We're down to the diehards in the Billy Bonds Stand. Lisa has arrived from a lonely vigil in the Best Cafe and Nigel, who has been busy researching his list of top ten pubs in the world, is present with his giant sausage. Matt is working from home with one eye on the score and Michael is away with his folios.
Aaron Cresswell is injured in the warm-up so Coufal is back in and Wan-Bissaka plays left-back. The new signings all get a run out but West Ham struggle to break down a neat-passing Cherries side as Hill heads wide for Bournemouth early on.
The annoying fan behind us gives a running commentary on the game and already seems to have it in for Fullkrug. The big German looks isolated, as were Haller and Scamacca, but he does fire wide a long range effort early on. He then gets his head on a corner, but Soucek hits the half-chance over.
Wan-Bissaka looks like he could become a bit of a cult figure, defying his Man United critics by getting forward well from the unfamiliar position of left back and combining well with Jimmy Summerville. The Irons' best move sees Kilman and Fullkrug combine to release Summerville. But Crysencio slices over when he should score. Before the break Bournemouth almost take the lead as Quattara's brilliant heel-flick is superbly saved by Fabianski.
It's not been a great half. The most interesting thing is the half-time mascot race between Hammerhead and Teddy Bear. And the fact that Summerville is in gloves - in August.
Summerville cuts inside to shoot just wide, but Bournemouth then start to dominate the second half. Mavropanos is on for Todibo, but he loses Evanilson, who gets behind the Greek to scuff wide when he should score. Tavernier hits the post with a free kick and then gets behind Dinos again only to shoot wide when he should have squared it. "Get Dinos off!" messages the getting angry from home Matt.
Dinos then does some good stuff at the other end, intercepting well to set up Bowen for a shot that is parried by Neto. By now Loppy has been forced to bring on Paqueta and Kudus in an effort to avoid penalties. This raises the crowd as does a great tackle from Wan-Bissaka.
With 88 minutes gone Paqueta dinks it into the box. Bowen is tackled but the ball falls to Kudus. Mo's drive hits Bowen and is deflected into the net. Jarrod runs to our corner as the Bournemouth players claim for handball. Luckily there's no VAR in the Carabao Cup as the ball does appear to hit Jarrod's arm. though it was impossible to tell in real time.
We'll take the win though. We head off to Ye Olde Black Bull for Brixton Pale Ale and Diet Coke, anticipating the draw for the next round. But in a shocking disregard of the spirit of cup competitions, this year the big teams in Europe are kept apart in a separate pool, and all seem to get drawn at home too.
As soon as Liverpool comes out of the bag we know what's coming next. "Liverpool ffs" is Matt's cryptic message. This happened last season too.They really shouldn't have the draw immediately after a hard-fought win. Let us savour the game for a day before announcing we're drawn away to Liverpool or Man United, as is always the case. Infamy, infamy.
The Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew Gardens isn't looking very likely, but at least it was a good run-out for the new boys and a very decent crowd of 47,000. Next comes the small matter of Manchester City.
PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Coufal 6, Kilman 7, Todibo 6 (Mavropanos 5), Wan-Bissaka 7; Soucek 5, Ward-Prowse 5 (Rodriguez 6), Alvarez 6 (Paqueta 6); Bowen 7, Summerville 6 (Emerson 5), Fullkrug 5 (Kudus 7).
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