship side. The Rovers midfield parts to allow Moses to run at their defence and fire in a low shot that goes straight through Jason Steele (whom as Matt says, sounds like a 1970s superhero). The Gav arrives with the score at 1-1 and orders a pint of Spitfire. He brings us good fortune as Taylor fouls Moses 30 yards out and Payet curls a sumptuous fee kick into the top corner. He makes it looks easy as lover man Dimitri runs into the arms of Super Slaven.

Ten minutes into the second half Taylor stupidly fouls Moses and receives a second yellow so we're up against ten men. At this point we force Matt to say that Emenike will never score for the Hammers. It works superbly. Emergency right-back Antonio, playing as a virtual winger, gets a shot in that's blocked; in the ensuing melee Kouyate pulls the ball across the box for Emenike to prod home. 

Emenike then hits the post when he should score and we have a series of 'goals' disallowed for offside. Kouyate is rather unlucky to be sent off for clipping Rovers' Henley on the edge of the box, as the contact looked minimal and the ball wasn't under Henley's control. The imperious Payet decides to finish the game off playing through Emenike, who rounds the keeper well to strike home. Two minutes into added time Payet glides from his own half takes on what seems like the entire Rovers' side and scores a stunning fifth. Seven thousand Hammers' fans celebrate again. Long time since we've scored five on the road.

We wonder if the Heeltap is the new lucky pub as Gav reminisces about the difficulties of finding a Zenit St Petersberg handbook in -21C Russia. 

A great result. So now it's Shrewsbury away in the quarter-finals — unless Man United pull off a giantkilling that is.

Come on you Ironworks!

Spent a very interesting day at Trinity Buoy Wharf near East India Dock DLR, where the original offices of the Thames Ironworks were once situated. Across the mouth of the River Lea is the site of the old Italianate Ironworks, where 3000 men once worked and owner Arnold Hills formed a football team in 1895, later to become West Ham United, to improve the moral wellbeing of his workforce. 

There's a noticeboard about the Ironworks on the wharf. Today the stretch of land on which the Ironworks once stood is home to, among others, the warehouses of ASD Metal Services. So maybe there still is some connection with iron on the site. In 2012 the remains of the old factory floors were found during the Crossrail excavations (and maybe West Ham's trophy cabinet?)

The Ironworks was the site of a massive disaster. In 1898, three years after the football club was formed, the launch of the battleship HMS Albion created a huge wave that overwhelmed a pontoon and swept 37 people to their deaths. On YouTube there’s some grainy footage of the massive ship entering the water surrounded by boats of onlookers and massive crowds on the quays and some very moving pictures of the confused aftermath of the disaster. There's a memorial to the victims, including many children, in the East London Cemetery at Plaistow.

Trinity Buoy wharf was once used for making river buoys. These days it's full of hipsters, with a colony of artists working from converted containers and the offices of the English National Opera. There's a fascinating old test lighthouse playing a never-ending piece of music called Longplayer, performed with Tibetan singing bowls, as you do. 

For refreshments we found a Fat Boy's Diner and the Bow Creek Cafe, which serves a fine breakfast and has a bit of a San Francisco feel to it. Even bumped into a couple from Stoke Newington there. Plus lots of designer graffiti on the warehouse walls, a giant fish and a taxi with a tree growing through the middle of it. Not sure what the old ironworkers would make of it all, but it's well worth a visit for a slice of London and football history.

Randolph saves goals - and puppies

Thanks to my pal Lisa for sending in this picture of Darren Randolph found on the Peta (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) website. Darren is pictured with cute puppy Tia, a rescue dog that needs a home, and he is encouraging people to adopt a dog. 

West Ham seem to be a very dog-friendly club these days as Slaven Bilic told the Daily Telegraph that choosing West Ham was a bit like choosing a dog: “When you are buying a dog you find like this – 10 reasons not to buy it. Because you can’t go out more, if you are travelling it’s a problem, he’s going to pee there and there until he learns. He’s going to bite your cat, he’s going to leave your place smelly. But there is one reason that’s good – he loves you. Every time you come home it’s like it’s the first time he’s seen you." 

And of course West Ham gave a home to a stray canine called Martin 'Mad Dog' Allen back in the 1990s…

Jelavic goes for £4m

A very good bit of business to get £4million from Chinese second division club Beijing Renhe for Nikica Jelavic. That's £1m more than we paid for him! Lord Sugar would be quite pleased with Karren Brady for that. Jelavic's pace looked to have gone when he appeared in his early games as a sub, but he showed he could still finish with a great goal against Wolves and a poacher's effort against Newcastle. He wasn't going to get many games with Emenike at the club so a good deal all round. Jelavic is pictured carrying a bunch of flowers as he is welcomed to China - though can't confirm if these were sent by my fellow season ticket holder Matt, who predicted Jelavic would never score for the Hammers.

Noble draw as West Ham fight back from two-down

Norwich City 2 West Ham 2

After going two goals down and playing 120 minutes against Liverpool on Tuesday (with Kouyate, Tomkins and O'Brien crocked in that encounter) this looks a decent point, albeit against a struggling side. Credit to sub Victor Moses for his run from the half way line and then refusing to give up after being tackled for the first goal, with Payet stroking home the rebound after Moses's shot was blocked. Luckily for us Norwich just can't defend a lead and panicked after it went to 2-1. Another sub Andy Carroll did well to find Payet for the second. He was given far too much space to find Noble, but it was a lovely first time shot from the edge of the box for Nobes' equaliser. Noble deserve a goal because he's been playing really well of late.

Antonio lost the ball for Norwich's first goal, but it was a great finish from the edge of the box from Brady. Norwich's second had a trace of bad luck in the way the ball deflected to Hoolahan. At the end it could have gone either way with Norwich poking wide a good chance and Emenike just falling to get a decent connection with an inviting cross. Disappointed not to get three points at the end, but probably a fair result in the end. And in case you haven't noticed West Ham are now on 40 points — we're safe!

West Ham references in Doctor Who

My book Whovian Dad: A Doctor Who Fan's Travels Through Time and Space is now out as a Kindle Single and there is a West Ham link. The Hammers are one of only two clubs ever to be mentioned in Doctor Who. In the story Planet of the Ood there’s an incredible moment. David Tennant's Doctor asks Donna where she learned to whistle like that and she answers “Up West Ham!”, which at the time had me jumping up in delight. 

The only other mention of a team that I’ve been able to find is when Charlton get a namecheck in the 1988 Sylvester McCoy story Silver Nemesis. Sophie Aldred's Ace is reading the Daily Mirror while listening to Courtney Pine playing jazz and remarks, “Charlton picked up three points.” She also mentions having a Charlton badge in The Happiness Patrol. West Ham are also the only team mentioned in Harry Potter. Not a lot of people know that.

We've got Payet (signed up)

Great news that Dimitri Payet has signed an improved five-year contract, particularly with a mystery Chinese club, Man City and Chelsea reported to be sniffing around. Yes, West Ham have had to up his wages, but if any one player is going to fill the Olympic Stadium it's Payet. He's very much our talisman and it's a big signal to keep him for next season and hopefully the rest of his career. David Sullivan says he's the best player he's ever signed. Our song was obviously crucial in his decision. Unless our rival fans can find a better Billy Ray Cyrus tune, I think we've nailed him.