Man City at home kicks off the season

So it's a nice easy start to the season with a home banker against Man City on August 10. Then away games at Brighton and Watford and a home game against newly-promoted Norwich. Knowing West Ham we'll probably beat City and then lose to Brighton and Norwich. Might be worth a bet… The final game of the season is a home match against Aston Villa which we'll presumably need to win to cement our Champions' League Place. At least in my dreams.

It's all kicking off at Anfield

The fixtures are out and West Ham kick off the 2018-19 season with an easy fixture way to Liverpool. We won't even have the hope of playing against a dodgy keeper if Klopp makes the predicted big signing. First home game is Bournemouth, which is winnable, but it's a difficult start with Arsenal, Chelsea and Man United in the first six games. Still, we're too good to go down…

Easy opener at Man United…

So the fixtures are out and West Ham kick off with an away future at Old Trafford followed by another away trip to Newcastle. Two pretty difficult matches early on, complicated by the fact that the Southampton home game on August 19 will have to be rescheduled as the London Stadium will be transitioning from athletics into football mode. At least we get to see the new navy blue away kit early doors. So the first home game will be against Huddersfield Town on September 9. Up against a team of newly-promoted, over-achieving, plucky underdogs bought for the price of Andy Carroll's plantar fascia. What could possibly go wrong?

Bournemouth are first visitors to the Olympic Stadium

So it's Chelsea away on August 13 and then Bournemouth at home for the first game at the OS on August 20. Bit of an underwhelming first home fixture to open the new era with, but we know from last season that the Cherries can't be taken lightly, having spanked us 4-3 at the Boleyn. The next visitors are Watford on September 10. We finish away to Burnley, but before that have big home games against Spurs and Liverpool. Come on you Irons!

Arsenal away!

An easy start to the fixture list with a trip to the Emirates to play Arsenal on Aug 8. The next two games look more promising though, with home matches against Leicester and Bournemouth. Sadly I'll be away for the Arsenal match as the season seems to start earlier than ever. The final game at the Boleyn Ground is the match against Swansea City on May 7.

At home to Cardiff

The fixtures are out! On August 17 West Ham play Cardiff at Upton Park in a repeat of the opening day fixture of the 2011-12 season, where we lost to a goal in the final seconds. Then we've got Newcastle away. We play Arsenal on Boxing Day and Man City away on the final Sunday in the game that will clinch our Champions League place, at least while my medication is still working.

Villa at home

Well the fixtures are out and West Ham are at home to Aston Villa on August 18. Not a bad start with a home game and considering Villa's dismal form last season, though Mick (whoops, I mean Paul, Mick used to play for Ipswich) Lambert will surely have them better prepared this time round. That's followed by a trip to Swansea the following week. Generally it's not too bad a set of early fixtures for the Irons, with the first top four fixture against Arsenal in October. And can I be the first to say we're too good to go down? Meanwhile we're after a loan deal for Real Madrid 'B' striker Joselu according to today's Daily Mirror and are also giving a pre-season trial to 35-year-old former Galactico Guti... Zidane and Figo are set to follow.