You should have stayed with a big club!

West Ham 3 Arsenal 1 (Carabao Cup)

It's the Declan Rice derby with another unusual kick-off time of 7.30pm. Lots of fans seem to have problems with their tickets and there are big delays for the Best Cafe contingent with Mystic Matt missing the first 17 minutes. Nigel, CQ and Fraser make up our number. Ward-Prowse, Zouma and Antonio are rested by the Hammers, while Arsenal play a side of squad players though with plenty of big names like Trossard, Jorginho, Havertz and Nketiah.

"Declan Rice he left 'cos you're shit!" chant the Gunners' fans. The home crowd respond with:"We know what we are... Champions of Europe!" The Arsenal fans have forgotten about our new signing Schadenfreude. 

Fabianski has to tip over a header from Havertz early on. But there's a feeling we can win this under the lights. A fine ball from Alvarez to Kudus sees Arsenal concede a corner. Bowen whips it in and Ben White rises brilliantly to head it in. It's probably best not to dye your hair peroxide blonde if you're going to score an own goal like that. 

Mavroponos starts impressively and makes a great surging run from his own half to win a corner. Trossard crosses for Nketiah to chip over but generally West Ham contain Arsenal well. The Gunners make a lot of passes without really penetrating the Irons defence.

At half-time we enjoy our 1-0 lead and implore Nigel not to eat his lucky banana or indeed his lucky apple as things are going well. Unusually the Hammers come out strongly after the break. Paqueta finds Bowen with a great disguised pass and Jarrod's shot is palmed away by Ramsdale.  

Four minutes into the second half Nayef Aguerd plays a sweeping long ball into the box. Kudus takes a great first touch to beat Zinchenko and with his left foot fires through the legs of Gabriel and into the corner. He turns his back to the crowd and points to his name on his shirt. Now that was quality.

"West Ham are massive!" reverberates round the stadium as Arsenal bring on someone called Declan Rice. He's greeted with mainly cheers and some boos. It's three when Coufal, who has had a storming game, races down the line to cross. Ben White heads out and Bowen fires it back into the net via a slight deflection. That's one goal and an assist for White on his Hammers debut.

Declan Rice is regaled with choruses of "You should have signed for a big club!" though "You should have stayed with a big club!" might be more appropriate. The only worry is that there are 30 minutes left as Arsenal bring on Odegaard, Saka, Martinelli and Tomiyasu. But West Ham see the game out comfortably as Kudus has another good effort deflected wide for a corner. Huge gaps open up in the away end where the part-timers have left.

It's in the 96th minute when Odegaard scores a consolation with the last kick of the game. Mavropanos defends with his hands behind his back again which annoys Matt, but we'll take 3-1. It's very West Ham to lose to Everton and beat Arsenal. Declan gives the West Ham fans a wave at the end which is a nice touch. Maybe he wants to come home.

We meet Big Sam and walk in the rain to the Eagle, which is celebrating its new landlady. There's East London Pale Ale in the fridge and joy in the air as Nigel tells us about seeing two teams with an 'x' in their name (Felixstowe versus Wroxham) and we watch Newcastle thrash Man United on the TV. Then comes the draw for the quarter-finals. We want Port Vale at home but get Liverpool away. 

West Ham never seem to have much luck in the draws for the domestic cups. But still, we've inflicted Arsenal's first defeat of the season. This was so much better than the Everton game. Bowen and Kudus were lively up front, Paqueta was creative throughout, and Alvarez and Soucek mopped up everything in front of the defence. Benrahma was quiet on the left but we looked better balanced overall with Lucas in the middle. Now we need to take this form into the Brentford match. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Coufal 7, Mavropanos 7, Aguerd 7, Emerson 7; Soucek 6, Alvarez 7, Paqueta 7, Benrahma 6 (Ward-Prowse n/a); Kudus 8 (Kehrer n/a), Bowen 8.