We're top of the league! (for 24 hours)

Bolton Wanderers 2 West Ham United 3

Catch the updates for this game while staying with Mr Fawlty in Torquay. The Hammers take 4,500 loyal fans and our pal Big Sam, accompanied by blogger Jake, proves he can do it on a wet Tuesday night in Bolton. Nuno has kept Piroe on the bench and with Taty injured is playing goalless but hard-working Pablo up front, which seems a bit risky.

West Ham take the lead after an overlap and cross from Walker-Peters. A Bolton defender deflects the cross towards his own keeper, Pablo fires against Bazunu and Bowen is there to snap up the rebound.

It looks to be going all wrong though after Mavropanos clears but Erhahon gathers to shoot in off the Greek Bloke. Bolton then gain a pretty soft penalty for contact from Walker-Peters and Rodrigues scores from the spot. 

This Hammers side has goals in it though. Engels whips in a free kick worthy of Ward-Prowse and the Greek Bloke is there to head home a difficult bouncing ball. 

The second half sees Piroe miss a good chance after being set up by sub Solomon and Kante test the keeper. Nuno uses his substitutes well and Veltman plays in Bowen, whose prod towards goal trickles under Bazunu to make it 3-2. Good to see Bowen celebrating in front of a packed away end. He almost gets a hat-trick after Solomon plays him in but delays a little too long allowing a saving tackle.

Astonishingly the Hammers go top for 24 hours before West Brom's win pushes them into second. Still it's a boost to have led the division and there is some danger of optimism. All the new signings have contributed and there's even evidence of scouting in buying Austbo rather than a player from a favoured agent. Three wins in a week is good going even if the defence still looks vulnerable. Now comes another test against Wrexham. If we can win this one then we really might be able to win promotion.

Hammers get the job done on Derby day

West Ham 3 Derby County 0

Tomas Soucek is on the pitch pre-kick off talking about his comeback. No-one can understand a word he says via his accent and the PA, though perhaps potato salad and heading fridges are mentioned. Let's hope he's back soon. I'm joined by Nigel in his 2010 Robin Trower tour t-shirt, Big Sam, Matt, Lisa and Michael in his beloved Bowen shirt. Off the pitch Daniel Kretinsky seems to have won the shares battle against Amanda Staveley and we still can't get rid of David Sullivan.

It's very hot again and for much of the game the sun is in our eyes. Pablo seems to be injured so Piroe partners Taty up front and Veltman gets the nod at right-back. West Ham make the best possible start when Bowen crosses, Taty heads back across the box and the unmarked Piroe has a tap-in. 

Derby don't look very good but the Irons just can't get a second goal. A fine ball from Castellanos sees Bowen prod wide when well-placed and then Jarrod produces a good low save from Zetterstrom. The Derby keeper then makes a superb save from the Greek Bloke's towering header. The half ends with Taty shooting just wide after good play with Mukasa. County's only half-chance is thwarted by a fine saving tackle from Max Kilman.

At half-time we discuss the work of the late Richard O'Sullivan in Man About the House. He taught Nigel everything he knows about flat-sharing. Mystic May predicts a 3-0 home win as everyone else goes for a draw or a 2-0 win.

The second half sees Bowen fire straight at the keeper and a fine move between Bowen and Mukasa set up Solomon for a volley he slices to the keeper. The winger has impressed with his turns of pace and dribbling though. We're all a bit worried at just 1-0 as Derby bring on endless subs. 

Orford comes on to allow Mukasa to play further forward but Derby come into it a bit more. Luckily they are fairly powderpuff in attack. There a hopeful handball claim against the Greek Bloke and a free kick fired wide by Salvesen and that's it. 

BREAKING COUNTY LINES

"Try playing it forward lads!" suggests the exasperated Vicar's Son as West Ham pass it around at the back. Austbo and Boiro (the ballpoint from Wolverhampton) come on as Nuno risks changing the entire left side on 77 minutes. Boiro fluffs his first couple of passes then makes a decent run down the left. We wonder if Boiro is the man to take pens.

It takes until the 87th minute for the game to be put to bed. Engels, who has had a fine busy game, surges down the right and finds Bowen. Jarrod's shot is blocked but deflects kindly to Austbo who scores with some glee. "Asbo" is probably relieved he won't be sent to Middlesbrough.

Asbo clearly has something about him as his next pass finds late sub Kante. Mo takes a touch or two and wallops a finish into the bottom corner before running to the corner flag. His first goal for West Ham and a great confidence-booster for him. Three-nil is a much more impressive scoreline but most important is the clean sheet.

We head to the Eagle, where the mysteries of the fridge reveal bottles of Butcombe Gold ale. In the beer garden a mouse scurries around like Arne Engels. Matt channels Cheers to reveal that crisps are a relatively new invention. We discuss how good it is not to have VAR and Matt says he hasn't noticed the refs in this division, which must be a first. It's something of a musical night ahead as Matt and Lisa are going to see Frank Turner in Clapham, Nigel is watching Robin Trower and Michael's off to view Darts (the band, not Luke Littler).

So it's two home wins in a row and seven points in a week. Interestingly 11 players have scored for WHU this season. The squad is now settled and the kids are getting experience. If we can get something against Bolton and Wrexham this week then things might really be improving.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Veltman 7, Mavropanos 6, Kilman 6, Scarles 6 (Boiro 5); Bowen 7 (Kante n/a), Engels 7, Mukasa 6 (Morato n/a), Solomon 7 (Austbo 7); Castellanos 6 (Orford 6), Piroe 6.

Divine intervention as Mukasa double tames Wolves

West Ham 4 (four) Wolves 2

There's much mayhem at the turnstiles as lots of season tickets read red, but eventually we all get in, even if the digital readers might be trying to tell us something. Before the kick-off deadline day loan signing Morato is paraded on the pitch as if he's Vinicius Junior. I'm joined by Matt, Lisa, Michael, Nigel and his lucky Stranglers bag and Big Sam, set to see if we can do it on a wet Tuesday night in Bolton.

Wolves have the better of the exchanges in the first half an hour, though as Michael points out, Pablo does give us a bit of extra steel disrupting behind the front line even if he doesn't score. The Portugeeezer returns from injury looking creative and trying backheels. But Wolves go closest, as Jimenez's shot goes into the ground and bounces on to the bar and then Mane hits the bar after Walker-Peters misjudges the flight of the ball. We're still missing a ball-winner in midfield.

We need a goal to steady nerves and one duly arrives. Just as Mystic Morris remarks that Mukasa hasn't done much yet, Pablo plays a clever chip to Walker-Peters on the right. His cross is cleared to Engels, who plays a short ball to Mukasa outside the box, who wallops an absolute screamer in off the bar. That's why Man City have signed him, the boy has Divine talent. 

Piroe has grown into the game and does well to turn into the box before winning a penalty. Jarrod Bowen sends Sa the wrong way to make it 2-0. Suddenly the side starts to play with confidence. What could possibly go wrong when you're 2-0 up against a newly-relegated team? Well, a lucky deflection falling to Munetsi, who isn't challenged effectively by the Greek Bloke and scores with a fine finish into the corner. We recall bad memories of Burnley. Wolves' half-time team talk will be to run at our shaky defence.

At half-time we're strangely offered four pints of Lost lager by some lads who have over-ordered. It's cold but not very drinkable. The second half begins with Wolves hitting the side-netting. But just as we're getting nervous a good move on the right sees Pablo jump over the ball to free Bowen who finds Mukasa. He has a shot from the edge of the area. The ball takes a big deflection and lopes over Sa. A bit lucky but if you don't shoot you don't score and two goals will kickstart Mukasa's first-team career.

DOUBLE FOR DINOS

On come Veltman and Castellanos in like-for-like substitutions.The crowd get going and West Ham win a corner after a powerful Bowen run and shot is palmed away. Michael says this is the moment for the Greek Bloke. It is indeed. The GB heads Engel's excellent corner on to the bar and then wallops the rebound into the top of the net. He runs to our corner where none of us have ever doubted him.

Just as we're dreaming of five, Wolves break down the right and Tchatchoua's cross is diverted into his own net by Mavropanos. It's been a very mixed evening for the Greek Bloke, though to be fair he's returning from injury.

We're nervous again at 4-2. Kante and Lamadrid come on for Pablo and Mukasa. Matt seems to have missed Andy Burnham's memo about embracing positivity as he bemoans some lacklustre clearances. When there's a late cameo from new signing Austbo, Michael remarks that he isn't the first Asbo we've seen at West Ham.

The Hammers hold on to win and the result is everything — that first win will instil confidence and another boost is that finally the window has shut. In Ye Olde Black Bull we're joined by Matt's two Wainwright-bagging Wolves mates and over Brixton Pale Ale we discuss the projected Big Sam musical as well as those who have played for both clubs such as Kevin Keen and Shaun Newton, who only cost ten grand. We've beaten a team that will probably be our promotion rivals so this is progress even if we are still letting in too many goals. Now for Derby on Saturday.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Walker-Peters 6 (Veltman 6), Mavropanos 5, Kilman 6, Scarles 7; Bowen 7, Engels 7, Mukasa 8 (Kante 5), Solomon 6 (Austbo 5); Pablo 7 (Lamadrid 5), Piroe 6 (Castellanos 5).

Drawing drawing West Ham

Watford 1 West Ham 1

It's an undercover trip to Vicarage Road with Watford fans from my sports book group for this one. Pre-match fare is decidedly upmarket compared to Stratford's egg, chips and beans with a trip to the Fratelli Italian restaurant. I'm joined by the two Peters, Simon and Adrian, a classics teacher hoping for a Homer win. The broccoli tagliatelle is indeed excellent. The only downside is a programme disaster — the club don't print them anymore.

The game begins with the rain coming down, the Watford ultras banging their drum and Elton John's Your Song on the PA, a bit gentle as a rallying cry but nice to hear it again. The lyrics are also written on the back of the stand, which must make Bernie Taupin proud, though he's probably a Lincoln City fan.

Nuno has rather surprisingly dropped Piroe, bringing in Mukasa. Veltman keeps his place and Kyle Walker-Peters is switched to left back while, with the Greek Bloke injured, Golambeckis makes his full league debut.

"Come on your 'Orns!" says the scoreboard and the Hornets do raise their game, causing early problems. Tackles fly in. Kante fires wide with a half-chance but Watford are looking dangerous with the pacy Maamma ("my Maamma we're all crazy now?") causing Walker-Peters problems. Hermansen fists away a dangerous cross and the ball comes out to the tricky Nabizada. Veltman could do a bit better closing him down, but the tricky young Afghanistan winger scores with a clever stepover and chip over Hermansen into the far corner. 

One-nil down after 19 minutes and it looks ominous. Watford almost make it two as only a fine save from Hermansen and great block from Walker-Peters deny the Hornets. Thankfully defender Kevin Keben decides to help, possibly trying to shield the ball out of play but ending up dribbling it along the line towards his own goal. The ball almost goes out but the tenacious Taty Castellanos keeps going to nick it into the goalmouth and it's deflected in off Pollock for a comedy goal. Still, we'll take it.

That goal settles the Hammers who then get on top. Much closer to the pitch that at the London Stadium we get to see some Premier League control from Jarrod Bowen as he expertly brings the ball down. "Buy some fucking players!" chant the Watford Ultras, expressing  a sentiment West Ham fans would also agree with.

After the break the Hammers have most of the play, though Watford always look dangerous on the break. Bowen has WHU's only shot on target straight at Ravaglia. Bowen's cross then goes dangerously across the face of goal before Solomon has a goal bound shot blocked. Engels comes into the game more and Solomon is dangerous on the left, though the Irons still lack creativity. Nuno brings on Piroe and Orford for Mukasa and Kante. 

Piroe shoots wide from a decent position, Solomon cuts in and has another goalbound shot blocked. Watford break and Bravo fires over before the Hornets force a couple of corners. 

West Ham almost win it when there's neat interplay between Orford and Castellanos to set up Solomon only to be denied by a great block from Mattie Pollock. He's the sort of centre back we'll see a lot of in the Championship, big, rugged and committed and West Ham have to learn to never mind the Pollocks and find a way to get behind them.

So it ends 1-1, a hard-fought game and a lesson for the Hammers that this season won't be easy. One bonus is that the 18-year-old Golambeckis looked composed at centre back and made some fine interceptions. 

There's a chorus of "your getting sacked in the morning!" at the end from the away fans which doesn't help anyone. We're playing a lot of youngsters and new signings and it's going to take time to gel. It's five games in, including the Carabao Cup, and we've won two, drawn two and lost one. Let's see what comes before the window closes and then judge Nuno in the autumn.

So it's a wet slog past the Yellow Brick Road mural to Watford High Street station. Two away draws in the league this season isn't a disaster but we now have to pick up wins at home starting with the next two games against Wolves and Derby. After those we'll have a clearer idea where our season is going.

PLAYER RATINGS; Hermansen 7; Veltman 6, Golambeckis 7, Kilman 6, Walker-Peters 6; Bowen 7, Kante 5 (Orford 6), Engels 6, Mukasa 5 (Piroe 5), Solomon 7, Castellanos 6.

If the kids are United: Hammers' comeback stuns Saints

Southampton 1 West Ham 4 (four) (Carabao Cup)

Nigel and Big Sam are at this one to see West Ham's side of kids in the Carabao Cup. It's a brave selection from Nuno starting with youngsters Herrick, Golambeckis, Mayers, Kante, Orford, Lamadrid, Mukasa and Josh Ajala up front. Max Kilman is on babysitting duty. Billy Bragg is in midfield for the Saints, hoping to be called up for Tuchel's new England.

It looks like the weakened Hammers will be going out after ten minutes when Kilman's header is gathered by Scienza who slaloms across the area without a challenge and slides it past Herrick. "One-nil to the empty seats!" chant the West Ham fans, referencing the empty stand at St Mary's.

But slowly the Irons grow into the game. Lamadrid has a shot, Kilman heads a corner wide and some nifty footwork from Piroe produces a good save.

West Ham are level when keeper Peretz gets under Orford's corner and Josh Ajala is at the back post to head home an easy first goal for the Hammers. 

The Irons take the lead early in the second half when Stephens' clearance falls to Ajala who scores with a quick finish. That's a lovely moment for Ajala who definitely has something about him and might save the club a lot of money.

Nuno brings on four first-teamers in Bowen, Castellanos, Engels and Solomon on 59 minutes. Golambeckis's long ball is gathered by the overlapping Veltman who sets up Taty for a tap-in. Encouragingly Taty is all smiles after his goal and doesn't look like a player who might seek a move before the window closes. Its gets better as Orford finds Bowen, who cuts inside the Saints' defence for a typical finish to make it 4-1.

There are a lot of positives from this. Ajala got two goals, Orford had two assists, Golambeckis and Herrick marked their full debuts with a win, it's more experience for Kante, Lamadrid and Mayers and Mukasa looks a skilful addition for the season. Agent Nigel reports that Veltman was excellent too.

This is a morale-boosting result after the Charlton defeat and now some of these players must be pushing to start at Watford. The Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff remains on. Come on you Irons! 

Defensive woes gift win to Addicks

West Ham United 1 Charlton Athletic 2

In the Best Meze Cafe we find a full turn-out of Nigel, Matt, Lisa, Big Sam and Michael. Matt is regaling us with stories of the colleague who thought Dannii Minogue was a man and then the ace trivia fact that Charlton's Nathaniel Chalobah once played six minutes for England.

Michael leaves early to buy a replica West Ham shirt with Bowen's name on the back. He's been talking about not renewing his season ticket all summer, drinking whisky after hours in Rick's Cafe and reminiscing about George Parris. But now, in Victor Lazlo fashion, we welcome him back to the fight — and this time we know our side probably won't win.

Before the match Mystic Matt has predicted that we need to keep any eye on the speedy Tyreece Campbell and that we don't want to concede an early goal as Charlton are strong defensively. So we duly concede a goal from a throw-in after seven minutes. Mavropanos and Kante leave it to each other, the ball bounces and Jones scores with an overhead kick. Hermansen could possibly have reacted a bit quicker.

For the rest of the half West Ham pass it round without any real penetration. Walker-Peters is lucky when he is robbed and Leaburn fires into the side netting on the break. Solomon looks lively and has a goal-bound shot blocked and that's about it. Engels is busy but isn't as yet improving our dialectical materialism. Scarles gets in good crossing positions but can't find a free man and the double striker partnership of Castellanos and Piroe isn't working. Just before the break Scarles does find the head of Taty, but he can only head straight at Okonkwo.

At half-time there's a massive queue at the water point which makes you wonder if Thames Water are in charge. The second half sees Nuno brings on Orford for Kante. But before that change can bring results the Hammers are two goals down. The Greek Bloke should play it simple to Kilman but instead tries to beat his man and is tackled by Leaburn. The Charlton striker finds Campbell who races through to score with a fine finish. Was that Dinos thinking he's still a Premier League player? You can't be complacent in this division and he's clearly missing Disasi alongside him. 

West Ham do give it a go after that. Orford looks after the ball well and Bowen responds to the crowd getting behind him. Solomon sets up Piroe for an effort saved by Okonkwo. Taty heads wide from Scarles' cross. Bowen can't quite connect from Piroe's cross. Nuno hauls off the Greek Bloke and Scarles for Veltman and Mukasa, our former Academy product now loaned back from Man City.

On 74 minuted comes a lifeline. Bowen gets in a decent cross, Taty's effort is saved by Okonkwo but Piroe is there to fire into the roof of the net for a good poacher's goal. Engels wins the ball to find Bowen and from Jarrod's cross Mukasa fires in a first-time shot that is brilliantly saved by the impressive Okonkwo. A good start from young Mukasa. Then Bowen cuts inside two defenders in a trademark run to fire just wide.

SPOT OF BOTHER

In the 93rd minute Solomon finds Mukasa who plays it to Orford on the edge of the box. His shot is blocked by our former man Conor Coventry with an outstretched arm and it's a penalty. There's mystification in the crowd as Castellanos goes to take it rather than Bowen. Has the official penalty-taker been changed? If not then Bowen should have asserted his authority as captain. It heaps pressure on Castellanos. He does one of those irritating stop-start penalties and strikes the ball against the post. If it's the last kick of the game then just blast it.

So it's a very poor start of one point from six. We've lost to a team managed by a character from a Bananarama song in Nathan Jones. Though had that penalty gone in we might have had something to hold on to. Still, some of the rancour online is a bit over-the-top. The Hammers certainly have to cut out the defensive errors, but the last half an hour was encouraging even if we need to improve the crossing and stop passing sideways. We have to remember that Piroe, Engels and Mukasa were making their debuts and Solomon was only in his second game. We managed to lose a game having 77 per cent possession and 25 shots. On that basis results will surely come, though on the other hand Nuno could be gone if we don't get results against Watford, Wolves and Derby.

In the Eagle the Guinness is refreshingly cold and Nigel is reminiscing about 1970s quiz show Mr and Mrs and Mind Your Language and why Richard O'Sullivan supported Southampton in Man About The House, while Michael knows a lot about The Golden Shot. Michael is fresh from watching Mark Almond supporting Bucks Fizz and proudly displays a picture of himself with Jay Aston. 

Meanwhile Matt has discovered that Piroe is the 100th West Ham player to score on his debut and asks us to name the rest. Nigel and Sam are heading to Southampton on Tuesday and you wonder what sort of side Nuno will put out. The big game is now against Elton John's boys on Saturday. We have to acclimatise to this division and quickly.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Walker-Peters 5, Mavropanos 4 (Veltman 6), Kilman 6, Scarles 6 (Mukasa 6); Engels 6, Kante 5 (Orford 7); Bowen 7, Castellanos 5, Piroe 6, Solomon 6. 

Hammers blow lead in claret and blue derby: Fullkrug and AWB go while Piroe signs

Burnley 2 West Ham 2

Watched this one at the Royal Oak in Lewes while on a mini-break in Sussex. The Irons' game has one screen while the rest of the pub is watching some minor match between Arsenal and Man City. 

My pint of Long Man is good and the Hammers stroke it around quite well early on. WHU take an early lead when Bowen's corner is nodded home by Max Kilman, who has lost his marker. His first goal for the club and a confidence-booster for Max.

Manor Solomon is giving the Hammers a better shape on the left but the eager but callow centre midfield of Kante and Orford is prone to getting caught on the break. Burnley slice a good chance wide and Hermansen's poor clearance also gifts them a chance. But at the break West Ham seem to be in control.

Pablo goes off injured at half-time and on comes James Ward-Prowse. Burnley come out looking much more determined. We forget to mark Flemming. First the Burnley man heads against the post and then has another header headed off the line by Ollie Scarles.

Bowen can't really get into the game and Taty is well-marshalled, but it looks over when Kante makes a surging run down the right, just keeping the ball in play, and fires in a low cross that is parried out by the Weiss and Solomon is on hand to shoot home.

It looks like an easy win from there on until the 83rd minute when Scarles, who has played well otherwise, lunges in and gives a penalty away with a rash challenge on Edwards. Flemming duly converts.

West Ham drop deep England-style and concede several corners. In the 92nd minute there's a melee from a corner and Flemming is on hand to scuff it home. Nice to know we still can't hold on to a lead. Burnley deserve their point and this is proof it won't be easy in the Championship.

A point away from home isn't a disaster, particularly with Kante and Orford making their full league debuts, but the Hammers need to be more ruthless. Michael the Whovian makes an interesting point on WhatsApp when he notes that we faded after Pablo went off. His heresy du jour is that, "although he doesn't score Pablo is very effective in closing down the back four and defensive midfielders. He breaks them up. He also brings balance to the side and gives confidence to Taty."

At least Engels might improve our means of production. Now Fullkrug has departed on loan to Bremen, probably still very angry, and Wan-Bissaka has been loaned to Aston Villa. We've finally signed a striker in Joel Piroe from Leeds, who looked very effective in the Championship where he was top scorer when Leeds won the title, but couldn't really do it in the Premier League. Encouragingly the Dutch-born striker and Surinam international also scored a goal every two games for Swansea in the Championship during his two seasons in Wales. 

He might be the next Ricardo Vaz Te as he failed to score for Leeds in 16 Premier League games but can certainly play at this level — and did have to compete with Calvert-Lewin last season. My fellow season-ticket holder Matt points out that West Ham have never had a player called Joel and in the space of a few days now have two in Joel Piroe and Joel Veltman. Billy Joel might be arriving next.

So let's see what Charlton can do on Saturday when confronted with a full house at the London Stadium. The rebuild is still underway, but we have to pick up points at home. COYI!

Engels arrives to improve condition of the East London working classes

West Ham seem to have finally got their man with Arne Engels having a medical after the club agreed a £22m fee with Celtic, rising to £25m with add-ons — a record signing for the Championship. Bids for Lenin and Marx have not as yet been accepted, though admittedly these might be a hard sell in Clacton. But full marks to the club for only signing players with an eye to headlines for this blog.

Nils Koppen has made a big effort to sign him and presumably Nuno sees him as performing a similar role too Mateus Fernandes. He's billed as a right-sided midfielder who can also play at right-back. As he won't be replacing Jarrod Bowen he'll presumably be alongside him on the centre right of midfield. Looking at the videos, which is never entirely reliable, he seems to be a hard-working box-to-box midfielder who is good at receiving the ball and turning. He's scored a few goals for Celtic and can also take decent corners. Arne is a famous Belgian who has won the league with Celtic, which is certainly an improvement on signing players from relegated clubs. He should have a winning mentality. Will we be loving Engels instead? Let's hope so.

Wisdom of Solomon?

So Manor Solomon has arrived from Spurs for £5 million with £2 million extra if West Ham get promoted. Football wise he solves a problem on the left wing. Always thought he looked pretty handy at Fulham when he scored five goals in 25 appearances, many as a sub, during the 2022-23 season. He won the league three times with Shakhtar Donetsk in Ukraine. What will have impressed the club most is the role he played in winning Leeds the Championship title in 2024-25, scoring ten goals and getting 12 assists. He's a fine crosser and good at drifting in at the back post. Solomon can clearly do it at Championship level. Manor didn't have much of a look-in at Spurs last season and was loaned to Villareal and Fiorentina, scoring there goals and getting a few more assists despite mainly being a sub.

Politically, buying Solomon will be controversial after Israel's decimation of Gaza. He did his national service in the Israeli Defence Force in 2017, but wouldn't have had any choice in that. Solomon also posted support for his country and the victims of the Hamas atrocities on October 7th which is understandable and claims not to have made any anti-Palestine statements. I'm not sure what else he has said online, though he's apparently been pro-Israel in the war, but as a general principle it would be wrong to hold any one Israeli citizen accountable for the genocidal actions of Netanyahu's government. Solomon has said he doesn't want to talk about politics on signing for West Ham and that seems best for all as the last thing the cub needs is more controversy. He's a footballer primarily and joins Eyal Berkovic and Yossi Benayoun in the list of Israeli Hammers. Let's see what he can do.

Taty and Bowen see off Pompey

West Ham United 3 Portsmouth 1 (Carabao Cup, first round)

"Only Jesus can save you," read the banners held by the God Squadders outside Stratford station, which is a little pessimistic for a new season. In the Best Meze Cafe are Matt and Lisa, fresh from a safari in Tanzania where they saw three lions but missed the World Cup semi-final. After special pleading we are allowed to order off the breakfast menu and our food arrives with unusual alacrity. 

Outside the London Stadium they're no longer selling programmes, while inside the official programme tent has sold out. A lad is dispatched to get extra boxes and after a ten-minute wait I finally get my programme with Lamadrid on the front but no column from any of our numerous owners. Worryingly we're 21st after no games in the first published league table of the season.

We're joined by Nigel and CQ soaking up the big-game atmosphere. It's a record attendance of 53,369 for a League Cup first round tie and yet more proof of the West Ham' fans incredible loyalty.

A nice surprise is seeing Edson Alvarez in midfield. If we can keep him the big Mexican World Cup star can surely do a job in the Championship and he's ok here. David Sullivan is at the match and is informed by the fans that the Cockney Boys have got a new defender.

It's a nervy first 40 minutes from the Hammers as Portsmouth force several corners. Alvarez gets in a header straight at the keeper from a corner, but Kante looks out of position on the left and Orford isn't seeing much of the ball. The hydration break comes as a relief, though most West Ham fans seem to have hydrated on beer. "You sold your soul for this shithole!" chant the 9000 away fans, not very originally. Meanwhile Matt has had his first doubts of the season about the match day officials.

Pompey take the lead when Kilman heads clear but Segecic shoots from long-range and it deflects in off the unlucky Max. Hermansen spills but retrieves another long-range effort and that seems to wake West Ham up.

Two minutes before the break Orford does well to find Scarles on the left. He plays it to Kante who drives into the box and produces a great pull-back to bamboozle his man and then crosses for Taty Castellanos to score with a controlled finish. That was the 20-year-old Kante's first assist and a sign of the player he could become.

Deep into added time Scarles does well to head Alvarez's long ball back to Pablo. After a quick exchange of passes Pablo blunders into the box and slightly overruns it, but there is Jarrod Bowen to thump home a fine strike that takes a deflection off Shaughnessy. That's an assist for Pablo which might do his confidence some good.

At half-time Matt is amazed when Nigel goes early and eats his lucky banana, but the lad is undoubtedly feeling confident and even suggests that soft fruit might not affect the outcome. Meanwhile CQ has miraculously found some cups and free club water which she dispenses like a latter-day Florence Nightingale.

The Irons start the second half with good intensity and Walker-Peters and Bowen combine well on the right as Taty is foiled by a fine block from Devlin. KWP and Jarrod combine again on 50 minutes as Jarrod looks up to cross on to the head of Castellanos to make it 3-1.

The game is disjointed after that, with injuries and hydration breaks and one Pompey effort going just wide. Ward-Prowse gets his first minutes under Nuno and doesn't seem too popular with the away fans.

Orford forces a save from Schmid. Veltman comes on for ten minutes and looks lively on the right. His run sees Pablo, under pressure, strike the post. Will the Portugeezer ever score for West Ham? Late on Max Kilman, who has played well, makes a great interception and run from defence to set up Kyle Walker-Peters whose shot is well saved by Schmidt. It's good to see Josh Ajala get his debut for the final two minutes.

We hastily trek to the Eagle after persuading Matt not to take on the Pompey away crew. Here there's a solitary bottle of Ruddles in the fridge, plus Guinness, wine and Corona to take into the garden. Nigel's been to see Metallica in Cardiff and even better another heavy metal outfit called the Wurzels. While Matt's very excited to be going to Erith & Belvedere versus Billingshurst in the FA Cup and Lisa reminisces about giraffes, a bloat of hippos, hyenas and jackals in the Serengeti.

So a decent start to the season though the squad needs more signings. The full-backs played well, Kilman and the Greek Bloke looked solid at the back and Taty and Bowen will always score goals. Kante got an assist and Orford grew into the game though a midfield creator and a left winger are still needed. Now the proper stuff starts at Burnley. Come on you Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Hermansen 6; Walker-Peters 7, Kilman 7, Mavropanos 6, Scarles 7; Alvarez 6 (Diouf 6), Orford 6, Kante 6 (Ward-Prowse 6); Bowen 8 (Ajana n/a), Castellanos 8 (Veltman 7), Pablo 6.

The Cockney Boys have got a defender

West Ham have finally made our second signing of the summer in Joel Veltman on a free from Brighton. At 34 he's not one for the future, but can certainly do a job for the coming season. I've seen him score against West Ham (most players have) in the 4-0 defeat at Brighton in 2023 and Veltman is a good solid Premier League defender. He made 24 appearances for Brighton last season and helped them finish eighth and qualify for the Uefa Conference League. He's won three titles with Ajax, has 28 international caps with the Netherlands and should provide leadership and experience at the back. Veltman can play at both right-back and centre back which will provide competition to Walker-Peters, Mavropanos and Kilman.

Meanwhile Freddie Potts has gone to Bruges for £10 million. It's always sad to see an Academy player go particularly when he's the son of Steve Potts. It's a little surprising he's been let go, but the money will count as pure profit and suggests that Nuno is confident of signing Engels from Celtic. The gaffer clearly sees potential in 20-year-old Mohamadou Kante in central midfield while Magassa will hopefully thrive in a lower division and Soucek will return at some stage. Then there's Lewis Orford and James Ward-Prowse might be back in favour too. Potts will be a steady midfielder for Bruges but could have struggled for game time this season, so his departure might be good for his career.

Meanwhile Kretinsky and Amanda Staveley are locked in a two-month battle to buy WHU shares, with David Sullivan possibly deciding who gets ultimate control and becoming even richer in the process. It's not great to have even more uncertainty, but there's £155 million banked and several more signings required. Let's hope Veltman is the first of many.

Deal or no deal? Staveley overtakes Kretinsky in fight for Gold shares?

Just when West Ham needed clarity on who runs the club the news comes that Vanessa Gold has now decided to sell her shares to Amanda Staveley, influential deal-maker with the Middle East and former part-owner of Newcastle United, plus her husband the Iranian businessman Mehrdad Ghodoussi, in partnership with Ashland Forest Capital Partners, whoever they might be. In June it was announced that Gold was selling to Kretinsky to make him the majority shareholder; now Vanessa Gold says that this deal, “could not be brought to fruition”. 

Meanwhile Kretinsky’s camp state that pre-emption rights still allow him to bid for Gold’s shares. A West Ham statement says this will take two months to sort out: “The proposed transaction will now be subject to a pre-emption rights process. This provides all existing shareholders with the opportunity to acquire their proportional percentage of shares in round one, and any remaining shares in round two. This process will take approximately two months and, until it is completed, nothing will change regarding the ownership structure of the Club.”

A spokesman for Kretinsky said: "The agreement we had reached with the Gold family in June provided stability for the club at a crucial time. Today's announcement does the opposite.

Staveley is certainly an interesting character. She is the daughter of wealthy Yorkshire businessman, went to private school and dropped out of Cambridge University. She then set up a restaurant called Stocks, close to Newmarket racecourse, through which she made contacts with lots of wealthy Middle Eastern racehorse owners. 

TALK OF THE TOON

Staveley founded a failed company called Q.ton, then moved to Dubai and advised on a number of big deals including Abu Dhabi investment in Barclays, Abu Dhabi’s ownership of Manchester City and the the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund’s purchase of Newcastle, which was criticised for sportswashing. 

She also made a bid for Spurs and once dated Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, facts which are probably best left off her CV. With gaffs in Park Lane and Dubai she presumably won’t be eating in the Best Meze Cafe before games. She’s also been diagnosed with Huntington’s Disease, a condition made worse by stress, so West Ham might not be the wisest move.

Judging by her time at Newcastle Staveley is good at fronting a club and not a woman to be messed with. But can she work with Kretinsky if her bid is successful? Meanwhile David Sullivan is still the club’s biggest shareholder.

On the football front West Ham have had a bid for Engels knocked back by Celtic. He’s reportedly checking out the condition of the working class in Essex before deciding if he wants to move to Das Kapital. In the 1-1 draw at Magdeburg Kante looked quite strong and effective in a central midfield role and Mavropanos and Kilman did well at the back, though it’s hard to read much into these games. Meanwhile Freddie Potts looks to be on his way to Bruges. 

But most of the interesting stuff is happening off the pitch. Will the ownership battle affect the players? We have to hope not. Would Staveley try to bring in her old gaffer Eddie Howe? The last thing the club needs is two months of not knowing who is really in charge.

Massive: The Miracle of Prague by Pete May is available from Biteback Publishing, price 12.99

Summerville goes: Greek Bloke to stay?

So Jimmy Summerville has finally left us this way. Somehow the Kretinsky regime has got us cheering on selling our best players, basically because we’re getting over the odds for them. Jimmy was set to move to Roma for £50m before Al-Hilal stepped in with a £60m offer. It’s a strange career move for a 24-year-old, but perhaps the reported £1000-an-hour wages helped. That’s £145m in the bank for the club from selling Fernandes and Summerville.

Summerville had a great World Cup and a cracking last half of the season for WHU. But he is very injury-prone and missed half of his initial season with injury while taking a long time to get up to speed in 2025-26. However he very nearly kept us up and I’ll remember his fine body swerve before scoring at Fulham, plus vital goals at Spurs and Burnley. He had a good goal disallowed against Forest and was very unlucky hitting the bar against Brentford. Good luck in Saudi Jimmy, though they might not play the Communards much there.

Meanwhile Dinos Mavropanos has been offered a new contract and the chance of staying a year to hopefully take WHU up. It would be a filip to keep him, so let’s hope Kretinsky can do a Bowen and impress the Greek Bloke.

FRIENDLY FIRE

Of course players now need to be bought, though looking at the pre-season friendlies there are a lot of young players who might fancy getting games in the Championship namely Orford, Earthy, Golambeckis, Potts, Scarles, Magassa, Mayers, Kante and Marshall. Might forgotten man James Ward-Prowse be retained for his dead-balls? And could Kilman recover his confidence in the Championship? We’ve even seen Maxwel Cornet playing in the friendly at Stevenage, as viewed by Chris Packham. Nuno has to assess what we now have very carefully.

Another good thing is that now Karren Brady has departed the relationship between the club and London Stadium LLP seems to be improving. It has to with the stadium losing them £19m a year. Chair Lyn Garner has suggested painting the seats claret and blue in order to make the stadium “less sterile” and playing women’s games there which West Ham would fund and seems a good idea. Though playing more away games early on to facilitate September concerts is a non-starter.

Overall we’ve got the cash the club wanted by selling just two players, Bowen is staying and the club seems to be making progress off the field. Now the Hammers just need to sign some players.

Massive: The Miracle of Prague by Pete May is available from Biteback Publishing, price 12.99.

Jarrod Bowen's on hire

It’s a huge boost to West Ham’s promotion hopes that Jarrod Bowen is staying at the club. Even more significantly it’s a sign that Daniel Kretinsky is taking a hands-on interest in running the club after years of David Sullivan blunders. Jarrod flew to Prague to talk to Kretinsky and director Jiri Svarc and said, “the ambition that I got from them, certainly in terms of the direction the club wants to move in, it interests me a lot.” Bowen has signed a revised contract which reportedly gives him the option of leaving if West Ham don't gain promotion, so it's all down to next season.

Bowen will have been helped by the fact that wife Danni Dyer is a Hammers’ fan, as is father-in-law Danny Dyer, now a sex symbol on Rivals. Danny presumably had a few words with young Jarrod about how to be a top geezer. Interestingly Bowen mentions happiness as being one of his priorities and he’s probably concluded that one season at a mid-level Premier League club couldn't match being a lifelong hero at West Ham for showing such loyalty. His winner in Prague cemented the bond between captain and fans and Jarrod mentions he will be a fan himself when he retires — there’s a space next to us in the Billy Bonds stand if he’s interested.

JARROD MARCHES ON

Despite the lack of signings we’re seeing signs the club is finally being run properly. Fifty thousand season tickets sold is phenomenal for a relegated club. We got £20m more cash than expected for Mateus Fernandes. A new head of player recruitment has been appointed in Nils Koppen and Rui Pedro Silva has come in as Nuno’s assistant having worked with him at several previous clubs.

The best thing about Bowen staying is that it might encourage other players to remain loyal, hopefully including the Greek Bloke who scored in the friendly at Southend. Summerville will go as will Todibo and probably Wan-Bissaka, but we stand a chance of keeping most of the squad intact. A 46-game marathon is coming up and with Jarrod still an Iron the club feels a lot more united. 

Massive: The Miracle of Prague by Pete May is available from Biteback Publishing, price 12.99.

The West Ham Syndrome and my part in it

Here's some more podcast banter while we wait for West Ham to unveil a plethora of new signings. Enjoyed chatting to Max and Andrew on the West Ham Syndrome about the books what I wrote. Click on the link to sample. 

Draft includer: West Ham's greatest relegation XI

Good fun as always to appear on the Stop! Hammer Time podcast. This time we had a version of the US Draft system, with four managers — myself, Jim Grant, Steve Law and Trevor Drane — picking sides of players relegated with West Ham. The four managers took it in turns to select four really high-quality sides. Trevor Brooking went first of course, but West Ham have also managed to relegate players like Bonds, Devonshire, Martin, Di Canio, McAvennie, Carrick, Cole, Johnson, Bowen, Parkes, Dicks, Lampard Senior and many other brilliant players. Five relegations and a lot of mismanagement has gone into that achievement. Still we enjoyed doing it and to find out our selections click on the link.

Fernandes off to Spurs for £85 million

So Mateus Fernandes is leaving for Spurs for £85 million. No-one likes selling players but West Ham have got the price they wanted. A shame it’s Spurs, but this is a pretty good deal. Fernandes is a really good player, but he’s also been relegated in successive seasons and is not the finished article yet. He’s still prone to giving away dangerous free-kicks outside his own box and needs to improve his finishing, witness the chance that was saved by Raya against Arsenal. 

He’s certainly got brilliant potential and really prospered when Paqueta left and he was the main creator in the side, but I’d put his current value at about £60 million. We paid £38 million for him year ago and sold him for £85 million so that’s a tidy gain of £47 million. It’s not often West Ham make that kind of profit so let’s give poor old Graham Potter a bit of credit for signing him. 

Not all will be happy. As my pal Lisa says we should stop selling players to Spurs as they keep breaking them, as in Mo Kudus. All we can hope is that Fernandes can achieve a hat-trick of relegations with Tottenham.

Much will depend on how West Ham spend the money this summer. Jimmy Summerville is likely to go too and will get a good price following his fine World Cup. Todibo will definitely go and possibly Wan-Bissaka, though please not Jarrod Bowen. We’ve got to hope that with a new director of football appointed soon and no interference from David Sullivan, recruitment might become less scattergun. So far Disasi has returned to Chelsea, Traore has been released and the kid from Caracas Kieber Lamadrid has signed for around £1 million. 

Off the pitch things are improving. Boyle Sports is continuing with its sponsorship and the club is consulting over a new badge, a shrewd PR move after Sullivan and Brady dumped the Boleyn Castle and plonked “London” on the crest. But we now need players. It’s not long till the August kick-off and with money in the bank the Hammers have to start a serious rebuild.

Kretinsky in control

Well, it's got to be good news that David Sullivan is being edged out at West Ham. Daniel Kretinsky is buying more shares from the Gold family, which would take his stake up to 43 per cent through 1890 Holdings, which is part of EP. 

The club statement claims the board did not know the extent of the allegations against Sullivan — which he denies — until Monday's Panorama was broadcast. That statement from Kretinsky and Vanessa Gold says the right things: “We were deeply concerned by the revelations made by The Times and Panorama this week and our thoughts go out to those women who have fought so hard to make their voices heard. Any abuse of power is abhorrent, and it takes great courage and determination to speak up against it."

On a football level it seems encouraging that Kretinsky wants to, "stabilise West Ham United, retain as many of our key players as possible and, under the management of Nuno Espírito Santo, secure an immediate return to the Premier League." There is an encouraging line on finance, reading: "As the largest shareholder, group EP will be able to provide the additional financing the club needs."

Importantly all the shareholders, Kretinsky, Vanessa Gold and minority shareholders Tripp Smith, Daniel Harris and Terry Brown, have all said they will vote together, effectively sidelining Sullivan. We do have to remember that Kretinsky is an unknown quantity and gives very little away in public. But he does seem to be professional in his dealings, has never been a pornographer and must have surely despaired over the way West Ham has been run in recent years. There is still a risk David Sullivan could exert a "pre-emptive right" to buy some of the Gold shares to match Kretinsky's share, according to the Times. Yet he must surely realise that his time at West Ham is up. Sponsors will be horrified at what has gone on and the new powers want to unite fans and club and now say they are not going to be forced to sell players. There just might be some hope for the future.

Time for Sully to sell-up

Apart from Panorama's programme on our ex-co-chairman and front-page headlines for all the wrong reasons, plus relegation, no permanent chief executive, no director of football, a £104m loss last year and a likely fire sale, all is going well at West Ham. 

Now comes the news that after FA safeguarding concerns about an historical allegation, Sullivan has not been allowed to have contact with the women's side or youth teams for the past three years. Sullivan denies all the claims, made from the time when he was running the Sunday Sport. My first thought, beyond sympathy for the women involved, is what must the club sponsors and co-owner Daniel Kretinsky make of all this? Boyle Sports has already expressed concern and it comes to something when a gambling company is having ethical doubts.

Martin Samuel has a good summary of the situation in the Times. Sullivan's position is surely untenable after all this and also because he is being ridiculed every game by the fanbase. But the problem is that he still owns 38.8per cent of the club. Daniel Kretinsky is still in the process of trying to up his stake in the club to 40 per cent by buying shares from the Gold family. Sullivan is being investigated by the Football Regulator and it could force him to see his shares, though this might be difficult as he has not been charged by the police with any criminal offence. Otherwise Kretinsky or someone else has to make Sully an offer he can't refuse. Though there's still the risk that he might want to pass on his shares on to his sons.

As Samuel writes, we really do need to hear from the Sphinx, aka Daniel Kretinsky. My hunch is that he is after buying the London Stadium and the land around it and doing some lucrative redevelopments. But how interested is he in the football team and will he put money money into getting WHU promoted? If David Sullivan does sell-up and the Hammers get a new owner then we might at least be entitled to a little optimism.

Sully steps down, Nuno stays and the rebuild starts

Well, it's taken ten days in Italy to try and recover from relegation. Also been touting for West Ham talent in Serie Z with a budget of ten Euros. It was certainly interesting to see the Roman Arena in Verona, which is a little reminiscent of the London Stadium. It's hosted everything from gladiators to opera. No doubt the away fans chanted that the Romans sold their soul for this shithole. Perhaps there were some fans who preferred the old Arena to a corporate bowl, disliked the chariot racing track and wanted Caesar out. 

Sitting on the marble seats and standing in the concourse it's surprising to think how little stadiums have changed in 2000 years, though it's a bit less bloodthirsty these days unless Millwall are playing. Had my fellow season ticket holders Matt and Nigel been around two millennia ago they would have been seeking out obscure arenas for contests between non-league gladiators.

SULLIVAN QUITS

No sooner are we back in Blighty than the news arrives that David Sullivan is stepping down as West Ham chairman to fight "serious historical allegations", which he denies. It's hard to comment further until these allegations are aired on the BBC and in the Times, but in football terms Sullivan going as chairman will be celebrated by most fans. West Ham won a European trophy in 2023 as a positive, but against that must be set two relegations, a £104m loss last year, flip-flopping between contrasting managers and various directors of football, terrible recruitment, allowing David Moyes to go twice, appointing Avram Grant, interfering in transfers, moving the club to a rented stadium that isn't purpose-built for football and allowing the club to be overtaken by Brighton, Bournemouth, Brentford, Fulham and Crystal Palace.

Co-owner Daniel Kretinsky already appears to be taking a more active role by insisting that Nuno stays as manager. Continuity is no bad thing even if Nuno has a worrying tendency to tinker, as at Newcastle and when he played Soucek and Irving in central midfield and inverted the full-backs against Brentford and Leeds. Football is a simple game and sometimes playing people in their best positions is better than trying to go all Guardiola. But Nuno proved himself a decent manager at Wolves and Forest and undoubtedly improved the spirit and performances of West Ham in the latter part of the season.

There's a nucleus of promising youngsters that Nuno selected last season in Kante, Mayers, Scarles, Potts, Orford, Earthy and Marshall. Fernandes and Summerville seem certain to go and Wan-Bissaka, Diouf and Castellanos are attracting interest, while Todibo has to go after his fall-out with Nuno. But with Sullivan gone and Kretinsky or a new co-owner in charge could we keep a core of experienced players not least Jarrod Bowen? Retaining Soucek and the Greek Bloke would give us a chance in the Championship and without Sullivan we might even get a more data-driven recruitment department. Let's get some gladiators in. It's certainly never dull at West Ham.