Sheffield soundly beaten

West Ham 2 Sheffield United 0

The big news in the Best Cafe is that Nigel has been to see the Black Sabbath ballet after returning from his holiday in France, where he saw Les Alignements at Carnac, a series of standing stones erected as an early defensive wall against James Ward-Prowse's free-kicks. Michael the Whovian is looking for a new title for his play and bemoaning the inflation rate in the caff, where everything now seems to cost a tenner, while also wondering if Martin Jarvis can stop the Zarbi at Brighton. 

At the London Stadium, we're joined by Matt and Lisa on their second of three West Ham matches this weekend, having seen the kids win 2-0 as well as watching the Blue Aeroplanes. Strangely Fraser is missing David Moyes' 900th league game in favour of a holiday in the sun and is replaced by Big Sam.

Aguerd makes a fine block from Archer, but after that Sheffield rarely threaten the Irons' goal. Early on Soucek misses a great chance from a Bowen cut-back and it looks like we might get a cricket score against a team that conceded eight last week. Ward-Prowse's whipped corner causes the usual mayhem, as Bowen header is saved by Foderingham and then Aguerd's follow-up is cleared off the line. Sheffield also survive a strong VAR appeal for hands from another corner.

The breakthrough comes on 24 minutes after good build-up from Alvarez and Soucek releases Coufal on the right. His low cross is calmly steered into the bottom of the net by Jarrod Bowen. The second arrives when Emerson cuts out a pass and finds Antonio, who plays a simple ball to the onrushing Soucek, who stabs home with a clever finish. That's three goals in three games for Tomas and three assists in a row for Vlad.

At half-time Big Sam confidently predicts a 5-0 win though Matt sagely says "this is West Ham" and predicts a nervy 2-1 victory. The second half sees an improved performance from Sheffield and West Ham take their feet off the pedal. Areola is only seriously troubled once, but we can't afford to coast like this against better sides. Still, a clean sheet is kept and sub Kudus has one mazy run, though it's a mystery why Paqueta ends the game up front. 

West Ham might have played within themselves, but there are no easy PL games, as Moyes points out, and 13 points is a fine return from seven games. Perhaps the side were saving themselves for the next match against a Lynyrd Skynyrd song, Freiburg.

We head off to the Eagle for East London Pale Ale from the fridge, where there's a long discussion on rudest politicians encountered and also if Chelsea will stay up. Nigel is on fire with his trivia, asking which team won 5-1 on the first day of the season and is now bottom of their division while the team it beat is now top. The answer is Sutton United who beat Notts County 5-1. 

West Ham might not have scored eight, but at least they haven't succumbed to a reaction from the Blades and in the end it was a very comfortable win. Twenty seven more points and we're safe. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Coufal 7, Zouma 7, Aguerd 6, Emerson 6; Alvarez 7 (Benrahma 6), Paqueta 6 (Mavropanos n/a), Soucek 7, Ward-Prowse 7; Bowen 7 (Fornals n/a), Antonio 6 (Kudus 5).