Areola saves point for Hammers

West Ham 0 Brighton 0

It's a worrying line-up at the London Stadium, with Kudus and Aguerd absent in Africa, Paqueta and Zouma injured, and Coufal absent with flu amid reports that he is unhappy about his 35k wages and the club triggering just a one-year extension to his contract. This is a self-inflicted wound. Vlad's had a good season and it would cost £30m to replace him. Let's pay him more money and give him a two-year deal.

In the stand Nigel is still wearing his Hammers Christmas jumper and hoping to meet Danny Welbeck's dad Stan. Michael has returned after Covid and is sporting a scarf supporting a team called "London", while Matt and Lisa have seen West Ham superfan Chesney Hawkes perform The One and Only on a float going up Whitehall. Fraser has failed a late fitness test so we wish him a speedy recovery and return to the world of Moyesball. 

Brighton have a lot of absentees too, including Dunk, Mitoma, March and Fati. Matt remembers that the last time we beat Brighton we watched with my dog Vulcan, while Nigel suggests that Vulcan's favourite player is Dogbonna,

After a burst of Iron Maiden's The Trooper, the game kicks-off and both weakened teams start like it's a game too far. James Ward-Prowse has a volley saved by Steele and Benrahma cuts inside to shoot wide, but it's Brighton who make the better chances. 

Areola has to make a double save from Welbeck and Hinshelwood, while Gross sends a free header straight at the Hammers keeper. West Ham are really missing Paqueta and Kudus. Benrahma and Fornals are low on confidence, with Beni not willing to take his man on and Fornals getting rid of the ball too quickly.

At half-time there's not much to talk about except the real name of the late DJ Tommy Vance, which Matt reveals to be Richard Anthony Crispian Francis Prew Hope-Weston. Nigel eats his lucky banana in the hope of better fare to come.

YOU'LL NEVER BEAT THE FONZ

The second half becomes a battle between Areola and the Brighton forwards as he foils Welbeck. Areola has to make a low save from Estupinan. Then Joao Pedro dribbles through most of the defence only to fire straight at the Fonz.

West Ham do have a great chance though. Benrahma finally comes to life and gets in a cross that is deflected by a defender into the path of Soucek. Somehow Tomas pokes wide of a gaping goal. 

Brighton sense a late winner but luckily Alvarez does another fine screening job, Mavropanos and Ogbonna are solid at the back again and Johnson does ok at right back. On 72 minutes Nigel hopes for Divin inspiration as Mubama comes on, only to be offered a series of long balls over his head. Though just as Beni was starting to do a bit better he's been hooked again.

Brighton's sub Ferguson spins and fires wide of the post. Matt wonders who the promising number six is that is dominating midfield, and we discover that it's James Milner. A winner seems inevitable, but Moder fires a great chance over the bar. Finally Lallana's low shot is expertly tipped away by Areola.

It's a decent result to get a point while playing so badly, even if Brighton would have struggled to hit a cow's posterior with a banjo. We have a decent first team but this is proof the squad needs strengthening in the window.

We head to the Eagle where the only other Hammers fans are the group that always beat us there, perhaps travelling by matter transfer.The darts is on the TV where some bloke called Luke is now going to play Luke Littler in the final, who looks 16 going on 35. Michael says he has seen Darts live, though it's the band variety. Matt has a whisky and is surely drunk when he says the ref had a good game.

The final act of the evening is for Michael to hand out his delayed Christmas cards, which contain photos of himself posing with Hammerhead and Bubbles the Bear, plus the Europa Conference League Trophy.

We're left to absorb the fact that this is the first goalless draw in 101 games at the London Stadium and Brighton's first clean sheet in 23 games. While West Ham have either conceded nought or five goals in their last seven games, with five clean sheets and two five-goal thrashings. And to be super-positive we're unbeaten this year. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 9; Johnson 6, Mavropanos 7, Ogbonna 7, Emerson 6; Alvarez 7, Soucek 5, Ward-Prowse 6, Fornals 5, Benrahma 5 (Mubama 5); Bowen 6.