Stick your blue flag… David Martin inspires heroic West Ham win

Chelsea 0 West Ham 1 (one)

It's off to Stamford Bridge with Fraser for this one. We're disguised as Chelsea fans in the East Stand thanks to the generosity of my Chelsea-supporting pal, who has been invited by some idiot to a wedding in the football season. We figure we won't have too many temptations to give ourselves away by cheering. Fraser points out that we haven't won at Stamford Bridge for 17 years.

Pellegrini has made a big call by dropping Haller and an obvious call by replacing Roberto with David Martin. Mystic Matt WhatsApps from Malaga, where he is sunning himself with Lisa, to suggest that Antonio shouldn't be playing up front alone: "The team selection is what Sir Humphrey Appleby would call brave. I predict Pete and Fraser will not give themselves away through celebrations this afternoon."

For the first 20 minutes or so Mount and Pulisic get through our midfield and cause some problems as Pulisic lifts the ball over from a good chance. But David Martin makes some solid catches and inspires confidence simply through not being Roberto. "There's only one David Martin!" chant the West Ham fans, inspiring Fraser to suggest this is the first time Hammers fans have ever invented a chant for a former Millwall player. 

But the Hammers grow into the game. Antonio and Snodgrass are working really hard, Anderson looks better playing just behind Antonio and Rice and Noble are forming an effective barrier in midfield. When Martin does spill a shot he makes a fine double block from the rebound. Reece James is causing problems with some great crosses from the right, one deflected effort hitting the outside of the post.

But the Hammers are starting to come forward too. Snodgrass whips in a lovely cross and Antonio's header is well-saved by Kepa. Giroud looks rusty and Chelsea start to run out of ideas as the aways fans taunt Big Fat Frankie Lampard and the home end sing, "He's won more than you!" and "He left 'cos you're shit!"

ALL'S WELL THAT'S CRESSWELL
At half-time we're dreaming of nicking a 0-0. But something happens in the second half as West Ham start to believe. We're doing everything we haven't done in recent weeks, showing workrate and desire. On 48 minutes Snodgrass chases down a ball on the right and finds Anderson, who plays a crossfield ball to Fornals. The Spaniard slips it through to Cresswell, who has run the length of the pitch. Aaron twists inside James and steers into the corner, running to the delirious West Ham fans. Yes! We do a good job of restraining ourselves. And it's good for Fornals to finally have an assist.

It's now all West Ham as Rice dominates midfield, Antonio fluffs a close-range chance and Ogbonna has a header from a corner parried by Kepa. West Ham seem to score a second as Antonio heads in Snodgrass's cross, only for VAR to rule it out for handball. 

Lampard makes changes, bringing on Willian and Kante. Willian causes problems on the right with his crosses but Ogbonna has an immense game, heading everything away. While the recalled Balbuena is making great interceptions. I'm convinced we'll let in an equaliser as Anderson is replaced by Yarmolenko. But Pulisic puts another chance wide and every West Ham player is committed to holding our lead. 

ONE DAVID MARTIN
"Stick your blue flag up your arse!" emanates from the away fans in the corner. Masuaku gives away a silly free kick on the edge of the box late on and I fear the worst. But Chelsea mess it up. Surely we can't do this? We can! The final whistle blows and David Martin collapses on the ground. I've seen a lot in football but I've never seen a goalkeeper collapse in tears before or be mobbed by his teammates as Martin is. From MK Dons to a Premier League debut at 33 and a clean sheet at Stamford Bridge. There's a lovely moment shown on Match of the Day as Martin rushes over to the stand to hug his dad Alvin.

We never doubted you for a moment, Captain Pellegrini. Mystic Matt WhatsApps from the Museo Carmen Thyssen to say that "maybe Pellegrini knows more about football than me", while Nigel, who is at Felixtowe and Walton FC, says he told us that talk of relegation was over-pessimistic. Even Michael the Whovian breaks off from preparing to govern to comment that,"Sir Humphrey's role as a football pundit is in serious jeopardy."

Having taken the East Stand Fraser and myself retreat to Earls Court and the District line to Green Park. Here we have a couple of pints in the Blue Posts, where Fraser once met Jack Nicholson, as you do. What a day. Always nice to win at a smaller club struggling on 40,000 gates. West Ham can still win when you least expect it and we've finally found some team spirit. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Martin 8; Fredericks 7, Balbuena 7, Ogbonna 8, Cresswell 8; Anderson 7 (Yarmolenko 6), Rice 9, Noble 7, Fornals 7 (Masuaku n/a), Snodgrass 8; Antonio 7 (Haller 6).