We are staying up!

West Ham 3 Watford 1

My pal the Vicar's Son will have been pleased to hear David Moyes quoting the Archbishop of Canterbury before the match, suggesting the Irons "promise less and deliver more."  That could equally apply to the board as well as the players, no more promises of Champions League football, the next level and a world class team to fill a world class stadium please.

So it's another nervous night before Now TV with a soothing pint of Proper Job. Having God on our side seems to work. On six minutes Antonio turns quickly on a rebound after some effective pressing and fires through Foster's legs. A massive goal for West Ham. It gets better. In the tenth minute, Ben Johnson, who has looked nervous in possession, finds Bowen and his inswinging cross sees Soucek arrive in the box to score with a bullet header — the best aerial goal we've seen since the days of Andy Carroll.  Moyes' two signings have made a huge difference.

RICE CRACKER
Watford still look threatening on the break with the pace of Sarr and Welbeck, though Ben Johnson positions himself well in his first game for a year, Ogbonna is brilliant throughout and Diop looks more solid than of late. On 36 minutes the unthinkable happens as we go three up. Noble finds Declan Rice after a corner is cleared and Deckers fires home a rocket before Foster can move, and then runs to embrace David Moyes. It's a banger to use the language of the young folk.

There can only be one explanation for the Irons taking a three-goal lead in a must-win game - Nigel has found a new lucky pub, the Grosvenor in Felixstowe. Though Michael the Whovian has also found a lucky club, the Civil Service Club, just off Whitehall, where there's red tape every two metres.

Nigel Pearson looms like he's going to rake his studs down a few legs at the interval and Watford start the second half like a different side. Within four minutes Doucoure has got behind Johnson and beyond Ogbonna to hit the post and Deeney strokes home the rebound. Every West Ham in the country starts to envisage a collapse as in the 3-3 draw with Brighton.

OGGY! OGGY! OGGY!
But the Hammers show a different kind of character as they slowly come to grips with seeing the game out. Ogbonna gets his head on most crosses and Bowen provides an outlet on the right. Fornals does a lot of running too. When Haller comes on he almost scores with a brilliant long-range volley only to see Foster get a hand to it. West Ham don't play well in the second half but show resilience to grind out the result after a great first 45 minutes.

After five minutes of added time it's all over and it's Twist and Shout in the deserted London Stadium.  What a great way to celebrate Mark Noble's 500th game. A surreal evening ends with someone impersonating Matt commenting, "Good reffing tonight". It's been a long long season, but we've got out of a situation this squad should never have been in. We are staying up! Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Jonson 6; Diop 7, Ogbonna 8, Cresswell 6; Soucek 8, Noble 7, Rice 9, Fornals 7 (Haller 6); Antonio 8 (Balbuena n/a), Bowen 8 (Yarmolenko 5).