Hammers storm into semis with massive away win!

Lyon 0 West Ham 3 (Europa League)

It's a disastrous start to the evening. The Sky box has broken in the Lucky Pub, the Leicester Arms, so there's no football. Nigel, Martyn, Michael and myself head to the Glassblower opposite, where we are promised football by the barmaid upstairs and then denied it by the barman downstairs. 

Luckily Nigel manages to keep his head while about him are losing theirs and delves into his mind palace to reveal that the Blue Posts near Green Park has televised football. After a quick dash across the West End we arrive to meet Matt and Lisa, having missed the first 15 minutes of the match.

Barcelona versus Frankfurt is on the main screen for some reason but we do find the Irons in the subsidiary screens. Lyon have hit the post early on and after Dawson has to make a fine block in front of the line and Dembele stumbles with a chance — it looks like being a long evening in front of 50,000 noisy Lyon fans. 

The Hammers create a chance on the break when Antonio gets in a good cross and the stretching Bowen puts it just past the post. Nigel has his lucky Status Quo bag from the 2011 Quid Pro Quo tour, Michael is carrying the manuscript of his new play in a carrier bag, Fraser is cheering the Irons on from his local in Ilford and Matt is wearing his West Ham away shirt, earning the admiration of one of the Green Park locals. Can our kinetic force see the Irons through?

WEST HAM ARE MASSIVE

Mystic Michael is just saying that after the Brentford game we might as well give up on this season. Cue a West Ham corner. Fornals whips in a great ball and there is Craig Dawson wanting it more than anyone else, getting to the near post before the hesitant young keeper Pollersbeck to head in a great set-piece goal. From Radcliffe and Rochdale to Europa League glory.

A minute before the end of the half Johnson's cross is headed out by Palmieri and the unattended Rice calmly fires in the second. What sort of thing is happening here? We haven't won away since Kidderminster.

We retreat to the bar for more Neck Oil, wondering if this is really happening. The second half starts and there is Fornals playing a fine first-time ball through to Bowen, who is on fire, and scores with ease. Blimey. 

None of us have ever doubted Captain Moyes for a minute. Michael descends into chuckles for the rest of the half wondering who scripted this and what other set of fans would be so worried about being 3-0 up. We think of the West Brom and Wimbledon games which we lost 4-3 and Nigel has to be loudly admonished by Matt and Lisa for mentioning that we were 3-1 up in the 2006 FA Cup Final.

Areola has to make one decent save and Dembele spins only to fire over, but we hold out with relative ease. Credit to the heroic Dawson and Issa Diop for doing a quietly efficient job in place of Zouma and Antonio for his hard work holding the ball up. And what spirit Moyes has somehow instilled in this small squad.

As we enter four minutes of added time we start to think we mighty actually do it. And we do, 46 years after our last semi-final WHU are playing Eintracht Frankfurt again. A beaming Moyes is on the pitch as the players celebrate.

So all we have to do for the semi-final away leg is ensure we go to a pub with a broken box, miss the first 15 minutes of the match and make sure that Nigel has his lucky Status Quo bag and Michael has a play manuscript with him. Easy. And we certainly have a new lucky — and expensive — pub. What a night. Irons!