It's off to the World's End with Matt and Lisa for West Ham's first ever 7.45pm Saturday night kick-off (and on this evidence hopefully our last). The pub is full of weekend revellers, the stage is being set up for a gig, and you can't really see BT Sport's late Saturday night football working.
Amid the deluge the conditions look ripe for an upset, despite a strong West Ham team, at least on paper. For half an hour Wimbledon look well up for it and bypass Masuaka and Antonio on the flanks, fizzing a series of dangerous crosses across the West Ham box.
Carroll isn't getting any service, though Hernandez is unlucky when he has a shot tipped on to the post. Ogbonna is miskicking clearances and Adrian has to make a good reaction save from a shot he sees late. It looks like we've held out until after 34 minutes Noble's pass is cut out and Appiah gets a shot away, which takes a big deflection off Ogbonna. It's a difficult shot to save, but still quite close to Adrian. Might Fabianski have got down to it?
It gets much worse as Diop is caught out of position on the right and Obiang loses possession. Bearded hipster Wagstaff runs from the half-way line with Ogbonna way too slow to catch him, and places it past Adrian. Matt's patience is being severely tested and he lists a number of players he would sack/sell/exile/imprison at half-time, most notably Masuaku, Obiang, Ogbonna, Carroll and Antonio.
At the interval a singer-songwriter with an acoustic guitar takes to the pub stage, probably intoning ballads about the cup dreams blowing in the wind, so we move down the road to the Old Dairy.
Pellegrini looks like he wants to stuff his sonic screwdriver in unlikely places and makes three substitutions at half-time. But the changes are ruined by the completely unprofessional way the Hammers give away another goal in the first minute of the second half. Fredericks lets his man get in a cross too easily and Masuaku has lost his man as Wagstaff pokes home.
After that the changes have an effect. Fredericks gets in some crosses on the right and Perez fires home a stinging left foot shot after Antonio's shot is saved. Lucas then misses another good chance, hitting it over the bar when well-placed. An agricultural challenge on Snodgrass results in a free kick and sub Anderson brilliantly fires it into the top corner. Credit to Fredericks for being in the wall and ducking at the right moment. Is the comeback on?
CONCENTRATING ON THE LEAGUE
The Hammers press and Masuaku is deservedly booked for simulation, but Wimbledon still look dangerous on the break. Just as it looks like the League 1 bottom side will hold it up in the corner, Wagstaff is given space to cross. Adrian gets under the cross and Arthur has again lost his man as Sibbick heads home. Sod it. There's still time for Ramsdale to make a good save from Antonio, but by then we've been deservedly beaten by Wombles. Defeated by a side which had just lost 3-0 at home to Fleetwood.
At least we won't be getting drawn against Millwall in the next round. "That's two more unlucky pubs to add to our list," muses Matt. Lisa speculates that Arnie will be re-checking his fares to China. I text Nigel to inform him that our Cup Final breakfast in Kew has been postponed until 2020. Matt and Lisa arrive home to find their TV has mysteriously turned itself on and is playing them the highlights again as if to taunt them.
The only consolation is that at least Fabianski, Zabaleta, Cresswell, Rice, Nasri and Arnautovic will be fresh for Wolves, and untainted by this. Pellegrini says the right things afterwards; that he felt ashamed, he could have substituted the entire side, and that "my players showed no desire to win." This will surely have convinced him of the squad players he needs to move on.
Pete Townshend hoped he died before he got old. I was just hoping for West Ham to win a trophy. That's 39 years now since we last won the Cup. The players owe us a result against Wolves after this.
