Hammers to sign deceased director?

Thanks to a dodgy autocorrect my pal Matt has just registered his dismay that David Moyes is, according to Sky Sports, considering signing Fellini. Though why we would need to sign a deceased Italian film director is uncertain. Still, he might add some artistic vision to the midfield. My other WHU pal Michael responded that he would like Zeffirelli to shore up the defence. Or maybe we could use Tarantino to murder opposition defences? 

As for the real Marouane Fellaini, it's possibly all paper talk. We could find elbow room for an awkward lump in midfield, but preferably one who's a bit faster and younger than Fellaini. Though it should be pointed out that Mourinho liked him at Man United and he won the FA Cup, League Cup and Europa League while at Old Trafford, so he is not quite the donkey some fans suggest. It's a shame we didn't get Leander Dendoncker in the last January window, who eventually went to Wolves — particularly as he  sounds suspiciously like one of the products our owners might sell in Ann Summers...