If the kits are United

The new 2017-18 West Ham home kit is a pretty decent traditional shirt. Personally I prefer the all-blue sleeves with claret body of last season rather than a splash of light blue on the shoulder, but we can live with this. There's also a little splash of blue on the collar which makes it look a little as if our lads have mistakenly put a tee-shirt on under their shirt, but never mind. 

What's also encouraging is that Andy Carroll appears to have made the photo-shoot without getting injured slipping over on a West Ham United coaster or de-luxe bathroom gift set. Could this be the season he finally makes it beyond September? Though worse news for Andy is that according to my Guardian the man-bun is going out of fashion…

Come on you Ironworks

West Ham have launched another kit for the Juventus game, a tribute to the all navy blue outfit worn by Thames Ironworks FC. The Union Jack isn't a nod to Brexit, it was actually worn by the Ironworks side at the insistence of patriotic owner Arnold Hills. Our lads certainly look well hard in it and might be able to get some extra work as bouncers outside the Boleyn. Do think it should come with a stick-on moustache though for that authentic 1895 Thames Ironworks look.

If the kits are United

Like the new home kit. It's a pleasing nod to the 1923 FA Cup Final side and presumably means we'll be wearing huge black boots instead of orange, green and yellow ones. And we'll lose to Bolton in the FA Cup Final, of course. Will the club suits include large flat caps too? The reformed Dexys Midnight Runners have started wearing them so we could argue they're fashionable...