Late double secures win at Turf Moor

Burnley 1 West Ham 2

We're getting to an away match thanks to Nigel's old university chum David, a Burnley fan living in Brighton, who has acquired tickets for Burnley's 1882 Lounge. 

It's an early start to catch the 8.30am train from Euston accompanied by The Gav. We change at Preston and discover that it's a rail replacement bus service (four of the most dreaded words in the English language) to Burnley. This takes us on a scenic tour through Blackburn and Accrington before we finally find Burnley nestling among the hills of northern England. It's a slow walk across the town centre and down Harry Potts Way to the main stand.

Here we meet Big Joe who has hot-footed it from a comedy gig in Leeds and the rest of the Irons gang, Nigel, Carolyn, Matt and Lisa who have been staying at a hotel in Kelbrook (where Edward Woodward stayed when filming The Wicker Man), along with the West Ham social media team, plus Michael who is enthusing about the cultural attractions of Burnley after a night in the Premier Inn. 

PASS THE BENEDICTINE

The 1882 Lounge has a series of circular tables with white table-cloths, a pay bar, curry for a tenner and free programmes. And it's much warmer than the concourse. Everyone is very friendly and our compere is a man with a Bill Bailey haircut and a Peter Kay accent. Matt and Lisa are knocking back the pre-match Benedictine. Burnley's links to Benedictine go back to world war one when soldiers from the Accrington Pals regiment developed a taste for it in France. Gavin and myself opt for pints of Wainwright, named after the famous fell-walker from Blackburn. The Gav then has to use all his charm with a waitress to secure a promise of possible pies at half-time.

We're all having a nice time in the warmth when a football match intervenes. We've got excellent seats right on the half way line and it's strange to be so close to the action. You feel you could easily run on to the pitch and mis-time a pass in the fashion of the Hammers. Fraser must be gutted to be missing a close-up view of David Moyes prowling his technical area.

West Ham never get going in a poor first half and the exertions of the international break have left the team looking jaded and lacking Bowen and Antonio. "Cum on Burnlee!" chant the home fans, sensing a first home win. The lively Koleosha works Areola and Rodriguez just fails to connect with an inviting cross. Late on there's a VAR penalty appeal after Coufal makes contact with the flying Koleosha, though thankfully it's deemed no foul. West Ham's final ball is awry and Ings is making no impression up front, admittedly with little service.

We retreat back to the 1882 Lounge at half-time where miraculously two pies have appeared for Gavin, which we take up to him in the stand. Just as we're taking our seats West Ham concede the obligatory goal after the break as Burnley are awarded a penalty. Koleosha has again dribbled into the box and the ref rules that Kudus has brought him down, though there's scarcely any contact. It's never a penalty, but Rodriguez duly converts. This calls for drastic measures, as Nigel eats his lucky banana. 

Burnley are now winning all the fifty-fifty balls, with Berge prominent, and this is surely going to be their first home win of the season. "Oh Divin Mubama!" sing the away fans. Moyes acts more quickly than usual, bringing on Mubama and Benrahma after 62 minutes. 

Burnley can't quite kill off the game, even though Zouma is obviously limping. Areola has to produce a fine low save from Amdouni's shot and then Burnley put a free header over the bar from the resulting corner. 

The subs make a difference for West Ham. Benrahma provides some width and Mubama puts himself about a bit as the main striker. It looks like we will huff and puff without scoring. Zouma has a header at the keeper, Paqueta fires an effort over and Beni sends a curler just wide. But even Ward-Prowse's corners are being cleared. 

FINALLY SOME KUDUS FOR HAMMERS

It doesn't look good after 88 minutes, though perhaps it's Nigel's lucky banana or Gavin's lucky pies, but suddenly Mohammed Kudus sparks into life. Faced with four defenders he brilliantly weaves his way past them to cross for a combination of Divin Mubama and Dara O'Shea to deflect the ball into the net. Mubama celebrates as if it's his goal, but it has come off Divin's knee on to O'Shea and into the net. 

At this stage we'll be grateful for a point. But Moyes' side has resilience even when playing badly, and the lads sense a winner in added time. Ward-Prowse's corner is cleared and the ball recycled to Mo Kudus on the right. He cuts inside Berge to waft in an inviting cross. Soucek has lost Jay Rodriguez and Tomas volleys in a fine winner. That's Soucek's sixth goal of the season already.

EUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM

"Champions of Europe we know what we are!" sing the West Ham fans as the Burnley faithful fire invective at their defence. The Clarets have now lost all seven home matches. We've been a bit lucky to get all three points today, but it's a talent to grind out results like this. 

After a post-match cup of tea in the 1882 Lounge we leave Michael to continue to sample the nightlife of the Premier Inn, Joe to return to Shropshire and the others to retreat to their hotel in the hills. 

Gavin and myself head off to the freezing Burnley Manchester Road station, where no rail replacement buses to Preston turn up. A forlorn Gavin sits on a road sign as we experience a Godot-like wait in left behind Britain. The West Ham fans sing a song about Burnley that uses similar language to James Cleverly on Stockton. 

The train company people have scarpered and the police say it's nothing to do with them. Eventually a Travel-line official arrives and says two buses have broken down and a replacement is coming from Leeds. After more than an hour waiting we give up and take a £35 cab to Preston where we make the last train to Euston. My away day has lasted from 8.30am to 11.30pm, but still, it's been worth a long day's journey into night to see an away game and a late smash and grab. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7: Coufal 6, Zouma 6, Aguerd 7, Emerson 5; Alvarez 5 (Benrahma 6), Ward-Prowse 5, Paqueta 5, Soucek 7; Kudus 8, Ings 4 (Mubama 7).